You just gotta take some advice from Bill Murray... baby steps. Work small, and build your self-esteem up from there.
Plus what these other chumps said.
Bill also said.......
"This is a hybrid. This is a cross of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."
It can re-program the way you think, by manipluating the process of association the brain already uses:
This is very[/b] effective if done right.
You can change practically anything about yourself that you want to change. Even phobias and fears...
Okay, now to the bidness.....
Close your your eyes. ( - After learning it mang!)
Imagine a still picture of you as you are.... in a particular situation you want to change - at the point where you start to feel the way you dont want to feel - unconfident, for example.
Now - in the corner of that picture, imagine another picture of you, in a frame in the corner - But in this picture, you are seeing how you want to be. - Exactly the same situation - but with a confident version of you - how you want to be.
Now for the technique.... Let the small picture picture suddenly grow huge and smash the old picture into pieces - it flys forward at such a pace, that you end up inside your body - in that new picture. It litterally surrounds you as if you were there right now.
As it flies towards you, physically feel your posture change into a confident posture.. feel the smile developing on the face.. if you cant feel it, then you can just pretend.
Now, open your eyes.
Close your eyes again, go back to the start and do the whole thing again, but faster (the brain likes things to be done fast).
Again, faster.
Faster.
Do it about 10 times, opening and closing your eyes again between each one, eventually so fast that all you can see is the picture of how you want to be flying towards you.
Now just forget about it all.. your subconcious mind will be redefining it as you want it to be .
Now for the science of how it actually works...
Once you have re-played it so many times (as above) - You have litterally re-mixed the way the brain sees the whole situation.
Then next time - as soon as you find yourself in that situation again, and something triggers the old, unconfident response.... your brain will automatically skip a groove (check out the rekkid metaphor there son!!!) ... and skip into the new memory pattern you have set up - generating a new automatic response.
Try it mufugga. It works like a charm. Beleeeeeeedat !!!
Using this technique, you could literally have the inimitable, unstoppable confidence of
This clouded heart where the rain begins and the traffic dies. We cry a little because of the bricks showering from the broken buildings, the windows divided into pieces of pictures, the incomplete dirt and sallow gardens.
There is a girl, she doesn't know what her breasts are for and holds them up curiously with her fingers. Her eyes are two wagons gone off down different sidewalks pulled by boys with playing cards in their pants, who can't read their hands, who's goodbye mouths sail higher and higher. The souls of their shoes are virgins. This is a neighborhood of padded mud, wheels gone all the way, kisses like the electric wires inside eels, nervous knives, pretty pistols, mothers, gods, fathers, cops, leaning with shame.
The deteriorated winter is yellow and its cruel dust is everywhere, on the handlebars, stair rails, steeples, all broken off rooftops that smell like moldy sausage. The boys shake out their cards in the dark but there is only one girl in the whole city and she is pregnant. All have the same mother, went on the same vacation, father "toot-toot" like oranges against the skyscraper; could be that man, could be that one. An avalanche of fathers that kill you with snakes, with beliefs that are the invention of snakes. Here is an eye and here is an eye, this one watches you and this one watches you. You feel that you are watched when you are private. Even when you are not private you cannot chose your audience. You feel that everything you do is pornography. Mother cries, father slaps and punches the beliefs explained, and the buildings where it is explained all stink and are filled with slippery objects that you can not touch.
You are so nasty you go to the psychologist's office, take your pants down, and look up there with a visionary stethoscope. And give you plastic chewing gum to mutter the pain. The Avon Lady eyeglasses through the windshield, shirt button mouthed, cleavage like a holocaust. Some place you look down sick for your own good. Make-up time in school. Lipstick and fingernail polish on a corpse. Look in the dummy box, there are two wet breasts and an ace of diamonds and a five. The nipple is made of straw like a doll nipple, dry and sweet.
