28 Two's
james
chicago 1,863 Posts
(Or: ???22 Two???s 2: Electric Twoogaloo???)1. Two lyrical references to encased meat (Generic Division)- ???Hot, like two links in a skillet??? (Q-Tip from that Tribe b-side or remix or whatever it was)- ???Stretch y???all out like franks on a grill??? (Ghostface in ???Ghost Is Back???)2. Two lyrical references to encased meat (Brand-Specific Division)- ???My shit???s proper / you still sucking my kielbasa / from Hillshire??? (Heltah Skeltah in ???I Ain???t Havin??? That???)- ???Change your attire /and get a farm like Hillshire??? (dude from the Lox in ???Honey [Bad Boy Remix]???)3. Two things that have showed up in my dreams lately:- Annie Lennox- minotaurs4. Two instances of soulstrut karaoke I???d like to see:- pickwick33 doing Blowfly???s ???Rapp Dirty???- Bambouche doing Billy Joel???s ???We Didn???t Start The Fire???(bonus: hogginthefogg doing Little Feat???s ???Dixie Chicken???)5. Two product endorsements I???d like to see (Reggae Division):- Bounty Killer for Doublemint: ???Send fi di new gum!???- Dennis Alcapone for KFC: ???My Secret Recipe Is Insured For Half A Million Dollars???(bonus, Rap Division: Crash Crew for Ferrara Pan: ???When you walkin??? down the street with your / box in your hand / enjoying the taste of some / Cherry Clan??????)6. Two excellent long-form music videos:- Live Squad???s ???Game Of Survival???- Glenn Frey???s ???Smuggler???s Blues??? (unfadeable???-the Things Fall Apart [the book, dude???-not the fucking Roots record] of the genre)(bonus, one really awful one: your boy Don Johnson???s ???Heartbeat,??? freaturing the ill leather jumpsuit/cummerbund combo)7. Two sublime vocal moments:- Cory Daye in Dr. Buzzard???s ???New York At Dawn???: The unexpectedly contemporary and bittersweet twist she puts in the way she sings ???they call you Mister Lucky??? pokes a hole in the song???s retro vibe, and you can see that she knows that in going with this guy she???s about to take her place in a very long line...but that she???s going anyway.- Mary J. Blige in ???Real Love???: In the last verse, when she sings ???I can be your all and all,??? whatever happens in the space of the wordless thing she sings in place of the ???and??? creates this little turnaround that is small but just infinite. It???s fatal and optimistic, knowing the worst and hoping the best, sinking even as it's lifting off, all at the same time; it???s the whole song???-whole lives--contained in half a second. I???ve heard it a thousand times and it still gives me the chills. (Side note: ???Real Love??? is easily one of the ten best songs of the last twenty years.)8. Two weak lyrical threats:- ???I???ll scratch your whip with a key or a pen / If you get it painted, I???ll scratch it again!??? (Milk D in [I think] ???Rude & Cocky???)- ???We know karate!??? (Soul Sonic Force in ???Who Do You Think You???re Funkin??? With????)9. Two baseless epithets for particular types of record dudes (I love all y???all, though!):- Comfortable white dudes who are way into African music: ???ivory coasters???- New-jack disco enthusiasts with encyclopedic knowledge of back-in-the day playlists but no real vision: ???Mancuso-so???s???(bonus: dudes who got into Folkways last year because they heard it was cool, and now won???t shut the fuck up about it: ???Asch-holes???) 10. Yeah, that???s right:- Bruce Hornsby- Mike + The Mechanics11. Two great songs I???ve heard booming out of cars in my neighborhood:- Dreamer G???s ???I Got That Feeling???- Juan Luis Guerra???s ???Ojala Que Lleuva Caf????? 12. Two really terrible songs I???ve heard booming out of cars in my neighborhood:- Ronnie Dyson???s "(If You Let Me Make Love To You Then) Why Can't I Touch You?" (The driver was this big flabby dude, singing along and overemoting, with hand gestures and everything. I wanted to go shower.)