how to become friends with ex

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  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    some of you talking about 'the majority' or 'nearly all' of exes.
    How many you had?? Christ....
    Call me old fashioned, but I can count my exes on the fingers of one hand.
    I feel now like I must have missed out on some swinging promiscuity.
    On the other hand, it hasn't taken me a hundred try-outs to find someone to be compatible with.
    Not sure which of these two is the best look.....

  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    some of you talking about 'the majority' or 'nearly all' of exes.
    "How many you had?? Christ....
    Call me old fashioned, but I can count my exes on the fingers of one hand.
    I feel now like I must have missed out on some swinging promiscuity.
    On the other hand, it hasn't taken me a hundred try-outs to find someone to be compatible with.
    Not sure which of these two is the best look.....

    Well, damn, it's not like every random date is gonna lead to a storybook romance...

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    some of you talking about 'the majority' or 'nearly all' of exes.
    How many you had?? Christ....
    Call me old fashioned, but I can count my exes on the fingers of one hand.
    I feel now like I must have missed out on some swinging promiscuity.
    On the other hand, it hasn't taken me a hundred try-outs to find someone to be compatible with.
    Not sure which of these two is the best look.....

    Let me get this math right: more than 5 girl/boyfriends = "swinging promiscuity"?

    You sound old-fashioned.

  • faux_rillzfaux_rillz 14,343 Posts
    some of you talking about 'the majority' or 'nearly all' of exes.
    How many you had?? Christ....
    Call me old fashioned, but I can count my exes on the fingers of one hand.
    I feel now like I must have missed out on some swinging promiscuity.
    On the other hand, it hasn't taken me a hundred try-outs to find someone to be compatible with.
    Not sure which of these two is the best look.....

    Let me get this math right: more than 5 girl/boyfriends = "swinging promiscuity"?

    You sound old-fashioned like a record dude.

    Wasn't this the same dude that wasn't recently complaining in the most vicious and contemptuous terms about the musical tastes of virtually all women?

    Hmmm....

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    I can't really see being good friends with your ex unless you all revolve in the same circles. Which is it's own issue. Most breakups in my life have been amicable to a point but usually we have our own friends (crucial) and go our separate ways. No reason to not answer a friendly email or say hi if you run into one another, but I don't see why anyone would want to spend a lot of time with someone that's not really in their life anymore - unless, of course, your friendship group is small and incestuous.

    To paint a starker picture, my fiance is ok with me exchanging emails with an ex, maybe a phone call, maybe even grabbing a coffee... she is not about to tolerate a dinner or extended "friend" date. And IMO, that's the way it should be. I feel the same.

    I don't know anyone that's as good friends with their ex as they were when they were together - from my parents down to my best friends. A guy that wants to be BFF with their ex is probably the same guy that tries to sleep with all his platonic friends because he has no game. Bad look either way.

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    There's a big distance between being friends with someone vs. being BFF. My wife could give a f--- if I had dinner with an ex; there's nothing going on there. She knows it. I know it. My exes-turned-ordinary friends know it. It ain't no thing.

    Exes who don't want to be your friend let you know. In no uncertain terms. Likewise, if you're not trying to hang with them still, that's fairly obvious.

    If dude wants to maintain a friendship with his ex and she's good with it and this isn't on some rebound/ex-sex tip, then where is the harm?

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    well trust that you and I have different ideas about these boundaries, but to me it's a respect thing. I wouldn't want to go out with an ex - and I wouldn't want her to either. I just don't see the point.

    I don't see the point in "maintaining a friendship" - something that requires work - with someone you've moved on from. It's perfectly fine to be cordial, or as Raowss said, "friendly".

    Maybe some folks have enough time and mental space to maintain friendships where they don't matter, but I do not need more friends.

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts

    I don't know anyone that's as good friends with their ex as they were when they were together

    See, among the folks I know, there are plenty of former couples who are still on good terms with one another and socialize amicably on a scale that ranges from merely friendly to still-close-friends.

    It's obviously not universal but I've never seen it as something unusual. In some cases, people have had much richer relationships with people POST-dating. In the long term, you have the benefit of someone who knows you well but without the complications of romance.

    That said, as I noted earlier, it's hardly essential.

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    Romance isn't a complication! friendship is. lol.

  • NateBizzoNateBizzo 2,328 Posts
    This Thread = Everything that is wrong with SoulStrut




  • jinx74jinx74 2,287 Posts
    some people have it in them to keep friendships or friendly ties to their ex's. my ex came to my wedding. bev minded a bit but julie is the homie and always was/is. we still talk on the phone and when she comes to the bay i usually see her (like next week).

    my ex june (before julie) im still friends with as well. we talk on the phone and email one another from time to time.

    i guess it just depends on where youre at in your own life and if you want a friendship with someone you used to sleep with. if you can get past the sex and intimate parts that your relationship used to have then you find that friendship that originally made yall a couple in the first place. this take time. for june and julie it was a year+ but it was worth it because i like them as people and want to continue with our friendship.

  • mannybolonemannybolone Los Angeles, CA 15,025 Posts
    This Thread = Everything that is wrong with SoulStrut




    You mean the fact that there's like...one record related thread on the front page?

  • NateBizzoNateBizzo 2,328 Posts
    Bingo.

  • some of you talking about 'the majority' or 'nearly all' of exes.
    How many you had?? Christ....
    Call me old fashioned, but I can count my exes on the fingers of one hand.
    I feel now like I must have missed out on some swinging promiscuity.
    On the other hand, it hasn't taken me a hundred try-outs to find someone to be compatible with.
    Not sure which of these two is the best look.....

    From this post, it sounds like:

    1) You are not a player.

    2) You do not f*ck a lot.

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    Not at all a balla?

  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    some of you talking about 'the majority' or 'nearly all' of exes.
    How many you had?? Christ....
    Call me old fashioned, but I can count my exes on the fingers of one hand.
    I feel now like I must have missed out on some swinging promiscuity.
    On the other hand, it hasn't taken me a hundred try-outs to find someone to be compatible with.
    Not sure which of these two is the best look.....

    From this post, it sounds like:

    1) You are not a player.

    2) You do not f*ck a lot.

    Sherlock Holmes!

  • Not at all a balla?

    Likely not, although I don't presume to know details on the omnipresence of little brown hairs in his life.

  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    Wasn't this the same dude that wasn't recently complaining in the most vicious and contemptuous terms about the musical tastes of virtually all women?

    Hmmm....

    whilst this is true it was an honestly held opinion.
    And at least it was


    record related

    Deal!

  • magpaulmagpaul 1,314 Posts
    Salad Tossing REVEALED


  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    Salad Tossing REVEALED


    Wild!
    my more evil twin

  • skelskel You can't cheat karma 5,033 Posts
    Salad Tossing REVEALED


    Wild!
    my more evil twin

    what is that, a gigolo site?
    He sounds...white

  • jaymackjaymack 5,199 Posts
    someone has been studying the SS termS glossary.
    "Deal!"
    "You sound white!"
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