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How Do You Make A Duck Into A Soul Singer?

willie_fugalwillie_fugal 1,862 Posts
edited September 2010 in Strut Central
Stick it in the microwave until its Bill Withers.

:drummer:


y'all got jokes?

  Comments

  • JimsterJimster Cruffiton.etsy.com 6,955 Posts
    Wife wakes up next to husband one morning and he's in a coma. Husband is rushed to hospital, where they run tests. Eventually he wakes up but is very, very weak. Doctor takes wife to one side.

    Doc: "Your husband is suffering from massive stress levels. He'll be dead within a month unless you do the following - every day, you need to make love to him, any way he desires, as many times as you can."

    Wifey nods slowly.

    Doc: "That's not all - you need to make sure you do all the housework, cook his food, don't argue with him and do not cause him any undue stress, in any way. Drive him to the pub and back, let him play golf, let him watch as much football as he wants."

    Wifey nods slowly.

    Doctor leaves, wife returns to husband, who beckons her over.

    He asks, in a trembling voice "What is wrong with me? What did he say?"










    Wife: "You've got a month to live."
  • nzshadownzshadow 5,518 Posts
    A New Zealander walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

    His wife replies:

    "That's a sheep, you bloody idiot."

    The man says, " I wasn't talking to you."
  • novocaine132novocaine132 337 Posts
    how much does a pair of pirate earrings cost?

    $2




    a buck an ear
  • BreezBreez 1,706 Posts
    A little girl is walks into her mother's room while the mother is getting dressed and the girl asks, "Mommy, when am I gonna get them", pointing to her mothers breast's. The mother replies, "When you get older sweety". So now the girl runs into the bathroom where her step-father is getting dressed and she says, "Daddy when am I gonna get one of them", pointing to the her step-father's penis. The step-father replies, "As soon as your mother leaves".

    :cheese:
  • The_Hook_UpThe_Hook_Up 8,182 Posts
    novocaine132 said:
    how much does a pair of pirate earrings cost?

    $2




    a buck an ear

    ha! Similar joke:

    a little boy goes out trick or treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell and a lady comes to the door and says "how cute! So where are your little buccaneers?"
    and the liitle boys says "under my bucking hat"
  • motorcityfunkmotorcityfunk 128 Posts
    What do they Miles Davis in Europe?

    Kilometers Davis.


    A guy walks into an apartment building delivering a package and knocks on the door. A beautiful naked woman answers and asks "Joe Williams?" He replies "No" and she slams the door in his face. He knocks again and the naked woman opens the door and asks "Joe Williams?". He says "No" again and she slams the door shut. The man knocks on the door a third time and the naked lady answers and asks "Joe Williams" to which he replies "Everyday, everyday I have the blues!".
  • DeeRockDeeRock 1,836 Posts
    A guy goes to his dr. and says "I have a problem cutting silent farts all day long" and while he's telling the dr. he rips three of 'em. The dr. says well first off "You've lost your hearing"
  • tabiratabira 856 Posts
    Father: What do you want to be when you grow up son?

    Son: A drummer Dad!

    Father: You can't do both son
  • SIRUSSIRUS 2,554 Posts
    Breez said:
    A little girl is walks into her mother's room while the mother is getting dressed and the girl asks, "Mommy, when am I gonna get them", pointing to her mothers breast's. The mother replies, "When you get older sweety". So now the girl runs into the bathroom where her step-father is getting dressed and she says, "Daddy when am I gonna get one of them", pointing to the her step-father's penis. The step-father replies, "As soon as your mother leaves".

    :cheese:

    foul
  • rootlesscosmorootlesscosmo 12,848 Posts
    SIRUS said:
    Breez said:
    A little girl is walks into her mother's room while the mother is getting dressed and the girl asks, "Mommy, when am I gonna get them", pointing to her mothers breast's. The mother replies, "When you get older sweety". So now the girl runs into the bathroom where her step-father is getting dressed and she says, "Daddy when am I gonna get one of them", pointing to the her step-father's penis. The step-father replies, "As soon as your mother leaves".

    :cheese:

    foul

    extra foul.
  • ElectrodeElectrode Los Angeles 3,129 Posts
    So animal torture is less offensive than incest? They're just play-on word punchlines that are supposed to shock you, Sensitivo Strut
  • Controller_7Controller_7 4,052 Posts
    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. Bartender says "what's with the steering wheel?" the pirate says "yarrrgggh. It's drivin me nuts."
  • vintageinfantsvintageinfants 4,537 Posts
    Controller_7 said:
    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. Bartender says "what's with the steering wheel?" the pirate says "yarrrgggh. It's drivin me nuts."

    this is the worst/best joke.
  • rootlesscosmorootlesscosmo 12,848 Posts
    Electrode said:
    So animal torture is less offensive than incest? They're just play-on word punchlines that are supposed to shock you, Sensitivo Strut

    i actually happen to think the duck joke is also foul.

    ZING!

    no but really that and the incest one are both gross.
  • vintageinfantsvintageinfants 4,537 Posts
    how do you know Adam and eve weren't black?

    have you ever tried to take a rib away from a black guy?
  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    Well this thread went downhill impressively quickly.
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