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co-workers you want to fart on (NRR)

CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
edited January 2006 in Strut Central
They moved my desk a month ago at work. I used to sit next to the tech support guys who were cool. Now my cubicle is next this bitch that spends all day talking shit or listening to modern gospel crap. Today I had some paiya leftovers for lunch. I am sitting at my desk eating and even though she sits right next to me she sends me an instant message that says. "Is that your lunch that smells?"Now keep in mind while I was heating up my lunch in the break room other people were telling me how good it smelled, but this bitch eats McDonald's every day which makes me want to puke but I don't say shit. Then she starts spraying Lysol everywhere so all I can taste is aerosol. I swear to god I almost fucking lost it. I had to leave my desk to finish my lunch. I had a shit load of leftovers so I started offering it to the other people who sit near us just to piss her off. She actually left her desk she was so pissed.I have been real nice since I moved to this desk. I have been holding back farts and going out in the hall when they can't be controlled, but its on now. I just dropped a bomb next to her desk a few minutes ago on my way to the printer and she had no idea who did it but she was flipping out. She just started a war she can't win. Any one else have co workers whom they wish to give the gas face?
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  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    T

    Any one else have co workers whom they wish to give the gas face?

    everyone in my office.
  • Sweet_PremiumSweet_Premium 368 Posts
    Where is Sween?
  • bluesnagbluesnag 1,285 Posts
    They moved my desk a month ago at work. I used to sit next to the tech support guys who were cool. Now my cubicle is next this bitch that spends all day talking shit or listening to modern gospel crap.


    Today I had some paiya leftovers for lunch. I am sitting at my desk eating and even though she sits right next to me she sends me an instant message that says.

    "Is that your lunch that smells?"

    Now keep in mind while I was heating up my lunch in the break room other people were telling me how good it smelled, but this bitch eats McDonald's every day which makes me want to puke but I don't say shit. Then she starts spraying Lysol everywhere so all I can taste is aerosol. I swear to god I almost fucking lost it. I had to leave my desk to finish my lunch. I had a shit load of leftovers so I started offering it to the other people who sit near us just to piss her off. She actually left her desk she was so pissed.

    I have been real nice since I moved to this desk. I have been holding back farts and going out in the hall when they can't be controlled, but its on now. I just dropped a bomb next to her desk a few minutes ago on my way to the printer and she had no idea who did it but she was flipping out.

    She just started a war she can't win.

    Any one else have co workers whom they wish to give the gas face?



    get that bitch!! get her!

    please post updates with stories of pissing her off. sounds like this woman embodies my pet peeves. please destroy her.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    They moved my desk a month ago at work. I used to sit next to the tech support guys who were cool. Now my cubicle is next this bitch that spends all day talking shit or listening to modern gospel crap.


    Today I had some paiya leftovers for lunch. I am sitting at my desk eating and even though she sits right next to me she sends me an instant message that says.

    "Is that your lunch that smells?"

    Now keep in mind while I was heating up my lunch in the break room other people were telling me how good it smelled, but this bitch eats McDonald's every day which makes me want to puke but I don't say shit. Then she starts spraying Lysol everywhere so all I can taste is aerosol. I swear to god I almost fucking lost it. I had to leave my desk to finish my lunch. I had a shit load of leftovers so I started offering it to the other people who sit near us just to piss her off. She actually left her desk she was so pissed.

    I have been real nice since I moved to this desk. I have been holding back farts and going out in the hall when they can't be controlled, but its on now. I just dropped a bomb next to her desk a few minutes ago on my way to the printer and she had no idea who did it but she was flipping out.

    She just started a war she can't win.

    Any one else have co workers whom they wish to give the gas face?



    get that bitch!! get her!

    please post updates with stories of pissing her off. sounds like this woman embodies my pet peeves. please destroy her.

    I am working on it. I already dropped another bomb on her, and she had to leave her desk again. I am going to start bringing in really smelly foods with lots of curry and shit too.
  • meshmesh 925 Posts
    A***-

    i have been having some real heat bombs lately, let me know if you want me to come by on a lunch break and drop a few on her. she wont be able to breathe through the thick ass air.
  • bluesnagbluesnag 1,285 Posts
    They moved my desk a month ago at work. I used to sit next to the tech support guys who were cool. Now my cubicle is next this bitch that spends all day talking shit or listening to modern gospel crap.


    Today I had some paiya leftovers for lunch. I am sitting at my desk eating and even though she sits right next to me she sends me an instant message that says.

    "Is that your lunch that smells?"

    Now keep in mind while I was heating up my lunch in the break room other people were telling me how good it smelled, but this bitch eats McDonald's every day which makes me want to puke but I don't say shit. Then she starts spraying Lysol everywhere so all I can taste is aerosol. I swear to god I almost fucking lost it. I had to leave my desk to finish my lunch. I had a shit load of leftovers so I started offering it to the other people who sit near us just to piss her off. She actually left her desk she was so pissed.