Give her your cigarettes, your silver star of David, your ancient ridicule that hackles over the fences that surround and divide history into ghettos and she will fuck you on the newspaper with the cat shit and motoroil, give you an even break where there used to be just shatter lines in your cement. "There is a girl in there," you swear and we swear in memory. Look down where they poured the basement floor, the landlord watching, looking at the electric clock, listening, saying, "Too much talk here," counting and counting to ten, which is all you need to know to count to a million. He watches them and we watch him, "There is a girl down there," we whisper.
He glasses in my shirt in a string, beating like a heart against the skin, and she can't see no more. Counts to a million and goes to his cars, writes "One Million" on a piece of paper and drives away with millions on paper. You fucking phony genie, give me my wish! Under the auditorium stairs this time, and no bullshit - show up this time or I'll swipe your glasses and never give 'em back! "She's got something to cry about," they say at the pop stand, "Made her do pornography to pay the rent. She got a skin disease on her pussy, they turned off the heat, and her baby froze on the rug furniture leg, stuck in it like a blue popsicle. And toys all over, sold 'em back to the store for batteries for the radio, to hear where the food bank is."
Shannondoa playing like mice through the wall, onion skin propeller twirling in the gray light bulb, and oh it's gonna get dark. Does the sun shit on their roof? I got a hammer lock pencil sharpener you can use in a fight. Got her on the stairs and I'll trade you. Shut the basement floor over her for a million, all the walls are covered with pictures already of her and me and you, fucking each other all day, every day and the cars and the vans going in and out.
The cops taking away the night for something it did.
Shatter lines across the moon where it used to shine. Heaven up in jail, God splintered by bars, drinking out of the toilet in San Diego, saw him through the little window and he had no more money. Gave him my cigarettes and silver star of David. On a wet afternoon, almost got run over going from the jail to the bail bond and still they wouldn't take nothing I had, my run-over self, five lucky cards, sex, green job - "Never heard of a poor Jew," they said, and threw everything on the floor. "My dad's in there, he's like God to me! My God's in there he's like a dad to me!" "Well, give him all your cigarettes," they said, and he did time and got raped by guards and prisoners, got knifed and kicked the shit out of, went in the hole for five months, three weeks, did not cry for nine years which is almost a million.
And next time the land lord smiled was when they took the furnace out and everyone had to get their own heat. You got an eye on your hooligan and I know your breadbox is on fire and the panties was oozing milk but the tracks on your arms talk right into the walkie-talkie. Squad cars fall right out of the sky to see it. Angels of hysteria, tattle-tale virgins with nothing to tell whistle in their once bright air, where now just bricks fly, where once was a bird or two.
Oh, Mama, get me a plane ticket out of here! Oh, Mama, put me on a bus! Oh, Mama, get Daddy out of jail! How come the hole in the roof isn't big enough so I can fly out but it's big enough so the rain can get in?
And I saw you in the picture and I saw you in the picture and I'm not too young or too dumb to know what you was doing in the picture!
Instead of comparing yourself to others, only compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Set realistic goals and persist until you've reached them. Then set new ones.
If someone else can do something, you can too. We're all human beings. The people we look up to or feel inferior to don't have any superpowers. Most likely they just put in the necessary time.
Believe it or not, when you really get down to it, most difficult things are just easy things that require more time.
"It's not that I'm smart. I just spend more time with problems." - Albert Einstein
The best baseball players in the world fail 7 out of 10 at bats.
everyday take a risk do something that scares you also try the 100 push up routine i do it and when i started i could only do about 15 push ups now i can do 100 plus push ups in one go it was hard work but also very zen in a weird way dont drink alcohol as a relief it will only make things worse learn to see things as what they are ,dont dig deep into shallow shit peace
damn!!!! 100 in one go is impressive!!! i try to do 100 push ups every other day (not in a row..oof)and it is very therapeutic. also 100 situps, but that just straight sucks.
damn!!!! 100 in one go is impressive!!! i try to do 100 push ups every other day (not in a row..oof)and it is very therapeutic. also 100 situps, but that just straight sucks.
