Beware Of Attack Squirrel

Zeke

I live in an apartment complex in a wooded residential suburb right outside of Philadelphia. When I moved in I noticed these little signs on each of the designated trash areas that said, "Beware Of Attack Squirrel." I chortled and dismissed the signs as kitsch. Starting in May, one of my neighbors started to put slices of bread on a fence in the trash section, which attracted the local squirrels. I'm pretty sure it is the middle aged woman in the floor below me who has done some Greenpeace flyering on the complex's cars and doors. Anyway, I've seen these little devilish furballs digging through the trash and usually they scatter as soon as someone comes towards them. However, there have been a few intrepid mean looking squirrels that hang out and stare. I've had a few early morning staredowns with these oversized mice. Their mouths packed with trash and their beady little eyes screaming, "Do something, motherfucker" like only a woodland creature's eyes can. About 45 minutes ago I went to go take out a bag of trash. I opened the lid and out shot the most massive squirrel I have ever seen. No, the squirrel didn't creep out or peak his little head out, this bad mamma-jamma SHOT out of the trashcan right towards me. I threw the bag into the can and in the process knocked this beast out of the air. He did a little somersault and landed pretty much in full stride, running to a part of the fence very near the "Beware of Attack Squirrel" sign. Just before leaping into a near-by tree, I SWEAR he turned his head at me, bared his little squirrel teeth and made a series of *click click click* noises. Now, I'm a peaceful dude and don't like killing animals, but I think this was a pronouncement of interspecies war. Before I devise a plan, I have to ask if this is normal squirrel behavior or is this little bastard rabid?Any help would be greatly appreciated.Sincerely,Scared of squirrels in Wynnewood

sabadabada

I live in an apartment complex in a wooded residential suburb right outside of Philadelphia. When I moved in I noticed these little signs on each of the designated trash areas that said, "Beware Of Attack Squirrel." I chortled and dismissed the signs as kitsch. Starting in May, one of my neighbors started to put slices of bread on a fence in the trash section, which attracted the local squirrels. I'm pretty sure it is the middle aged woman in the floor below me who has done some Greenpeace flyering on the complex's cars and doors.

Anyway, I've seen these little devilish furballs digging through the trash and usually they scatter as soon as someone comes towards them. However, there have been a few intrepid mean looking squirrels that hang out and stare. I've had a few early morning staredowns with these oversized mice. Their mouths packed with trash and their beady little eyes screaming, "Do something, motherfucker" like only a woodland creature's eyes can.

About 45 minutes ago I went to go take out a bag of trash. I opened the lid and out shot the most massive squirrel I have ever seen. No, the squirrel didn't creep out or peak his little head out, this bad mamma-jamma SHOT out of the trashcan right towards me. I threw the bag into the can and in the process knocked this beast out of the air. He did a little somersault and landed pretty much in full stride, running to a part of the fence very near the "Beware of Attack Squirrel" sign. Just before leaping into a near-by tree, I SWEAR he turned his head at me, bared his little squirrel teeth and made a series of *click click click* noises. Now, I'm a peaceful dude and don't like killing animals, but I think this was a pronouncement of interspecies war. Before I devise a plan, I have to ask if this is normal squirrel behavior or is this little bastard rabid?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Scared of squirrels in Wynnewood

on mulberry street i have the same problem only our squirrels are grey and have a pink, non-bushy tail.

The_Non

He was hanging out and eating trash, and you disturbed him.
You are in the wrong. I think you two should make up with an acorn picnic for two.

bassie

How strong are these squirrels? Maybe the lids need to be more secure or something else to make it so the garbage is not that easy to get at.

The clicking sound is normal.

Zeke

When I was a little kid, I used to shoot squirrels and birds with my Red Ryder BB gun. It rarely killed them, because, come on, it was a Red Ryder BB gun, but maybe the word has made its way down here? Is this just the beginning of retributive actions?

These bandits have fucked with the wrong guy. I am currently deciding whether I need to prime a piece of rye bread with some psilocybe cubensis mycelium and teach these guys a lesson. Nothing more humbling than a unknowingly submitting oneself to a heavy mushroom trip. Is this wrong?

