Dear Miss Manners,

verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
edited March 2009 in Strut Central
I am in a bit of a 21st-century quandary and am in need of your advice.Recently, my younger brother broke up with a young lady he had been dating for the better part of two years. Everyone in our family liked her very much, so much so that we hoped that we would be hearing wedding bells in the near future. The pickle I find myself in is this: Today I received a Facebook friend request from this young lady. My brother has not been forthcoming about the reasons for or the details of their breakup, so we honestly do not know the nature of their relationship at this point in time. It doesn't appear to be particularly acrimonious, and my family and I are in no way angry with or resentful toward this young lady. Things just didn't work out. While I still have tremendous respect for her, I feel uncomfortable doing something even as simple and harmless as confirming her friend request. My brother is not a Facebook member, but he could be in the future. Could adding her to my friends list be a peace offering or is it a very subtle betrayal to my brother? Sincerely,Confused on the Computer in Chicago


  • Don't friend.

    This is the 21st century equivalent of trying to steal the friends after the breakup.
    If you were that tight, you'd have already been facebook friends.

  • SelinaKyle83SelinaKyle83 1,042 Posts
    Ask your bro!!
    He says no, don't do it. Says yes, go ahead.
    You can always delete her later on....

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    I have nearly 400 FB friends. Who the F cares?

  • GaryGary 3,982 Posts
    dude this exact same thing happened to me! last week!

  • DeegreezDeegreez 804 Posts
    F*ck a Facebook. Look at the retarded troubles it causes. The etiquette here is tough but she's probably hurting over losing him and your whole family so this seems clingy but maybe not? Cosine on asking your brother, he would appreciate the honesty and then maybe he might be inclined to open up about what went wrong, thereby informing your fb dilemma the better.

  • AlmondAlmond 1,427 Posts
    I have never in my 4 years of using Facebook run into the slightest problem because I was "friends" with the wrong person, but I have met many people who felt hurt by someone intentionally ignoring their friend requests. Would your brother be upset if you have said girl's phone number in your cell phone? Would he be upset if you saw her at the grocery store and decided to talk for 5 minutes? The latter would actually involve about 100x more human interaction than clicking "confirm friend request."

    Your brother, who does not even use Facebook, will probably be over her by the time he finds out. On the other hand, you will probably upset the girl if you ignore her friend request after you and your family have known her for a long time. Click "confirm" and honor the real-life friendship you've had, instead of ignoring the request *in case* your brother might be petty enough to be offended if and when he joins Facebook himself.

  • I am a late adopter to facebook, and find that my skepticism makes me more apt to friend people from SS (because I'm genuinely interested in your mixes and gigs) than most of my forgotten HS friends...

    Anyway, I bring this up because a friend who has also resisted the Facebook temptation until now said that he broke up with someone, she promptly facebooked all his friends who HAD joined, created an event and invited only his friends, and then told him to pound sand- they were HER friends now.

    No thanks... seems shady. Like I said, if you were friends, you'd be friends.

  • Options
    Let her know through fb that you like and respect her, but you have everyone's best interest in mind by not accepting her as a friend.

  • empanadamnempanadamn 1,462 Posts

  • SelinaKyle83SelinaKyle83 1,042 Posts
    poke the jaxy...........joikes...

  • Bro's before h...

  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    haha, thanks fellas.

    I don't really care. It's f*cking FaceBook. I got the email notification and showed it to my wife like "Oh shit, this is kinda awkward, right?" Mainly because we've been wondering just what the fusk is up with the two of them.

    My wife, after little deliberation, said "Ask Soulstrut!" So to humor her and for general shits and giggles, I did. I found it funny because this is a dilemma for people growing up in the internet age. As someone mentioned above, shit like this is probably high drama for a lot of kids. Like "who gets the Facebook friends in the breakup?"

    To be fair to her, I only joined FaceBook a week or so ago, so it's not like some "only trying to be friends with me after the breakup" shit.

    And after I posted my wife made me check back after 5 minutes of something. She's like "What? No responses?" Girl, Soulstrut is not a Magic 8-Ball, give it some time!

  • Lucious_FoxLucious_Fox 2,479 Posts
    Just because u confirmed her as your "friend" doesent mean your gonna really talk to her.

    Even if she sends you some message it doesnt mean u have to respond.

    Its doesnt mean shit.

    And u dont have to confim her, if you never spoke to her while she was w/ your brother.

    Plus....Love has no measurements, but 2 years aint all that....IMO.

    What if she wanted to "complain and vent"? Hear her out if you were cool for 2 years. If she was "family" no one should be asshurt for keeping an open ear for the woman. I wouldnt go out of the way, though.

  • GaryGary 3,982 Posts
    Is she hot?

  • dayday 9,612 Posts

  • bassiebassie 11,710 Posts
    Just because u confirmed her as your "friend" doesent mean your gonna really talk to her.

    ain't that the truth!

    A friend was miffed about how FB "friends" would ignore him in real life and it made me think, yea, what's that about? So I've begun to kick people off my list and it feels pretty good! Recent see-ya-laters include two people who stood less than a foot away from me in the same conversation and looked right through me - lol. And if you don't know who I am, then why are we on each other's list?

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