I'm doing ok I guess, that was probably the time when I was really not sure about myself, what I want to do and who I really am
on the other hand I wasn't sure about my career choice, I wasn't focused enough or not devoted enough to job, I wanted to be a DJ but never realised that things around me just doesn't allow me to pursuit life that way, not yet at least
but now I thought thru somethings, although I still am not sure about my career choice as a town planner but at least changes hppened since 2005, and this new place I'm working in is not so bad, its up to me to see how hard I can push myself and work my way up...
Music? Is just a hobby now I suppose, going to see a good DJ set, or hearing you guys making good music on here and talking about records is enough to keep me happy. Perhaps, PERHAPS, one day I will pursuit what i wanted to do in music, who knows.
Thanks y'all! I mean it.
And keep making those good music that you guys do, cuz people out there really do care about them
Happy holidays!
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Hey,
I was extremely insecure, shy, and withdrawn as a youngster. There were several ways that I battld back from this, and here are the highlights:
1. Overcompensate via success/achievement/talent:
-Since I was shy and withdrawn, I poured myself into achieving in particular domains of interest. My main pursuits were academics, music, and later, athletics. I worked hard and became really successful in these three domains, among my peers. These successes became a source of confidence serving as some positive aspects of my self-concept. Also, these self-conceptions were validated by my peers ("Yo, that was a cool drum solo you did in the Christmas concert. How'd you learn to play like that?"), resulting in a positive reputation (to some extent, anyway). Also, performing in front of crowds (e.g., singing) help to cure my shyness in public settings, allowing me to become a professor of all things.
2. Vicarious learning.
-I remember being 10-years old or so at a "blue-light" party in my uncle's basement in Seat Pleasant, MD (now known as "Capitol Heights). Everyone was dancing and having a good time while I held up the wall. I also noticed in school how that guys that talked to girls, um, had girlfriends. By observing my social surroundings, it dawned on my that my shyness was self-defeating in a social sense and that I needed to overcome it. So, I would engage in some "hypothesis testing" of sorts, trying to be assertive, little by little. I would first take on less-threatening targets (say, OK looking girls, asking for a phone number). Through these early successes, I built the confidence to try to rap to the babes I really admired from afar. After a while, I became really assertive, melding into the extreme extravert I am today.
3. Go to the source/Accept thyself.
-Here, you gotta soul search and try to determine the source of your insecurities. For me, it was my overbearing mother who never accepted me as I am. Carl Rogers, the humanistic psychologist, said that a child's principal need is unconditional positive regard (UPR). He said that the key to a healthy self-concept is for a child to have a caregiver/parent(s) that loves him/her regardless of how he/she is. I always felt, and I still do, that my mother's love in conditioned on me doing what she wants me to do.
-To overcome this issue, when I was a teenager, I stopped caring about her impossible standards. I learn to accept myself as I am, and embrace my uniqueness. It was OK to be independent and blaze my own trail, regardless of what she thought. I became free of her validation, and frankly, stopped giving a shit about it. I became a better man for it, realizing that SHE had the issue, not me. I personally think it came from her childhood, as she had a "rolling stone" pops and a cruel, evil witch of a mother. She never got over her childhood emotional scars, for which, I have suggested therapy for years. But, as any mental health professional knows, Black folks woefully underutilize mental health services, so you know the story. Fortunately for me, pops was/is hella cool, serving as nice counterbalance for my dogmatic, overbearing mother.
4. Heal before proceeding.
-This is a vicious cycle that a lot of adults perpetuate: Leave a bad relationship, fail to heal sufficiently, then enter another one. Some people have serious emotional dependence issues, always needing to be with someone. But here is the harsh reality: Emotionally damaged people CANNOT have healthy relationships!!!!!!!!! My mother, for example, who as been married for 44 years[/b] still has trust issues with my dad (isn't this ludicrous?). Why, because she is woefully insecure. Similarly, if you got of a relationship where trust was an issue, unless you overcome it, you'll carry it into the next one. So, take some time off to heal the emotional wounds before going back to battle. Back in 1995, my ex-fiancee broke my heart. I didn't get into a serious relationship for a year, just dated causally. By the time I met wifey, I was over my pain and able to deal with her on her own merits, versus projecting my emotional scars onto her.
