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when the TP runs out...

tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
edited November 2008 in Strut Central
and you already dropped the bizness....b, 21what do YOU do?b, 21b, 21i usually waddle somewhere with my pants down until i find something usableb, 21b, 21a friend of mine took a dump at diplos house years ago and couldnt find TP. he used a sock that was on the floor and threw it in this hole in the wall behind the toilet. b, 21b, 21 img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bucs.gif" alt="" 21 img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ss.gif" alt="" 21
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  • RAJRAJ tenacious local 7,782 Posts
    I take a shower
  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    If there's paper towels nearby, I'll use that. Sparingly, of course. b, 21b, 21If I'm at home, no prob. Just holler at wifey. If I'm at work or elsewhere out of the home, I'll let my boxers hang low and pull up my pants as much as I can without "initiating contact" if you will. I'm usually just rocking jeans and a t-shirt, so I let the shirt hang down over the jury-rigged pants system. I wash my hands and coolly walk out, re-up, and return to the bathroom to finish the job. b, 21b, 21The most important thing is not to draw attention to yourself.
  • behemothbehemoth 2,189 Posts
    it is your job as a human to make sure there is enough TP for a session as well as a back up roll just in case...
  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21it is your job as a human to make sure there is enough TP for a session as well as a back up roll just in case... b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21 img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cos3ve.gif" alt="" 21 On a related note, has anyone ever "sharted" away from the crib? img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nagl2.gif" alt="" 21 and img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/bucs.gif" alt="" 21 It's amazing how quickly that feeling of "oh shit" comes over you when the gas feels "a little too warm to be gas." img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/oof.gif" alt="" 21 I had to leave my office in the testing room (my RA assignment as a grad student) because of that shit. I never got home and up to the bathroom so fast. Damn Taco Bell ranchero burrito!!!b, 21b, 21Also, anyone have stories about "Moog synthesizer stomach" (indigestion-related, indicating a massive need to take a shit) at the work site? I have to avoid eating cereal before going to work (Black folks lactose intolerance-related in my case).b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak
  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21it is your job as a human to make sure there is enough TP for a session as well as a back up roll just in case... b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21b, 21Yes, but the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. In other words, shit happens.
  • Deejay_OMDeejay_OM 695 Posts
    haha...I have a funn story about this. My close friends in college had a dude come in and do work in some room in their apt. One of my homeboys (infamous sleepyhead) is asleep/passed out, and apparently dude rolls into this room to use the bathroom...my homeboy kinda wakes up, but thinks it's his roommate....workerdude proceeds to blow it the f-bomb up...like literally...and then bounces...as he's leaving my friend rolls over and sees this dude exiting the bathroom...looking all guilty and shit...but, he gets up goes to class...b, 21b, 21later on....b, 21b, 21b, 21my other friend...his roommate comes home, and goes to use the bathroom to take a shower....he notices there is shit on the floor in front of the seat...he looks...it's next to the seat (all on the floor)...and there is shit everywhere basically...just little clumps. He looks in the toilet and it looks like clean inside (so dude at least flushed). He goes to talk to the roommate and asks wtf? Dude rolls in and is shocked...and tells him about the worker coming in...they are both heated. Then my friend goes to grab his towel for the shower...... img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ohmyer1.gif" alt="" 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21 b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21yep.....dude had wiped his ass with his towel, and placed it back so you wouldn't see it...wooow. img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nagl2.gif" alt="" 21
  • CosmoCosmo 9,768 Posts
    Wow.
  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21it is your job as a human to make sure there is enough TP for a session as well as a back up roll just in case... b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21b, 21Yes, but the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. In other words, shit happens. b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21If I'm in public, I will go from stall to stall until I find me some TP.b, 21b, 21In my travels, maybe one stall might be out, but hardly ever the whole room.
