Letters to Things People
DOR
Two Ron Toe 9,905 Posts
Dear Sticker Upon My Office Wall,
Oh how I worry about the things you say. Even though I???m in a medical science building, I can???t help but worry every time I look and see your warning of ???Asbestos Above Ceiling. Authorized Access ONLY???. I figure it must be safe, since there are doctors working all over this building. But it still makes me wonder if I should run out of the building and not ever return. If I ever die from Asbestos, I will come back and haunt this structure of higher medical education.
Yours in fear, but still workin??? cause of the decent pay,
Billy
Dear Watch,
You are my pride and joy. I depend on you so much to keep me on time. I just might have to name my first son after you. Tag P***** might sound a touch odd, but then I don???t really care. Of course, my future wife might not be in agreement??? While I love everything about you, I hate the fact that you stop ticking when I???m not wearing you for a day. I should really go out and buy you one of those sweet enclosures that will always keep you going! I really wish I had some extra cash lying around so I could buy you a friend. Don???t worry??? One day!
Yours truly,
Billy
Dear Scarlett Johansson,
You are absolutely breathtaking and have moved up to the top of my celebrity fantasy file! I can first remember you from such films as ???North??? and ???The Horse Whisperer???. But it wasn???t until ???Ghost World??? that I thought you were a good actress. You were excellent in a fav movie of mine (LIT) and seeing you on the weekend in ???The Island??? all I can say is ???DAAMMN??? gurl??? The movie wasn???t the best, but it started off in the right direction. It just kinda took off into something I thought was boring and dull. Plz feel free to mesmerize me in all your future releases.
Yours truly,
Billy
Dear Poster of the "Francine Mcgee - Delirium original 12' version" track,
I can't remember who put this up, but thank you none the less. I'm enjoying the track right now and it's making my day go by smoothly (Even with the sticker thing from my first letter).
Thx HEAPS,
Billy
Side note:
My good friend Katie just got a new puppy. Congrats gurl!
Oh how I worry about the things you say. Even though I???m in a medical science building, I can???t help but worry every time I look and see your warning of ???Asbestos Above Ceiling. Authorized Access ONLY???. I figure it must be safe, since there are doctors working all over this building. But it still makes me wonder if I should run out of the building and not ever return. If I ever die from Asbestos, I will come back and haunt this structure of higher medical education.
Yours in fear, but still workin??? cause of the decent pay,
Billy
Dear Watch,
You are my pride and joy. I depend on you so much to keep me on time. I just might have to name my first son after you. Tag P***** might sound a touch odd, but then I don???t really care. Of course, my future wife might not be in agreement??? While I love everything about you, I hate the fact that you stop ticking when I???m not wearing you for a day. I should really go out and buy you one of those sweet enclosures that will always keep you going! I really wish I had some extra cash lying around so I could buy you a friend. Don???t worry??? One day!
Yours truly,
Billy
Dear Scarlett Johansson,
You are absolutely breathtaking and have moved up to the top of my celebrity fantasy file! I can first remember you from such films as ???North??? and ???The Horse Whisperer???. But it wasn???t until ???Ghost World??? that I thought you were a good actress. You were excellent in a fav movie of mine (LIT) and seeing you on the weekend in ???The Island??? all I can say is ???DAAMMN??? gurl??? The movie wasn???t the best, but it started off in the right direction. It just kinda took off into something I thought was boring and dull. Plz feel free to mesmerize me in all your future releases.
Yours truly,
Billy
Dear Poster of the "Francine Mcgee - Delirium original 12' version" track,
I can't remember who put this up, but thank you none the less. I'm enjoying the track right now and it's making my day go by smoothly (Even with the sticker thing from my first letter).
Thx HEAPS,
Billy
Side note:
My good friend Katie just got a new puppy. Congrats gurl!
Comments
I wish oyu'd be nicer to me. I've waited years to finally be able to be in your company and now that I'm old enough you're playing hard to get. I promise not to abuse you and if you stick by me I'll treasure you deeply. Let be friends ok?
-Adam Klein (College Senior)
Dear Job,
I love you, I'm still stuck in the mindstate of working at a shitty record store and coming in to you everyday I feel so happy. Why can't all jobs be more like you? Thanks for giving me the ability to earn better money, meet low-level celebrities and surf the internet.
