I hate banks so much (NRR)
Kinetic
3,739 Posts
I just needed to vent. Home loan dude is in some 2-day conference less than a week out of settlement and he needs to tie shit up. Talking to people at the bank is stright doing my fucking head in. 
Comments
You don't need an excuse to hate banks.
Thankyou. I feel like I will just kill the next person that looks at me sideways with my bare hands.
Hopefully they will be a bank employee.
I'm a bank employee.
DIE
Herm, if you worked at my bank, I'd leave my deposit with you every time.
But seriously, I hate banks as much as the next guy, but the tellers at my branch are almost always pleasant to deal with.
Ha ha!
That's what I do, I manage tellers. And operations. And tell folks "yes I realize you made your deposit today, but the reason we charged you overdraft fees is because you spent today's money yesterday."
And then explain "I realize 5 overdraft fees is expensive, but I also recall having this same conversation 3 times recently."
Maybe I should say I HATE BANK CUSTOMERS.
Nah, too harsh.
Herm
If I had time I'd make a formal complaint... but... you know... that would eat into my soulstrut time.
Let's all sing along:
"I hate banks...
I just can't stand 'em.
Gimme a shovel & man I'll plant 'em.
Six feet under thats where they belong...
I hate banks is the name of this song.
I think I'll rob myself one or two...
Yeah I hate banks, yeah, how 'bout you?
Well...lend me a nickel & lend me a dime,
repossess my house any old time.
Financial institutions think they're so high faluting...
Just a bunch of fruits in three piece suits,
trying to steal all my loot.
Things are smelling pretty rank,
We must be near a stinking bank.
Smells worse than Rockefellars feet,
Wall Street can eat my meat.
Yeah throw the moneylenders out of the temple;
I hate banks its just that simple.
Royal Crown made of tin,
is a metal thing to keep your money in.
Mason jar is okay too,
if you see a bank well you know what to do.
Now,lemme tell you people something...
The only banks I like, well, I like Ernie Banks alright.
And I like the banks of the Mississippi River...
Yeah, and I like banks of fender twin reverb...
Electric guitar amplifiers behind me, raging on the stages...
Well,when I walk in they treat me like a dog;
want to hit them in the head with a doo-doo log.
Republicans, one and all...
Their talleywhackers are mighty small.
Stealing from the poor gonna give to the rich...
Wanna make the bank president twitch in a ditch.
Yeah, see that teller with the blue hair,
giving me the evil-eye stare.
Won't cash my check don't like my ID...
got the security guard after me.
If I was E. F. Sloane,
I'd say the Dow Jones can suck my bone.
Yeah.
Everybody say the three magic words!
I want you to help me say the words!
I want you to repeat after me!
I HATE BANKS!
Can't stand 'em!
I HATE BANKS!
Don't Like 'em!
I HATE BANKS!
Bunch of Foo-Foo's!
I HATE BANKS!
Like a big zit!
I hate banks...
I just can't stand 'em.
Gimme a shovel & man I'll plant 'em.
Six feet under thats where they belong...
I hate banks is the name of this song.
I think I'll rob myself one or two...
Yeah I hate banks, yeah, how 'bout you?
Now lemme tell you something...
I'm not real fond of the PHONE COMPANY either!
You know?
Yeah, and I don't like the cable TV company.
You know why I don't like the cable TV company?
Cause they just be sucking that stuff right out the sky!
THEY don't have to pay nuttin for it!
I just get me one of them bootleg cable boxes,
and get me one of them climb the pole and stick the thing in...
I ain't gonna pay for it!
NOOOOO!!!!"
"So why are you here?"
"'Cause I have to cash my check. And no I don't want to open an account. I HATE BANKS."
"You gonna put your money under your mattress?"
"Basically."
"What happens if your house catches fire? It's just gone?"
"Ummm...yeah, I guess."
"Yeah? Wow."
And even better:
"Since you don't have an account, sir, there'll be a $5 fee to cash this."
"$5?! That's ridiculous! MY bank doesn't charge that!"
"Well, they won't charge YOU 'cause you have an account there. They would charge ME, though, 'cause I don't. Maybe you should cash it at your bank."
"Well, I tried, but they wanna put a hold on it."
"Really? Did they say why?"
"Well, I'm having account issues." (Usually means currently overdrawn and/or unsatisfactory account handling.)
"You know if you banked with US we wouldn't have to place a hold on it because your employer banks with us."
"No. Give me my check back, I'm not paying $5 for MY money. That's why I'll never bank with this shitty bank!"
"But if you DID bank with us, you wouldn't have to pay the $5."
They usually don't know what to say after this.
Now while I don't necessarily agree with charging to cash our own checks (we only charge payroll, not for personal checks), it must be said that the option is given to the business whether or not to cover the fee for their employees. They have the option of selecting a better (albeit more expensive) account that waives the check cashing fee for their employees, or one that covers half the cost. Most let their employees pay the full $5.
I'm sayin' (to these foolios, not to you guys), just open an account. Most are free these days and as long as you handle your biz properly, you'll avoid those random fees. Ain't that hard. Few employers will opt to pay you in cash and if you really hate banks that much, than why you setting foot in one? Take that shit a check cashing place and see what THEY charge you. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Big bank take little bank.
Herm
Only time I used my bank account for something else turned out to be a complete disaster: I had ordered a video beamer online for 2.000,- Euros. There would have been a special fee for cash on delivery, so I decided to pay with a bank transfer. I went to my bank with the cash. When I approached one of the clerks standing behind a weird small table with one of those silly chairs that you just lean your ass on while standing, staring into her LCD screen. I told her I'd want to put some cash onto my account. She says they don't acept cash anymore and that I should use the bigger one of the ATMS in the foyer which also could be used to deposit cash. I'm thinking "what the hell is your fucking purpose in herre then?" and walk over to the machine. I put my stack of 50,- bills, all flat and neat, same side up into the little drawer. The lid closes. Weird noises. Silence. Drawer opens again empty. The LCD display tells me there was some sort of malfunction and I should talk to a clerk. No receipt, nothing. I walk over to the clerk and tell her to open up the damn thing so I could get my money. She says she can't do it and that the machine belongs to a company that they have contracted. This company would service the machines and empty them, count and bundle the money that then gets turned over to the bank. I tell her I wouldn't leave without at least a receipt that I had droipped 2.000,- in cahs into the damn thing. She tells me she can't sign any receipt because she hasn't seen me put in the money, let alone count it. She tells me I'd have to wait for the company to empty the machine, add up all deposits and withdrawals and what would remain afterwards would belong to me. I can feel my blood starting to boil and leave the place before I start breathing fire down this damn tools neck. I call their customer service from home and they tell me the same thing. I call the company from which I had ordered the beamer and change the order to "cash at delivery". It took me more than ten days and numerous phone calls every day to finally get my 2.000,- cash deposit registered on my account.
Next month it will be 2 years without a bank account.
Fuck banks! Fuck the IRS!
Then I noticed the "NRR."
And I still thought it might be about Lloyd Banks.
But it's not.
I hate Lloyd Banks so much.
Now it is about Lloyd Banks.
Err, did I say banks? I meant to say loan officers. I hate loan officers.
I love bank employees, it's the institutions I don't much care for.
Y'all need to join a credit union.
I can't run the risk that they'll convince my money to go on strike.
But I hate Bank of America. I've fought the urge to hurl a large rock through my local branch's front window many times.