Best crackhead icebreaker before asking for change

GrafwritahGrafwritah 4,184 Posts
edited March 2009 in Strut Central
Me: Standing next to car at gas pump at the gas station, preparing to put gas in the tank.Crackhead: HEY! SOOOO, WHATCHA DOIN? PUMPIN' GAS?After me looking at her like she was an idiot, she proceeded to ask me for 75 cents "for the bus, or something." It's like, the bus? Really? That's the best you can do?I think I would be more inclined to dole out change if they were at least marginally creative or funny. Like, make me laugh or something. Or do SOMETHING. Like, "Hey, I'll shit my pants for 75 cents!" I'd be all over that.It would blow me away if one of them would be like, "Yeah can I get some change for a rock?" I think that's a much better use for 75 cents than riding public transportation anyway.

  Comments


  • pickwick33pickwick33 8,946 Posts
    Graf - keep it coming, man - between this thread and the one about Chuck Negron's penis, you are coming up with some WHOPPERS, bro...

  • SoulhawkSoulhawk 3,197 Posts
    blow me


  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    blow me


    My freshman year at Temple the dorms were/ are on the edge of campus and right on the edge of some rough parts of North Philly. There were a whole group of kids first semester that crossed over into the strung out crack head world of North Philly, most didn't return for a second semester. Most of these kids came from the burbs and had never even been to the city before that. For whatever reason they drifted right past the frat houses and straight to the crack houses. It was kind of surreal seeing these kids losing it in less than three months. Moving in with a new computer and than trying to sell that shit for cash in front of the dorms.

    One kid befriended a local female crackhead about 25 years his senior. At some point his roommate walked in on him getting head from said crackhead while smoking rock. Only at Temple.

  • pointmanpointman 1,042 Posts

  • white_teawhite_tea 3,262 Posts
    Seen a guy the past couple of days by the train station repeating this refrain, "Buy me a meal. Buy me a meal."

    I agree, though. In these economic times, panhandlers are going to have to step up with the creativity. The marketplace is flooded and it takes work to stand out.

  • UnherdUnherd 1,880 Posts
    Yo yo guys excuse me... Guys, listen, I am a scientist....of THE BEYOND!!!

  • PonyPony 2,283 Posts
    Feeling the need to be entertained by homeless people before you'll help them out is pretty lame, although I can't stand it when they lie to your face either. I tend to give change to the ones that don't ask for it and look like they really need it the most (old, mental ill, disabled).

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

  • dukeofdelridgedukeofdelridge urgent.monkey.mice 2,453 Posts
    dude on my street just says, "cn'I have some moneeyy?" It's crazy. It almost works, but his voice super screechy don and kills the vibe...

  • DustedDonDustedDon 830 Posts
    I had a cat come up to me and my boys talmbout ???yo man got any change????

    funny part was he was rocking brand new Jordans and a button up. I said keep to steppin bro.

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    The other day this homeless dude came at me with the opener, "Hey Tiger Wood (sic)". I was pretty much offended at that point and the manpurse stayed clutched.

  • Jonny_PaycheckJonny_Paycheck 17,825 Posts
    Harlem style: "you just broke my bottle!"


  • ZEN2ZEN2 1,540 Posts
    ???yo man got any change????

    Respond "yep, sure do" and

    I've found the best thing to do is act like they're not there. I know it sounds dick, but it avoids the angry bum routine when you tell them you don't have any change.

  • ZEN2ZEN2 1,540 Posts
    Tiger Wood

    Porn name revealed.

    "2 girls, 18 cups" currently in pre-production.

  • LaserWolfLaserWolf Portland Oregon 11,517 Posts
    When I was in the tenth grade we skipped school and were hanging out down at Dupont Circle.

    My buddy said we should panhandle, fun and easy!
    2 15yos from the 'burbs.

    I ask a guy on his lunch break for spare change.

    He told me he had a lot of yard work that needed to be done around his house and if I wanted money he would put me to work.

    Not fun, not easy.
    That ended my career as a panhandler.
    To this day I wont smoke crack or meth, because I can't panhandle.

  • akaaka 67 Posts
    Some dude downtown Toronto a few years ago was shaking his cup and singing "if you're happy and you know it spare some change" *shake*shake*, huge smile on his face. That got some money from me.

  • gravelheadwrapgravelheadwrap corn 948 Posts
    On the train leaving China Town in Chicago a couple years back a homeless guy yelled to this older woman: "Bitch! You got any change?!" That definitely turned some heads.

    What about people randomly flipping out on random strangers for no reason?

