letters to things and people

2

  Comments


  • GrafwritahGrafwritah 4,184 Posts
    People:[/b]

    Dear old guy who knocked on my door tonight bleeding from the head,

    What the fuck? I mean, really.


    Crink, is that what this country business is all about? Bustin old people in the head with shovels and keeping them locked up in your barn-apartment?



    Weirdo, man.


  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    Dear Lolo,

    Where've you been? Hittin' the boulevard? I miss you, little duder. Come back.

    Herm

    **********

    Dear Billy,

    That big ol' smile of yours always puts me in a good mood. You look so peaceful when you bathe, I just wanna jump in there with you and splash around all day.

    Herm

    **********

    [color:white]Dear ZG posse,

    All these fools probably think I'm wild homo, but y'all know I'm nothing but wild Zulu. I think it's due time for another safari, don't you think? I've been postin' solo at the pond the past couple nights, reflecting on the beauty of life and whatnot. I could use my crew, though. Y'all down to meet up later on tonight?

    Bam-baaaaaaa-taaaaaa...

    Herm[/color]

  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    Dear Kero

    Let's make it happen.

    King Right Hand Man[/b]


  • djdazedjdaze 3,099 Posts
    Dear K##%N,
    warren G calls me every day. Doctor dre too

    you mispelled djdaze.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Herm said I have to call you "dad" now cause you me, but I thought that was pretty damn funny.

  • DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
    dear europe,

    please pay me to play music for you.

    -tizzle



    dear mesh,

    you are the freaking dude, man dude. you made my mix jump out of the speakers.

    -thumz



    dear n____,

    dori and i saw jill at brunch on sunday, but neither of us had the nerve to pour a bloody mary on her. sorry.

    -tom delay (the hammer)



    dear mingering mike,

    you are so lucky to have one of dc's most stand up dudes as you manager. oh, and i like your work. please do my cover art.

    -sushe lover



    dear tom deLay,

    I hate that you have smeared my good name that i've had since i was 14. give it back, scummbag.

    -THE REAL TOM DELAY


    dear asr10,

    i look forward to learning you. i hope you work right.

    -delayer



    dear djing,

    i had a lot fun with you again last weekend. lets do it again, don't be a stranger.

    -titty



    dear chilean girl at work,

    you have a boyfriend. laura told me. it's ok, i have a girlfriend. if you keep flirting with me like that, people in the office are gonna say stuff. don't shit where you eat.

    -thomas

  • lucerolucero 425 Posts
    Dear body

    You're not even 30 years old yet you've been causing me some pain and making me all tired. Admittedly it might be my fault, having dropped the yoga ball for quite a few months there, but now I'm back in class can't we be friends again?

    Yours achingly,

    Stretch Lucero





    Dear **ll**

    I'm looking forward to visiting tomorrow night. You've surprised me with your collection and I've copped some nice stuff off you at very reasonable prices. Hope you were successful in thinning out the collection last week as I'll be bringing the duckets, not to mention some pysch as I know thats your sh*t,

    In anticipation,

    Hugh







    Dear H****h

    Your smile is the bomb. I'm sorry I can't tell you this direct right now, but keep it up, some days you make my morning.

    thanks

    H**h





    To all them flakes

    Funny how I can usually see you from a distance. I don't get with your MO ..

    get some proper game

    H. Lucero

  • djdazedjdaze 3,099 Posts
    I've never done one of these...I don't think. But this ones on my mind

    Dear Chicago,

    Get ready cause I think I'm moving back next year.


  • You don't know how much that small sodering job (sp) you did has helped me out. It goes a lot deeper than just being able to make beats.

    No sweat man, hopefully that joint holds up till you can get your 3000.
    Regardless, was cool to chill with a fellow Bay brotha.
    I gotta find that red `Thermometer dude` record now & listen to it again, it's here somewhere...

    YO THE MIX CD IS NICE!
    Props.

  • dollar_bindollar_bin I heartily endorse this product and/or event 2,326 Posts
    dear tom deLay,

    I hate that you have smeared my good name that i've had since i was 14. give it back, scummbag.

    -THE REAL TOM DELAY

    Hey Tom,

    Welcome to the T*m, D*ck, and H*rry club. This unfunny mothafucka registered my good Christian name in order to post lame shit on the web and whine about his own lack of achievement: tompurcell.com. Ooooo0h, I'm 42 and a loser, I must have pithy insights on the nature of America today (did I mention that Rush Limbamaubhhbh cited me in passing??????????????


