Loved ones with a mental illness.
Delay
4,530 Posts
when does helping someone who suffers from depression and anxiety stop being an option? at what point do you sever ties in order to keep yourself heathy and sane? should you feel guilty for being "selfish"? if anyone has some advice for me, i could really use it right now.
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I stayed with my dad every other weekend as a kid and I never knew which dad I was going to get once the weekend came. Super happy manic dad, depressed sleep all day dad, or my actual father. I spent a lot of time worrying about his behavior and his well-being. Often I was more of a parent to him then he was to me. It was a really strange relationship.
As I grew up though I came to the realization that worrying about things you can't control is a waste of energy. Once I let go of all of that tension and accepted my father for who he is it made things a lot easier. It is still difficult at times, but I have learned to accept that his mental illness is part of the package. That said he is medicated and is aware of his own condition. He is also stable enough to hold a part time job, something he was not able to do during most of my childhood.
It is a lot more difficult when a family member won't seek help or is not even aware of their problem. My fianc?? is going through this with her father. I try and stress the same point to her though. There is only so much you can do. Be honest with your family member. Tell them that you think they need help and that you are there for them. Beyond that there is not much you can do. That in is a tough realization, but it will make it easier to cope with the situation.
I hope this didn't come off preachy and lame. I am speaking from my own experience and I am sure there are others out there who might see it differently.
Is there substance use/abuse involved?
Does this person acknowledge their mental health issues/challenges?
Does this person have other support systems?
Is this person connected with a mental health out/in patient agency?
I know you mostly talk about your sanity. Have you attempted to help this person and s/he does not want to deal with their challenges? In some cases, all you can do is plant the seed and they will receive help in the future. In my experiences, medication coupled with providing coping skills/tools to deal with the depression and anxiety is most effective. This person ultimately may need professional attention.
It's important you realize when you are beginning to feel unhealthly though (about this situation).
Please feel free to PM me if needed.
Hope all is well.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10264040
Depression is a genetic, emotional issue and the best thing you can do is always remind them, as both a blood relative and as a friend, that they are loved. And as much as I dislike Big Pharm shadiness, modern medicine does provide help for involunatry chemical disorders in the brain and people shouldn't feel like they are "crazy" for using such. However, there are times when it feels like it's starting to get out of control and you have to say, "Look, you're standing on your own two feet, you have food in your stomach and people know you exist. It's time to snap your self out the self-pity." I hope all turns out well.
i would never abandon someone without ensuring they know where and how to get the help that they need. it can be as simple as making sure they're part of a support group, and if you're comfortable, even attending with them to show them you still care about them even if you can't put yourself out every 5 minutes to "help them deal".
another important support structure is identifying the type of mental illness and you yourself being aware of the history, symptoms, and signs. educate yourself on what they're going through and it will be easier for you to understand when situations arise that might seem irrational or irregular. this is not to avoid them but to help them point out when they're letting their own situation affect themselves in a negative way.
all that being said...
it is still your life and you still need to run it. this may sound cliche, but you still have to be a man and take control of your life. even if that means stepping outta the way when someone tries to make their circumstance one of your own.
support and affection go along way, but aren't the only answers to mental illness. you still have to do you.
good luck tom.
Put all of your feelings about the person in writing and give them multiple copies. Tell them how much you love them, care for them, how important they are to the people around them, etc.
I found I was most likely to try to verbalize these things when the person was at the height of their illness, making my efforts virtually useless.
But if they have them in writing, where they can read them at a quieter, more level headed time, it will do much more good than trying to force feed them to "the beast".
In retrospect I wish I had done more of this.
Once you're confident you have done all you can do, you have to make the decision that is best for you and your sanity.
All the best.
Rich
immediate family member that you cant let go... youre going to need your own classes on how to deal with a family member whos depressed/suicidal/etc. there are classes you can take at your local hospital im sure.
shit... i have more to write but my ride just got here. sorry tom. hope all works well with your situation.
Mental Illness fucking sucks. My folks is like the poster family for that shit.