dude asked for advice/opinions...we gave ours. What is the hang up with that? I would like to add we did it without of the use of a "z" in lieu of proper word usage. We do indeed love to know things.
practically no one reads the schitt past the OP. i can tell. they just repeat the same advice the first 4 posters gave. suddenly the thread is 4 pages of the same advice.
dude asked for advice/opinions...we gave ours. What is the hang up with that? I would like to add we did it without of the use of a "z" in lieu of proper word usage. We do indeed love to know things.
practically no one reads the schitt past the OP. i can tell. they just repeat the same advice the first 4 posters gave. suddenly the thread is 4 pages of the same advice.
just making jokes no big deal, dear abbys.
dude asked for advice/opinions...we gave ours. What is the hang up with that? I would like to add we did it without of the use of a "z" in lieu of proper word usage. We do indeed love to know things.
practically no one reads the schitt past the OP. i can tell. they just repeat the same advice the first 4 posters gave. suddenly the thread is 4 pages of the same advice.
dude asked for advice/opinions...we gave ours. What is the hang up with that? I would like to add we did it without of the use of a "z" in lieu of proper word usage. We do indeed love to know things.
practically no one reads the schitt past the OP. i can tell. they just repeat the same advice the first 4 posters gave. suddenly the thread is 4 pages of the same advice.
This, although it definitely helps give some peace of mind to the initial poster.
while it may only work in theory, this scenario provides a solution to all ends. you get your house AND a person to fix all of the problems that may arise, which would be an invaluable asset with children starting to enter the picture [congrats by the way].
fuck it, tell the old man you bought it for HIM. see a lawyer and have him draft up a contract that controls him from selling it and stipulates that he must bequeath it to you in his will. same shit, just another name on the paper.
My parents are really traditional and family-centric. They'd be begging gramps to make sure I got the house. And they'd be volunteering to watch the kid after he/she is born. Your dad's selfishness shouldn't be rewarded with free real estate. The fact that you feel any guilt just shows you've got empathy that others sorely lack. Get the papers and numbers straight, and start thinking about paint color schemes.
...
My dad also told me that if we buy it that he'd like to be involved with helping out with the work and also perhaps living in the cottage someday. I don't see this happening given how unstable his work situation has been and the fact that we'll be relying on that rental income to help us out. I do believe, or at least hope, that if we do buy it he'll get over it eventually.
I really don't want to sound too pessimistic here but you are opening yourself up to possible emotional blackmail. You said your father was a dead beat which means that you don't have any moral obligations to care for him once he's old, sick and in need of care. Having the moral right to remind him he's never done anything for you so why should you now care for him and to do so with a clear conscience is something I would not want to risk giving away.
One thing you can say about your dad is that he showed you what kind
of father you don't want to be. I know so many dudes who had dads that
were good fathers - stayed married, provided, attended ball games etc, -
and who turned into the exact opposite of their dads. It's hard to break the
cycle of a bad role model but it can be done and it's way easy to break the
continuity of good parenting as I see it all the time as well.
As far as the real estate, as with everything else in life, it all comes down to
timing. Sounds like the timing is right.
You need to communicate clearly with your grandfather and your father.
About everything.
Sounds like that doesn't happen often in your family.
You have to know what you want and how to communicate your wants before you start.
Clarify what you want with your wife, then practice with her how you are going to say it to your family.
The question: is the great location/deal worth the family drama? See above for the answer.
I have a relative who freaks out every time he sees his parents make a business/real estate decision.
He clearly sees their wealth as his future.
The reality that my relative and your dad needs to face is that people today can easily live in to their 90s and 100s and may well have spent every last dime on elder care by the time they kick. So forget about inheriting anything and get to work.
The way I see it, the house is your Grandfathers so the decision is his.
If he wants to sell it to you then you would be right in thinking of your family first.
If your Dad complains you can shut him up by telling him you are doing what he didn't do.
You don't have to explain anything to your Dad at all.
I agree with Frank in the thought that your Dad could maybe at some point look to ask for a place to live etc..
I have seen a very similar situation. Long story short, when the dad got the house he sold it to cash in and basically gave the finger to his kid and sister. Dude was never there as a dad and was selfish until the end. Just something i've seen go down.
You need to communicate clearly with your grandfather and your father.
