Relationship Strut: How to Get Rid of an Ex
Almond
1,427 Posts
Nothing I've tried works, so school me, please.
My ex and I ended things about 1.5 years ago. It was a bad relationship and a nasty, lengthy breakup that ended with both of us calling the cops on the other. We were both young and stupid and looking back, there were red flags every step of the way. We were simply incompatible and fought all the time. Blah, blah, you've seen it before. I've moved on to better things.
The problem is, the Ex is hung up on me, and it hasn't gotten better over time. He was hung up on the girl before me, too, so I guess he just doesn't get over shit. He calls me periodically and texts me. He talks about me to other people, which has created awkward moments with mutual acquaintances. He got this older woman he was seeing to send me emails about how much he still cares and shit. He refers to me as his "best friend" when I'm not even in his life. We've talked on the phone a handful of times since the breakup (stupid me), and each time I just end up yelling, while he keeps up his disillusionment. He's been trying to contact me a lot lately, but I've been ignoring it. I finally texted back "stop bothering me." It didn't work, and I just got 3 more random texts.
Ignoring it doesn't seem to be helping and I'm frustrated. I don't want to think about this anymore, but I just can't seem to get away from it. This is just annoying as hell and I don't want to waste another 1.5 years of my life being irritated by this shit.
I know I can block his number and email, BUT WHAT DOES A PERSON NEED TO HEAR TO GET OVER SHIT?
My ex and I ended things about 1.5 years ago. It was a bad relationship and a nasty, lengthy breakup that ended with both of us calling the cops on the other. We were both young and stupid and looking back, there were red flags every step of the way. We were simply incompatible and fought all the time. Blah, blah, you've seen it before. I've moved on to better things.
The problem is, the Ex is hung up on me, and it hasn't gotten better over time. He was hung up on the girl before me, too, so I guess he just doesn't get over shit. He calls me periodically and texts me. He talks about me to other people, which has created awkward moments with mutual acquaintances. He got this older woman he was seeing to send me emails about how much he still cares and shit. He refers to me as his "best friend" when I'm not even in his life. We've talked on the phone a handful of times since the breakup (stupid me), and each time I just end up yelling, while he keeps up his disillusionment. He's been trying to contact me a lot lately, but I've been ignoring it. I finally texted back "stop bothering me." It didn't work, and I just got 3 more random texts.
Ignoring it doesn't seem to be helping and I'm frustrated. I don't want to think about this anymore, but I just can't seem to get away from it. This is just annoying as hell and I don't want to waste another 1.5 years of my life being irritated by this shit.
I know I can block his number and email, BUT WHAT DOES A PERSON NEED TO HEAR TO GET OVER SHIT?
Comments
Can this be done? I wanted to do this once years ago but was told I could either block all or none. (Phone-wise, not email.)
Other than that, obviously nothing you can say will stop him from trying. You NEED to cut him off COMPLETELY. Do not respond no matter what he says or does. A restraining order might scare him off. I don't know how those work exactly, but I would think you'd need a damn good reason to file one. I know this is harassment, but is it serious enough?
Really though, just walk away and don't look back. He'll probably get meaner and meaner in order to get some kind, ANY kind of reaction from you, but if you fall for that then you've given him exactly what he's looking for. Do not react AT ALL. Not even a "f*ck off." If your friends try to discuss him or what he's said about you, change the conversation and politely ask them not to talk to you about them. EVER. Trust me, if those friends are willing to talk or even listen to what he's saying about you, then they are most likely gonna let him know what your reaction is when his name is brought up. If you're pressing them for details on what he's saying, then they'll tell him and in his twisted mind, you're still interested in what he's got to say. It's always a challenge trying to balance friendships with those people who are both your friend and his. You'll have to be very careful who you divulge personal info to because you never know who will go running back to tell him. Same goes for social networking. Be careful what your statuses say or at least hide them from people that know him. People LOVE to inject themselves in other peoples' business and anything you say on there could somehow get back to him. I assume you've already blocked him and/or have all your privacy features in place? If not, do so ASAP.
