I F*cking Love Redbull!

DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
edited December 2007 in Strut Central
"Look at my button down striped shirt! Frickin' look at it! This shirt means one thing! I'm coming home with some pussy tonight! That's right! It's been a long week at the office and it's time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say "Junior Vice President" on them! They're glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!I figure we'll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the shit out of that little white ball! It's going to be so Frickin' loud! I'll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 Frickin' yards tonight! I'm that Frickin' pumped!I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I Frickin' love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I'm crushing one right now!I'm thinking about buying a boat this year!I'm gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I'll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!I'm gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!I will valet tonight!I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to "Take it easy on the brakes, Champ"!I will talk to people I don't know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders "Babe" and male bartenders "Chief"!When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is "full of skanks"! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for "after hours"! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I'll be ready to Frickin' party again tomorrow!"This content was found here:http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=239&SectionID=11

  Comments


  • pointmanpointman 1,042 Posts
    nice one.

  • Hi Tom!

    Shouldn't you be working on some remixes?

  • PonyPony 2,283 Posts
    Sometimes you gotta ride the bull.


  • why waste so much effort hating on people like that. its like hating on retarded people or handicaps.

    p.s. you know ive never had a redbull, the concept just sounds gross.

  • DrJoelDrJoel 932 Posts

  • eliseelise 3,252 Posts
    Sometimes you gotta ride the bull.















  • I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!

    this is what goes through my mind when i'm drunk and hungry at 4am on a sat nite: thank god i'm not wearing a striped shirt or these fine people hanging out in front of the street vendor might mistake me for a guy who is not getting laid right now.

    maybe i'm hating cause i don't go out at all, but if we replaced "striped shirt guy" with "guy", i think most of these would still be applicable. gets drunk? eats after not getting ass? tries to impress hot girls? check....

  • what street vendors are out at night anyway? i call bs.

  • plus there is nothing wrong with a striped shirt - its those colored or patterned shirts with the white collars and cuffs that really piss me off. and those cufflinks that are made of little knots of collored thread.

  • SoulhawkSoulhawk 3,197 Posts
    retarded people


  • yuichiyuichi Urban sprawl 11,332 Posts
    Genius.

  • and those cufflinks that are made of little knots of collored thread.

    knots are okay, i have a few pair. i don't wear links or knots without a suit though.

    agreed that striped shirts are fine. windowpanes and loud patterns are pushing it, although it really depends on the exact shirt and style. i never really understood why people associate striped shirts with any type of stereotype. they are pretty conservative/normal and have been around for ages. you might as well say the "collared shirt guy". weak.

  • the_dLthe_dL 1,531 Posts
    i am glad i risked reading when the topic was so dubious

  • why waste so much effort hating on people like that. its like hating on retarded people or handicaps.

    p.s. you know ive never had a redbull, the concept just sounds gross.

    pretty funny coming from the guy that constantly sows discord on this forum

  • why waste so much effort hating on people like that.

    plus there is nothing wrong with a striped shirt

    ^^^ STRIPED SHIRT WEARING CHAD SHAMELESSLY SELF-BLASTED ^^^

    this thread has clearly touched a nerve with the boy.


  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts


    plus there is nothing wrong with a striped shirt

    ^^^ STRIPED SHIRT WEARING CHAD SHAMELESSLY SELF-BLASTED ^^^


    Not trying to sound like I'm coming out in defense of the striped shirt, but I do own a couple. They are worn strictly in the interest of club compliance. When I was in Vegas at the, for lack of a better term, jiggy clubs, ALL the dudes up in the club were wearing long-sleeved striped joints, whether they were black, white, latino, or whatever. At the very least, they are the "This will not get me turned away at the door" fashion choice for the non-baller club patron.

    In short, I think most of the general hatt expressed toward the striped shirt is unwarranted. It's the person inside the shirt that can be deserving of ridicule. The same could be said of the word "suit" when used to describe a person.

    Although I do think that level of douchery of the wearer of the striped shirt can be measured by the loudness and/or shininess of said shirt. A direct relationship, if you will. Anyone agree or disagree with that theory? I would also posit that the amount of hair gel can also be factored into that equation.

  • what street vendors are out at night anyway? i call bs.

    Come to Killa Cali dummy


  • lame

  • DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
    I have to DJ for rooms full of these guys on a regular basis, so i have a deep hatred for them. I think this like rant pretty much hit the nail on the head on every level. I doubt that ANYONE on soulstrut could possibly be compared to these guys tho.

  • I have to DJ for rooms full of these guys on a regular basis, so i have a deep hatred for them. I think this like rant pretty much hit the nail on the head on every level. I doubt that ANYONE on soulstrut could possibly be compared to these guys tho.

    same here... i'm surrounded by these dudes all weekend, talking shit and threatening me and molesting girls and whatnot... there is some "techno christmas song" that they are bugging out about right now, i have no idea what they are talking about, but it makes them very angry that i don't have it

  • DelayDelay 4,530 Posts
    it's this remix of the mariah carrey song. blegh

  • ZEN2ZEN2 1,540 Posts
    there is some "techno christmas song" that they are bugging out about right now, i have no idea what they are talking about, but it makes them very angry that i don't have it



    The mental image of pissed off douches in stripes demanding techno christmas tunes is hilarious...

  • verb606verb606 2,518 Posts
    there is some "techno christmas song" that they are bugging out about right now, i have no idea what they are talking about, but it makes them very angry that i don't have it



    The mental image of pissed off douches in stripes demanding techno christmas tunes is hilarious...

    Sayin'. And for a bunch of mega macho dudes, they sure do seem to be into records that seem to be gay records. Not gay as in stupid, but gay as in, "Likely to be popular at clubs frequented by gay men." Like cheezy club shit. This isn't the first time I've heard about this with these dudes. Shouldn't these guys be looking for techno (and I mean techno, not club house) remixes of Korn or something else far more ass-kicking?





    b/w



  • Options


    Long Island stand up. I think that's the kid who flies by my house every day in a souped up Charger.
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