-The key is to also learn from your experiences and avoid situations that are not good for you. Try to figure out why the relationship went bad and what role did you play in it. If this is habitual, think about if there is something about you that draws you to people who will hurt you or mistreat you. Introspection can be a beautiful tool for sorting through such issues.
I wish you well in overcoming your insecurities. Best of luck!!!
I'm doing ok I guess, that was probably the time when I was really not sure about myself, what I want to do and who I really am
on the other hand I wasn't sure about my career choice, I wasn't focused enough or not devoted enough to job, I wanted to be a DJ but never realised that things around me just doesn't allow me to pursuit life that way, not yet at least
but now I thought thru somethings, although I still am not sure about my career choice as a town planner but at least changes hppened since 2005, and this new place I'm working in is not so bad, its up to me to see how hard I can push myself and work my way up...
Music? Is just a hobby now I suppose, going to see a good DJ set, or hearing you guys making good music on here and talking about records is enough to keep me happy. Perhaps, PERHAPS, one day I will pursuit what i wanted to do in music, who knows.
Thanks y'all! I mean it.
And keep making those good music that you guys do, cuz people out there really do care about them
Happy holidays!
Hey Kenny,
I feel you on everything you said. I'm kind of indecisive about my career choices right now as well. A lot of my friends work at CPA firms, so I'm kind of half-heartedly making the attempt to make it to a Big Four CPA firm. I've taken the necessary accounting courses, so I can do that if I follow through on everything. As far as pay, becoming an auditor is much better. But ofcourse, it's not as exciting as coaching or sports journalism, which I still have an interest in. This is perhaps the first time in my life that I'm actually torn between two or more career choices. Shit is not easy, but I guess it's a process that is necessary to become successful.
Maybe it's because it's LA, but so many people are preoccupied with money. Okay, I'll stop this introspection. Nice to know others have similar struggles as well. Peace Kenny!
Comments
laughter is the MOST improtant element to a happy life.
peace, stein. . .
Some people have genuine concern for others & some just don't care too much.
Hard to tell someone to gain confidence in themselves if the mindset is the polar opposite.
Hope you work it out & best of luck...
take it from the master
Sorry, had to do it.
By the way, speaking of the punan the punan the punani, Einstein, have you....ah, never mind.
Herm
damn thats some COOL shit!!
.......whoah, shit's mesmerising.......and mildly erotic.
flunk
Plus what these other chumps said.
Bill also said.......
"This is a hybrid. This is a cross of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."
It can re-program the way you think, by manipluating the process of association the brain already uses:
This is very[/b] effective if done right.
You can change practically anything about yourself that you want to change. Even phobias and fears...
Okay, now to the bidness.....
Close your your eyes. ( - After learning it mang!)
Imagine a still picture of you as you are.... in a particular situation you want to change - at the point where you start to feel the way you dont want to feel - unconfident, for example.
Now - in the corner of that picture, imagine another picture of you, in a frame in the corner - But in this picture, you are seeing how you want to be. - Exactly the same situation - but with a confident version of you - how you want to be.
Now for the technique.... Let the small picture picture suddenly grow huge and smash the old picture into pieces - it flys forward at such a pace, that you end up inside your body - in that new picture. It litterally surrounds you as if you were there right now.
As it flies towards you, physically feel your posture change into a confident posture.. feel the smile developing on the face.. if you cant feel it, then you can just pretend.
Now, open your eyes.
Close your eyes again, go back to the start and do the whole thing again, but faster (the brain likes things to be done fast).
Again, faster.
Faster.