- Elton John???s ???Dance Into Christmas??? (In fucking April!)13. Two things for which middle-aged black ladies have expressed incredulity at my purchasing:- Maze???s Live In New Orleans (???Now, what do you know about this record?!???)- A cake dome (This was really some shit--two of ???em good-cop/bad-copped me at an estate sale: Lady #1: [Angrily] ???Aw, I saw that earlier, and was coming back just now to buy it. Shoot. Come on, let me buy it--what are you gonna use it for anyway???? Lady #2: [Sweetly] ???He probably just collect antiques, don???t you, honey? You???re gonna set it out at your house or something???? Me: ???No, ma???am???-I???m going to use it the next time I bake a cake.??? [Exeunt])14. Two records that would, I feel, have been improved by my involvement:- ???James (Makes You Want To Hustle)"- ???James Without Frontiers???(bonus: James, Dames, and Guitar Thangs)15. Two dubious twelve-inches I bought just to get the instrumentals:- Ghostface???s ???Tush???- Lil??? Zane???s ???Money Stretch???16. Two dubious things I bought just to get the remixes (neither of which proved to be worth it):- A Technotronic(!) cassette(!!), for some Dust Brothers remix- A Brandy single, for some Latin Rascals remix17. Two good things that came from teen years spent tirelessly dubbing shit onto cassette:- I got used to weird combinations. Danzig on one side, B-52s on the other. Auto-reverse. All afternoon. It???s nothing. - My hand-lettering game is still decent.18. Two bad things that came from teen years spent tirelessly dubbing shit onto cassette:- Questionable decisions made in desperate moments, made worse by the involvement of questionable tastes, e.g. panicking when Urban Dance Squad wouldn???t fit on one tape and subsequently making room for the overage by taping over one side of a Public Enemy cassingle. Oof.- No liner notes, dude.19. Two of the most attitudinal voices in music:- Milk D-Tom Petty20. Real heads know:- Couple???s Skate- ???It???s loud in here???do you wanna go out on the porch???? 21. Two songs I have to censor when I sing them to my three-year-old:- ???Waltzing Matilda??? (I leave out the part about the ghost)- ???My Friend Goo??? (I leave out the part about the underwear)22. Two perfect verses:- The first verse of ???Shook Ones Part II???- Big Daddy Kane???s verse on the demo version of ???Raw???23. Two songs that use seeing someone in their stocking feet to connote intimacy:- Don McLean???s ???American Pie???: ???I know that you???re in love with him / ???cause I saw you dancing in the gym / You both kicked off your shoes???- Built To Spill???s ???Twin Falls???: ???Cafeteria / Harrison / Elementary / beneath the parachute / I saw her without shoes???24. Two musical equivalents of the Western Lowland Gorilla (whose scientific name is Gorilla gorilla gorilla):- ???Mandrill??? by Mandrill on Mandrill- ???Mango??? by Mango on Mango(bonus, 45 Division: ???Black Horizon??? by Black Horizon on the Black Horizon label)25. The two singles that have had the most profound impact on my life:- ???Planet Rock???- ???Welcome To The Terrordome???26. Two performers whose stage names are actually less compelling than their government names:- Elgin Lumpkin- Slinger Francisco27. Two things I have, at one time or another, kicked:- slanguistics- Afrolistics(bonus: lately I???ve been fucking around a little with some encaustics)28. Two cryptic things overheard
in transit:- ???wearing a derby and farting???- ???a lot can go wrong with a McChicken???Please add on. I know you got some shit.
in transit:- ???wearing a derby and farting???- ???a lot can go wrong with a McChicken???Please add on. I know you got some shit.
Comments
- Zero (pronounced ZEE-ro as opposed to ZEER-o)
- Penny (pronounced PIN-ny as opposed to, you know, the way it's spelled).
