Trying to Get Along With a Co-worker
Garcia_Vega
2,428 Posts
I've been supervising this person for a little bit under a year now. We had a great working relationship when we started, I think mainly because I was working at another location due to space issues. So in October our whole department got moved to a new building and we are all together. Our relationship has been deteriorating ever since. Our fallout happened last month over the dumbest thing. The person has been working overtime so I asked to be emailed when they left so I could keep a record. Well apprently this turned into a big deal because they had never been asked to email before and why should they do it now. Well, as a supervisor I'm responsible for people's hours and I want to have a record in case anybody asks. We even had a small meeting about the overtime and other issues, and I though all was cool. Not a big deal right, well since then I've been getting the cold shoulder and silent treatment. I get a hello in the morning and any unavoidable work related question. Anything requring my authority is met with resentment. I don't know why I care about this, its not like I'm trying to be best friends with this person. I guess its just I dread seeing this person, working with them, and am tired of thsi attitude. Just makes the day all that less pleasant. This probably should've gone in the blog here post, but whatever, eat my shorts man. Any personal stories or advice is welcome.
Comments
I've been going through similar experiences in both roles over the past two years:
I'm essentially middle management and I oversee a few people. We've added a lot to we do daily here and it's added stress for virtually everyone. For one employee in particular, someone who I considered a friend outside of the office, it made almost impossible for her to meet her deadlines. The quality of her work also deteriorated to the point where it became easier for me to do it myself.
I tried my best to work on the issues with her and cut her some slack because of the increased responsibilities, but it didn't work. And it got to the point where covering up for her F*ck ups was creating an absurd amount of unpaid overtime for me -- talking being stuck her until like 1 a.m. regularly.
Eventually, we talked. The conversation didn't go well, but I learned that she felt I had become disrespectful in the way I spoke with her. I hadn't really considered that before because it was never intentional, nor drastically different from the way I dealt with other employees. We didn't make amends in that conversation, but over time, I worked to change my tone and make it clear that I understood what her issues with the new work were. As she's recognized this, she's made efforts to do better on her end. It's worked, by and large But the relationship is altered, perhaps irrevocably.
On the flip side, about a year ago, they replaced my immediate supervisor. They brought in a guy who had a drastically different management style and very few gifts in the people-skills department. We had a cold relationship from the jump, but it came to a head this past summer.
What I did was essentially start behaving like your boy there. "Hello," "Oh yeah, I did catch the Celtics game" and work-related questions are about all he'll get out of me. I'm fine with it, truthfully. I think he is as well.
I think you have to let it slide unless it's f*cking with your ability to do your job. Also, I'd just chalk it up to the fact that some people just don't get vibe well together.
Sorry for the novella.
I took over a department a little over two years ago. It was considered the worst department in our company. Basically there was no supervision, so people took 3 hour lunches and didn't do their work.
When I took over, they hated me. I made them clock in, I called them out when they were late and I basically supervised them. I got dirty looks, was bitched out on several occasions but I did not back down at all. Now of the 6 people who were in the department when I took over, two are still here. And two of the people were let go because they worked unapproved overtime. They got warnings and write-ups and it just never sunk in.
My current staff is great. They come to work and they do a damn good job. After a year and a half of hell my job is cake because my staff respects me and they do their job. Do they like me? I don't know and I don't think it matters.
The only way it ever improves is if we work on some project together outside of work, or do something fun outside of work together. The good times last about a week, and then it's back to the cold shoulder action. It's lame because he's worked there longer than I have, and gets most of his friends employed there. So it's middle-school clique antics. I just put my headphones on if it gets bad.
I would care, too, because it???s immature and causing tension where there doesn???t need to be. You???re doing your job and this person is acting like it???s a personal slight.
I would deal with it directly and ask "is everything OK with you" or "are you angry with me about soemthing?" If they say everythign is fine and continue to act like that, forget it, they are not worth the time and energy.