Do it about 10 times, opening and closing your eyes again between each one, eventually so fast that all you can see is the picture of how you want to be flying towards you.
Now just forget about it all.. your subconcious mind will be redefining it as you want it to be .
Now for the science of how it actually works...
Once you have re-played it so many times (as above) - You have litterally re-mixed the way the brain sees the whole situation.
Then next time - as soon as you find yourself in that situation again, and something triggers the old, unconfident response.... your brain will automatically skip a groove (check out the rekkid metaphor there son!!!) ... and skip into the new memory pattern you have set up - generating a new automatic response.
Try it mufugga. It works like a charm. Beleeeeeeedat !!!
Using this technique, you could literally have the inimitable, unstoppable confidence of
This clouded heart where the rain begins and the traffic dies. We cry a little because of the bricks showering from the broken buildings, the windows divided into pieces of pictures, the incomplete dirt and sallow gardens.
There is a girl, she doesn't know what her breasts are for and holds them up curiously with her fingers. Her eyes are two wagons gone off down different sidewalks pulled by boys with playing cards in their pants, who can't read their hands, who's goodbye mouths sail higher and higher. The souls of their shoes are virgins. This is a neighborhood of padded mud, wheels gone all the way, kisses like the electric wires inside eels, nervous knives, pretty pistols, mothers, gods, fathers, cops, leaning with shame.
The deteriorated winter is yellow and its cruel dust is everywhere, on the handlebars, stair rails, steeples, all broken off rooftops that smell like moldy sausage. The boys shake out their cards in the dark but there is only one girl in the whole city and she is pregnant. All have the same mother, went on the same vacation, father "toot-toot" like oranges against the skyscraper; could be that man, could be that one. An avalanche of fathers that kill you with snakes, with beliefs that are the invention of snakes. Here is an eye and here is an eye, this one watches you and this one watches you. You feel that you are watched when you are private. Even when you are not private you cannot chose your audience. You feel that everything you do is pornography. Mother cries, father slaps and punches the beliefs explained, and the buildings where it is explained all stink and are filled with slippery objects that you can not touch.
You are so nasty you go to the psychologist's office, take your pants down, and look up there with a visionary stethoscope. And give you plastic chewing gum to mutter the pain. The Avon Lady eyeglasses through the windshield, shirt button mouthed, cleavage like a holocaust. Some place you look down sick for your own good. Make-up time in school. Lipstick and fingernail polish on a corpse. Look in the dummy box, there are two wet breasts and an ace of diamonds and a five. The nipple is made of straw like a doll nipple, dry and sweet.
Give her your cigarettes, your silver star of David, your ancient ridicule that hackles over the fences that surround and divide history into ghettos and she will fuck you on the newspaper with the cat shit and motoroil, give you an even break where there used to be just shatter lines in your cement. "There is a girl in there," you swear and we swear in memory. Look down where they poured the basement floor, the landlord watching, looking at the electric clock, listening, saying, "Too much talk here," counting and counting to ten, which is all you need to know to count to a million. He watches them and we watch him, "There is a girl down there," we whisper.
He glasses in my shirt in a string, beating like a heart against the skin, and she can't see no more. Counts to a million and goes to his cars, writes "One Million" on a piece of paper and drives away with millions on paper. You fucking phony genie, give me my wish! Under the auditorium stairs this time, and no bullshit - show up this time or I'll swipe your glasses and never give 'em back! "She's got something to cry about," they say at the pop stand, "Made her do pornography to pay the rent. She got a skin disease on her pussy, they turned off the heat, and her baby froze on the rug furniture leg, stuck in it like a blue popsicle. And toys all over, sold 'em back to the store for batteries for the radio, to hear where the food bank is."
Shannondoa playing like mice through the wall, onion skin propeller twirling in the gray light bulb, and oh it's gonna get dark. Does the sun shit on their roof? I got a hammer lock pencil sharpener you can use in a fight. Got her on the stairs and I'll trade you. Shut the basement floor over her for a million, all the walls are covered with pictures already of her and me and you, fucking each other all day, every day and the cars and the vans going in and out.