  • DeegreezDeegreez 804 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21a friend of mine took a dump at diplos house years ago b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Name drop and dookie drop in one postb, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21....."like i totally took a dump at bono's beach house while michael bolton looked on you guys"
  • behemothbehemoth 2,189 Posts
    it was my first day of intermediate accounting during my last semester of college and i had this professor for multiple classes and years...b, 21b, 21we know eachother but he is still a dick and knocks your grade down for leaving early or coming late or missing a day without a doctors note.b, 21b, 21so anyway like i said its the first day and before i got to class (it was a 3 hr night class) i had Mcdonalds. 2 double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu. with special sauce. a thing of fries and a large coke!b, 21b, 21about 2 hrs into the class my stomach starts rumbling on some "you better get up" shit! i try to silence it by not thinking about it but every 2 minutes i get that hardcore shit feeling where i feel like i can explode!!b, 21b, 21my stomach is rumbling so loud while we are doing worksheets that i have to make fake coughing sounds so people wont hear it!b, 21b, 21i have this thing about taking shits in public and am about to explode with a shit storm the size of the state of Texas so i am like screw thisb, 21b, 21i grabbed my books and run past the professor and just say "gotta go bye"b, 21b, 21i live about 25 mins away and made it in like 12 mins. i was going 90 in 40 mph zones just cuz i had to drop it!b, 21b, 21ran home and went upstairs and had one of those shits where all the diarrhea is on your balls and the dry spots on the porcelain. the kind where u hafta wipe yer ass cheeks up to your lower back cuz of the blow back!!b, 21b, 21then i took a shower and relaxed
  • sabadabadasabadabada 5,966 Posts
    I use the New York Times.
  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21b, 21about 2 hrs into the class my stomach starts rumbling on some "you better get up" shit! i try to silence it by not thinking about it but every 2 minutes i get that hardcore shit feeling where i feel like i can explode!!b, 21b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Yo Behemoth,b, 21b, 21This is an eerie feeling. It always seems to come at the most inopportune times (for me, a few minutes before class). At Milwaukee (haven't had to shit at Rutgers yet, thank goodness), I would run to the 3rd floor bathroom where few people "go," in the last stall farthest from the door, and wait until the coast is clear. Personally, I find it embarassing to hear cats squirting, moanin', and "aaaahing" in the stalls while I take a piss at the urinal. I like the joint to be empty before I lower the "BOOM," immediately followed by an "aaaaaaahhhh." I hate the public bathroom Scot-Tissue crap though, they need to stock the Cottonelle on those occasions.b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak
  • behemothbehemoth 2,189 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21b, 21about 2 hrs into the class my stomach starts rumbling on some "you better get up" shit! i try to silence it by not thinking about it but every 2 minutes i get that hardcore shit feeling where i feel like i can explode!!b, 21b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Yo Behemoth,b, 21b, 21This is an eerie feeling. It always seems to come at the most inopportune times (for me, a few minutes before class). At Milwaukee (haven't had to shit at Rutgers yet, thank goodness), I would run to the 3rd floor bathroom where few people "go," it the last stall farthest from the door, and wait until the coast is clear. Personally, I find it embarassing to hear cats squirting, moanin', and "aaaahing" in the stalls while I take a piss. I like the joint to be empty before I lower the "BOOM," immediately followed by an "aaaaaaahhhh." I hate the public bathroom Scot-Tissue crap though, then need to stock the Cottonelle on those occasions.b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21shit at work right now i still have the problem where i need to have the bathroom clear before i can let go...b, 21b, 21i sit down and just wait. i hear people farting all loud and breathing heavy and pushing and i am like "i know its life but i cant do that with people around"b, 21b, 21so i just wait and wait and waitb, 21b, 21then i let loose
  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21Personally, I find it embarassing to hear cats squirting, moanin', and "aaaahing" in the stalls while I take a piss. I like the joint to be empty before I lower the "BOOM," immediately followed by an "aaaaaaahhhh." b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Why?b, 21b, 21When you're behind that stall door, you are totally anonymous. You can't see them and they can't see you and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and it's not like you're gonna stick around to see who that was moaning (they're probably gonna deny it or pass the buck to someone else anyway)! So if you feel the need to start "Moanin'" like Lambert, Hendricks & Ross, or even Sylvia singin' "Pillow Talk," go ahead and do it!!!