    I have been real nice since I moved to this desk. I have been holding back farts and going out in the hall when they can't be controlled, but its on now. I just dropped a bomb next to her desk a few minutes ago on my way to the printer and she had no idea who did it but she was flipping out.

    She just started a war she can't win.

    Any one else have co workers whom they wish to give the gas face?



    get that bitch!! get her!

    please post updates with stories of pissing her off. sounds like this woman embodies my pet peeves. please destroy her.

    I am working on it. I already dropped another bomb on her, and she had to leave her desk again. I am going to start bringing in really smelly foods with lots of curry and shit too.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    on the other hand, people microwaving fish at the break room should be exterminated.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    A***-

    i have been having some real heat bombs lately, let me know if you want me to come by on a lunch break and drop a few on her. she wont be able to breathe through the thick ass air.

    Lol Word, I might just take you up on that offer. I have to be careful though because my bosses wife sits on the other side of me. She is cool so I don't want to blow her spot up, but she is out of the office a lot so I should have ample opportunities to throw down.

    And no it's not the girl from the company party who asked what funk and soul was but I might just drop a bomb on her too.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    on the other hand, people microwaving fish at the break room should be exterminated.

    It should be noted I ate all of the seafood out of the piaya last night so it was just rice a veggies. Fish in the microwave is nasty.
  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    Fish in the microwave is nasty.

    Totally, they fuck up other people's lunches. That's why I try to always eat at some place outside. That and the fact that drinking wine at working hours is not allowed
  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts

    i pretty much do this to joel "lil' gaylord" mccaslin every single day... he's the super nerdy IT guy here, and it's really easy to act like somethings wrong with my computer, getting him right up in my invisible ass-cloud. i always end up laughing my ass off, but for some reason he doesn't seem to get the joke.
  • rkwparkrkwpark 915 Posts
    dude i want to fart/suffocate everybody at my work.

    non-profit folks... all of them. like i want to trap those bad ones i might make happen while im sleeping and put it in a jar or something. is that possible?

    anyways, if you wanna get that trick, try SEX panther by odeon, its got real bits of panther so you know its good.

    -rich
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts


    non-profit folks... all of them.

    whats your beef with non prof folks?


    anyways, if you wanna get that trick, try SEX panther by odeon, its got real bits of panther so you know its good.


    I have no idea what sex panter is but i'm a little affraid.
  • rkwparkrkwpark 915 Posts
    you havent seen anchorman? thats where sex panther is from... get girls screaming 'it smells like bigfoots dick!'

    as for the non-profit folks... my friends seem to think non-prof folks would be cool dudes to work with but there just like any other employee, disgruntled, jaded, assholes etc.

    but seriously can one trap a fart inside an airtight container?

    -rich
  • Rod_TorfulsonRod_Torfulson 464 Posts
    Ive heard that 50% percent of the time, it works every time.
  • edith headedith head 5,106 Posts
    There's this co-worker of mine who is just up and down nasty. She's mad hairy, says sleazy things to me like "Wow, ______'s husband is a realllllll looker." and has some major gastrointestinal probs and ALWAYS floods the toilet. Then she acts all mad & bitches about the toilets being shoddy. I've feel sorry everytime because other people have to clean up her mess. She must knows this because everytime this happens, she walks into the bathroom with a goddamn newspaper and mug of coffee. NASTY!! Everytime I see her walk into the ladies room the same time as me, I just straight turn around because I don't want to hear her gastro probs



    so yeah, it's more like she farts on everyone in our office.
  • Mike_BellMike_Bell 5,736 Posts
    There's this co-worker of mine who is just up and down nasty. She's mad hairy, says sleazy things to me like "Wow, ______'s husband is a realllllll looker." and has some major gastrointestinal probs and ALWAYS floods the toilet and then acts all mad & bitches about the toilets being shoddy. I've feel sorry everytime because other people have to clean up her mess. She must knows this because she walks into the handicapp toilet with a goddamn newspaper and mug of coffee. NASTY!! Everytime I see her walk into the ladies room the same time as me, I just straight turn around because I don't want to hear her gastro probs

    so yeah, it's more like she farts on everyone in our office.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Fuck a fart. I would take a dump on her.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    There's this co-worker of mine who is just up and down nasty. She's mad hairy, says sleazy things to me like "Wow, ______'s husband is a realllllll looker." and has some major gastrointestinal probs and ALWAYS floods the toilet. Then she acts all mad & bitches about the toilets being shoddy. I've feel sorry everytime because other people have to clean up her mess. She must knows this because she walks into the bathroom with a goddamn newspaper and mug of coffee. NASTY!! Everytime I see her walk into the ladies room the same time as me, I just straight turn around because I don't want to hear her gastro probs

    so yeah, it's more like she farts on everyone in our office.


