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The absolute WORST song of the 80's

parallaxparallax no-style-having mf'er 1,266 Posts
edited December 2014 in Strut Central
Kim Mitchell - "Patio Lanterns"



Our house had the biggest patio
Our house had all the summer shade
We had patio lanterns
I'd spend half the night making lemonade
Which we drank a lot
'Cause we were all so shy
Shy and nervous

Who was gonna be
Who would be the first to dance
Who was gonna be
Who would be the first to kiss
Under those patio lanterns

Those patio lanterns
They were the stars in the sky
Those patio lanterns
Lighting up our lives
Those patio lanterns
They were the stars in the sky
Those patio lanterns
Lighting up our lives
Oh, those patio lanterns

And I was stuck on Joy, that was her name
We didn't talk much
She was a nervous girl
I was a nervous boy
We stuck together like glue on glue
Dancing to an old song
Bobby Vinton's Blue on Blue
Heartache on heartache

Who was gonna be
Who would be the first to dance
Who was gonna be
Who would be the first to kiss
Under those patio lanterns

Those patio lanterns
They were the stars in the sky
Those patio lanterns
Lighting up our lives
Those patio lanterns
They were the stars in the sky
Those patio lanterns
Lighting up our lives
Oh, those patio lanterns
------------------------

I can't think of a worse song.

Those keys, the lyrics, the voice.

It's a musical abomination that truly is offensive to my ears.

Can you think of something worse?

Doubt it, but plaese to add.
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  Comments

  • ketanketan Warmly booming riffs 3,179 Posts
    are you canadian, p? because that's the national anthem right there. no wait, THIS is the national anthem:



    half-kidding. but when i was a kid, those were legendary alongside dmc and the fat boys.

    this is awful (and also canadian):

  • parallaxparallax no-style-having mf'er 1,266 Posts
    ketan said:
    are you canadian, p? because that's the national anthem right there. no wait, THIS is the national anthem:



    half-kidding. but when i was a kid, those were legendary alongside dmc and the fat boys.

    this is awful (and also canadian):


    I am Cdn.

    Good call on Men With Hats. Awful music.
  • LazarusOblongLazarusOblong 896 Posts
    Pikers. The only real answer is "Kokomo," by the perpetually horrible Beach Boys. The song sucks maggot anus and is over three hours long and gets longer every time you hear it by virtue of some revolting MOR alchemy.

  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    It's Raining Men

    B/w

    Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
  • LazarusOblongLazarusOblong 896 Posts
    skel said:
    It's Raining Men

    B/w

    Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

    I'm no fan of GJWHF but as an example of Awful Zany Wavo Pop it is nowhere near as bad as "Rock Lobster."
  • jammyjammy remixing bongo rock... 813 Posts
    LazarusOblong said:
    Pikers. The only real answer is "Kokomo," by the perpetually horrible Beach Boys. The song sucks maggot anus and is over three hours long and gets longer every time you hear it by virtue of some revolting MOR alchemy.

    I highly agree on this sentiment.
  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    Any 80s novelty song.

    (in best English accent)"My ears are not dustbins, please do not fill them with your rubbish."

    'Meriman/'Mericuh's-Davy-Crockett-Hat Man/Helmut und dem can translate, as per your local waste nomenclature.

  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    Pretty sure this is playing in hell, on a loop.

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    I also tar "Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas " with the Novelty brush.

  • DuderonomyDuderonomy Haut de la Garenne 7,793 Posts
    The Birdie Song makes Safety Dance seem like an undiscovered Otis Reading masterpiece. Do not tet my gansta. I'll see your Birdie Song and raise you AGADOO.





    bonus beat:

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,960 Posts
    The Divine catalogue.
    The Ru-Paul catalogue.
    The Sinitta catalogue.



    Actually, Ru-Paul may have had a banger :ayo:




    BATMON to tell me.
  • RAJRAJ tenacious local 7,782 Posts
  • jammyjammy remixing bongo rock... 813 Posts
    parallax said:
    Kim Mitchell - "Patio Lanterns"
    I just listened to this. Wow.... Painful.
  • badder_than_evilbadder_than_evil 951 Posts
    UB40 - Kingston Town

    Karel Fialka - Hey Matthew

    'Orrible Being In Love When Ye're Eight N 'Alf(Half not Alf)
  • asstroasstro 1,754 Posts
    It's hard to argue with "Kokomo", but I have a special super loathing for non metal power ballads, which usually seemed to come from movie soundtracks. To wit:





  • parallaxparallax no-style-having mf'er 1,266 Posts
    I almost forgot this turd grenade, which is right up there with "Patio Lanterns" and "Kokomo"...

