Don't really know you, but I'd thought I'd share this with you...
The toughest thing I had to do was say goodbye to my mother. My mom passed away when I was 25 of cancer. I knew she didn't have much time left and I was there holding her hand when she died. She was the person I was most connected to in this world and it was rough.
If you're dealing with a death in the family or a terminal illness of a loved one I have a couple pieces of advice: If they're still here let them know how much you love them - don't be afraid to talk to them. Also, it might take time before you can grieve and you might feel numb for a while. I made my mother a deathbed promise that I'd go into counseling (she was a psychologist herself - this was important to her) and I couldn't do it for many months. You have to sort things out on your own time.
If you're not dealing with anything like this, then hopefully something I said was useful to you. There's no other choice but to keep on going.
thanks for the advice, this isn't a death related thing but it does have to do with a type of seperation. Your words are not falling on blind eyes
we tend to forget that life isnt a guaranteed good ride, and so when it throws a wrench into our machinery its easy to freak out - drowning in sorrow, fear, anger. Its true we all want things to be as nice as possible in our lives, but it pays to remember the rough spots are there for a reason (as many posters above have stated in different ways). ...We *need* them, as much as they hurt, and what we can learn from them and how we grow from bad experiences is usually far more significant than what we get from a happy/easy/fun/pleasent experience. It just sucks in the moment. And yes, it will come back and make you cry out of the blue once in a while. Thats normal and healthy too. I lost my dad to cancer 5 years ago and i think about him every day. But Im sure dealing with that horrible shock of realizing that we were really going to lose him made me a lot stronger than i was before.
look to the bright side adam, at least youre not one of the retarded celebrities you used to have to watch all day long for real though, i hope things work out for you. you know you have a strong support system, both real and online
Bro, Im finding it hard to find the right words, I wont list the troubles ive been through but ill just say that i have been to a very dark place.
I know that it sounds hollow right now but you pull through, you just do. Pressure makes Diamonds... That is the best thing i have read in a long while.
Life will continue to throw curveballs and smack you in the head with doses of perspective, i guess that is what i took away from all my bullshit: a greater perspective.
Stay up man, but allow yourself to be down too, that is part of the journey back.
One day you will look back and realise the journey you travelled made you stronger.
The toughest thing I've ever had to deal with was my father almost dying of an aortic anuerism last year and my wife and I almost getting a divorce around the same time. The 2 people I cherished most in life almost gone from my life within a month of each other. I thank God I still have both of them. It made me realize just how important both of them are in my life.
A*am, if you need to come to Phoenix again, you know who to call.
The toughest thing I've ever had to deal with was my father almost dying of an aortic anuerism last year and my wife and I almost getting a divorce around the same time.
Sa,e thing with me and my mom (she had what they thought was cancer but they couldnt check more exact because it was in the nervecentre in the back of the neck. We we??re prepared to say farewell and I missed out on a half year of shcool and at the same time my girlfriend of many years and I broke up for while (she came back but now I am happy living without her, another heartbreaking story)
But keep in mind that sometimes, too much pressure can give you hemorrhoids...
Seriously, it's hard to give any advice, not knowing about the nature of your troubles but let me assure you, that I've seen my share of hard times and always found it helpful to focus on a goal outside of the problem I was in. I always told myself, if I'm through with this shit, I'll make a real life changing move. Take the momentum of the overcome hardship with you and make an impact somewhere else. Sometimes it might even be worth thinking about making a move before and to leave the problem behind you. Some might say that real men don't run away from problems but I always felt that only fools stay in place when shit rains down on them.
Really sorry to hear that times are rough right now Guzzo.
Don't want to go into too much detail but while I've been lucky with my own family my girlfriend's father passed away unexpectedly around two months ago and dealing with the after effects of that have been a real eye opener on what's important in life.
While I totally cosign on the detachment to get through the initial stages of any traumatic experience whether it's death, separation, personal injury etc just make sure that you don't forget to deal with it sooner rather than later. Keeping something emotionally crippling bottled up in side for too long can really fuck you up in the long run.
