Fear

nzshadow

This aint easy but it's time to come clean.

I am a grown man, father of two and now, on the cusp of my thirty eighth birthday i am finally sitting my driving exam. I know, 38.

As most teenagers, the day i was eligable, i sat my theory test and passed, i was fifteen. I had a couple lessons then my parents divorced and my family imploded. I moved to the inner city and didnt need to drive. My friends and girlfriends drove, plus i was within walking distance from work. I just never got round to it.

Then i travelled, bouncing from country to country with a backpack on living it up. But never driving. I lived in many citiy centres across the world and never had the need to drive, i was in the middle of the action, plus parking cost a fortune. I still live in the middle of a city and my wife is a great driver, but we have two kids who are growing up fast.

I had a few lessons a few years back and hated every minute of being behind the wheel, unlike most people, i get no kick from the act of driving, it just makes me uptight. So i put it off again.

But, no more excuses, i just ordered the theory books and am about to cram for the notoriously difficult Dutch driving exam. And I now realise, I havn't been putting it off, i have been avoiding it, I am fucking terrified. The thought of being responsible for my kids whist navigating a hunk of metal travelling at speed in a cluster of other speeding hunks of metal scares the living shit out of me. But a thirty eight year old man who can't drive? thats a handicap.

I'm hoping to revisit this thread in the future and be able to say it was no big deal. Right now, its a big deal.

Cosmophonic

nzshadow said:

I'm hoping to revisit this thread in the future and be able to say it was no big deal.

You will.

It takes time to feel comfortable driving, especially if you are not fifteen years old and super-hyped about learning to drive, so it WILL be a big deal for a while.

Just focus on the amazing car-mixes you and your kids will be blazting.

dollar_bin

I was a late driver as well and I used to wonder at people who drove without anxiety but eventually I came to terms with it. All I can say is that you will probably not kill anyone and someday it will be as natural as breathing.

badder_than_evil

I'm 38 in June and still don't drive. I totally identify with you.
I was never interested when I became old enough after seeing my older brother get into serious debt over cars(while having a great job) and one of his best friends paralyzed after a terrible accident.
I had lessons at around 22 years old, which I didn't particularly enjoy and I also felt as though the instructor was holding me back in the same spot for weeks. I felt he was trying to get as much money as he could out of me.
I always used cabs or friends in England. Here in the U.S. - where i live there are barely any sidewalks, no cab services and everything is a distance away. My wife will happily drive me where I want to go - although I don't really ask her and spend my days off at home.I still don't feel the urge to drive.
People don't believe me when I tell them I don't drive.
I don't care what people think at all.

You definitely struck a cord with me - I am also scared of being out there driving. I am also scared of needing to have another car and the not being able to afford everything that comes with a car. I struggle with the cars we have had.
I'm unsure whether the freedom I would gain would be worth the stress that would come with driving...

Maybe I'm just a bottler.

youngEINSTEIN

i admire your courage.

peace, stein. . .

disco_che

I think it's just natural being concerned when you're not used to drive and you being that concerned will make you a saver driver than some of these morons out there who drive like they were born behind the wheel and there were nothing dangerous about it.
You will be fine.

Jimster

I've been driving since 1986 but there is very little to get excited about, so don't feel you don't have the right mindset because you are not like, super-stoked over the whole affair. As a kid it's nice to go fast and experience independence. As an adult, you already know these things come at a price. Most of the driving you will undertake will not be to facilitate your own pleasure, it will be a chore.

When I had the money for fast cars, I ended up wrecking them. I should have bought property. Nowadays, like Jaws, I am running with the three barrels of Mortgage, Wife and Kids - In Britland it's so expensive running two cars (fuel is over 11 USD a gallon) and the roads are so clogged with speed cameras, that the best I can hope for is we get from A to B in one piece and nothing breaks.

cadeaux

Ok ok it??s time to come clean. I??m turning 43 this year and i still got no license. For my 40th birthday my friends raised for my driving school and the licens, wich is pretty expensive in Germoney. My beautiful Girlfriend bought us a Bully van. Still don??t drive.
At the Age of 38 i took lessons. failed theory test twice.






i just hate it.
should I stick with the public transport?

