Letters to things and people
schnipper
528 Posts
Been a minuteDear Life,What am I going to do with you? Seems like this graduate school thing might not work out and now I'm kind of stuck. Nice of Dad to get me at that ESPN Magazine dude, but why tell him I don't know anything about sports, Pop? You're killing me over here. Alas, maybe dude will be nice and help me out with some other shit. It would be good to be doing something that doesn't equate to death and would allow some time to do some writing. So speaking of writing, what happened with that whole graduate school thing? Sure, there are still three decisions left to hear, but I'm not thinking good things. So I guess the whole "don't apply for this now, you're 22" thing isn't such a bad idea? Or maybe I just wasn't good enough or both or neither? CoolDon't fuck this up,YourselfDear Running,You make me tired, but since I started doing you, I feel better. I bought some new shoes and I'm so sprightly in them my glasses bounce as I jog. That is so cool. Sometimes, after I finish with one of you I come home and alternately feel my insides shriveling and my muscles building, like reverse growing pains. That is for real. This lady told me I looked trimmer, which is bizarre as I don't think it's possible for me to get trimmer without sawing off limbs. I just like feeling physically exhausted more. You are here to stay and I love you for it.LoveDear Lots of Free and Very Cheap Records,Please become a theme in my lifeSchnipperDear Tight Jeans,It's been a minute, but I see the attraction again. My ass is looking good. I appreciate that extra oomph. FYISchnipper
Comments
I was initially skeptical with spending a lot of money on you, but you have definitely proved me wrong. You are light, incredibly rugged, and fast. Hopefully when your new friend Serato arrives, you will play well with him otherwise I will be very sad.
Brian
Dear Brian's speech professor,
You are a worthless piece of human flesh. Yes, I did not show up for class last week. No, I am not going to email you in advance to tell you that I will be missing class. I did not go to class because you are a shitty teacher and I am bored out of my mind while attending your class. Also, if you are offended when I do not say hello when seeing you outside of class, perhaps you should reevaluate your life situation. Thank you.
Brian
Dear girlies who like to play headgames,
fuck off
Brian
Plaese to be enough to deliver slick two bedroom condo apartment our way. Wifey needs a new set of windows to walk around naked in front of (no peepingtom) and deepstank needs an office door to close behind him so he can finish his book. If you are good enough, we'll be broke forever, but we'll be a block from the park and a block from the train. Did I tell you how much I like exposed brick?
'little bingo, 'little bingo,
f.homeowner
Dear Sweendog:
Eighteen shots is a lot. I recommend wearing a padded SUMO (TM) suit if you're going to drink that much. Cushions the fall.
f.bartab
Dear Paris:
I'll be there thursday. Save me your raers and your sunny days. I wish I was fit to run through your streets on Sunday morning, but I'll have to settle for plundering your flea markets and sampling your many funky cheeses. I know my French language skills are comparable to Marcel Marceau's, but plaese have your inhabitants be civil with me. I'm trying. I would also be happy if you could arrange an appointment with LeToupt.
Merci Beaucoup,
Francois
i will flig a poo at your crib in the middle of the night. you will have to get down on your knees and clean it up.
dear folkways,
you just stoked me again.
dear austin,
sorry i missed you, see you next time and we can take a hit of the vaporizor and listen to white boy.
dear record dealers who ask me a million personal questions about things that are none of your business,
go suck an egg.
dear twiddle sticks,
for some reason i do not miss you in the least. i will revisit you on some sacred occasion.
dear wifey,
i am so glad your having my child. sorry i am a bitch sometimes. i promise to behave myself.
dear records,
please be sold so i can get paid and buy more of you.
dear soulstrut,
please send me more folkways so i can pay you $5 to $30 each. i will buy it all with the exception of ella jenkins and pete seeger.
dear oscar,
welcome to california, thanks for the personal touch.
dear life,
i'm about to bust a move in the real world.
shred,
ap
Heads know you, but do they really?