Zeke

I haven't tested their animal strength, but the garbage cans are regularly abused by our local lazy trash collectors and have large cracks all over them. I'm also thinking about printing a sign that says, "Please stop feeding the squirrels. They are organizing."

The_Non

If you spray the trash with some sort of cleaning product or something nasty like that, they won't eat it. Problem solved.

DB_Cooper

If you spray the trash with some sort of cleaning product or something nasty like that, they won't eat it. Problem solved.

Or, if they do eat it, problem solved. Sounds like a win-win.


Except for the squirrels. No win for them.

Zeke

Yeah, I thought about that.

This guy looked more like this:

than this:


I'm afraid of this:

and may respond like this:

SoulOnIce

Except for the squirrels.

white_tea

I haven't tested their animal strength, but the garbage cans are regularly abused by our local lazy trash collectors and have large cracks all over them. I'm also thinking about printing a sign that says, "Please stop feeding the squirrels. They are organizing."

And thus the cirlce of life.

I wouldn't go as far as spraying down the trash, but a chubby squirrel is a bad sign. They should be able to live off the fat of the land not get fat off the fat of the land.

It's a tough call but it'd just let them be.

Zeke

It's a tough call but it'd just let them be.

Yeah, I wouldn't actually do anything to kill or seriously harm them, I just want to scare them a little. I'm reading that fox urine may be a good deterrent, though if I remember correctly, it smells HORRIBLE.

SoulOnIce

I'm reading that fox urine may be a good deterrent, though if I remember correctly, it smells HORRIBLE.

Actually, the hardest part is getting them to piss in the jar.

ariel_calmer

These bandits have fucked with the wrong guy. I am currently deciding whether I need to prime a piece of rye bread with some psilocybe cubensis mycelium and teach these guys a lesson. Nothing more humbling than a unknowingly submitting oneself to a heavy mushroom trip. Is this wrong?

DB_Cooper

It's a tough call but it'd just let them be.

Yeah, I wouldn't actually do anything to kill or seriously harm them

Sounds like you need to call in a professional. Don't ask where the squirrels went, and Jesse won't tell.

bassie

They should be able to live off the fat of the land

They should, but they'll have to work around the houses and the highways and the malls and the factories and power stations and the toxic dumps and the polluted lakes and the parking lots.

I think you need to get the landlord to invest in new garbage cans and bins that are squirrel-proof.

The_Non

It's a tough call but it'd just let them be.

Yeah, I wouldn't actually do anything to kill or seriously harm them, I just want to scare them a little. I'm reading that fox urine may be a good deterrent, though if I remember correctly, it smells HORRIBLE.

Spraying them down with a cleaning product is easy, affordable, no stress and won't hurt the squirrels. If a squirrel smells something fucked up, they're not gonna eat it. Just like younger children hating anything tasting bitter, their sense of smell and taste are instinctively tuned to reject unnaturally bitter tasting cleaning products that would poison them. It is things like PCBs and tasteless odorless molecules that kill animals.

chase

the houses and the highways and the malls and the factories and power stations and the toxic dumps and the polluted lakes and the parking lots.

move out of Jersey

Dj_Coma_Toast

At my old place I had the "lazy squirrel" which is probably the polar opposite of what you have on your hands. The thing was always sleeping and most of the time it was on a chain link fence with its body on the rail and all its limbs hanging over the sides, or hed just be maxin' out on the roof. It wouldnt move for nothing. the equivalent of squirrel buddha. I walked by it a couple times, within a foot of him and he diddnt budge.

Zeke

I just talked to my landlord's son, who is doing some work on the property. He thought it was hilarious. (I can't help but agree.) He also said that they replace the cans every years, and every year the squirrels start the cracks by knawing into the plastic and the garbage men just exacerbate the situation by tossing them around. Also, he said that the county ONLY allows the use of plastic containers now, so they can't do much about it.

I guess in the end, I don't care too much, I've just never experienced such intrepid squirrel antics before.