Real World Strut (Advice Needed)
maru
1,450 Posts
So I usually wouldn't turn to the strut for real world advice, but I've run into a moral dilemma that I feel people on here may be able to give some sage advice on.
Basically, my wife and I are in the market to buy a house in the Bay Area. We are expecting a child in November, and with the housing market in the state that it is, we figure this is as good a time as any to make a move. Now, my grandfather owns a house in Berkeley that he's been renting out for 30 years, in an amazing location to boot. The property has three units, a duplex and a cottage in the back. The plan would be for my wife and I to occupy one of the units while renting out the other two, which would be a huge bonus as this would help out our mortgage payments tremendously. My grandfather is getting old and feels he can no longer manage the property. I've confronted him about selling the property to me and my wife, and he is very much into the idea. He wants to cut us a small break as well, and for those that are familiar with the housing market in the Bay Area, every little bit counts. This would probably be our one and only opportunity to be able to afford a property of this size(with the intention of one day converting the duplex into a single family home) in such a great location.
Now comes the dilemma. My dad has caught wind of what's going on, and has expressed his reservations about me buying the property from my grandfather. I also forgot to mention this is where my grandpa and grandma raised him and his two sisters so I suppose there's a bit of sentimental attachment to the property. He's been unemployed for quite some time and I guess had hoped that one day the property would get passed down to him (and his two sisters). The thing is, if I don't buy it, my grandfather has told me he's going to sell it regardless, which would mean nobody in the family gets it. Now I've never been particularly close with my dad. He and my mom divorced when I was fairly young. He was kind of a dead beat dad, never sent child support, and often let me down as a kid growing up. He's always been sort of a selfish and at times inconsiderate person, and because of this have never really respected him a whole lot. He's gotten better over the years though, and he is my dad, so I love him.
Part of me wants to say fuck it, it's not worth all of the drama knowing how my dad feels and having to live in the house for the rest of our lives. But another part of me is telling me I'm a grown man and at some point I have to start doing things that are best for me, my wife and future child. Like I said before, this will probably be our only shot at owning in this location, and it'll certainly be a smart investment in the long run. And again, if we pass, then nobody gets it and everyone loses. My grandpa is also aware of how my dad feels, and frankly doesn't really care and wants to sell to us anyways.
For some reason, shit like this is always really hard on me. What's the Strut's consensus on this?
Basically, my wife and I are in the market to buy a house in the Bay Area. We are expecting a child in November, and with the housing market in the state that it is, we figure this is as good a time as any to make a move. Now, my grandfather owns a house in Berkeley that he's been renting out for 30 years, in an amazing location to boot. The property has three units, a duplex and a cottage in the back. The plan would be for my wife and I to occupy one of the units while renting out the other two, which would be a huge bonus as this would help out our mortgage payments tremendously. My grandfather is getting old and feels he can no longer manage the property. I've confronted him about selling the property to me and my wife, and he is very much into the idea. He wants to cut us a small break as well, and for those that are familiar with the housing market in the Bay Area, every little bit counts. This would probably be our one and only opportunity to be able to afford a property of this size(with the intention of one day converting the duplex into a single family home) in such a great location.
Now comes the dilemma. My dad has caught wind of what's going on, and has expressed his reservations about me buying the property from my grandfather. I also forgot to mention this is where my grandpa and grandma raised him and his two sisters so I suppose there's a bit of sentimental attachment to the property. He's been unemployed for quite some time and I guess had hoped that one day the property would get passed down to him (and his two sisters). The thing is, if I don't buy it, my grandfather has told me he's going to sell it regardless, which would mean nobody in the family gets it. Now I've never been particularly close with my dad. He and my mom divorced when I was fairly young. He was kind of a dead beat dad, never sent child support, and often let me down as a kid growing up. He's always been sort of a selfish and at times inconsiderate person, and because of this have never really respected him a whole lot. He's gotten better over the years though, and he is my dad, so I love him.