About everything. Sounds like that doesn't happen often in your family.
You have to know what you want and how to communicate your wants before you start.
Clarify what you want with your wife, then practice with her how you are going to say it to your family.
The question: is the great location/deal worth the family drama? See above for the answer.
I have a relative who freaks out every time he sees his parents make a business/real estate decision.
He clearly sees their wealth as his future.
The reality that my relative and your dad needs to face is that people today can easily live in to their 90s and 100s and may well have spent every last dime on elder care by the time they kick. So forget about inheriting anything and get to work.
As above. Whatever you decide to do the issues with your father / grandfather / you need to be talked over now. Sounds like your grandfather also needs to make it clear to your dad what he's doing and why otherwise you risk becoming the focus of your dad's resentment. Also have a think about your relationship with your dad and about whether you want to build bridges and have him more involved in your life. Perspectives tend to change when babies come along.
buy it., rent one of the remaining places on the property to your father if he would like to live there so badly. by doing so you can mend any part of the relationship you want to over time, and have sitcom type issues arise everyday. win x3
Comments
practically no one reads the schitt past the OP. i can tell. they just repeat the same advice the first 4 posters gave. suddenly the thread is 4 pages of the same advice.
you poor fat retard
This is t-shirt-worthy.
This, although it definitely helps give some peace of mind to the initial poster.
you - house
him - job
while it may only work in theory, this scenario provides a solution to all ends. you get your house AND a person to fix all of the problems that may arise, which would be an invaluable asset with children starting to enter the picture [congrats by the way].
fuck it, tell the old man you bought it for HIM. see a lawyer and have him draft up a contract that controls him from selling it and stipulates that he must bequeath it to you in his will. same shit, just another name on the paper.
I really don't want to sound too pessimistic here but you are opening yourself up to possible emotional blackmail. You said your father was a dead beat which means that you don't have any moral obligations to care for him once he's old, sick and in need of care. Having the moral right to remind him he's never done anything for you so why should you now care for him and to do so with a clear conscience is something I would not want to risk giving away.
of father you don't want to be. I know so many dudes who had dads that
were good fathers - stayed married, provided, attended ball games etc, -
and who turned into the exact opposite of their dads. It's hard to break the
cycle of a bad role model but it can be done and it's way easy to break the
continuity of good parenting as I see it all the time as well.
As far as the real estate, as with everything else in life, it all comes down to
timing. Sounds like the timing is right.
About everything.
Sounds like that doesn't happen often in your family.
You have to know what you want and how to communicate your wants before you start.
Clarify what you want with your wife, then practice with her how you are going to say it to your family.
The question: is the great location/deal worth the family drama? See above for the answer.
I have a relative who freaks out every time he sees his parents make a business/real estate decision.
He clearly sees their wealth as his future.
The reality that my relative and your dad needs to face is that people today can easily live in to their 90s and 100s and may well have spent every last dime on elder care by the time they kick. So forget about inheriting anything and get to work.
That is the only part of yourself that you need to pay attention to.
Congrats on your impending family! Once your child is here, your dad's bullshit is the very last thing you'll wanna deal with.
If he wants to sell it to you then you would be right in thinking of your family first.
If your Dad complains you can shut him up by telling him you are doing what he didn't do.
You don't have to explain anything to your Dad at all.
I agree with Frank in the thought that your Dad could maybe at some point look to ask for a place to live etc..
i would watch this show.
Buy the house, no questions. Deal with your dad on the back end.
Gourmet Ghetto
You might want to look at those reasons prior to making the decision.
Have a good one,
ND10
As above. Whatever you decide to do the issues with your father / grandfather / you need to be talked over now. Sounds like your grandfather also needs to make it clear to your dad what he's doing and why otherwise you risk becoming the focus of your dad's resentment. Also have a think about your relationship with your dad and about whether you want to build bridges and have him more involved in your life. Perspectives tend to change when babies come along.
coming from a guy who seems all too fond of kids brushing against him while digging, i don't think your opinion is going to count for much (^.-)
Lol. Are you following me? If you are that is okay.
i've talked to my dad, and he's cool with me having it. i think he finally realized there was no way he was gonna get it.
now comes the next hurdle :: all of the work the house needs. i'm stoked to be a home owner though.