Urinal Poses

SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
edited December 2006 in Strut Central
I'm finally going to have to post about this.Urinal Poses.When I go to a urinal I, like most people, stand there holding my dick while I pee.Throughout the years though, I've noticed some people do it a bit differently.Way back in the day when I was at the language school, I had a teach who would lean back, hands on his hips, superman style. Like each piss was a triumph.Now at work there are few different piss poses. This one older dude will rest one arm on the wall and lean his head against his arm like he is sobbing. He always looks like a drunk when he's taking a piss. The first time I saw it I was like "damn, is this dude alright?" but now I know thats just his urinal pose. He does this every time.The best one yet though, is this guy who is relatively new to the building. I walked into the bathtroom and actually had to pause and stare to beleive what I was seeing. This dude had both hands in his pockets and was bent forward with his head resting against the wall. Like he had passed out or something. I want to see how he gets into that position but I always miss it. I would imagine that he steps up, pulls his dick out, positions it carefully, puts his hands in his pocket and then leans forward, and then pisses. Or maybe he uses his hands to balance himself while he puts his head against the wall, and then puts them in his pockets. You'd have to see it to beleive it.I was in a bar once and went into the bathroom, and there was somebody in there. He turned around while pissing and it was some dude I knew. He was pretty wasted. He yelled "I'D SHAKE YOUR HAND, BUT I GOT A DICK IN MY HAND!"One thing that weirds me out is people who go into a stall just to pee when there are plenty of open urinals. I've never had the guts to ask why. Its kinda weird though. Are they so shy about peeing that they have to hide in the stall? Do they need that level of privacy?
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  • pjl2000xlpjl2000xl 1,795 Posts
    :5pager:

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    Interesting topic. Just the other day I caught the CEO of this company talking on his cell phone while taking a pee. I mean, dude, wait a fucking second, wash your hands and call back.

    I go directly into a stall if there's only one place in the line of urinals. I like to pee alone. That would be a nice title for my jazz piano trio record "I like to pee alone". No, I don't play piano.

  • FatbackFatback 6,746 Posts
    i'll be wanting to kill motherfuckers when I see them not flush. i don't know. it just fumes me. how fucking easy?

    i like to piss outside at my house in the backyard. i guess i went without a yard for so long? anyways, don't say it's gross because i don't wash my hands. because my dog licks them when i'm done.

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    And let me say a word about G*rman, an ex manager in the company, who happened to be the husband of my then manager Cl*udia.
    This happened to me twice. I was along in the line of urinals. Four empty places. G*rman walked in and came right to the urinal next to me. What the fuck? I left as soon as I could. I told my coworkers and we all agreed dude was weird and just let it go. After that, this began to happen to a lot of people. Let me clarify, this was not a gay thing or anything, it just seemed that dude like to pee with company

  • JimBeamJimBeam Seattle. 2,012 Posts
    speaking of the non-washer phenomenon, that shit is an epidemic. Too bad I'm busy WASHING MY FUCKING HANDS to chase people down the hall and berate them for being disgusting human beings and getting whatever dick germs they have all over the door handle, otherwise I would be yelling at a lot of coworkers. That's gross.

  • Options
    This one older dude will rest one arm on the wall and lean his head against his arm like he is sobbing. He always looks like a drunk when he's taking a piss.

    A buddy of mine at work does the one hand on the wall lean, I call him out on it every time. He doesn't rest his head though. He also reaches up, like two feet over his head. I'm six inches taller than him and mock him every time by reaching way higher than him, all the way staring right at him.

    The bathroom at my work garage (aka "the litterbox") is a fucking sight to behold every afternoon at 2:45-3:00 when we all return from the field. Picture 60 or so guys wandering in and out of a bathroom washing their hands or taking a piss. You're not safe standing at the urinal either, the common trick is to give a gentle push to someone to try and get them into the urinal. Gentlemen we are not.

    Pity the poor fool who actually goes into a stall to take a dump. I've seen garbage cans full of wet paper towels dumped over the stall in retaliation for producing such a foul odor in that critical time period. It's an unwritten law that you're not supposed to drop an anchor, no matter what the fuck you ate for lunch. Hold it, or go into the bosses bathroom on the sly.

    There is nothing in the world quite like afternoon bathroom banter. The crux of the topics, over the ten years I've been doing this job:

    -How little work we do during the day. A gu can be the hardest worker in the world, he'll still come in the bathroom talking shit about how he does nothing all day.
    -How bad our shit stank earlier that day, and how lucky you are not to have smelled it
    -The lack of a reason for washing our hands when we clearly do not do any work. The common explanation for the sin of having dirt on your hands? Newsprint, from the 3 papers I read per day.

