Oliver I wasn't intentionally tracing words back to you; but the gist I have gotten upthread is a sort of self-satisfied pride at not spending any money. The advice I would give to analog_tape is that to me, the money wasn't even important. We set a budget, but $100 or $10,000 wasn't the issue.
This is (ideally) a once in a lifetime event... I happen to have paid for my portion of it with two year's worth of doing wedding gigs. It was a sacrifice to be sure, but not one I would've made to - using your example - buy a car. It's not like I took out a bank loan. I also flew myself a few places with the miles I accrued on ye olde credit card.
I guess all of this is just to say that you are exactly right, it's all about you and your guests being happy and enjoying themselves and that has no price tag. But I don't give someone props or congrats for saving money on their wedding like it was car insurance!
Fact is you're going to be in the 20-30k range for a half decent wedding.
All respect due but it all depends on what you mean by "half decent."
If you're going to go the route of having a conventional wedding, by which I mean, "shit you see in popular culture," then yeah, it's going to be expensive. I mean, there's a reason why the wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar one; people expect to pay a heavy chunk of change and there's a gazillion different vendors out there clamoring to get a piece of it.
But when you get away from the boilerplate "fairytale" wedding, there's just a lot of different ways to do it. Some are expensive, many are not, at all. It all depends on what you want your wedding to be like.
Real talk: I've been to a lot of those weddings - more than I care to remember. The vast majority of them were - from an attendee's point of view - dull, even tedious. The amount spent on the wedding didn't make a difference at all.
I do think the size of the wedding is more determinant than price; the bigger you get, the more likely you have to concede to certain conventions. A good wedding - from an attendees point of view - is based largely on the chemistry of the collected guests and for real: that's pretty fucking hard to achieve in many cases when you're mixing people you *need* to invite vs. people you *want* to invite. With my wedding, we happily agreed: no extended family. We had a separate banquet for that which made them happy. And we got to have a small wedding of all friends plus our immediate family and that made us happy. Win-win.
This reminds me: one of the best "bigger" weddings I've been to was Justin's. It was a big mix of friends and family, but the energy was just good. My only regret is that I had to leave early to get my then-infant daughter home for bed. I'm assuming their wedding wasn't cheap but it wasn't the money that made it good.
you're right. i should clarify by saying that you can have a half decent wedding no matter what you pay. i just meant if you want to have a stereotypical wedding (nice venue, good food and drink, good photographer), you're going to end up in that range for a guest list of 150+. the guest list is definitely the determining factor in terms of cost.
I want to use this thread to cry about cheap ass couples who ask you to DJ their wedding then balk at your price. I'm a cheap wedding DJ, I charge $600. Most people have been cool with that but sometimes I get an exasperated "but were on a budget" shit...sorry but I expect to be paid as much as you paid for the friggn centerpieces.
Nothing better than helping to make your wife-to-be's dreams come true.
[/corn]
I suspect that's only corny to someone who doesn't know how it feels. My fianc?e has a few "musts" for our wedding and I'll do whatever I can to make them happen for her, whether they appeal to me or not.
Right now we're in the process of prioritizing which expenses to pay for without question and which ones we can cut corners on. Having connections to photographers, DJs, designers, etc. is invaluable. We'll most likely be having it on a nice piece property belonging to friends of my family and we're limiting it to close friends and family (fewer than 100, ideally). Where I think we'll spend the most money, aside from dress/suit expenses, is catering. I think the quality food and drink can make a huge difference in the guests' level of enjoyment.
One rule of thumb that we obeyed, and this is obviously different depending on the setting, is people don't eat, or at least remember, food at weddings. There's a lot of making it from table to table, and dancing, and talking, and drinking... people generally spend a ton on food so they can have a really nice few options on the menu but end up with picked-at, half-eaten plates when people jump up to hit the dancefloor or move around to talk to their friends or congratulate the couple or what have you.
Whereas, unless you have a particularly dry set of friends/relatives... don't skimp on booze. People go to weddings to drink for free. It may sound cynical but it's the truth.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Whereas, unless you have a particularly dry set of friends/relatives... don't skimp on booze. People go to weddings to drink for free. It may sound cynical but it's the truth.
The same applies to university's/companies' receptions at research conferences. Open bar is what's up, and folks are still talking about my academic department's party at the Academy of Management Conference from a few years ago (held at some nice restaurant/bar with good food too). Booze brings the masses together regardless of context.
Oliver I wasn't intentionally tracing words back to you; but the gist I have gotten upthread is a sort of self-satisfied pride at not spending any money.