Hope this helps.
It's all a thinly-veiled protection racket that men have been running since the beginning of time, and once you're caught up in it (read: born a woman), it's hard to get out.
A clean break is needed.
No matter what he says, what he does, ignore him. not even the word "No." no final email, no explanation, no fucking nothing, its over.
you see as soon as you talk with him, you are in a conversation, you do not want this, you want him gone.
move on, he does not exist.
and do yourself a favor and check out pipl.com, search for yourself and close any open doors.
if you have to use fucking facebook, try to take some serious time away as he will be monitoring your every move.
if you are unsure of how to lock your facebook down (privacy is a minefield on that site) use this free app that will alert you to any security gaps and let you one-click fix them: http://www.reclaimprivacy.org/
twitter, flickr, four square, facebook, picasa etc, LOCK EM DOWN.
change your number, block his email and report him to the cops.
you mentioned that you have both previously called the boys in blue on each other, this is a good thing becuse if dude decides to get creepy, you will have a record of his behavior that will help your case.
A clean break girl. question your choice of friends if they remain loyal to a guy who is starting to act like this too, it might be worth cleaning house there as well.
Oh my.
Dont respond to his texts. Get a new phone number.
Dont try to communicate or be on that understanding shit. Ur past that shit by now.
He WANTS engagement. Deprive him of that shit.
There is nothing you can SAY at this point to magically make it stop.
Dude needs time and you need some Harry Potter reading guy friends to man up if need be.
Does he have records?
I also can't tell if you feel uncomfortable and threatened or just annoyed and put-out.
If it's the latter, I don't really know what to tell you other than ignore it and do what you???ve been doing, not responding at all.
If it???s the former, then you???ll have to be more vigilant:
You also need to start keeping track of when he has tried to contact you and how you responded.
If he shows up in person, do not get into a conversation with him. Tell him to leave you alone and not to contact you, not to use other people to contact you and walk away.
If tries to see you again, then take your record of events to the cops, not for another call, but to ask what you should do. They will have people on staff who deal with this kind of thing. And if you don???t want to do the cop thing again, go to a women???s health centre and ask who you can talk to.
Either way, they will have way better information and advice than a bunch of record nerds.
inspire yourself:
hopefully he's not someone who will escalate to some next level stalking with violent possibilities. if he is, jus tbe aware and plan accordingly. hopefully, he's not that type. i dont think and hope you dont need to find a new new boyfriend/bodyguard just for the sake of protection from this dude. but if he starts popping up in the flesh, you may want to clue in some guy friends.
dont you live in nyc?
what about.....
[image]http://www.comicbookmovie.com/images/users/uploads/14935/BatmanAccent2.jpg[/image]
have someone beat his ass just for the time of your's he's wasted. should have been done long ago.
2) MAKE OUT WITH ASIAN DELIVERY MAN IN STAIRCASE WHILE HE WATCHES
3)CALL BULLET -TOOTH
Explain that and it adds closure and gives direction.
Peace
lilmonstu
Do not engage him in any way, shape or form. If he's not a psycho he will finally get the point and leave you alone. More than likely when he hooks up with the next person. If he is a psycho, log all contact and restraining order.
Plastic sheets + abandoned row houses + nail gun-R.
Apart from that you just gotta block block block. Block him on your phone, facebook, chat, everything.
Don't tell him, don't explain why.. just do it. Its the only thing you can do at this point.
Every single bit of contact with him you have is some little rationalisation in his wierd mind that you're not over him so you gotta cut every single thing to prove for damn sure that he has no chance.
Harsh, but fair to both of you.
young girls asking SS for advice.
Really? With the exception of a few jokesters I thought we all gave great advice.
this statement works so well with your current avatar.
I don't know whether to be impressed by your memory, or alarmed by your ability to hold a grudge. Let it go, I was only making fun. In real life, I'm harmless and kind of dumb.