You'll have a few of those for every one that pans out, no big deal...just keep putting yourself out there.
Hey,
My stance is that if someone is interested in you, she/he will act like it. If someone has to put in too much effort to make a connection, the other person is obviously not interested; therefore, the "pursuer" should move on to other pastures. A single person, in my opinion, should not hang all of her/his hopes and cares on one individual, but instead, should date multiple people (at least, initially). This does NOT mean having sex or anything, just sampling the lay of the land to determine to whom she/he is most attracted. If there is a mutual attraction and connection with a particular individual, the two parties should indulge to form a deeper, meaningful relationship. All of this should evolve over time, not in an instant, as it is too soon to invest very much time and emotional effort into someone you don't know very well. Plus, you should be screening the person during dating to determine her/his character and values, as these are the foundations of a truly adaptive, lasting relationship. Thus, why care a great deal about getting blown off, potentially, by someone you don't know very well, since you're single and should have other options? This was the essence of my earlier post.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Ok I take that back, I am glad you posted this on here so I could read Big Stacks comments.... a very wise man indeed!! Don't worry about that girl, as many others have said in this thread, just get on with your life and continue to put yourself out there.
I agree with Pickwick's post about reverse psych backfiring. As a woman, if a guy looks like he has too much other shit to do I'll just assume he's too busy to make me a priority.
Face it, most attempts will seem clingy or desperate if they result in failure. If you break all the rules and make a fool of yourself but still get the guy/gal, you fckng win.
Selperfuge made a good point. Women get hollared at a lot just for having vaginas, let alone being an attractive waitress. Defensiveness should be expected even if you're not being creepy.
I know that no one can truly "be yourself" when out in public, but generally when I try to get with a lady, I just...speak my mind.
That's all you can do. No second guessing, no Internet seduction techniques, no reverse psychology, none of that roundabout bullshit. It's not 100% foolproof, but then no technique is, and most of the dates/girlfriends I've gotten during my adult life, I got that way. Besides, if she wants you bad enough, it will happen.
Gaming is fine, and "the dance" has its' place, but anytime I relied too hard on them, then something went wrong. And it wound up crippling my swagger, besides. You tryin' your best to be "cool" about it, and in the meantime she's thinking, "okay, guess he doesn't want me, then."
I've also heard that THIS might improve your chances:
saying you should call instead of text = you sound old.
No, just impatient. Why should I text and wait a while for an answer when I could be talking in real time and get an answer right away? Should I send smoke signals, too?
Texting is for letting somebody know that you'll be there in a matter of minutes. That's not for conversation.
I dropped this story up here cuz i wanted outside opinions on it, and consensus is she aint feelin it, and it was aptly pointed out that i wasnt stood up since no actual event was even decided upon where i show up and wait aroudn trying to pretend like im busy on my phone to avoid the embarassment of being stood up.
stacks - i feel what you're sayin, girl aint the only option, just happened to be my number 1 draft pick at the moment, which i guess contribute's to me being taken aback a bit.
soulonice - you kinda nailed it on the head with why that 2nd text was sent, but i guess i probably didnt need to send that, since it would have been glaringly obvious, i was trying to be polite i guess on the off chance she hit me up later and im already busy with something else.
pickwick - in my head i thought i was being clear when i said "hey why dont you come out this shit on friday w/ me," but i guess it could have been construed otherwise? who knows, im not quite sure how to be more upfront about it. i guess i could have suggested something a little more common for a first date like dinner and a drink or somethin, but i thought going out and getting drinks and dancing to some funk/soul wouldve been more fun (for me at least).
controller - cosine, i wouldve preferred the vague "maybe, i dont know" or the "hey i just got sick" over an immediate response that sounded genuine to reversal of fortune. but i think its widely accepted it only reflects poorly on her character, and in teh future girl would probably be a bucket of problems. i was kind of hoping she'd be on a message board talking abotu me though, i at the very least gave her that much fame.