    Love,
    Tom Purcell

  • Dear Richmond area Fox TV station,
    Why the fuck did you play the Falcons Vikings game?
    Did you think it would be a good game?
    Can you get your shit together and show an Eagles game?
    Inquiring minds want to know.
    Alex

    Dear old records I am selling,
    I don't like you any more. Don't take it personal. Its not you its me.
    I changed. I was in college and I just didn't know any better. Sure
    some day I might regret it, but I just needed something a little more
    mature.
    Sincerely,
    Alex

    Dear rubber vestax fader inserts,
    You make me not hate my mixer. You got rid of that little static pop
    when the fader cuts in. You only cost $10.
    I love you
    Alex

    Dear Hobbes,
    You are a really chill cat. You are cute and not nearly as annoying
    as homer, but why do you sleep in the litter box.
    For real dude its gross. You smell like shit. We have lots
    of other more comfortable and less smelly places for you to sleep.
    Please stop.
    Alex

  • meshmesh 925 Posts
    Dear Cousin Larry,
    what records are you selling because maybe we can trade at the record show next weekend?

    yours truly-
    mesharoni

  • Dear Cousin Larry,
    what records are you selling because maybe we can trade at the record show next weekend?

    yours truly-
    mesharoni

    I already sold a bunch of crappy Bob James on Tappan Zee and Late 90's Shit Hop to plan 9, but I have a few other things I will bring to the record show. Some modern soul and probably a few other things. I have to take a look through my stuff again. I am getting rid of everything I don't listen to or play out. Most of it is crap.

  • meshmesh 925 Posts
    Dear Cousin Larry Alex,

    sounds like something i need to do myself. very badly.

    we will check out each others stacks at the show.

    peace

    joe

  • Dear Cousin Larry Alex,

    sounds like something i need to do myself. very badly.

    we will check out each others stacks at the show.

    peace

    joe

    Dear Mesh,
    You could build lawn furniture out of promo hip hop records,
    or use it to build the walls in your studio.
    peace
    Alex

  • meshmesh 925 Posts
    Dear Cousin Larry Alex,

    sounds like something i need to do myself. very badly.

    we will check out each others stacks at the show.

    peace

    joe

    Dear Mesh,
    You could build lawn furniture out of promo hip hop records,
    or use it to build the walls in your studio.
    peace
    Alex

    boing

  • Dear Jen and Miles
    You are - as they say - the bomb. You make working a spritit crushing job worthwhile and restore my appreciation of other humans. If it wasn't for you guys I'd be just another weird record collector guy...
    Much Love
    Larry (daddy)


    Dear knees
    Fuck you worthless motherfuckers. Thanks for keeping me up nights...
    The dude

    Dear Republicans
    Fuck you worthless motherfuckers. Thanks for keeping me up nights...
    Larry

    Dear Charles Mingus
    You were so the man. Rockin' and rollin jazz powerhouse genius. Your music makes me stronger.
    A Fan


    Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy


    Dear Boss
    Plaese to get your underlings in one basket. None of them know what I do and they keep dumping their stupid busy work in my lap....
    G****n



  • TabaskoTabasko 1,357 Posts
    Dear Nike,

    Lets get this thing sorted out now. You know you want me.
    So lets do this.
    See you tommorow,
    B

    Dear New Jamie Cullum single,

    I'd like to mix you with that pete nice joint.

    Regards,
    B

    Dear Hairdo,

    You need some attention.. sorry for ignoring you so long. I know you look like a bum. I promise to take you to the barber next week.

    grow on,
    B




  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts

    Dear Bataille,

    You were pretty fucked huh? Still I found your eye story a fun read.

    T.

    Dear DesOne,
    I agree with you. Did you see Godard's 'Weekend' and how the woman made the story with the bowl of milk her own? Racy. Tres francais.

  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts

    Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy

    So you are one of THEM? Mang, I feel you. My co-workers are constantly calling you:

    Co-worker: mouse is not moving!

    Helpdesk: did you check if it's connected?

    Co-worker: Oh, I see. Thanks.




  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts

    Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy

    So you are one of THEM? Mang, I feel you. My co-workers are constantly calling you:

    Co-worker: mouse is not moving!

    Helpdesk: did you check if it's connected?

    Co-worker: Oh, I see. Thanks.



    Dear Strutter helpdesk/IT specialists,

    IDIOTS on PCs = JOB SECURITY for you and me

    Love,

    The CMS/Web Support dude


  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,902 Posts
    Dear Kitty,


    Why are you so angry? I promise no more Whiskas ok?




    Dear new Burger King commercials,

    The King kinda freaks me out. But that football one is kinda funny.





    Dear Mom,

    Happy Birthday!




    Dear Aser,

    Thx for the MP3!



    Dear K-Jam or QTEK 9100,

    I don't care which one I get. But I'm looking so forward to getting rid of my POS Motorola. The I-Mate Jam was one of the best phones I've ever seen. I can't wait to get the new version in my possession!!


  • Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy

    So you are one of THEM? Mang, I feel you. My co-workers are constantly calling you:

    Co-worker: mouse is not moving!