-crink
??????????????????????????????????????????
Dear guy who plays drums next door,
I feel like a dick saying this, but enough already!
Sorry...
your neighbor,
-crink
###############
Dear records in the mail,
hurry it up!
godspeed!
-crink
Don't worry, your 8-track will eventually find its way to you.
Sincerely,
Aaron
You are really sucking at the moment. All I wanted was to be a good husband, and I have been but somehow things still haven't worked out. Not even having a reason why makes it very hard to understand. I feel like I have lost everything and can't really imagine anything good coming out of this. People keep saying things will get better but I just can't see it. I feel so abandoned, by my best friend and soulmate. I can't imagine how to pick up the pieces and find anything worthwhile in life without her. I can't understand why I didn't even get a chance to try & work things out. I am so sad & I miss her so much.
Dear Community Mental Health Ward
I visited you for the 2nd time in a week yesterday. I am not really feeling you either at this moment. I know you just want to keep me safe from myself, but there are a bunch of scary people there. I know next time I won't have a say in the matter & I will be staying with you for a few days at least. But I don't really want to go there. I know I'm not crazy.
Dear Wifey
Why???
Dear OCD
I know you have been my coping mechanism for a while now but you are not helping at the moment either. You have been too tightly linked to my life with another person and now you can't help me find anything to cling to. If I get through this we are going to get help for you too. I'm not crazy.
Dear Depression
I am not not normally a depressive person but you have come to me along with this trauma. I don't like the fact that I don't give a fuck when you take me down that path. Saturday morning was too close but I am still not sure if I can control you when you take me right down. Please don't make me go there again.
Dear Soulstrut
Sorry. I am just having a very rough time finding meaning and not feeling like a failure right now.
I gotta remember - It is not my fault.
damn homie ...stay strong!!!
life is not fair
Seriously...there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is all worth the struggle.
Keep posting, and stay healthy.
Hi,
Keep fighting, dude - and don't worry about being "crazy" - Its good you're getting the help & support you need. That's not crazy in the least.
Peace
h
TRUTH
keep on
Dear F.Bartab,
Padded SUMO (TM) suits make me look fat.
-Sweendog
Dear Sweendog -
Try the one with the black loincloth. Black's slimming.
f.ashionista
It was good to meet more of you over the weekend. You guys are a lame...go buy a yacht.
We would if our credit cards weren't maxed and if our token cunt wives would quit making fuck me eyes at our homies!
P.S. Nice to finally meet you, too.
as much as I agree that people should conserve on the gas/oil that they use, I feel that it is a bit hypocrytical of you to point this out at this late date, what with you now being the Bitch of the Bush Administration and all. Yes, I know that you used to be the hero of the Clinton tech-boom, but those glory days are gone. Now you are content to help Jr scrap Social Security and give us citizens conservation tips in the hope that prices will go down. Well, seems your boss and his friends in the oil biz like these prices right where they are.
Always a pleasure to see these threads. Brilliant stuff. RESPECT.
Dear heart...
I know it sucks when you get broken and it's happened quite a bit in this life so far. Maybe if you stayed inside where you belong and didn't insist on being worn on my sleeve, you'd get damaged way less. Just a suggestion. I mean, I know you're gonna do what you wanna anyway. Think about it though. Past couple of weeks really put me through the wringer.
Dear inner strength (chi)...
I though you were gone for good, but ya kicked in right at the last minute there when I thought everything was gonna collapse. Thanks for helpin me get a new job, stop drinkin, put the sad rekkids away and forgettin that girls' pretty smile and starry eyes a little more each day.
Dear ex-girlfriend...
I have no words. Hopefully we'll meet somewhere down the line and straighten things out. Or not. Hope you're at least half as miserable as me.
Dear Achilles Tendon ...
Heal the fuck up already. I'm sick of walking around in a cast. Not to mention the time it's gonna take to get the strength back in my leg.