Strut, tell me what to do.

CousinLarry

I hate driving. I hate cars, I wish I still lived in a city with decent public transit. v

Good luck on your test NZ, I failed the first time before I even finished backing out of the spot. I forgot to put the e brake down and started backing up. Guy told me, "stop the car, pull back in, you fail for the day." Face-palm.

The_Hook_Up

My girl is 32 and has never driven either. She finishes grad school this May and more than likely will work in the hospital/medical district and will need to get a car. Thing is, when she applied for a simple TN ID card when she moved here, they messed up and accidently issued her a DL...so she doesn't have to take the test...but still has to learn how to drive. We decided to go with a professional driving school, because my teaching her would be frightening, for me!

disco_che

cadeaux said:

Ok ok it??s time to come clean. I??m turning 43 this year and i still got no license.

43!!!!! Really????
Dude you look like ten years younger.
I'd say as long as you stay where you are right now save the money and go by tram/u-bahn/bus. Public tranport is great in Munich.
It's just a good look when you're going on holiday with the Bulli van if your girl don't has to drive all alone.
I made my licanse at 19 but never owned a car since then. Still being able to drive has been useful (rented cars, trucks for moving, can-I-borrow-your-car related).

tokyobeats

all too many familiarities for me too here!
nearly 34 and got my theory (L plates) back in the day (late at around 18yo).....never got around to the full license!
still have no interest in really getting a car, or experiencing the burden that it seems to bring.
like others, have seen the negative effects with my brother wasting alot of cash on cars, friends having been in serious accidents and the chore of it all.
my 2 cents is to go with your gut, and living centrally (as do I), make it work for you! the kids should understand your choice and the wife having a license and driving, so much as she is cool with that, should make it an easy decision
you'll make it work somehow, seems like youve managed ok up to now.....no need for change
no need to force yourself into situations your not comfortable ;) hope that helps

Ricky Forcefield

I'm 33 and I still can't drive. Only ever lived in London or places where you can bop everywhere. I need to bite the bullet and learn but I am also absolutely terrified. Like you, I am convinced I will kill either my own kids or someone else's.

In addition I don't like the idea of feeling like bursting into tears as I stall and some 17 year old oik is beeping and cursing me.

asstro

I'm 41 and don't have a license either. Like a lot of lifelong NYC residents it was just never a priority as I could do pretty much everything I needed to do without a car. My wife is pressing me to learn as we have 3 kids and it would be a big help, there just aren't enough hours in the day to fit in driving school right now. We are thinking about leaving the city soon, which will probably force me to learn, but I'm not super worried about learning, I'm not planning to become a long haul driver.

DB_Cooper

Whattup A***! I paid most of my way through driving school when I was 15, but couldn't afford the final payment, so I didn't take road lessons. As a result, I let things slide, and didn't get my license until I was about 23. It's definitely nerve-wracking???until you get an intuitive feel for the size of your vehicle, relative deceleration times at various speeds, etc, you're always going to be on edge. The good part is, the intuitive element will come, you'll become completely comfortable after a while, and you'll be a much more observant and skilled driver than those who learned when they were 15 or 16 because as an adult, you actually read the whole damn driving manual and take care to adopt proper habits (like using your turn signals) that younger drivers tend to disregard and usually never end up adopting.

Stay focused, my dude. It'll come.

Frank

Feeling anxiety about driving is normal.
It's one of the most dangerous things to do. I don't know the statistics but I'm sure that the likenliness of you killing, maiming or injuring yourself and others when getting behind the wheel is something that anybody with a brain should consider. Being aware of this will only make you a better and more attentive driver.

I spent most of my adult life in big cities and most times didn't have a car. It's just wy too expensive for the few occasions I'd use it but I think having a license and being able to rent a car and hit the road anytime you want is very important.
There are only few things are more fun and rewarding than going on a long road trip.

By the way, I fell through my driving examn twice before finally making it on the third try. Only because I was nervous as hell. Maybe pop a valium beforehand.