  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21Personally, I find it embarassing to hear cats squirting, moanin', and "aaaahing" in the stalls while I take a piss. I like the joint to be empty before I lower the "BOOM," immediately followed by an "aaaaaaahhhh." b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Why?b, 21b, 21When you're behind that stall door, you are totally anonymous. You can't see them and they can't see you and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and it's not like you're gonna stick around to see who that was moaning (they're probably gonna deny it or pass the buck to someone else anyway)! So if you feel the need to start "Moanin'" like Lambert, Hendricks & Ross, or even Sylvia singin' "Pillow Talk," go ahead and do it!!! b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Hey Pickwick,b, 21b, 21I don't know why, I guess it's because shittin' is such a private matter. It almost feels like an intrusion of sorts standing at the urinal pissin' while, potentially, one of your colleagues is in the stall "ahhing," "squirting," "farting," etc. Plus, sometimes they come out of the stall while I'm pissin', thus revealing their identity, which is kind of awkward. This is especially true if it stanks like a muthafucka so you're thinking, "Damn Richard, your shit is stankin' like hell, spray some Glade dude!!!" Then, sometimes the dude doesn't wash his hands so now you're wary of shakin' hands with his nasty ass. img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/talib-doodoo.gif" alt="" 21 In such cases, I guess ignorance is bliss.b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak
  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21Personally, I find it embarassing to hear cats squirting, moanin', and "aaaahing" in the stalls while I take a piss. I like the joint to be empty before I lower the "BOOM," immediately followed by an "aaaaaaahhhh." b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Why?b, 21b, 21When you're behind that stall door, you are totally anonymous. You can't see them and they can't see you and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and it's not like you're gonna stick around to see who that was moaning (they're probably gonna deny it or pass the buck to someone else anyway)! So if you feel the need to start "Moanin'" like Lambert, Hendricks & Ross, or even Sylvia singin' "Pillow Talk," go ahead and do it!!! b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Hey Pickwick,b, 21b, 21I don't know why, I guess it's because shittin' is such a private matter. It almost feels like an intrusion of shorts standing at the urinal pissin' why, potentially, one of your colleagues is "ahhing," "squirting," "farting," etc. Plus, sometimes they come out of the stall while I'm pissin', thus revealing their identity, which is kind of awkward. This is especially true if it stanks like a muthafucka so you're thinking, "Damn Richard, your shit is stankin' like hell, spray some Glade dude!!!" Then, sometimes the dude doesn't wash his hands so now you're wary of shakin' hands with his nasty ass. In such cases, I guess ignorance is bliss.b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Yeah, I understand what you mean.b, 21b, 21The reason why I'd give them a pass is because, hey, that's what bathrooms are for. If somebody moaned like that outside of the john, then I'd be embarrassed. But the bathroom is a safe harbor, so every fart, shit, moan and piss is forgivable. Just as long as I can't see or be seen.b, 21b, 21The only time it really bothers me is when it's some public restroom where the door has been ripped off the stall...
  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21 Taco Bell b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Two out of three of my "Go -- Go Now!!!" moments in the past several years have been caused by eating at this restaurant. b, 21b, 21One time, I was working at a small newspaper and had to cover a village board meeting out in the sticks and go the call from down low. I struggled through the end of the meeting, bounced without talking to anyone and made the run in my car. It was the longest 25 minutes of my life. I was dancing around in my car the entire time and made it just in time to have an experience similar, yet not quite as extreme, as Behemoth's. But best believe, even in my panic, I made sure to grab some sort of reading material. b, 21b, 21I can't believe this thread has gone on this long with a mention of Moist Towelettes. Soulstrut, you disappoint me!
  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    Nacho Bell Grande Meal (in case anyone was wondering)b, 21b, 21As far as letting loose in the Men's Restroom: b, 21b, 21"It felt like the right time. It certainly was the right place."
  • PlantweedPlantweed 394 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21So if you feel the need to start "Moanin'" like Lambert, Hendricks & Ross, or even Sylvia singin' "Pillow Talk," go ahead and do it!!! b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Ha ha, cracks me up...did you ever get into a Mexican standoff with a guy in the next stall, with neither of you willing to lay pipe first? Ten minutes can seem like two hours.