Part of me wants to say fuck it, it's not worth all of the drama knowing how my dad feels and having to live in the house for the rest of our lives. But another part of me is telling me I'm a grown man and at some point I have to start doing things that are best for me, my wife and future child. Like I said before, this will probably be our only shot at owning in this location, and it'll certainly be a smart investment in the long run. And again, if we pass, then nobody gets it and everyone loses. My grandpa is also aware of how my dad feels, and frankly doesn't really care and wants to sell to us anyways.
For some reason, shit like this is always really hard on me. What's the Strut's consensus on this?
Comments
I can't really think of a rational reason not to, and you can't, either.
Good luck.
There you go.
What he said. Yes. It's pricey as all get out, but now is the time. At least, that is what I've been told living in the Bay Area. I've thought about buying a condo, but that's a whole 'notha topic.
Again, validation.
Reminds me of some stand up routine I saw once where the guy goes "I don't need to do this, I have money you know, only it's all tied up in my parent's house!"
I would go ahead and buy it...i too have a dad that i don't respect that much even though i love him and he is a very inconsiderate, irritating person...
I would understand if he was still with your mom and a part of your life but since he is quite removed
he can humbug all you want but you grabbed a once in a lifetime opportunity (especially with the rent-income) he will hopefully get over it once he sees your beautiful child.
Think about it...if you don't go ahead with this..not only will you have a looming regret that may frustrate you...but finding something else will be more stressful and costly
instead you can have a great situation that can be taken care of within the family and maybe a bit of a grudge but from a person who is selfish...so for once do something exclusively for you and yours
good luck and make the decision that feels right
Think of it as a foreign policy issue and you are America. Sure, it LOOKS easy from the outside and you can kid yourself that you are being altruistic by keeping the house in the family, but after a while you might realize that you should have looked for alternative sources of shelter rather than inflame old tribal conflicts.
Nothing in life is a Slam Dunk. You will feel much better about buying your own house (sell some grailz dude) than having something fall into your lap that will breed resentment that could affect future generations. Break the cycle, have no part in it.
This. Seriously.
Like I said, he kind of has selfish motives and I don't see this situation as being any different. I do think he has some sentimental attachment to the house which I understand, but I don't understand why he wouldn't want me to have it to raise my family instead of some stranger. I think he's just holding on to some hope that if I don't buy it, he can talk my grandfather into letting him manage and take over the property.
The house does need quite a bit of work, but we have the cash to do it so that's not really an issue. We also realize that being a landlord is not a glamorous job, but like I said before, considering how expensive it is to live in the Bay Area let alone Berkeley, the rental income will be a huge plus.
My dad also told me that if we buy it that he'd like to be involved with helping out with the work and also perhaps living in the cottage someday. I don't see this happening given how unstable his work situation has been and the fact that we'll be relying on that rental income to help us out. I do believe, or at least hope, that if we do buy it he'll get over it eventually.
Actually not to far off from what I would do.
Tell your Dad that you understand his feelings and that you agree he should have first shot at buying it....he obviously can't afford it so you'll get to buy it by default and feel good that you didn't screw your dad no matter how big an asshole he is.
lmfao
yallz love to know everything
Even if the market is overpriced right now (and being a Northeasterner I can't say), the mortgage rate will ultimately be a much bigger factor in your financial outlay. People tend to focus too much on the purchase price.
Right now rates are about as cheap as they have ever been, so if you are determined to buy, now is a good time. If your credit is good and you can put 20% down, you should have no problem getting a 5% mortgage, maybe better. The only way it will go down significantly in the future is if our economy collapses entirely.
Rent vs buy is a legitimate question, but it sounds like you have made your mind up.
As far as how to deal with your father, I think Rock has it right.
anyway, that didnt seem to be your concern.
you dont want him in the cottage tho. never a good idea to do business with anyone you have a spotty history with, especially relatives
dude asked for advice/opinions...we gave ours. What is the hang up with that? I would like to add we did it without of the use of a "z" in lieu of proper word usage. We do indeed love to know things.
You benefit your aging grandfather here and your growing family - live the life you have in mind. Let your Dad be responsible for himself. Do it now.