females...relationships...(frustration related)
rootlesscosmo
12,848 Posts
Everyone knows the Strut is the best place for relationship advice 
so here goes.I am all about admitting when I'm wrong. I am not too stubborn for that shit, and I expect my significant other to be big enough to do the same.However, I sometimes find myself in situations with females when I have to admit that I'm wrong even when I know I'm not . I have to lie[/b] basically, just to make up and end the fight.It's like, either I tell her that I'm wrong (which I'm not, and yet which she needs to hear in order to stop being mad ) and we can make up, or I stick to my guns and we don't make up and never talk again.Why must I admit to some shit I know is a lie, just to make it alright with the missus? I am in a bind.It offends my inner sense of justice to admit something I am not guilty of, but if I don't, then it's all over.What do I do?PS No disrespect to the female strutters. I love you guys. Both of you.
so here goes.I am all about admitting when I'm wrong. I am not too stubborn for that shit, and I expect my significant other to be big enough to do the same.However, I sometimes find myself in situations with females when I have to admit that I'm wrong even when I know I'm not . I have to lie[/b] basically, just to make up and end the fight.It's like, either I tell her that I'm wrong (which I'm not, and yet which she needs to hear in order to stop being mad ) and we can make up, or I stick to my guns and we don't make up and never talk again.Why must I admit to some shit I know is a lie, just to make it alright with the missus? I am in a bind.It offends my inner sense of justice to admit something I am not guilty of, but if I don't, then it's all over.What do I do?PS No disrespect to the female strutters. I love you guys. Both of you.
Comments
Oops, I mean, "dude rootless you gets no puccini over this, dogg"
lol
there's something you're doing that pushes the wrong buttons for the other person, so next time a similar situation arises, you should be conscious of your inclinations.
emotions get in the way of objectivity, and that's where all hell breaks loose.
If you really believe you're right, you stick with it, and make your argument convincing (most people can't do this).
To me, just saying "yea i was wrong" without really going to the root of the problem is pointless.
2cents. good luck by the way.
truth is, it's sort of a minor thing that I KNOW will be over with as soon as I just say "yeah I was wrong."
BUT I WASN'T.
aaarrrrgggghhhh....
That, my friend, is a given in a relationship.
It's a constant power struggle, whether acknowledged or not, and sometimes you have to be the one to apologize even when you've done nothing wrong.
Trust me, it's easier in the long run. You'll have your time, but you must pick and choose your battles.
If this is a small thing then let it go and get your make up on. If it's a bigger issue, use your best judgement, but be advised women are smarter than men.
Jeremy you are so very not married. but seriously...
I'll let the little stuff slide. Why? My wife'll do the same for me.
And I don't have time for the anger over the little stuff.
We are 100% honest and laugh at each others foibles, sure, but a lot of the time you just have to let it go. Cuz you're on the same team. If your relationship is important, you'll see that.
I've seen a LOT of relationships destroyed due to the guy's "inner sense of justice".
One doud's take.
day - it's working, all my hard work, wooooooooo
Now all you need is someone to practice on
like this one.
- spidey
bro, as long as you keep in perspective what constitutes a lie and what does not:
(Saddam has weapons of mass destruction vs. i just dont find your friend at gymnastics hot in that way) then you will be fine.
Dont over analyse things, if this is all that is bugging you then you have a headstart on most couples. and keep it in perspective, the cycle of lying can be a rapidly growing one, there is a big differance between letting the little stuff slide and straight up lying.
perspective homey.
This is real talk but on the other hand, it's not clear if our man Klafter is necessarily at the wifey stage of the relationship where giving ground is a prerequisite to, you know, sustaining a LIFE LONG RELATIONSHIP. Yeah, getting ring-ed kind of changes the whole game for a lot of folks (self included) but back when I was in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, man, fuck caving in.
Of course, this is why I'm not with those women.
So yeah, Rootless: look man, I don't know if it's best for you to stand your ground or not in this case but if you feel bitter about it, then that's just planting the seeds of future rancor anyways. If you want to concede for the sake of peace then swallow your pride over it and move on. If you want to be true to what you think is right, then do that and be prepared to deal with the consequences.
Ain't no silver bullet.
damn Wang, why you gotta put a brother on blast like that? who knows if she's googling me right now?
for real though I appreciate the advice from all y'all.
And no, it's not at the man and wife stage (by a long shot), so that definitely colors things.
I'm gonna have to sleep on it another night....
Says it all really. Got a friend who will never let anything drop if he believes/knows himself to be right. While I admire his honesty it means that his dating history is littered with the remains of relationships that collapsed over petty arguments spiralling out of control.
While I'll be the first to confess to being slightly pig headed I've found that the path to domestic bliss is helped by knowing when to let things drop and when to swallow your pride.
However if she's starting these arguments with you on a regular basis then I hate to tell you this but she's basically looking for a way out.
You don't have to be married just to give a fuck about the relationship...
I am not married yet I know the advice of Aser, Beebe, & Schrock to be true. I do love my woman and know that she puts up with a lot of BULLSHIT on my end so to forgive/forget something I think I was in the right on is really a small thing.
if she's got half a brain and sees that you keep saying 'yes i'm wrong' just to make her happy and isn't insulted by that or troubled by the lie/you giving in - then that's a bad sign too.
you're a smart dude - why settle for some gal who needs to be coddled rather than hold her own?
The bottom ine? Choose your battles. (Easier said than done, but it'll make you a happier man.)
Now, a confession: I was in a long-term relationship with a woman who loved nothing more than a good fight. And I finally had to admit that I was accepting her invitations all too often. But every now and then--when I was in your exact situation and I wanted to really, really piss her off--I would just say, "Okay, you can be right this time."
(Can we get a "youthful assholishness" graemlin?)
Sayin'. To be in a happy relationship you just might have to be on some "Yes Dear" shit or be lucky enough find the most perfectest women EVAR. If you don't want to be that dude, be like Latifah and live single. yadadads?
and yo...relationships can be waaaaaaay overated at times. Sometimes (most of the time) I just wanna
*BANG*BANG*BANG!
wow - am i crazy? i don't totally don't believe in that "yes dear" shit at all. tell it to me straight - i'm not five years old!
definitely - don't sweat the small stuff, but isn't the point that you help each other grow? if folks are "yes dear, yes dear" all the time - how is s/he supposed to be challenged and grow as a person?
am i being too Dr.Phil?
Some of these dudes still got some growin' up to do... maybe their ladies do, too?
It does NOT need to be a struggle.
Yes Dear! I agree! Illmatic is doo-doo on a stick[/b]
I keed! I keed!
I think you just may of found a worthwhile relationship. I think what Day and myself are talking about is that sometimes you have to pick your battles and just agree to get it over with (and this really only applies to the everyday petty bullshit that can make a realtionship,over time, un-bearable.) Miss Bassie is right you also have to be honest to the let person grow with you, being straight-up makes that happen.
If you find that you are compromising your own beliefs then you are in a bad position to be sure. But when I say "your beliefs", I don't mean the belief that you're right.
People that need to be right all the time have issues.
Why you gonna put my boy, Faux_Rillz ,on blast like that, shun?!?!?!
yup on all counts.
Believe me, I'm not privileging marriage over other forms of relationships. My point is that when you've made the commitment to spend an entire lifetime with someone, it does kind of change the stakes on the need for someone to negotiate a middle ground where everyone can try to be happy but still involves compromise. Even when I've been in serious relationships, the question was more, "can I make this work?" Now the question becomes, "how do I make this work?" The question for Rootless is which is the question he's trying to figure out.