    Conicidentally on the same train ride, out of nowhere dude just goes up to this semi-geeky looking dude, slaps him on the back of the head and is like "What the F*ck is your problem?! Who are you starring at asshole?! Something to that effect haha wow

  • MurdockMurdock 542 Posts


    I've found the best thing to do is act like they're not there. I know it sounds dick, but it avoids the angry bum routine when you tell them you don't have any change.
    Instead of ignoring beggars. I walk right towards them. That usually confuses their routine. Then I turn back to my direction and keep walking.

  • LokoOneLokoOne 1,823 Posts
    The last few times beggers have been around they've asked everyone walking past them EXCEPT me... its happened like 3 or 4 times. Now is that cus I have mean/tight ass/evil/cold hearted look or cus they assume Im in the same boat as them...

    BTW the best one I got was years ago, a junkie came up and just dropped it str8 up on me... "look bro i this prescription for rohyptnol, but it costs 18.50 and we only got 13 dollars. If you give me 5.50 Ill give you some roeys for yourself"...

    and when i told him I didnt F*ck with roeys, he's all cool like, 'thats sweet but you can give them to your missus or something, or sell them bro,"

    junkies > carsales men

  • you gotta beat them to the punch.

    you gotta stick your hand out first and say "spare change?" before they can say it first. the look they will give you when you do this is priceless.

    Photobucket

  • karlophonekarlophone 1,697 Posts
    riding the NYC subway, 1988:

    #1 dude comes in with a trumpet that was clearly run over by a car. proceeds to go into a rather lengthy semi-coherent speech about how he is now forced to play a new kind of music, "Martian Music", due to the state of his horn. And that the only way to make the Martian Music stop was to give him money. He proceeds to play the loudest most ear splitting atonal catastrophe ive ever heard. within 20 seconds people were either bailing out to adjacent cars or handing him $ so he would stop.

    #2 just comes up shaking change in an old measuring cup all smiling and jolly - "Hey! Whats the best nation in the world? ....................DOnation!"

  • DrWuDrWu 4,021 Posts
    Years ago in NYC. Dude walks up with a picture frame around his neck and says, "spare some change for a brother who's been framed?"

  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts


    #1 dude comes in with a trumpet that was clearly run over by a car. proceeds to go into a rather lengthy semi-coherent speech about how he is now forced to play a new kind of music, "Martian Music", due to the state of his horn. And that the only way to make the Martian Music stop was to give him money. He proceeds to play the loudest most ear splitting atonal catastrophe ive ever heard. within 20 seconds people were either bailing out to adjacent cars or handing him $ so he would stop.

    I will pay $300 for his private press lp.

  • SIRUSSIRUS 2,554 Posts
    Harlem style: "you just broke my bottle!"

    more scam than st8 begging.

  • AKallDayAKallDay 830 Posts
    gas station, roxborough, philadelphia, 1995

    not crackheads but getting an early start on their panhandle game

    2 boys, 14 year old-ish in Flyers Starter jackets with the thickest philly accents from that section come over to me and say (spelled phoenetically):

    " gi ush uh dower shoredeee cuzssssh ish freezsshunn oult "

    awesome.


    i laughed and told them to beat it

  • karlophonekarlophone 1,697 Posts


    #1 dude comes in with a trumpet that was clearly run over by a car. proceeds to go into a rather lengthy semi-coherent speech about how he is now forced to play a new kind of music, "Martian Music", due to the state of his horn. And that the only way to make the Martian Music stop was to give him money. He proceeds to play the loudest most ear splitting atonal catastrophe ive ever heard. within 20 seconds people were either bailing out to adjacent cars or handing him $ so he would stop.

    I will pay $300 for his private press lp.

    am man, i sold the last one i had a few years back... sorry...

  • canonicalcanonical 2,100 Posts
    Please tell me that exists.

  • GrafwritahGrafwritah 4,184 Posts
    Feeling the need to be entertained by homeless people before you'll help them out is pretty lame, although I can't stand it when they lie to your face either. I tend to give change to the ones that don't ask for it and look like they really need it the most (old, mental ill, disabled).

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    I'm not saying they necessarily need to do a shuck and jive, I'm just saying if they're going to lie to my face so transparently they could at least make it funny.

  • GrafwritahGrafwritah 4,184 Posts

    And yes this man would get change from me...

  • ZEN2ZEN2 1,540 Posts


    #1 dude comes in with a trumpet that was clearly run over by a car. proceeds to go into a rather lengthy semi-coherent speech about how he is now forced to play a new kind of music, "Martian Music", due to the state of his horn. And that the only way to make the Martian Music stop was to give him money. He proceeds to play the loudest most ear splitting atonal catastrophe ive ever heard. within 20 seconds people were either bailing out to adjacent cars or handing him $ so he would stop.

    I will pay $300 for his private press lp.

    am man, i sold the last one i had a few years back... sorry...

    Hailed by free jazz purists as the "next big thing".
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