Naw, that wasn't my intention at all. I was just trying to point out that asking about how much a wedding costs is hard to answer because those costs vary incredibly; there's no "average" price. I'm not "proud" at what my wedding went for. (I am glad, however, it didn't cost so much since we were also new parents.) But since the question was about cost, I think it's relevant to note that weddings do not have to be inherently expensive affairs even though the majority of them have gone in that direction.
I don't begrudge what people spend on weddings so long as they're getting what they want out of it. That said, I do think it kind of sucks when people spend a grip on a wedding and everyone involved is mad stressed; I've seen that happen too many times.
But I don't give someone props or congrats for saving money on their wedding like it was car insurance!
Geico Weddings: 15 minutes could save you $15,000 or more!
Maybe that says something about me, because I generally remember food I've had at weddings if it's good.
I would just cosign that the quality of food is, to me, secondary. I guess it depends though; when my sister in law got married, she had her friend cater it but she also hired the In N Out truck to set up outside the house. That was great, I thought, since you could eat fancy or you could eat burgers but either way, you had good food options. But outside of something like that, if the steak or chicken you offer isn't up to 3 star quality, no one's really going to trip one way or another.
My #1 gripe about conventional weddings is that they're overly scheduled. Everything has a set time or place and that kind of regimentation doesn't remind me of a good party. It reminds me of flying on an airplane and being told when you can or can't do things. So personally, the weddings I like best are the ones that are more freeform in structure (i.e. like a party).
if you are paying for it yourself, and not ballin' out of control, then my advice would be to do something creative and unconventional. the only rule is to have free alcohol. if that's covered, and its a relatively young crowd, nothing else matters. people will have fun.
Comments
This is (ideally) a once in a lifetime event... I happen to have paid for my portion of it with two year's worth of doing wedding gigs. It was a sacrifice to be sure, but not one I would've made to - using your example - buy a car. It's not like I took out a bank loan. I also flew myself a few places with the miles I accrued on ye olde credit card.
I guess all of this is just to say that you are exactly right, it's all about you and your guests being happy and enjoying themselves and that has no price tag. But I don't give someone props or congrats for saving money on their wedding like it was car insurance!
you're right. i should clarify by saying that you can have a half decent wedding no matter what you pay. i just meant if you want to have a stereotypical wedding (nice venue, good food and drink, good photographer), you're going to end up in that range for a guest list of 150+. the guest list is definitely the determining factor in terms of cost.
I suspect that's only corny to someone who doesn't know how it feels. My fianc?e has a few "musts" for our wedding and I'll do whatever I can to make them happen for her, whether they appeal to me or not.
Right now we're in the process of prioritizing which expenses to pay for without question and which ones we can cut corners on. Having connections to photographers, DJs, designers, etc. is invaluable. We'll most likely be having it on a nice piece property belonging to friends of my family and we're limiting it to close friends and family (fewer than 100, ideally). Where I think we'll spend the most money, aside from dress/suit expenses, is catering. I think the quality food and drink can make a huge difference in the guests' level of enjoyment.
Whereas, unless you have a particularly dry set of friends/relatives... don't skimp on booze. People go to weddings to drink for free. It may sound cynical but it's the truth.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Naw, that wasn't my intention at all. I was just trying to point out that asking about how much a wedding costs is hard to answer because those costs vary incredibly; there's no "average" price. I'm not "proud" at what my wedding went for. (I am glad, however, it didn't cost so much since we were also new parents.) But since the question was about cost, I think it's relevant to note that weddings do not have to be inherently expensive affairs even though the majority of them have gone in that direction.
I don't begrudge what people spend on weddings so long as they're getting what they want out of it. That said, I do think it kind of sucks when people spend a grip on a wedding and everyone involved is mad stressed; I've seen that happen too many times.
Geico Weddings: 15 minutes could save you $15,000 or more!
I would just cosign that the quality of food is, to me, secondary. I guess it depends though; when my sister in law got married, she had her friend cater it but she also hired the In N Out truck to set up outside the house. That was great, I thought, since you could eat fancy or you could eat burgers but either way, you had good food options. But outside of something like that, if the steak or chicken you offer isn't up to 3 star quality, no one's really going to trip one way or another.
My #1 gripe about conventional weddings is that they're overly scheduled. Everything has a set time or place and that kind of regimentation doesn't remind me of a good party. It reminds me of flying on an airplane and being told when you can or can't do things. So personally, the weddings I like best are the ones that are more freeform in structure (i.e. like a party).
I know of weddings that were a complete bust because it was a cash bar.
Free booze = more fun memories
BYOB > cash bar.
Cash bar just telegraphs