Today's Friday- Who got jokes?
Mangoman
549 Posts
Heres one:Husband and Wife go to the movies and during the movies the wife says to her husband theirs this guy jerkin off next to me, and the Husband tells his wife don???t worry about it, just try to ignore it, and the wife says to her husband I???ll try but he???s using my hand!LOL!!!
Comments
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."
I don't know but it sure can pick a whole lotta lettuce!
BAN!
That's actually not bad. Fianlly a joke I can tell around my friends 14 year old boy.
YOU SAID "MY KNEES"
YO ASS IS SO OLD I SAID "WHATS UP?"
YOU SAID "MY CHOLESTEROL"
He's the one wearing the clean bowling shirt
Oh yeah, I'm 1/4 Polish, so it's cool.
"me?
when i was born, i'm black..
when i'm sick, i'm black...
when i'm angry, i'm black...
but you?
when you're born, you're pink...
when you're sick, you're green...
when you gets angry, you're red...
and you call ME colored?"
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again
and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady
indignantly.
"In this country . we don't speak aloud in public places about our
sex lives .
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
I'VE GOT $15.00 THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS AGAIN ! ! !
heres another dog joke along the same lines...
A man is walking down the street and sees a sign "Dog $10" The man wonders aloud "I wonder what is up with this dog?" The Dog responds..."well, about 6 years ago my owner discovered I could talk. He contacted some government scientists about me and I ended up working for the CIA. I worked as a spy and eavesdropped on secret conversations. I traveled all over the world and completed dozens and dozens of missions"
Upon hearing the talking dog and hearing of his accomplishments, the man had to see this dog's owner and wonder why the owner would sell a talking dog, much less one that was a national hero for only $10.
He asked the owner "why are you sellling this dog for only $10"
The owner replied "that dog is a lying sack of shit, he didnt do any of that stuff, you cant believe a word he says"
two dudes are walking down the street, one with his chihuahua, the other with his german shephard.
dude with german shephard: Let's go over there and have a beer in the bar across the street.
dude with chihuahua: we can't go in there. the sign on the door says no dogs allowed.
dude with german shephard: it's easy. we put on sun glasses, pretend to be blind, and claim the dogs are our seeing eye dogs. watch.
Dude with german shephard walks over and enters the bar. bouncer says hey you can't come in here with that thing. Dude with german shephard says hey I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog. bouncer says cool.
Dude with chihuahua decides to try. Puts on his sun glasses and walks over; enters the bar.
Bouncer: Hey you can't come in here with that thing.
dude with chihuahua: But I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog.
bouncer: you expect me to beleive you have a chihuahua for a seeing eye dog?
dude with chihuahua: WHAT?!?!? you mean they gave me a g*ddamn chihuahua!?!!