keithvanhorn - i think i made a joke about showing up like Karen in Goodfellas causing a scene on some reverse reverse psychology. but i was joking about that, i cant tell if you're being serious though? why do i wanna show up ASAP? i got no problems headin back over there and grabbing some food, if i see her i'll probably just be cordial say hi and leave it at that. the spot's across the street from my friend's store so im over there all the time plus i know a few other people who work there. i dont think im gonna waste any time and energy pursuing the girl.
selper - if i run into her when im out, i'll spit some game, but i aint going out of my way for it thats for sure.
almond - whats happenin? you wanna go this thing with me on friday? i'll fly out east for the weekend, it'll be a blast. i guarantee good times plus i have great taste. (jokes dont come off good on the internet sometimes - im proving your point)
catilist - this probably didnt deserve its own thread - i shouldve tossed it in the Drake thread or something like that.
call vs text - i prefer calling, i think its a little mroe personal. we've heard about 4 dudes respond on this, almond? bassie? what ya'll think? if a guy gets your #, and he texts instead of calls, do you judge him a little bit?
if a guy gets your #, and he texts instead of calls, do you judge him a little bit?
Not at all. Same thing if he was to call and not text, which I guess could be taken as too heavy if texting is being taken as too lite.
If it's the first call, seems to me the guy has no way of knowing what you prefer. Whether he calls or texts, it's up to you to tell him how you want to communicate after that, and him you.
Also - what's easiest? Whether they are of the vagina variety or the penis, one will work over the other for making plans to get together. I don't like texting or talking over the phone for meaningful exchanges anyhow, you know? Let's meet up!
if a guy gets your #, and he texts instead of calls, do you judge him a little bit?
Not at all. Same thing if he was to call and not text, which I guess could be taken as too heavy if texting is being taken as too lite.
If it's the first call, seems to me the guy has no way of knowing what you prefer. Whether he calls or texts, it's up to you to tell him how you want to communicate after that, and him you.
Also - what's easiest? Whether they are of the vagina variety or the penis, one will work over the other for making plans to get together. I don't like texting or talking over the phone for meaningful exchanges anyhow, you know? Let's meet up!
THANK YOU.
If you guys live in the same town and supposedly dig each other, talking and texting should be in second and third place behind just plain GETTING TOGETHER...
if a guy gets your #, and he texts instead of calls, do you judge him a little bit?
Not at all. Same thing if he was to call and not text, which I guess could be taken as too heavy if texting is being taken as too lite.
If it's the first call, seems to me the guy has no way of knowing what you prefer. Whether he calls or texts, it's up to you to tell him how you want to communicate after that, and him you.
Also - what's easiest? Whether they are of the vagina variety or the penis, one will work over the other for making plans to get together. I don't like texting or talking over the phone for meaningful exchanges anyhow, you know? Let's meet up!
i agree with that. but i was referring to that initial contact after phone #s are exchanged and plans need to made, confirmed or (in some cased) denied. not so much calling to shoot the shit about anything. i wont deal with a girl who wanted to have constant meaningful conversation on the phone all the time.
i kinda feel you in a way bruhman; if I've learned ANYTHING during my exsistence on this planet it's that some people (pick your gender) just habitually put up a front, send mixed signals & lack communication skills. plus nowadays in this day & age cell phones (texting in particular) give girls a way of actually blowing dudes off & not interact verbally, which makes it easier for them to not respond if they choose not to. i don't blame you for reachin out taking the initiative & as being a man and showing interest. her, on the other hand, obviously was playing mind games & didn't have the guts to simply say 'no, I'm not interested. I'd respect that personally & wouldve left it alone at that point. as sad as it is, it seems that the whole reverse psychology thing works, where if you DONT show that much interest is when they wanna come flocking, even though initially you're the pursuer. I'd just leave it alone, & if she wants to play & give you the runaround, just leave her alone & in three simple words look at it like this, ITS HER LOSS. chicks like that end up going out with d*ckheads that shit on em then realised that something good came their way & they let an oppertunity pass them by... you'll be alright man, just some solid advice.
Comments
Does this need a Strut thread? This should be on some 'get on with your business' situation (in my opinion)..
This will get you laid--it says so right there in the Gathering infomercial.
I know that no one can truly "be yourself" when out in public, but generally when I try to get with a lady, I just...speak my mind.