... just kidding!

dj_cityboy

i got my beginners/learners license back when i was 18 after my moms was pushing me to get it "oh it will do you good and help you get a job" type ish, once i got my learners license my mom told me that she would never let me take the car even with friends of mine that had their license...so i didnt see the point, i was like 18 lived at home and worked for $800 a month, so there was no way i was going to buy a car, plus there were records and recording gear that need to be bought and paint which was waaaaay more important then driving imho. and i lived fairly close to everything and anything that i would have needed and was a big walker not because i had to but because i enjoyed walking a lot and carrying a marker helped as well.

flash to Oct 2010 - after me buying a car 3 yrs ago and paying for it and letting my girl drive it (as shes the only one with the license) and prograstating for years and years, i got my learners license again....although i like driving, i dont know how much i like driving...people on the streets are fuct, they drive like maniacs and like NZ said its frightening to know your driving around in a huge chunk of metal that fast on like 8 lane highways going 110...forget being responsible for kids at the same time, but thats another thing on yer mind all the time.

i was in 3 car accidents a while back all of which were in the winter time, so snow driving or just driving this time of year makes me super paranoid, with people who cant or dont use turning signals, or look over their shoulder before blasting into the next lane...the only thing that i have going for me now is that i am more mature then i was when i was 18 which i find makes me a MORE cautious driver, but it sux that i waited until i was 36 to do this again, its tough when you have kids as well which is totally understandable, if things like "Drivers Ed/Defensive Driving" courses werent so pricey i would take one, they are $600 here and i see the benefit and value of what i would learn, but its just to much at this point.

sad thing is you have to worry more about what other people are doing then what you are doing...once you get more comfortable with it all the paranoia will go away (at least i hope) at least it damn well better..lol

gravelheadwrap

This is a very interesting thread, I've been driving since I was eligible with no problem.

I had no idea what it's like for the Europeans. I knew it was different than getting your license in the US. Theory though? Am I taking this to be something way more than what it is?

I hate driving too, yet I drive everyday.

dj_cityboy

Am I taking this to be something way more than what it is?

we have shows called "Canada's Worst Driver" for a reason lol...

i am sure one will be coming your way soon...they (fuct drivers) seem to be everywhere...lol

Horseleech

I've been driving for 30+ years now and I still have the same approach I've always had - I try to be perfect at all times. I am constantly thinking of exactly how fast I'm going, where I am relative to other cars and all of my surroundings and what is going on ahead and behind me. Being a bike messenger in NYC helped hone this awareness, and when I say constant, I mean exactly that - I never space out ever and have developed the ability to be aware of multiple things at a time.

I know this sounds nerve-wracking in print, but taking this approach makes me very confident and relaxed behind the wheel, and I think driving any other way is irresponsible. The more aware you are the fewer unknowns there are and the fewer reasons to be nervous there are.

Learning to drive 'midlife' is difficult - I know several people who tried but couldn't get the hang of it. Taking a meticulous approach will help remove doubt, which is one of the biggest obstacles to driving safely and effectively.

On_the_Red_Clay

I'm with what Horseleech says: be consciously aware of your actions will help you relax.

Late driver here too: got my license at 28 after four tries. 5+ years later driving still isnt "normal", and i like it that way.... even though i have racked up around 10.000 km of experience.

Tip for Alan: find an instructor that suits your needs (for me this was a very strict bully that wasnt interested in small talk, forcing me to concentrate on my driving)

Kop op - ik weet dat je het in je hebt dude!

:-)

RC

SPlDEY

Strange conversation here man.

I can't imagine not wanting the Freedom/mobility. I'll drive whatever I can get my hands on Motorcycles, Cars. I'd love to fly an airplane one day. It's not even a conscious thought for me anymore.

Question for the non-drivers: Did you like to ride bicycles as a kid? Do you currently use Bicycles?

- spidey

nzshadow

SPlDEY said:

Strange conversation here man.

I can't imagine not wanting the Freedom/mobility. I'll drive whatever I can get my hands on Motorcycles, Cars. I'd love to fly an airplane one day. It's not even a conscious thought for me anymore.