If they act dumb and ask what you mean, tell them straight-up you feel there is a change in the way they are treating you and if they still deny it, then see above (not worth your time).
If they tell you what???s what, then you can deal with it.
Maybe (hopefully) once you confront it, no matter the outcome, you will feel better about it. Speaking for myself, the thing that bugs me the most about these situations is the not knowing what???s going on and not dealing with it. Even if I don???t like what I find out, it???s easier to deal with and move on.
F*ck that kid. You should fire his ass and give him something to be sad about.
Hey: where do you work and what does this guy look like?
sounds familiar almost
ps THE_CORPORATIONS
Good luck!
Haha, I wish! Actually the person is a she not a he, and she is a great employee all things considered. She does great work and is on top of things, its just her attitude. I think it all stems from the fact that when I came in she had to train me on the project we are working on. I think she resents that I got this position and get paid more when she had to train me and walk me through a lot of things. I came from another department where we did things differently, so that's why she had to orient me on things. I got the position because I have been here three years, and she's just been here one year, although she got promoted about 5 months ago. Now that we are together and I supervise her she resents me for it. So its a bit of a deeper issue, just it blew up with the overtime stuff.
And Bassie, I've talked to her three times about the attitude and what's going, and each time we've had pleasant conversation where I explain myself and my expectations. They all seemed to go well, but right after its ice queen again. I'm resigned to it, it just sucks to come into work, but I don't let it affect what I'm doing. I don't expect anyone to be my best friend and I know not everyone is always going to like me, its just a shame we went from being fine to this.
I deal with this everyday, and can't emphasize enough how counterproductive it is to all involved.
Conforont things head on. Not in an angry way, but in an honest way.
I consider it progress that we all assumed that dramatic, catty behavior belonged to male and not a female.
Unfortunately for myself, the shop I work at is all guys, and trying to communicate is a sign of weakness.
Stupid.
So he's had a good relationship with you, and then you change that by (in his perception) not trusting him.
So you need to explain why your attitude/practices changed, even if it means admitting you were wrong in not imposing the regime while you were in separate buildings. Hey you just didn't think of it at the time, right?
And that your new regime is designed to protect both of your jobs in these financially straitened times by showing that you are doing your job in controlling costs, and proving that he is trustworthy.
I'd explain that even though it sucks, MY boss expects me to keep track of all overtime......then ask them how they would like to handle it.....if they are reluctant to come up with an answer give them the "choice close"....."What would be better for you, emailing me or having a time clock installed so you can punch in and out".
Once THEY make the decision it's pretty hard to be mad the boss.
This works with almost every work related issue I've come across.
Some people just don't like being told what to do.
The folks that work for me know the one thing they don't want to hear me say is...... "You're not gonna make me act like a boss are you?"......they usually come up with a solution pretty quick when they hear those words.
I've had the same problem. Their attitude sets a bad example for the other employees. It sucks.
I started with the emails because senior management said I had been too lax, but now that we were all together I had to "actively supervise her hours" to make sure they were making a significant impact on our project. I told her it wasn't a trust thing, etc etc blah blah blah. I've been over this with her twice already, I'm not trying to beat a dead horse.
Whatever, she resents me. I've been trying the whole killing with kindness thing, but I'm starting to get angry at the attitude, and might just begin micromanaging and asking for daily reports. I don't want to be that guy though. Really though I'll prbably have to sit her down again and have another talk. Althoguh she is going on vacation for a week, I'm thinking about letting it go and see how her attitude si when she comes back.
Honestly though, you've communicated with her effectively enough what the purpose of this is and why she needs to do it. It is not a major change and while I could see her being fussy about it for the first month or so, three months is far too long.
Yeah you're right, this has been going from about mid-November, it got better for a second but has deteriorated since then. Still I'm not saying we have to be best friends but be f*cking cordial you know.
Anyway, thanks soulstrut for hearing me out.
Working in management is the equivalent of babysitting adults.