That's all you can do. No second guessing, no Internet seduction techniques, no reverse psychology, none of that roundabout bullshit. It's not 100% foolproof, but then no technique is, and most of the dates/girlfriends I've gotten during my adult life, I got that way. Besides, if she wants you bad enough, it will happen.
Gaming is fine, and "the dance" has its' place, but anytime I relied too hard on them, then something went wrong. And it wound up crippling my swagger, besides. You tryin' your best to be "cool" about it, and in the meantime she's thinking, "okay, guess he doesn't want me, then."
I've also heard that THIS might improve your chances:
No, just impatient. Why should I text and wait a while for an answer when I could be talking in real time and get an answer right away? Should I send smoke signals, too?
Texting is for letting somebody know that you'll be there in a matter of minutes. That's not for conversation.
word ya'll. thanks again.
I dropped this story up here cuz i wanted outside opinions on it, and consensus is she aint feelin it, and it was aptly pointed out that i wasnt stood up since no actual event was even decided upon where i show up and wait aroudn trying to pretend like im busy on my phone to avoid the embarassment of being stood up.
stacks - i feel what you're sayin, girl aint the only option, just happened to be my number 1 draft pick at the moment, which i guess contribute's to me being taken aback a bit.
soulonice - you kinda nailed it on the head with why that 2nd text was sent, but i guess i probably didnt need to send that, since it would have been glaringly obvious, i was trying to be polite i guess on the off chance she hit me up later and im already busy with something else.
pickwick - in my head i thought i was being clear when i said "hey why dont you come out this shit on friday w/ me," but i guess it could have been construed otherwise? who knows, im not quite sure how to be more upfront about it. i guess i could have suggested something a little more common for a first date like dinner and a drink or somethin, but i thought going out and getting drinks and dancing to some funk/soul wouldve been more fun (for me at least).
controller - cosine, i wouldve preferred the vague "maybe, i dont know" or the "hey i just got sick" over an immediate response that sounded genuine to reversal of fortune. but i think its widely accepted it only reflects poorly on her character, and in teh future girl would probably be a bucket of problems. i was kind of hoping she'd be on a message board talking abotu me though, i at the very least gave her that much fame.
keithvanhorn - i think i made a joke about showing up like Karen in Goodfellas causing a scene on some reverse reverse psychology. but i was joking about that, i cant tell if you're being serious though? why do i wanna show up ASAP? i got no problems headin back over there and grabbing some food, if i see her i'll probably just be cordial say hi and leave it at that. the spot's across the street from my friend's store so im over there all the time plus i know a few other people who work there. i dont think im gonna waste any time and energy pursuing the girl.
selper - if i run into her when im out, i'll spit some game, but i aint going out of my way for it thats for sure.
almond - whats happenin? you wanna go this thing with me on friday? i'll fly out east for the weekend, it'll be a blast. i guarantee good times plus i have great taste. (jokes dont come off good on the internet sometimes - im proving your point)
catilist - this probably didnt deserve its own thread - i shouldve tossed it in the Drake thread or something like that.
call vs text - i prefer calling, i think its a little mroe personal. we've heard about 4 dudes respond on this, almond? bassie? what ya'll think? if a guy gets your #, and he texts instead of calls, do you judge him a little bit?
and here's the best place to get it:
Not at all. Same thing if he was to call and not text, which I guess could be taken as too heavy if texting is being taken as too lite.
If it's the first call, seems to me the guy has no way of knowing what you prefer. Whether he calls or texts, it's up to you to tell him how you want to communicate after that, and him you.
Also - what's easiest? Whether they are of the vagina variety or the penis, one will work over the other for making plans to get together. I don't like texting or talking over the phone for meaningful exchanges anyhow, you know? Let's meet up!
THANK YOU.
If you guys live in the same town and supposedly dig each other, talking and texting should be in second and third place behind just plain GETTING TOGETHER...
i agree with that. but i was referring to that initial contact after phone #s are exchanged and plans need to made, confirmed or (in some cased) denied. not so much calling to shoot the shit about anything. i wont deal with a girl who wanted to have constant meaningful conversation on the phone all the time.