    Dire Straits - "Walk of Life"

    Pull the pin at your peril...

    Dire Straits - Walk Of Life from floriploiesteanu on Vimeo.



    Peep the horrendous lyrics:

    Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies
    Be-Bop-A-Lula, Baby What I Say
    Here comes Johnny singing I Gotta Woman
    Down in the tunnels trying to make it pay
    He got the action, he got the motion
    Yeah the boy can play
    Dedication devotion
    Turning all the night time into the day

    He do the song about the sweet loving woman
    He do the song about the knife
    He do the walk, he do the walk of life

    Here comes Johnny and he'll tell you the story
    Hand me down my walking shoes
    Here comes Johnny with the power and glory
    Backbeat the talkin' blues
    He got the action, he got the motion
    Yeah the boy can play
    Dedication devotion
    Turning all the night time into the day

    He do the song about the sweet loving woman
    He do the song about the knife
    He do the walk, he do the walk of life

    Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies
    Be-Bop-A-Lula Baby What I Say
    Here comes Johnny singing I Gotta Woman
    Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay
    He got the action, he got the motion
    Yeah the boy can play
    Dedication devotion
    Turning the night time into day
    And after all the violence and double talk
    There's just a song in all the trouble and the strife
    You do the walk, you do the walk of life
  • HarveyCanalHarveyCanal "a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
    Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen.
  • vintageinfantsvintageinfants 4,538 Posts
    you are all incorrect.


  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,905 Posts
    vintageinfants said:
    you are all incorrect.





    Pshaw.

    Next we're gonna have someone droppin' this...

  • Bon VivantBon Vivant The Eye of the Storm 2,018 Posts


    (Also strong candidate for worst video)

    Honorable mentions:
    Kokomo; Walk of Life
  • LazarusOblongLazarusOblong 896 Posts
    Bon Vivant said:


    (Also strong candidate for worst video)
    Gawdfuckingdamnit I'd forgotten that turd. Those bastards.

  • BallzDeepBallzDeep 612 Posts
  • BallzDeepBallzDeep 612 Posts
  • ketanketan Warmly booming riffs 3,179 Posts
    agree, these are also the worst:
    kokomo --> maybe the worst because of how good the beach boys can be.
    lady in red
    fish heads (so bloody embarrassing)

    hooooold on:
    we built this city --> again, to an eight year old in small town canada, that was kinda awesome... another guilty pleasure.
  • KadinkKadink Mainstream hip-hop is losing its street edge 98 Posts
    I was going to say 'We Built This City', but now I'll say Steve Miller 'Abracadabra'.

    Favorite line:

    I feel the magic in your caress; I feel the magic when I touch your dress.
  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    parallax said:

    He got the action, he got the motion
    Yeah the boy can play
    Dedication devotion
    Turning all the night time into the day

    :beerbang:
  • OkemOkem 4,617 Posts
    DB_Cooper said:
    parallax said:

    He got the action, he got the motion
    Yeah the boy can play
    Dedication devotion
    Turning all the night time into the day

    :beerbang:
    I'm pretty sure I could recite the lyrics to this verbatim. It was such a staple of childhood car journeys. Never really bothered me that much.

    Our school bus driver used to play Bat Out Of Hell everyday. The entire album. Which is exactly what you want to be listening to at 7:30 in the morning. I probably know all the lyrics to those great songs as well. Couldn't stand that shit tho.


  • caicai spacecho 362 Posts
    I was recently alerted to this gem:


  • DB_CooperDB_Cooper Manhatin' 7,823 Posts
    cai said:
    I was recently alerted to this gem:



    Dude. DUDE. [strong]MOTORIN...WHAT'S YOUR PRICE FOR FLIGHT?[/strong]

    I sing that shit around the house all the time.
  • caicai spacecho 362 Posts

    Dude. DUDE. [strong]MOTORIN...WHAT'S YOUR PRICE FOR FLIGHT?[/strong]

    I sing that shit around the house all the time.

    ha..! complete with double fist clench I hope
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