How Not To Pick Up Women
Rockadelic
Out Digging 13,993 Posts
I may have mentioned this before but it happened so many times during my drive in to work today I just had to share...
I have long hair???..real long hair???.and some folks tell me it's "pretty" but for the most part I keep it tied back and wear a ball cap. But on days like today when I am running late and jump in my car with my hair down I get to experience one of the funniest things you've ever seen. I'm driving down the highway in a black BMW and about half the guys driving see my hair from behind and slowly pull up alongside me to be Quagmire and hit on the long blond hair. First of all, wtf is going through your head? Do you really have success picking up women driving 70 MPH at 7:00 AM??????really?? Do you see lines of cars just pulled off on the side of the highway with couples going at it? NO???..all I ever see is that old woman in the Sarong with a flat tire. And as you pull up next to me flicking your tongue in and out of your mouth right up to the point when you see my goatee???WHAT THE HELL IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD!!. The real comedy is to see the look on their faces as they realize I'm a man, and an ugly man at that, and get the 'Oh shit I'm gay" look on their face???.Liza Minelli CD's and tapes go flying out their car windows??????I bet you wondered how all those broken cassettes wound up on the side of the road???..now you know. And dudes, even if I WAS a woman???..I'd be a SIX FOOT THREE TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE POUND WOMAN!!!!! Please just keep your eyes on the road.
And while I'm at it???..you Mexican dudes???WTF are YOU guys thnking???.I mean, did one of you once lose a dog, go out to the park whistling and making kissing sounds to find your dog and 3 naked Univision hotties came and jumped on your dick?? Is that why everytime you see a woman, including my daughters when they were 12, you make these dog calling sounds. Does that work? EVER?? I mean seriously???..you're in the back of a Pick-Up truck with 3 other dudes, you pass my car and start in with that shit towards my daughters in the back seat. Do you think I'm gonna pull over, let my girls jump in the Pick-Up and go spend the day with you and your landscaping buddies???..just get them home by 10:00 OK.
I have long hair???..real long hair???.and some folks tell me it's "pretty" but for the most part I keep it tied back and wear a ball cap. But on days like today when I am running late and jump in my car with my hair down I get to experience one of the funniest things you've ever seen. I'm driving down the highway in a black BMW and about half the guys driving see my hair from behind and slowly pull up alongside me to be Quagmire and hit on the long blond hair. First of all, wtf is going through your head? Do you really have success picking up women driving 70 MPH at 7:00 AM??????really?? Do you see lines of cars just pulled off on the side of the highway with couples going at it? NO???..all I ever see is that old woman in the Sarong with a flat tire. And as you pull up next to me flicking your tongue in and out of your mouth right up to the point when you see my goatee???WHAT THE HELL IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD!!. The real comedy is to see the look on their faces as they realize I'm a man, and an ugly man at that, and get the 'Oh shit I'm gay" look on their face???.Liza Minelli CD's and tapes go flying out their car windows??????I bet you wondered how all those broken cassettes wound up on the side of the road???..now you know. And dudes, even if I WAS a woman???..I'd be a SIX FOOT THREE TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE POUND WOMAN!!!!! Please just keep your eyes on the road.
And while I'm at it???..you Mexican dudes???WTF are YOU guys thnking???.I mean, did one of you once lose a dog, go out to the park whistling and making kissing sounds to find your dog and 3 naked Univision hotties came and jumped on your dick?? Is that why everytime you see a woman, including my daughters when they were 12, you make these dog calling sounds. Does that work? EVER?? I mean seriously???..you're in the back of a Pick-Up truck with 3 other dudes, you pass my car and start in with that shit towards my daughters in the back seat. Do you think I'm gonna pull over, let my girls jump in the Pick-Up and go spend the day with you and your landscaping buddies???..just get them home by 10:00 OK.
Comments
Then, just as they had their brokeback moment and were ready to throw off the shackles, they raised their gaze from the goatee and saw the look of death in your eyes and the closet door was slammed back shut in their faces. Leaving them with no option but to drive away, back to their sham lives built on fear and lies.
Yes.
Photos please....or at least a pen and ink re-inactment.....with sub-titles.
I'm going to regret responding to a Harvey post about women but here goes.
WTF is it with people bringing dogs to bars? Or worse, tying them outside while they get tanked? What dog wants to hang out in a smoky bar (I don't know if you allow smoking in Texas bars) while a bunch of dumb humans get wasted and sloppy?
I don't know about the motives behind "watch out, he bites" but the fact that the owner doesn't pick up on the prompt and respond at the very least with some cheesey "only if you want me to" or something like that might speak to his singledom. And the fact that he brings his dog into a bar.
1. Don't know why you think I have women issues (outside of my failed mariage) as in real life women generally love the hell out of me (even more than I want them to).
2. Pretty sure the dog at the bar remained outside on the patio.
3. The dog owner not only has a steady girlfriend but also gets 'er done quite a bit on the side.
4. It's the other dude, the one with the dumb comments, who is sad and lonely. He thinks it's because he's gone bald, but it's his bad attitude all the way.
the only landscaping buddy i have is a white guy. Most of my Mexican friends are working in other professions.