-Mr. Klein
Dear girl sitting on the other side of the building,
You know we gonna be going out this weekend. Brace yasself girl. Kareoke and clubs is the lick
-Young Adam
Dear folks angry with me.
Y'all are too hung up on your hang ups. Pretty sad, life ain't for getting pissed over. Someday we'll all be free.
-Adam
those paws looked photoshoopped, or CG, like they're from those "piggybank" video stills.
Please let plenty of crackheads bring in a lot of dope records and electronics for me to buy for cheap. It would all go to good use. A new watch and pistol would be useful too.
thanks in advance,
Heath Sweat
How come you fuck with my head so much. I want to chill and let things develop in smooth and effective manner. Instead, you start talking crazy shit in my head like "Bitch, shut the fuck up. I know that you want me to write a note to all the other tennants telling them that they cannot recycle cardboard in the recycling center but it ain't gonna happen cause I gots tons of other things to do like fixing all of these broke ass screendoors and barkdusting the courtyard. Why don't you take you stupid sensitive artist ass self for a walk and sandwich" and that makes people unhappy. I wish there were some sort of serenity prayer I could recite when I feel your greasy mitts around my throat.
Dr Screendoor Fixer
Dear Northern Italy,
Sorry I haven't been around as much lately but I still love you. Please stay away from Italian Switzerland, those guys are shady.
Il Doctore
Dear Football helmut worn in M*A*S*H (the Movie) football game,
I'm not really into movie collectibles but when I was wathcing the movie the other night I couldn't stop thinking how cool you would look on my mantle. Are you still around or did you get painted over when they made North Dallas Forty?
Doctor Pierce
Praise the effing Lord, after almost 12 solid months of looking, I got a job that I am excited about. Of the 100+ jobs that I have applied for, this is the one that I wanted the most. I almost can't believe it. And health insurance too! Haven't had that in well over a year.
thanks again,
Marc
Dear old job and bosses that get shadier by the day:
God, I can't wait to leave. Thanks for the reference though.
Marc
Please fill up soon so that I may take advantage of the wonder that is SS Set Sales.
Love,
Chr*st*ph*r
I need to remember that I should stay away from you if I want to stay awake - especially at weddings when there are 50 cameras around.
shit.
Audrey
Classic...
awake or passed out?
please continue with your eyebrows and back hair, when you shave your head again this morning. also, please use toothpaste today... or scope or something. when my girlfriend comes in to bring me breakfast every now and then, she doesn't like it when you try to hug her and would prefer that you just stay sleeping at your desk. she thinks you are a creepy waste, just like i do. hope this finds you well. xo. -matt
i'd like to think it was more like a power nap maybe 15 minutes long. but it was enough time for there to be many many pictures taken
I know you're feelin' kinda down and out lately. It must be hard, what with iPods and other mp3 based portables talkin down to you all the time. But don't worry, I still love you. I know I let that tiny screw fall out from the left side of your body, but it seemed like you still worked perfectly. Then the other screw below it fell out too - that was my bad - and I have to be careful when I close you. But really... this just makes me take more time to love and care you!! I know, I know... it's been a while since I put some fresh music on disc for you, but I been meaning to do it for a while. This week I swear. Please don't break and leave me now though, because I don't have the money to replace you. One Love.
Kyle
Oh, yum.
Dear weather,
Please please please do not rain tomorrow. I took the day off tomorrow and am supposed go to the beach with my super-duper dreamiest dreamboat in dreamland BF tomorrow and we will picnic and drink beer and smoke things and swim unless it rains and then I will inevitably end up at a dusty record store by myself which is fine, but it ain???t no day at the beach with my man.
Dear Lowdown by Boz Scaggs,
Sometimes you bore me, sometimes you thrill me. Right now, you are thrilling me.
Dear Micha??lle Jean,
You make me happy to live in Canada and lady, you are inspiring.
new Governor General
Dear SonicReducer,
The Black Gun 45 arrived today! I Thank You and my stereo speakers thank you, but I can almost guarantee that my neighbours will not be thanking you.
Love, hugs and kisses,
missB