Question for the non-drivers: Did you like to ride bicycles as a kid? Do you currently use Bicycles?

- spidey

Yeah, for most, driving is so ingrained, it must seem alien to be a non-driver.

As far as bikes, yes i rode, skated as well (sucked but skated nonetheless) and i now ride my bike probably more than anyone you know.

Amsterdam is amazing for cyclists, i drop the kids off in the morning on the bike then race around town. i love it and having lived here will always have a bike from now on.

I guess it must sound wierd, but there is a big differance.

dj_cityboy

SPlDEY said:

Question for the non-drivers: Did you like to ride bicycles as a kid? Do you currently use Bicycles?

- spidey

i used to ride BMX back when i was younger until i was 16ish or so.....4 years ago i got another flatland BMX, it gave me the ability to burn around town again. but you cant bring groceries home on a BMX and driving a bike in this city even with bike lanes is almost just as crazy as driving a car....mad props to people who bike daily..

cadeaux

SPlDEY said:

Strange conversation here man.

I can't imagine not wanting the Freedom/mobility. I'll drive whatever I can get my hands on Motorcycles, Cars. I'd love to fly an airplane one day. It's not even a conscious thought for me anymore.

Question for the non-drivers: Did you like to ride bicycles as a kid? Do you currently use Bicycles?

- spidey

That??s funny, because I feel free NOT having to drive on my own. I like Public transport, ride the Bike, and I??m pretty well organised in getting from A to B to C. Driving is stress to me, and standing on crowded Streets alone in a car is just a waste of lifetime to me.
Plus I pay less money for my mobility than having a car, but I use Taxis a lot.

Almond

I envy those of you who don't have to drive due to access to public transportation. I got my licence in CA when I was 16.

I used to bike everywhere, but after moving to another city, I now drive 10 hours a week.

As for fear, it's better to be a little afraid than over-confident behind the wheel, IMO. If I can do it, so can you.

LokoOne

Hehehehe.... damn this thread makes me feel a bit more normal. Im 32 an finally got my Learners permit, and with some lessons hoping to have my Probationary licence.

Same story as any of you guys, got my L's several time in my late teens early 20s but only used it for ID sake. Never really went after my licence cus I had no car or money to get one at the time, I lived near my work, I got around on trains well or scabbed rides with friends.

When I met my gf, she has two kids and asked me to get my licence so i could help out and if there was ever any emergency. i dragged my feet for ages, but Im on it now. I did tell her though, that once I get my licence I wont be driving with the kids in the car at first....cus I dont want that responsibility until Im comfortable behind the wheel.

Im not so scared abolut me driving bad...Im worried about all the other idiots out there driving. And the road rage.

So fellow old fart non licence holding strutters...shall we hold a wager to see who gets their licence first? :-)

pimlicosquirrel

I got my licence the day I turned 15 and moved out of my parents home immediately after. I'll always equate it to a feeling of freedom, I went on to collect as many licences as i could because I was so excited about the prospects of being allowed to do these things. Like "shit they gonna let me shoot guns and ride motorbikes if i sit some measly test.......... hails yes."

Anyway, think of it as freeing move not a fearful one......and good luck.

Tabasko

nzshadow said:

The thought of being responsible for my kids whist navigating a hunk of metal travelling at speed in a cluster of other speeding hunks of metal scares the living shit out of me

Dude, don't be scurred. I do this everyday.
For me it helped to realize that it's in the other cars interest to avoid hitting you just as much as the other way around.

fejmelba

Tabasko said:

nzshadow said:

The thought of being responsible for my kids whist navigating a hunk of metal travelling at speed in a cluster of other speeding hunks of metal scares the living shit out of me

Dude, don't be scurred. I do this everyday.
For me it helped to realize that it's in the other cars interest to avoid hitting you just as much as the other way around.

hmmm ok, dit is n land waar je toch altijd in de file staat.

en Alan, stel je niet zo aan mietje!!!!

leon

34, no license yet, prolly the same reason (fear)... actually i can also be anxious when in the shotgun seat and driving top speed on the highway. Man, these cars run at devil's speed! NOT NATURAL! lol.