    I'll be there in an hour and a half, can't wait!!! Might drop a bomb on these fools today also, feel one brewing.


    Back to the topic; my urinal pose is one of concentration and focus with my head down and on target, interrupted by occasional bursts of incredily loud braggadocio about how bad I am, how long I can pee for, how little work I do, and how bright my pee is. I occasionally fart, doing one of my poses which was profiled in a previous thread of a year or so ago.

    Hi Dizz!!!

  • DJ_EnkiDJ_Enki 6,471 Posts
    Take Dan Savage's advice and pretend you're giving the urinal a golden shower, muttering under your breath, "Yeah, take my hot piss, you dirty whore." You'll get all the urinal space you need.

  • Options
    speaking of the non-washer phenomenon, that shit is an epidemic. Too bad I'm busy WASHING MY FUCKING HANDS to chase people down the hall and berate them for being disgusting human beings and getting whatever dick germs they have all over the door handle, otherwise I would be yelling at a lot of coworkers. That's gross.


    You people all got it TWISTED!!!!


    You wash your hands BEFORE you pee. Your dick is the source of all things, why sully it with the collected germs of the day? Wash first, then pee. Then wash again if you feel the need.

  • pjl2000xlpjl2000xl 1,795 Posts
    me and my roommate actually had this convo last night. I dont like peeing in crowded urinals. I usually go in the stalls if there is mad people at the urinal. And i really hate peeing around people when im stoned. Its like my dick gets broken and just wont work. Its horrible when i got to piss like a bastard when im drunk and go out and smoke a fat one. When i try to pee i just stand there like that dude in waiting. "COME ON AND WORK YOU WORTHLESS DICK" Any other time my pee game is on point.

  • I occasionally fart, doing one of my poses which was profiled in a previous thread of a year or so ago


    that thread needs to be reposted... yours was one of the greatest NRR posts in the history of soul strut in my opinion

  • JimBeamJimBeam Seattle. 2,012 Posts
    my pee game is on point.

    -----thanks

  • One thing that weirds me out is people who go into a stall just to pee when there are plenty of open urinals. I've never had the guts to ask why. Its kinda weird though. Are they so shy about peeing that they have to hide in the stall? Do they need that level of privacy?

    I'll rep for the camera shy team.

    we ain't crazy


  • I was recently on the can here at work and the person in the stall next to mine was wiping their ass with so much vigor it made me cringe. Shit was loud. They must have used a whole roll of paper. Then after all that hard work dude leaves the bathroom without washing his hands.


  • nothing beats the litttle boy new to the game, with his pants at his ankles. we all been there, and its only ok to laugh AFTER you leave. but, that always gets me.

  • nothing beats the litttle boy new to the game, with his pants at his ankles. we all been there, and its only ok to laugh AFTER you leave. but, that always gets me.

    I have seen adults do this and it is mad creepy.

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts

    Hi Dizz!!!


    Hi SweetDong!

    Last weekend I was at my wifes company xmas party and I went into the fancy bathrooms to pee. I had to fart. It happens. If you are going to fart it might as well be in the bathroom. And yet, people still react. I let a long one go (because I had been holding it in) and some young fellow yelled "Let it out Homie!" which made me laugh.

    A few months ago I got off an airplane and went straight to the restroom like so many people do, and let go of a long one that I had been holding through the whole flight. There was an old man to the left of me, and a young guy to the right of me. I let out my minute long fart and the old man says "Thats what happens when you hold it the whole flight!" and the young guy says "Yeah!", which led the old man to think that the other dude had farted. I flushed and walked away and that old man kept talking to that kid about farting and the young dude was like "uh, yeah". I guess nobody realized that I was the guilty anus?

  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    nothing beats the litttle boy new to the game, with his pants at his ankles. we all been there, and its only ok to laugh AFTER you leave. but, that always gets me.

    There's a completely OCD dude who works in the same building I do who unbuckles, unzips and lets his pants hover around the thigh level at the urinal every time I???ve seen him in there. Jeeze, why go through that much trouble?

    Also, is there a code of fart etiquette at the urinal? There should be??? I was in a stall once and a guy walked in to do a number one and let out a super-juicy rumbler, full well knowing someone was just a foot or so away from him. Turns out, it was a new faculty hire...niiiice???

  • nzshadownzshadow 5,518 Posts
    [I guess nobody realized that I was the guilty anus?


    Dizzy, i fuckin love you man.

  • SupergoodSupergood 1,213 Posts
    This one older dude will rest one arm on the wall and lean his head against his arm like he is sobbing. He always looks like a drunk when he's taking a piss. The first time I saw it I was like "damn, is this dude alright?" but now I know thats just his urinal pose. He does this every time.