    Helpdesk: did you check if it's connected?

    Co-worker: Oh, I see. Thanks.



    Dear Strutter helpdesk/IT specialists,


    IDIOTS on PCs = JOB SECURITY for you and me

    Love,

    The CMS/Web Support dude


    You make an interesting point, sir....I still don't like it...

  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,902 Posts

    Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy

    So you are one of THEM? Mang, I feel you. My co-workers are constantly calling you:

    Co-worker: mouse is not moving!

    Helpdesk: did you check if it's connected?

    Co-worker: Oh, I see. Thanks.



    Dear Strutter helpdesk/IT specialists,


    IDIOTS on PCs = JOB SECURITY for you and me

    Love,

    The CMS/Web Support dude


    I'm a Techie at a University. And in this day of age, how can there be professors that can't press play on a VCR? The amount of stupidity that goes on in an Institute of higher learning is remarkable.

    Mind you, it's only a small percentage of people that have no clue, and I love my job. So I shouldn't bitch in anyway...

    Continue as you were!


  • Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy

    So you are one of THEM? Mang, I feel you. My co-workers are constantly calling you:

    Co-worker: mouse is not moving!

    Helpdesk: did you check if it's connected?

    Co-worker: Oh, I see. Thanks.



    Dear Strutter helpdesk/IT specialists,


    IDIOTS on PCs = JOB SECURITY for you and me

    Love,

    The CMS/Web Support dude


    I'm a Techie at a University. And in this day of age, how can there be professors that can't press play on a VCR? The amount of stupidity that goes on in an Institute of higher learning is remarkable.

    Mind you, it's only a small percentage of people that have no clue, and I love my job. So I shouldn't bitch in anyway...

    Continue as you were!


    That reminds me, that we get calls for anything[/b] that has a plug, not to mention the times I got a call for an eyegalss repair kit, or the time someone submitted a project request to have the ice removed from the front of one of our buildings.

  • Birdman9Birdman9 5,417 Posts

    Dear morons that call the Help Desk
    I'm now officially begging you. PLAESE wake the fuck up and write your passwords down. Calling once a week with a password issue is cool. We expect that. Calling every damn day (sometimes more than once a day) is fucking pathetic, and makes you look like you're sniffing glue at your desk.
    Misanthropic Help desk Guy

    So you are one of THEM? Mang, I feel you. My co-workers are constantly calling you:

    Co-worker: mouse is not moving!

    Helpdesk: did you check if it's connected?

    Co-worker: Oh, I see. Thanks.



    Dear Strutter helpdesk/IT specialists,


    IDIOTS on PCs = JOB SECURITY for you and me

    Love,

    The CMS/Web Support dude


    I'm a Techie at a University. And in this day of age, how can there be professors that can't press play on a VCR? The amount of stupidity that goes on in an Institute of higher learning is remarkable.

    Mind you, it's only a small percentage of people that have no clue, and I love my job. So I shouldn't bitch in anyway...

    Continue as you were!


    That reminds me, that we get calls for anything[/b] that has a plug, not to mention the times I got a call for an eyegalss repair kit, or the time someone submitted a project request to have the ice removed from the front of one of our buildings.

    LOL!

  • Mike_BellMike_Bell 5,736 Posts


    Dear new Burger King commercials,

    The King kinda freaks me out. But that football one is kinda funny.








    I thought it was the only one. That one commercial where he's in the woods...quite scary.



  • Dear new Burger King commercials,

    The King kinda freaks me out. But that football one is kinda funny.








    I thought it was the only one. That one commercial where he's in the woods...quite scary.

    Those commercials look like an outtake from a hamburger related horror movie...



  • Dear new Burger King commercials,

    The King kinda freaks me out. But that football one is kinda funny.








    I thought it was the only one. That one commercial where he's in the woods...quite scary.

    cosign

  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,902 Posts


    I'm a Techie at a University. And in this day of age, how can there be professors that can't press play on a VCR? The amount of stupidity that goes on in an Institute of higher learning is remarkable.

    Mind you, it's only a small percentage of people that have no clue, and I love my job. So I shouldn't bitch in anyway...

    Continue as you were!


    That reminds me, that we get calls for anything[/b] that has a plug, not to mention the times I got a call for an eyegalss repair kit, or the time someone submitted a project request to have the ice removed from the front of one of our buildings.
    Word...

    I am not a caretaker (Not that there is anything wrong with being one. I just don't get paid to do that stuff) I don't change light bulbs or turn the heat up or call you when a class shows up or make sure there is chalk in the room for you.


  • DORDOR Two Ron Toe 9,902 Posts


    Dear new Burger King commercials,

    The King kinda freaks me out. But that football one is kinda funny.








    I thought it was the only one. That one commercial where he's in the woods...quite scary.

    Yeah, thats the one I'm talkin' about! Messed up!
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