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Le windbreaker aka farts at work?

Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
edited March 2012 in Strut Central
I work in a library and there is always someone somewhere. Ain't no time to stop drop and roll, so I end up holding that shit in. By the time I leave work some days I've got a stomach ache.

Strut, please to advise.

  Comments

  • The_NonThe_Non 5,691 Posts
    Hit the bano?
    Is there any book storage warehouse-y type areas/"in the back" to handle your biz?
  • TheKindCromangTheKindCromang 1,463 Posts
    Break like the wind. As long as they don't hear it you can always pass it off on someone else.
  • DeegreezDeegreez 804 Posts
    Don't hold in farts! It's bad for you! I always carry some incense and burn a little bit if I'm working at a desk and I know I have gas. It just swallows the odor.
    Otherwise you could try that product, Subtle Butt:

  • Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
    Ordered.
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Change Your Diet.
  • Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
    That might be part of it. It's not even like its bad gas, just a quiet environment where someone is always close by.
  • batmonbatmon 27,574 Posts
    Are you a coffee dude?
  • Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
    Only one in the morning. I don't eat bad food really. Sometimes just drinking a lot of water will do it. I guess I should just actually take my 15 minute breaks and go on a walk.
  • jjfad027jjfad027 1,594 Posts
    I feel your pain. I get manzillians regularly and the lack of hair as a silencer back there makes it impossible to sneak them out. Holding them in (AKA tantric/inverse farting) can't be good for you.
  • Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
    Ha ha. I had a coworker at amoeba who told me that once. He shaved his ass and said it turned his butt into a trumpet.
  • The_NonThe_Non 5,691 Posts
    I looked past the most obvious answer. When no one's looking, take a book into a corner, open it and fart in it. That'll muffle your gas attack. Make sure it's a book that someone will be reading soon, like "Oliver Twist," or the most recent copy of studying for the GRE. Problem solved.
  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    don't you get bathroom breaks? if you can hold it for 7.5 hours, maybe just hold it long enough to get thee to a bathroom stall?

    taking your walk outside is good, too.
  • Options
    Unknown
    Learn the wind currents of the room. There should be certain spots you can stand where you can handle your business and a person standing right next to you won't smell it, but someone on the other side of the room will. You need to look around the room and think like the wind.
  • Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
    I will from this point on fart into books at leisure.

    Yeah, I get bathroom breaks. I'm free to come and go as I please for te most part. It's not even a gas issue, I'm just talking about the normal digestion type stuff.

    In a related note, people be stinking up the bathroom all te time and some people aren't flushing shits. Maybe that has led to my life of captivity.
  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    Other than the usual suspects - legumes, sugars, pop, broccoli and similar vegetables - eating too fast (swallowing air), red wine and milk can be the cause of excess gas/gassy feeling/gut aches. You may not have been sensitive to lactose before, but can develop it....maybe even wheat?
    I know this sounds kinda silly, but do you sit for most of the day? If you are constricting your stomach, that can contribute, too.
  • leonleon 883 Posts
    This could be a good reason to change carreer. I'd say leave all the smelly trouble behind and go work outdoors. I'm serious.
  • BeatChemistBeatChemist 1,465 Posts
    Sween said:
    Learn the wind currents of the room. There should be certain spots you can stand where you can handle your business and a person standing right next to you won't smell it, but someone on the other side of the room will. You need to look around the room and think like the wind.

    Be the fart.
  • DeegreezDeegreez 804 Posts
    BUMP.

    or should I say fart?

    My farts are scaring me, they are worse than ever and smell like hellfire and brimstone. And they are constant! I don't have any books at work to fart into either. I had to find this thread from when it wasn't so bad.


    Who else is having gas? It's trouble, man








  • staxwaxstaxwax 1,474 Posts
    When dealing with bodily occurrences that are simply beyond your control - i always think of that sage piece of advice the good Dr. gave the world:



























    IF YOU FART YOU'S A BUSTA - CAUSE REAL N****S DONT FART!
  • empanadamnempanadamn 1,462 Posts
    Controller_7 said:
    I will from this point on fart into books at leisure.

    keep a blog, logging the books and pages that are being blessed.

    you should create your own library-style stamp, leaving your mark like zorro.

    also, to disguise the scent, you could look into this:
    http://www.cbihateperfume.com/in-the-library.html

    i actually own it and enjoy it.
  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    Hey Controller,

    I sit at a desk for work, usually alone, so I let em' rip! As others have said, hit the bathroom and unleash the methane, my brother!!! On another note, I wonder what one can do about fonky mofos at the gym. Sometimes, people who get on the treadmill next to me have the horrendous body odor of the NYC cab driver variety. Shit, I can barely breath while doing my run! Cats are 'unsure' like a muthafucka, so they don't need to raise their hands!!! I wish there was a subtle way to tell folks that:



    Peace,

    Big Stacks from Kakalak
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