    Weak stream. Me thinks he's got prostate problems if he's moaning and shit.

    SG

  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    When I go to a urinal I, like most people, stand 7 FT AWAY holding my dick while I pee.

  • I refer to those poses as "The Diner Piss", becuase if you go to a bathroom in a New Jersey Diner you are guaranteed to see one of these five poses:

    1. 1 hand on dick, 1 hand on hip (fingers pointing back)
    2. Both hands on hip, fingers to the back
    3. Both hands on hip, 1 fingers forward, 1 with fingers back
    4. 1 hand on hip, 1 above head on wall
    5. Both hands on head above wall (superman pose)

    I had a girlfriend once who tried to pee in a urinal (we were all staying a fraternity house, so all the bathrooms had them). She grabbed on to the pipe at the top and held herself up with her feet on the wall on either side. An impressive effort, however most still ran down her leg. When I heard of this feat (before we dated), I was immediately drawn to her.

    Dave Barry has a great chapter on this in his book "Guide to Guys", saying how urinal choice is one of the greatest problems that today's guys have to face, and, rather than pee in a urinal between two occupied ones, we would prefer to pee right on an adjacent wall. This is not becuase guys are homophobic, just because we must not give anyone any reason to even think that we might be gay.

  • SupergoodSupergood 1,213 Posts

    I had a girlfriend once who tried to pee in a urinal (we were all staying a fraternity house, so all the bathrooms had them). She grabbed on to the pipe at the top and held herself up with her feet on the wall on either side. An impressive effort, however most still ran down her leg. When I heard of this feat (before we dated), I was immediately drawn to her.



  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,896 Posts



    You wash your hands BEFORE you pee.




    I'm a techie for a building at a large University. It's also a medical science building (All kinda of crazy shit going on). Seeing signs that say "Hepatitis kills. Was your hands" in the bathroom makes me wash my hands 30 times a day and most of all before I pee.

  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts


    I had a girlfriend once who tried to pee in a urinal (we were all staying a fraternity house, so all the bathrooms had them). She grabbed on to the pipe at the top and held herself up with her feet on the wall on either side. An impressive effort, however most still ran down her leg. When I heard of this feat (before we dated), I was immediately drawn to her.

    Sounds like a girl in need of a she wee


  • If I'm reaaaaalllly drunk I sit on the toilet so's I won't pee on myself

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    This has only happened to me once that I can think of, but I feel like it has to have happened to other people.

    Once I put my boxers on backwards by accident. And I didn't really even notice until it came time to pee. I unzipped my pants, looked for the undie-window... WTF? Where is my escape hatch? I was digging all over my pants looking for that thing. Finally I looked down and it was gone. I realized that my drawers were on backwards. Which lead me to wonder if I could shit out that back hole now. I didn't actually try, because thats WAY dangerous.

    I heard it was impossible to shit without peeing. Not sure if thats true, but I heard it a long time ago and I don't remember a single time where I have shit without peeing at the same time.

    I'm not even sure where to look that up. But I'll try.

  • GnatGnat 1,183 Posts
    What about the no hander pose. I always found that one funny. And then they'll be and stretch both arms out like their penee is doing all the work for them. I mean, that's cool and all, but it seriously looks like they're trying too hard WHILE they are peeing. Like some sort of penee presentation. I like control so I definitely got to put my hand on it for shake control.

  • SupergoodSupergood 1,213 Posts


    I heard it was impossible to shit without peeing.

    I almost sneezed while pissing once. Felt like a Near Death Experience.

    SG



  • I had a girlfriend once who tried to pee in a urinal (we were all staying a fraternity house, so all the bathrooms had them). She grabbed on to the pipe at the top and held herself up with her feet on the wall on either side. An impressive effort, however most still ran down her leg. When I heard of this feat (before we dated), I was immediately drawn to her.

    my summer fling squatted and peed on the sidewalk with full beaver shot for all to see. I never felt closer to anyone in my life. And we were in our nice wedding clothes too.

  • speaking of the non-washer phenomenon, that shit is an epidemic. Too bad I'm busy WASHING MY FUCKING HANDS to chase people down the hall and berate them for being disgusting human beings and getting whatever dick germs they have all over the door handle, otherwise I would be yelling at a lot of coworkers. That's gross.


    You people all got it TWISTED!!!!


    You wash your hands BEFORE you pee. Your dick is the source of all things, why sully it with the collected germs of the day? Wash first, then pee. Then wash again if you feel the need.


    cosign. Like my dick is dirtier than a g*ddamn door handle? no way.
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