  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21 Taco Bell b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Two out of three of my "Go -- Go Now!!!" moments in the past several years have been caused by eating at this restaurant. b, 21b, 21One time, I was working at a small newspaper and had to cover a village board meeting out in the sticks and go the call from down low. I struggled through the end of the meeting, bounced without talking to anyone and made the run in my car. It was the longest 25 minutes of my life. I was dancing around in my car the entire time and made it just in time to have an experience similar, yet not quite as extreme, as Behemoth's. But best believe, even in my panic, I made sure to grab some sort of reading material. b, 21b, 21I can't believe this thread has gone on this long with a mention of Moist Towelettes. Soulstrut, you disappoint me! b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Hey,b, 21b, 21I'm surprised that there has been no mention of the "ass-splash," (Bloop!!!) when you drop the load so hard that toilet water splashes up on your ass. That's a bad feeling, fo sho!!! img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hi.gif" alt="" 21b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak
  • PlantweedPlantweed 394 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21Moist Towelettes.b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21FILED
  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21If somebody moaned like that outside of the john, then I'd be embarrassed. But the bathroom is a safe harbor, so every fart, shit, moan and piss is forgivable. Just as long as I can't see or be seen. b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21I don't mind someone dropping bombs next to me when I'm doing the same thing, but something about the groan bothers me. I don't need to hear that. Were you in such distress that you had to punctuate things with a vocal utterance? I don't want to start picturing a dude doing work in the stall next to me, and it's easier to do that if said dude is not groaning and shit. Keep the volume down unless you are straight-up shitting bricks. b, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21b, 21The only time it really bothers me is when it's some public restroom where the door has been ripped off the stall... b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Oh my god, I got "caught out there" on a car trip back to Chicago from Springfield (wife's family-related). it was like 10 at night and we were on a particularly desolate stretch. The best we could do was a seriously broke-ass gas station where you knew the guy behind the counter had a sawed-off, shit like that. b, 21b, 21The bathroom was horrendous and the stall had no door! The moment I feared. Thankfully, the stall faced perpendicular to the door, so when someone came in (!!!) they'd have had to walk up and peer around this little wall to see me. I ended up just sliding my feet forward to make them as visible as possible, hopefully making it clear that this section of the room was ocupado.
  • tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21i have this thing about taking shits in public b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21someone told me recently that they were at a tibetan marketplace (in tibet, i guess) where there arent really any bathrooms. all of a sudden a young lady comes running through the middle of the market place screaming, drops her drawers and starts spraying runny all over the place. she must have got caught with a dookey volcano eruption. american girl, of course.
  • selperfugeselperfuge 1,165 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21i had Mcdonalds. 2 double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu. with special sauce.b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21they will honor the special sauce request.. on a double cheese it's the GHETTO BIG MAC
  • tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21b, 21b, 21a friend of mine took a dump at diplos house years ago b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21Name drop and dookie drop in one postb, 21b, 21....."like i totally took a dump at bono's beach house while michael bolton looked on you guys" b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21wasnt a big deal back then. now, he'd probably save the sock and frame it
  • Big_StacksBig_Stacks "I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
    /font1
    Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21/font1Quote:/font1h, 21b, 21If somebody moaned like that outside of the john, then I'd be embarrassed. But the bathroom is a safe harbor, so every fart, shit, moan and piss is forgivable. Just as long as I can't see or be seen. b, 21b, 21h, 21
    b, 21b, 21I don't mind someone dropping bombs next to me when I'm doing the same thing, but something about the groan bothers me. I don't need to hear that. Were you in such distress that you had to punctuate things with a vocal utterance? I don't want to start picturing a dude doing work in the stall next to me, and it's easier to do that if said dude is not groaning and shit. Keep the volume down unless you are straight-up shitting bricks. b, 21b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Yo Verb606,b, 21b, 21Those are my thoughts exactly, groaning is too personal for a public place (TMI-related). Save that shit for the "home stadium." I don't want to sit in a faculty meeting across from a colleague I just heard "moanin'" and "ah-in'" in the shitter 10 minutes ago. img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nagl2.gif" alt="" 21b, 21b, 21Peace,b, 21b, 21Big Stacks from Kakalak
  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    b, 21b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21Yo Verb606,b, 21b, 21Those are my thoughts exactly, groaning is too personal for a public place (TMI-related). Save that shit for the "home stadium." I don't want to sit in a faculty meeting across from a colleague I just heard "moanin'" and "ah-in'" in the shitter 10 minutes ago. img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nagl2.gif" alt="" 21b, 21 b, 21b, 21h, 21b, 21b, 21haha. i'm sayin'. The funk and the splash noises are bad enough. b, 21b, 21I have enough issues in public places with strangers. I'd hate to be shitting next to colleagues! "Boy, I guess that casserole that Bob from Marketing's wife made last night is getting the last laugh!" I don't need that shit, literally and figuratively.
  • ladydayladyday 623 Posts
    Another day on Soulstrut, another thread about poop. img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" 21b, 21b, 21How about the "clean clip" where you wipe and there's nothing there? That's always a proud moment.b, 21b, 21I'm with Stacks, when I go into a public stall I prefer the entire bathroom to be completely empty. And I go in prepared with a damp paper towel for that extra freshness.
  • tripledoubletripledouble 7,636 Posts
    /object1
  • DeegreezDeegreez 804 Posts
    I like to keep the wife and the dookie separate from one another but she has been privy from time to time as have I. It's all good.
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