(Bonus: When in Texas, I'll occasionally let a WINDS-dee slip, but never a TUES-dee.)
-laugh out loud to myself remembering funny things
-tell people I don???t know I like their shoes/outfit/nails/dress/purse
Two things that I have not kicked, but would like to before I die:
-The ballistics
-That old robotic futuristic George Jetson crazy joint
Genius. Or in this case, genus.
Two great hip-hop references about shoehorns (excluding Doug E Fresh's classic line from "The Show"):
- "Word is bond, get your shoehorn, cause I got a style that fit": Akinyele - The Bomb (this line is inexplicably cut out of the video version)
- "Set his ass out like a new born/Then he shriveled up to the size of a shoehorn": DMG - Pay The Cost
taht is all.
rap bonus 2:
Latte - This Cup's Got Flavor
Two things I'm pretty sure I have not kicked:
* The willie bobo
* The blahzay-blah
Two things I probably should kick:
* Habitual inappropriate sarcasm
* Habitual self-sabotage
Two eternal truths from Homer Simpson:
* Trying is the first step toward failure
* Alcohol is the cause of--and solution to--all of life's problems
Two songs that have distracted me to the point that I almost got into a car accident:
* The Meters--"Just Kissed My Baby"
* X-Clan--"Ooh Baby"
Two things I have not imbibed since college:
* Brass Monkey
* Wild Irish Rose
Two DJs I wish I could scratch like:
* DJ Aladdin
* DJ Scratch
Two summer jobs I have held:
* Office bitch for the FBI
* Hotel evaluation writer (I just wrote the evaluations; somebody else did the actual research)
-Black and white cookies.
-Spy vs. Spy
A pair of pairs of shoes I will hunt forever:
-Nike Pegasus AT's
-Nike Mariah (with no foam rot)
Two of America's Least Wanted:
-50 Cent and Nelly (these guys should do an album together called "We Can't Give It Away", and then they should like, give copies of it away for free.)
2X12" award (aka records I love hearing DJ's do doubles of):
LL Cool J "Boomin System" (Red Alert used to FUKKK this shit up).
Foster Sylvers "Misdemeanor"
Stezo "It's My Turn" (Got a tape of DJ Scratch demolishing this and it sends [two] chills up the spine every time).
ESG "UFO"
Two groups who do not get their due respect (or a "deuce of dues deferred" if you prefer):
-Penthouse Players Clique
-The Van Dykes
So nice I bought it twice (records I bought, sold, and then bought again):
-United States of America (not sure why I didn't take to this the first time)
-Dutchmin "Get Your Swerve On" (sold this in law school under the rationale that I had it on a thousand tapes and would not miss it. I missed it much and I paid alot more than $5.99 at Fat Beats to reacquire it.)
Two references to Germany in US Rap tracks:
"Scientific, German style, flow terrific" (Beatnuts)
"I'm crazy like Germans on Hasselhoff" (Ugly Duckling)
Don't forget Raekwon: "Sip beers, the German ones...." on whatever Wu (or possibly Mobb Deep) joint that was.
You would call stranger something as formal as "Ma'am". (cultural differences related)
You know the entire words to ???Waltzing Matilda???
Two things that will soon be growing in the hedges of the street where I live, that I look forward to eating/consuming.
Elderflower
and later
Wild Raspberries
Two more:
- "rusty-ass German things" (Havoc in Mobb Deep's "Quiet Storm [Remix]")
- "for life in the fast lane / I German engineer 'em" (Clipse on that one song)
Alternate:
- "Zulu / gestapo!" (off of "Flash It To the Beat")
(Bonus, Fake German Division: the "Sprockets" dis in that one Company Flow song)
Yeah, I wasn't sure about that Raekwon / Mobb Deep joint but had it in mind. Thanks.
Bonus Bonus: That Frank Pfeffferkorn Skit off of the first High & Mighty CD.
Please to continue this thread
- habit
- boredom