The cops taking away the night for something it did.
Shatter lines across the moon where it used to shine. Heaven up in jail, God splintered by bars, drinking out of the toilet in San Diego, saw him through the little window and he had no more money. Gave him my cigarettes and silver star of David. On a wet afternoon, almost got run over going from the jail to the bail bond and still they wouldn't take nothing I had, my run-over self, five lucky cards, sex, green job - "Never heard of a poor Jew," they said, and threw everything on the floor. "My dad's in there, he's like God to me! My God's in there he's like a dad to me!" "Well, give him all your cigarettes," they said, and he did time and got raped by guards and prisoners, got knifed and kicked the shit out of, went in the hole for five months, three weeks, did not cry for nine years which is almost a million.
And next time the land lord smiled was when they took the furnace out and everyone had to get their own heat. You got an eye on your hooligan and I know your breadbox is on fire and the panties was oozing milk but the tracks on your arms talk right into the walkie-talkie. Squad cars fall right out of the sky to see it. Angels of hysteria, tattle-tale virgins with nothing to tell whistle in their once bright air, where now just bricks fly, where once was a bird or two.
Oh, Mama, get me a plane ticket out of here! Oh, Mama, put me on a bus! Oh, Mama, get Daddy out of jail! How come the hole in the roof isn't big enough so I can fly out but it's big enough so the rain can get in?
And I saw you in the picture and I saw you in the picture and I'm not too young or too dumb to know what you was doing in the picture!
I saw you in my clouded heart.
Set realistic goals and persist until you've reached them. Then set new ones.
If someone else can do something, you can too. We're all human beings. The people we look up to or feel inferior to don't have any superpowers. Most likely they just put in the necessary time.
Believe it or not, when you really get down to it, most difficult things are just easy things that require more time.
"It's not that I'm smart. I just spend more time with problems." - Albert Einstein
The best baseball players in the world fail 7 out of 10 at bats.
And to women, your spunk is like manna from Heaven.
do something that scares you
also try the 100 push up routine
i do it and when i started i could only do about 15 push ups
now i can do 100 plus push ups in one go
it was hard work but also very zen in a weird way
dont drink alcohol as a relief it will only make things worse
learn to see things as what they are ,dont dig deep into shallow shit
peace
i try to do 100 push ups every other day (not in a row..oof)and it is very therapeutic. also 100 situps, but that just straight sucks.
how you feeling now kenny? 3 years later?
I'm curious to know as well.
Hi Tony.
I'm doing ok I guess, that was probably the time when I was really not sure about myself, what I want to do and who I really am
on the other hand I wasn't sure about my career choice, I wasn't focused enough or not devoted enough to job, I wanted to be a DJ but never realised that things around me just doesn't allow me to pursuit life that way, not yet at least
but now I thought thru somethings, although I still am not sure about my career choice as a town planner but at least changes hppened since 2005, and this new place I'm working in is not so bad, its up to me to see how hard I can push myself and work my way up...
Music? Is just a hobby now I suppose, going to see a good DJ set, or hearing you guys making good music on here and talking about records is enough to keep me happy. Perhaps, PERHAPS, one day I will pursuit what i wanted to do in music, who knows.
Thanks y'all! I mean it.
And keep making those good music that you guys do, cuz people out there really do care about them
Happy holidays!
I was extremely insecure, shy, and withdrawn as a youngster. There were several ways that I battld back from this, and here are the highlights:
1. Overcompensate via success/achievement/talent:
-Since I was shy and withdrawn, I poured myself into achieving in particular domains of interest. My main pursuits were academics, music, and later, athletics. I worked hard and became really successful in these three domains, among my peers. These successes became a source of confidence serving as some positive aspects of my self-concept. Also, these self-conceptions were validated by my peers ("Yo, that was a cool drum solo you did in the Christmas concert. How'd you learn to play like that?"), resulting in a positive reputation (to some extent, anyway). Also, performing in front of crowds (e.g., singing) help to cure my shyness in public settings, allowing me to become a professor of all things.