Dear Futbol...
I miss you terribly. My main escape from reality, outlet for aggression and not to mention those much needed endorphine highs. Sadly, I will not see you for the next several months. I know, I know but what can I do? I've been watching you on TV quite a bit though. Yeah, I know it's not the same and in some ways it makes things worse. IT SUCKS!!!
Dear Life...
Enough of this bad shit. Get to the good parts already.
The good parts will come, brother, and after everything you will enjoy them all that much more.
Cosmo
_________________
Dear My Dude
What the fuck? Please tell me this shit ain't real? I can't believe what I'm hearing. Dude, I hope you're okay, and that this works out the best it can.
Godspeed.
The Brick
_________________
Dear DJ Manager/Booking Agent
Please make yourself known to me. I can't do this all by myself anymore. It's killing me. I need some help. I can't do it alone.
Beggingly yours,
DVD
Plaese to accept in August
+++++++++++++++++
Dear 1,000,001 music related opputunities that are on the table right now:
Plaese to happen
+++++++++++++++++
Dear intro to mix-tape:
Plaes magically appear for me
+++++++++++++++++++++
I'm good to you...I lift with my legs...so why you go out on me when I bend over to tie my mothereffing shoes...aaarrgggghhh....
The management
Dear Jenny & Miles
You keep me going day after day.
Love
Larry (dad)
Dear well-done sesame bagel
Thanks for showing up this morning you little slice of heaven you....
The stomach
Dear Pope
I know I'm as lapsed a Catholic as there is in this world, and we didn't often see eye to eye (and your handling of the abuse crisis was pathetic), but you seemed like a nice, serious guy.
Peace
Why do you still hurt? I only gave you a little tear over 1 1/2 ago, yet you still hurt when I try to play ball. I thought you'd be fine by now. Suck it up and stop giving me pain
Dear Basketball,
Oh how I've missed you. Now that the sun is out and the time has changed I'll get to know you much better, no thanks to Mr. MCL.
Dearl Jumpshot,
Where have you gone? Why am I afraid of you? We need to make nice and become friends again so I can score on these fools.
Dear Springbreak,
Fuck Oakland Unified for making me wait for you soooo long! Vacation is upon us, I want to go to the East Coast and spend my tax refund, NOW!
why did you trick me. I knew we were going to spend a lot of hours together but I didn't know we were going to spend this much time with one another. I don't mind spending 10 hours with you a day but you always ask for more. You need to understand that we may need some time apart because your smothering me and keeping me away from school and my family.
-Adam L. Klein
Dear Ex-girl,
I'm sorry if I led you to beleive that I was your doormat. I had my time with you and now its over. We don't need to be in eacho others life and the quicker you come to that realization the better it will be for me. I hope one day karma comes around and you get someone who uses you the way I feel you used me. It's a quick way to grow up, and although not kind, perhaps the best medicine for you.
-A.Frustrated
Dear Next girl,
Potential with a new woman in your life always everything feel so exciting. I hope that potential comes to realization. I'll talk with you later on.
-Adam
Dear Stress,
There really is no getting around you is there? I tried to cut you out of my life many times but you seem to have a death grip on me. One day we'll manage to live cooperativly, until then I'ma keep chanting Nam Myo Rhenge Kyo to keep you chill.
-Your other half
Dear Adrian,
wHITEY ON THE MOOn needs to get back on the air, we ain't through yet and as soon as the opportunity comes we will be rocking our 10 listeners with cosby sweater jawns, Funk 45's, and Journey songs.
-Guzzo
Dear Kourtney,
Thjoguht about you a lot lately and I need to thank you and your father for helping me grow up and out of my shell. Haven't seen you in nearly 5 years and I'm not sure if I'll ever see you again, but I just to let you know that you helped a young boy become a man and for that I'm forever in your debt.
-gawky smalls
So we have Kourtney and her dad to blame for how you act on here?