Letters to People who resemble The Thing
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Dear Michael Chiklis,Now that The Shield is over, will you use your superpowers to prevent the making of any more Fantastic Four Movies?Thanks,Tom Dear Joe Cabot,I'm sorry your caper ended so badly. If it's any consolation, I thought you were hilarious and scary.Respectfully,Tom Dear Jimmy Raye,I heard you were interviewing to become the new Niners offensive coordinator. I hope that works out for you. Perhaps you and Samurai Mike could fight crime in the offseason as a new superhero team.Best of luck,Tom
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Dear girl from the early Ohio Players albums.
What's your story? Where are you now? I looked at my "Pain" album and your not credited, but the costume designer is?
Dear Lawrence Tierney--
Besides being great in Reservoir Dogs, and you were hilarious when you played Elaine's dad on Seinfeld. I felt like you were kinda taking the piss outta Hemingway, which was pretty funny to me. Also, you had a great bit on The Simpsons as Don Brodka the security guy at the department store--you really used your persona to sell the comedy. I bet if I had met you in real life, though, I would've been too intimidated to say these things to you.
RIP, duder.
Dear Herc--
You're such a fuckup, dude. Passing over Marlo's cell phone number doesn't make up for it, either.
Dear Guv'nor,
You will always be known as the hardest man in Britain.
RIP,
Billy
Dear Goldberg,
I wish I could say that I guessed this was your name because it says so on the picture. But actually, I know who you are, and it makes me ashamed of my past.
Ever yours,
willie_fugal
Dear George "The Animal" Steele,
You never won the belt, but you'll always be one of the greatest to me.
D
p.s. What's Mine up to these days?
Dear Private Pyle,
DAMN SON!
-BD
Dear Joey,
Why cant you sell more records?
- DA BATMON
Dear Phil,
Please, please, please, please. stop.
Thanks
Ha ha
I liked the Pvt. Pyle one as well.
I think his action figure needs more body hair.
Here's how to make twice the amount of money doing one film (since u ain't making the dollars you used to). Make a movie about The Thing...then turn the reel upside down and it's instant Fat Joe as Picachu.
Dear Agent Schrader,
You should get over yourself and head down to El Paso. Trust me, you don't want to catch Heisenberg, it could be unpleasant for everyone involved.
Sincerely,
Agent Bin
"Where's the money, potatohead"?
Dear Mark Henry,
Remember that time up at Catfish Station when you bodyslammed that ragdoll of a dude for stepping on your shoe? Well, it was my friend Terry who actually stepped on your shoe and not the dude you destroyed.
Dear Big Pokey,
You rap like your mouth is perpetually filled with Everlasting Gobstoppers. Please continue.
I guess not. Good luck on your next endeavor.