2. Vicarious learning.
-I remember being 10-years old or so at a "blue-light" party in my uncle's basement in Seat Pleasant, MD (now known as "Capitol Heights). Everyone was dancing and having a good time while I held up the wall. I also noticed in school how that guys that talked to girls, um, had girlfriends. By observing my social surroundings, it dawned on my that my shyness was self-defeating in a social sense and that I needed to overcome it. So, I would engage in some "hypothesis testing" of sorts, trying to be assertive, little by little. I would first take on less-threatening targets (say, OK looking girls, asking for a phone number). Through these early successes, I built the confidence to try to rap to the babes I really admired from afar. After a while, I became really assertive, melding into the extreme extravert I am today.
3. Go to the source/Accept thyself.
-Here, you gotta soul search and try to determine the source of your insecurities. For me, it was my overbearing mother who never accepted me as I am. Carl Rogers, the humanistic psychologist, said that a child's principal need is unconditional positive regard (UPR). He said that the key to a healthy self-concept is for a child to have a caregiver/parent(s) that loves him/her regardless of how he/she is. I always felt, and I still do, that my mother's love in conditioned on me doing what she wants me to do.
-To overcome this issue, when I was a teenager, I stopped caring about her impossible standards. I learn to accept myself as I am, and embrace my uniqueness. It was OK to be independent and blaze my own trail, regardless of what she thought. I became free of her validation, and frankly, stopped giving a shit about it. I became a better man for it, realizing that SHE had the issue, not me. I personally think it came from her childhood, as she had a "rolling stone" pops and a cruel, evil witch of a mother. She never got over her childhood emotional scars, for which, I have suggested therapy for years. But, as any mental health professional knows, Black folks woefully underutilize mental health services, so you know the story. Fortunately for me, pops was/is hella cool, serving as nice counterbalance for my dogmatic, overbearing mother.
4. Heal before proceeding.
-This is a vicious cycle that a lot of adults perpetuate: Leave a bad relationship, fail to heal sufficiently, then enter another one. Some people have serious emotional dependence issues, always needing to be with someone. But here is the harsh reality: Emotionally damaged people CANNOT have healthy relationships!!!!!!!!! My mother, for example, who as been married for 44 years[/b] still has trust issues with my dad (isn't this ludicrous?). Why, because she is woefully insecure. Similarly, if you got of a relationship where trust was an issue, unless you overcome it, you'll carry it into the next one. So, take some time off to heal the emotional wounds before going back to battle. Back in 1995, my ex-fiancee broke my heart. I didn't get into a serious relationship for a year, just dated causally. By the time I met wifey, I was over my pain and able to deal with her on her own merits, versus projecting my emotional scars onto her.
-The key is to also learn from your experiences and avoid situations that are not good for you. Try to figure out why the relationship went bad and what role did you play in it. If this is habitual, think about if there is something about you that draws you to people who will hurt you or mistreat you. Introspection can be a beautiful tool for sorting through such issues.
I wish you well in overcoming your insecurities. Best of luck!!!
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Hey Kenny,
I feel you on everything you said. I'm kind of indecisive about my career choices right now as well. A lot of my friends work at CPA firms, so I'm kind of half-heartedly making the attempt to make it to a Big Four CPA firm. I've taken the necessary accounting courses, so I can do that if I follow through on everything. As far as pay, becoming an auditor is much better. But ofcourse, it's not as exciting as coaching or sports journalism, which I still have an interest in. This is perhaps the first time in my life that I'm actually torn between two or more career choices. Shit is not easy, but I guess it's a process that is necessary to become successful.
Maybe it's because it's LA, but so many people are preoccupied with money. Okay, I'll stop this introspection. Nice to know others have similar struggles as well. Peace Kenny!
Yuichi