Just broke up with my lady friend of three-plus years. For a variety of reasons, I thought the relationship should end. Girl, however, is still awesome. After three years, I became really attached to her despite the shortcomings of our relationship (for one, she had two kids and was sorta of a slob). My question: How do you cope with this? Since I was the one who broke it off, I'm really questioning the decision even though I think, realistically, it was the best move for me and for her (I was too much of a distraction and wasn't ready to move in/take it to the next level). But this is some pretty tough stuff. I've felt sick the past two days and am not sleeping. I feel like I should go a booze-fueled benders and bang some rebound chicks, but I've already felt myself getting attached to this other girl who ain't even really that cool. So it's a pretty tender situation; I was misting up this morning listening to 'Til Tuesday for god sakes. Not really looking for advice here, just venting.
white_tea
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the drinking thing will usually make you feel worse in the long run.
I hope things work out for you, it just takes time.
-B-
this and a good cry will definitely lighten the load
sounds like a rebound chick - my rebounder 'dumped' me a week or so ago, and I was attached to her too. But in the long run it was a good move. have fun and be honest with your lady friends.
As has already been said, keep busy.
My roomate just broke up with his girlfriend of over nine years. They just didnt see it going anywhere else. In the past 2 or 3 weeks he's recorded 20 songs with him full on harmonies- Guitar, keys, etc. The man is nuts. Its not super depressed either and it's really interesting (for me) because they are an exact reflection of the ways he's coping. The exact stuff we talk about is in those songs.
I can post some after work if you want.
Anyway no hijack, just relatable. Here's to many more hours on soulstrut for you.
But, yeah, post up that Todd Rundgren stuff if you get a chance.
I know you are not looking for advice, but here it is anyway:
Drink, cry, spend quality time with friends. Do all the Saturday afternoon shit you've put off because your weekends were spent with her.
And if you can afford it, find a counselor who has a non-judgmental, professional POV who can help you sort out your feelings. If you broke up with her [but you think she is still awesome], the guilt is gonna hit you like a tidal wave.
The common belief is that it takes about half the length in time of the actual relationship to get over it completely. That's a year and a half in your case. So you're gonna need more insightful words than, "dude, you're better off."
[rey]buy yourself something nice[/rey]
i'll hit it up in a couple hours when i get home. Stay up.
Peace
h
My advice through all of this for him has been to know that the kind of hurt you feel after a seperation like this is painful but a part of life, and going through it will add to your maturity, patience, and wisdom for future situations.
there are also the immortal words of many a poet
They call it a break up for a reason -- it's broken.
Smashing random chicks can be fun. But it can start to feel empty. So when you get the whore out of you, make sure you're not just settling for the last thing you put you tip in.
Because if you settle for the next relationship, you're only going to grow to resent her.
Just do whatever you feel. That's part of the beauty of a break up. You are free. You'll know when it's time to change that.
Just venting myself.
Good luck.
Slave Ships: http://www.sendspace.com/file/e4rofn
Soldier:http://www.sendspace.com/file/f26t35
Catch The Sun: http://www.sendspace.com/file/mpc1zq
Beautiful Grey: http://www.sendspace.com/file/qr7oe
Hope you enjoy or get something out of it or go bang a random chick or something as a result.
I really need to do this, just had a nasty break-up too and it still sucks balls. I'm sure that would help though.
The potentiality for emotion in any context is an absolute. The subjectification of emotion takes place when the self engages an emotional situation,and and the potentiality of those emotions creates a subjectivity for the self. Emotional potentiality does not change in a given situation, but its subjectification does; as happy as you are is as sad as you'll be.
A taoist would say:
All we do in life is dig holes; as deep the hole is that you dig, is how long it will take you to get out of it.
It's all pretty quanitifable stuff when it comes to girls. splackin helps--so does shopping, eating, and sleeping alone. Or get a haircut.
Read a book or cry.
Please stop
What - you are not enjoying the pearls
of wisdom from the Jacques Lacan of Soul Strut??
His posts are like fingernails scraping against the blackboard of my soul.
Co-sign I just started getting into this and it's helping me a lot, just go for a run before work (20-30 minutes) and your good. Gets your energy up, high energy = not depressed.
These were only some of the things that went into consideration when she made her decision. But still somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm thinking of this grand scheme, where I could work at a global financial research company. Gain a couple years of experience in the states, and transfer to an office in Japan, and live happily ever after with her.
This is my first major breakup, and things are close to an all-time low. But you know what, I like to think I'm doing "ok".
at first i tried to channel my energy into my music... but i thrive artistically off of happiness... when im sad my mind is just a tornado of horseshit, i can't concentrate on anything...
i tried drinking heavily for a while. i gotta say it was kind of helping.. but im the world's worst alchoholic... id take 4 days off not thinking about it. thats not healing at all.. you gotta be focused on drinking and fucking. otherwise you're just making a half-attempt at falling apart.
i tried finding someone who had more similar interests to me. the girl i broke up with worked for a fashion magazine and said like a lot. fuck that I figured i should meet a girl that listens to biff rose while she does dishes and studies film. The problem is I'm crazy, so what am i looking for? someone else who is crazy? yes. the answer is yes.
and that guy who said "its broken" is right, and piecing it together with glue is not going to help. a beautiful night meeting secretly and holding eachother at the harbourfront while your eyes unfocus on the blur of lights on the ground will only provide temporary relief. the next day you're just gonna be like "what the fuck was that"
so far the only things i found that helped are time, weed, and excercise. And time really hasnt done much yet, so Im gonna say food, weed, and biking. for real. time aint healing shit, its those awesome sandwiches that you spend 20 minutes on and toast
This is hitting close to home. I pretty much can't listen to most of my favorite music for awhile (soul and loner folk stuff) Been mostly listening to dub, jazz and hip hop.
Put them together and you get jazztronica[/b]!