Also, don't be afraid to share with friends. You may feel like you're imposing and laying weight on them but all true friends should have no problem with this. What goes around comes around and it's very rare that talking about your problems to someone who cares doesn't help you mentally and emotionally.
Also, don't be afraid to share with friends. You may feel like you're imposing and laying weight on them but all true friends should have no problem with this. What goes around comes around and it's very rare that talking about your problems to someone who cares doesn't help you mentally and emotionally.
Actually, I charge for my time. I mean, you're my friend and all, so I'll cut you a discount. In fact, you already owe me 10 dollars for this post. Its money well spent though, since I generally know the right answer to everything, and my tastes are impeccible.
Also, don't be afraid to share with friends. You may feel like you're imposing and laying weight on them but all true friends should have no problem with this. What goes around comes around and it's very rare that talking about your problems to someone who cares doesn't help you mentally and emotionally.
Actually, I charge for my time. I mean, you're my friend and all, so I'll cut you a discount. In fact, you already owe me 10 dollars for this post. Its money well spent though, since I generally know the right answer to everything, and my tastes are impeccible.
I'm loving the outpouring in this thread. I'm sorry I got to be so secretive about whats going on but it really isn't something to be displayed on a public forum. The feeling of community and care thoguh is really strong and is doing me well.
god bless all of you for your kind words. thanks to all who PM'd IM'd and called, I am greatful to have you people in my life, I can't stress how wonderful it feels to have this type of support at such a rough time.
But keep in mind that sometimes, too much pressure can give you hemorrhoids...
Seriously, it's hard to give any advice, not knowing about the nature of your troubles but let me assure you, that I've seen my share of hard times and always found it helpful to focus on a goal outside of the problem I was in. I always told myself, if I'm through with this shit, I'll make a real life changing move. Take the momentum of the overcome hardship with you and make an impact somewhere else. Sometimes it might even be worth thinking about making a move before and to leave the problem behind you. Some might say that real men don't run away from problems but I always felt that only fools stay in place when shit rains down on them.
Don't know if this makes a whole lot of sense...
I've learned this over the course of this past year.
write your thoughts down on paper...i can't emphasize that enough
Yeah this was pretty sweet advice when I went through some horrid shit in early '05 (I think those word docs I wrote are still in My Docs. I flick by them every now & then but haven't dared to open & re-read). Talking to people really helped too. I really found out who my friends were. Hope everything works out for you Guzzo.
when i'm dealing with major life issues i ask myself "is this not something every man must endure in his lifetime?" then for me its important to see it from the perspective of how it could be a lot worse. for this i would recommend a book. mans search for meaning by victor e. frankl. peace, stein. . .
Hi all I just went back over this thread after another tough day related to the shit I'm going through. I'm finding a lot of inspiration and support here and it does a lot for my spirit.
Thanks to all once again, your words really mean something to me
I went most of my life feeling suicidal. I remember writing suicide notes in crayon when I was ten years old. I felt I had some control with my finger on the eject button. I know it is fucked up but that is where I was at. Things have been crazy most of my life. The top of the list includes:
My pops was framed for a murder. There would eventually be a book and mini-series about the murder.
My best friend was shot and killed by a cop. I had told him I wanted to chill for a bit because with the shade we were doing, we had been way too lucky way too long. Two months later he was dead doing something I would have been a part of.
My older brother was murdered.
These things made me not really give a shit about living. I thought I would be dead soon.
I met my ex-wife. I stepped back from the ledge but still would occasionally think about the eject button.
After eight years she jetted like a Boeing. As much pain I had gone through in my life. This was the hardest. It really fucked me up. I really thought it was going to be the thing that put me over the edge.
"Before the darkest, first light, so bright, the starkest light conquered darkness. Wish I could say it was religion being agnostic, it might've been a smidgen..."-from one of my spoken word pieces
I hit one of the darkest times in life and something just snapped. I went from being suicidal most of my life to having a lust for life. I think I was 29 at the time and I can hardly put it into words. I felt alive.
bless you for surviving what you survived, and thank you for sharing your story. Remember that you overcoming what you overcame paid off with every new breath you breathe.