    Hairy with gastro problems thats

    I might not be able to sleep tonight.
  • funky16cornersfunky16corners 7,175 Posts
    There's this guy on the night shift, a well known slackjaw who has an overhead storage locker that's next to my desk. He comes in every night, clearing his throat loudly (like he's got some kind of phlegm problem), stinking of a combination of little cigars and Avon hand lotion. I would like to hold that motherfucker down and drop a wet smelly fart right in his mouth.
    Fortunately I only ever really see him for 15 minutes a day.
  • HarveyCanalHarveyCanal "a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
    All of those in my office who were talking about bad about Ray Nagin the other day deserve an unbridled wet one.
  • edith headedith head 5,106 Posts
    There's this co-worker of mine who is just up and down nasty. She's mad hairy, says sleazy things to me like "Wow, ______'s husband is a realllllll looker." and has some major gastrointestinal probs and ALWAYS floods the toilet. Then she acts all mad & bitches about the toilets being shoddy. I've feel sorry everytime because other people have to clean up her mess. She must knows this because she walks into the bathroom with a goddamn newspaper and mug of coffee. NASTY!! Everytime I see her walk into the ladies room the same time as me, I just straight turn around because I don't want to hear her gastro probs

    so yeah, it's more like she farts on everyone in our office.


    Hairy with gastro problems thats

    you forgot SLEAZY. she totally ogles dudes in our office and I'm like

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    There's this co-worker of mine who is just up and down nasty. She's mad hairy, says sleazy things to me like "Wow, ______'s husband is a realllllll looker." and has some major gastrointestinal probs and ALWAYS floods the toilet. Then she acts all mad & bitches about the toilets being shoddy. I've feel sorry everytime because other people have to clean up her mess. She must knows this because she walks into the bathroom with a goddamn newspaper and mug of coffee. NASTY!! Everytime I see her walk into the ladies room the same time as me, I just straight turn around because I don't want to hear her gastro probs

    so yeah, it's more like she farts on everyone in our office.


    Hairy with gastro problems thats

    you forgot SLEAZY. she totally ogles dudes in our office and I'm like


    like you don't ogle... i still remember that time you told me how you crush hard on the managing partner
  • edith headedith head 5,106 Posts

    "Is that your lunch that smells?"


    this is a sure fire way to make me go ballistic. i hate it when people say "that smells awful" or "that looks gross" when you're eating. It's just pad thai, jerk
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    There's this co-worker of mine who is just up and down nasty. She's mad hairy, says sleazy things to me like "Wow, ______'s husband is a realllllll looker." and has some major gastrointestinal probs and ALWAYS floods the toilet. Then she acts all mad & bitches about the toilets being shoddy. I've feel sorry everytime because other people have to clean up her mess. She must knows this because she walks into the bathroom with a goddamn newspaper and mug of coffee. NASTY!! Everytime I see her walk into the ladies room the same time as me, I just straight turn around because I don't want to hear her gastro probs

    so yeah, it's more like she farts on everyone in our office.


    Hairy with gastro problems thats

    you forgot SLEAZY. she totally ogles dudes in our office and I'm like


    like you don't ogle... i still remember that time you told me how you crush hard on the managing partner

    ogling is cool but not if you are a hairy woman with gastro problems.
  • edith headedith head 5,106 Posts

    like you don't ogle... i still remember that time you told me how you crush hard on the managing partner

    are you talking about my gordon gecko impersonator who has the pastel drawing of eminem in his office
  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Fuck a fart. I would take a dump on her.

    Maybe drop an "upperdecker" in the CPU.
  • funky16cornersfunky16corners 7,175 Posts
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Fuck a fart. I would take a dump on her.

    Maybe drop an "upperdecker" in the CPU.

    Cleveland steamer....
  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts

    like you don't ogle... i still remember that time you told me how you crush hard on the managing partner

    are you talking about my gordon gecko impersonator who has the pastel drawing of eminem in his office

    Yep, and before you and your boy got all serious you were strung out like JR Bailey!


    I know how it goes with large paintings of white rappers. I had a bust of Sole that worked wonders
  • hogginthefogghogginthefogg 6,098 Posts
    on the other hand, people microwaving fish at the break room should be exterminated.


    This made me laugh.

    And then my coworker stunk up the whole office with some fish.

    What is it with you South Americans?
  • edith headedith head 5,106 Posts
    I had a bust of Sole that worked wonders

    POST A PHOTO OR YOURE SOFT NOT
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