Is 11pm cool? I sometimes work late.
They are 21 and 23 now and they're pretty picky about who they date so go for it.
b/w
The dudes in tha above story were indeed landscapers.
Growing up we had a guy in our neighborhood with a "Seeing-Drunk Dog"....every night he would walk his dog to the neighborhood Pub....spend the night drinking with the dog at his feet, and when it was time to go home his dog "Penny" would make sure he made it back to the house.
further proof that dogs are better than people.
Shit, if it were allowed, I would take my dog everywhere.
I always got the feeling that if dogs had ready access to alcohol they'd all be rolling round the side walks in a constantly stupefied state.
Two 15 yr-old chav lads, see a couple of even younger girls (13-14?). How best to approach them? Hands down pants, playing with tackle, and say "Awright guhls, wot you sayin'?"
Two 18 yr-old chav lads in a boy-racer car, slow down to holler out the window at a couple of young girls:
"Awright guhls, how old are you?"
Rock, I guess your 'animal magnetism' attracts people of either sex
On the 'dog as chick magnet' phenomenon, I can't tell you how many FINE-ASS WOMEN, of all ethnic persuasions, strike up conversations with me while I'm walking my beautiful silky terrier.
If I were single, I could be 'gettin' it in' real tough with my little silky girl as the icebreaker. Even though I'd strike terror in the White babes in my apartment building (back in Milwaukee), they would approach with the quickness when I was walking the dog. I guess being a dog owner makes a tall, big, Black dude less threatening.
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
I'd be shocked tbh
If you're popping in for a quick beer or two, sure, but keeping your dog tied up for hours outside to get your drink on is not cool imo.
If folks want to stay out for hours and not worry about walking the dog then maybe they shouldn't have a dog.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-398395/Dog-takes-pub-No-10-bus.html
Like many country folk, Ratty the Jack Russell is a creature of habit.
Twice a week he would trot out alone through the farm gates, jump on a number ten bus and head for his local, the Black Bull.
The five-year-old dog would stay all day at the pub in York, where he had his own water dish and was fed his favourite sausages. He would even get a lift home at closing time from a friendly barmaid.
But suddenly his social life was left in ruins after the Black Bull was taken over, the barmaid left - and animals were banned. 'Dogs are not allowed in the pub,' declared duty manager Carl Sage.
Ratty's owners feel it can be only a matter of time, however, before he finds a new watering hole. 'Everyone loves him,' said farmer Gary Kay, 41, from Dunning-ton, a few miles outside York. Mr Kay said he believed Ratty's first visit to the pub was probably an accident.
'The bus stop is just along the road and he must have just happened to come across a bus. He ended up getting on and then getting off when everybody else did - which was when it hit York - and just walked straight into a pub.
'The people there ended up fussing over him so much that he ended up making a habit of it. On the first occasion somebody spotted he was my dog and telephoned me to come and get him. But a girl behind the bar lived in the next village to me so when it continued she would bring him back in her car with her. It was funny because I would get a call every now and again to come and get him - I suppose that must have been when the barmaid wasn't on - and I would just pull up outside the pub and he would run out and jump in. I must have had to go and get him about 20 times.'
Since his ban Ratty has been seen riding the school bus. Mr Kay added: 'I've had kids phoning me to say Ratty was on the bus with them. I've no idea how he gets home - he drives me mad.'
Peter Edwards, commercial director for the bus company First, said: 'I've heard of dogs waiting for people to get off buses but nothing like this. We don't charge for dogs so there's no reason why he can't get on.'
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-398395/Dog-takes-pub-No-10-bus.html#ixzz0t6e4ecVm
us euroman have a different culture!!! the pub is friendly for the dog. there are special biscuits. sometimes the pub has a landlord dog as well. sometimes your dog makes friends with the landlorddog, sometimes not at all, sometimes they get a little over friendly with hilarious consequences. nb - this is more of a village thing. i would never take a dog into a london bar, poor thing would be disgusted by the hipsters.
true on the girls and dogs thing...Im not single, but if i took this little dude to the new dog park here in town, which is frequented by mostly girls Im told....I would be in it. Girls go ga ga for my doggy:
Don't they take dogs into upscale restaurants in Paris all the time? Or is that over now?
And even worse, the fact that he has his buddy tagging along while he's trying to cop! Dog owner needs a wingman, not a cockblock! I hope Dog Owner gave Tag-Along Friend a stern talking-to afterwards for repeating the "watch out, he bites" line, driving the women away.
EDIT: when I wrote this, I did not see Harvey Canal's qualifier that the dog owner actually had a steady g/f (plus was evidently getting a bit of tail on the side), but what Tag-Along Friend was saying was flat-out incorrect. "When wingmen go wrong," as Rockadelic commented.
I don't like bars b/c I don't drink but why not ust drink at home if you don't like who you run into at the bars?
"I go to bars because I only want to interact with other drunk human adults" makes little sense to me. Bars are potentially obnoxious regardless if there are small animals or children involved.
There are many different kinds of bars and many good reasons to frequent them.
To not drink is not one of them.