Comments
thanks for the advice, this isn't a death related thing but it does have to do with a type of seperation. Your words are not falling on blind eyes
for real though, i hope things work out for you. you know you have a strong support system, both real and online
I know that it sounds hollow right now but you pull through, you just do. Pressure makes Diamonds... That is the best thing i have read in a long while.
Life will continue to throw curveballs and smack you in the head with doses of perspective, i guess that is what i took away from all my bullshit: a greater perspective.
Stay up man, but allow yourself to be down too, that is part of the journey back.
One day you will look back and realise the journey you travelled made you stronger.
aLAN.
A*am, if you need to come to Phoenix again, you know who to call.
Sa,e thing with me and my mom (she had what they thought was cancer but they couldnt check more exact because it was in the nervecentre in the back of the neck. We we??re prepared to say farewell and I missed out on a half year of shcool and at the same time my girlfriend of many years and I broke up for while (she came back but now I am happy living without her, another heartbreaking story)
Keep the strength all you
But keep in mind that sometimes, too much pressure can give you hemorrhoids...
Seriously, it's hard to give any advice, not knowing about the nature of your troubles but let me assure you, that I've seen my share of hard times and always found it helpful to focus on a goal outside of the problem I was in. I always told myself, if I'm through with this shit, I'll make a real life changing move. Take the momentum of the overcome hardship with you and make an impact somewhere else. Sometimes it might even be worth thinking about making a move before and to leave the problem behind you.
Some might say that real men don't run away from problems but I always felt that only fools stay in place when shit rains down on them.
Don't know if this makes a whole lot of sense...
- Diego
Don't want to go into too much detail but while I've been lucky with my own family my girlfriend's father passed away unexpectedly around two months ago and dealing with the after effects of that have been a real eye opener on what's important in life.
While I totally cosign on the detachment to get through the initial stages of any traumatic experience whether it's death, separation, personal injury etc just make sure that you don't forget to deal with it sooner rather than later. Keeping something emotionally crippling bottled up in side for too long can really fuck you up in the long run.
Also, don't be afraid to share with friends. You may feel like you're imposing and laying weight on them but all true friends should have no problem with this. What goes around comes around and it's very rare that talking about your problems to someone who cares doesn't help you mentally and emotionally.
Actually, I charge for my time. I mean, you're my friend and all, so I'll cut you a discount. In fact, you already owe me 10 dollars for this post. Its money well spent though, since I generally know the right answer to everything, and my tastes are impeccible.
god bless all of you for your kind words. thanks to all who PM'd IM'd and called, I am greatful to have you people in my life, I can't stress how wonderful it feels to have this type of support at such a rough time.
-Adam
I've learned this over the course of this past year.
I agree with everything said here.
Someone who has been through really traumatic stuff has given me this advice and i have passed it on to others so...
Hope everything works out for you Guzzo.
just my 2 cents.
Thanks to all once again, your words really mean something to me
-Adam
Things have been crazy most of my life. The top of the list includes:
My pops was framed for a murder. There would eventually be a book and mini-series about the murder.
My best friend was shot and killed by a cop. I had told him I wanted to chill for a bit because with the shade we were doing, we had been way too lucky way too long. Two months later he was dead doing something I would have been a part of.
My older brother was murdered.
These things made me not really give a shit about living. I thought I would be dead soon.
I met my ex-wife. I stepped back from the ledge but still would occasionally think about the eject button.
After eight years she jetted like a Boeing. As much pain I had gone through in my life. This was the hardest. It really fucked me up. I really thought it was going to be the thing that put me over the edge.
"Before the darkest,
first light, so bright, the starkest
light conquered darkness.
Wish I could say it was religion
being agnostic, it might've been a smidgen..."-from one of my spoken word pieces
I hit one of the darkest times in life and something just snapped. I went from being suicidal most of my life to having a lust for life. I think I was 29 at the time and I can hardly put it into words. I felt alive.
I pride myself in my survival.
my thoughts are with you
-Adam