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Serious Question (NRR)

yuichiyuichi Urban sprawl 11,331 Posts
edited November 2006 in Strut Central
Aiite, so this is the deal. I've known this dude for a decent amount of time. We had some good days back in college, and I see him on the weekends to play ball. I happen to know his ex, who I recently caught up with. She had some pretty traumatic shit happen to her while going out with my friend. I've never really known this side of him....and most peeps don't see this side of him, ever. Now I'm kinda preoccupied with this thought of him being this really bad guy. I just wanted to know if you guys had a similar situation, and how you dealt with it.I don't know whether to talk to him about it and say "I was quite shocked after hearing..." and hopefully hear his honest opinions on the matter or "just let it slide" and carry on like before....which i most likely won't be able to do.

  Comments

  • d_wordd_word 666 Posts
    She had some pretty traumatic shit happen to her while going out with my friend. I've never really known this side of him....and most peeps don't see this side of him, ever. Now I'm kinda preoccupied with this thought of him being this really bad guy.

    = he hit her?
  • DJRELAXDJRELAX 452 Posts
    she could be full of shit and either trying to turn his friends against him or fuck you to throw it in his face. ask him about it, and be honest where it came from.
    roceedewithcaution:
  • BrianBrian 7,618 Posts
    shits kinda not your business really
  • cpeetzcpeetz 2,112 Posts
    shits kinda not your business really

    Are you saying your friends can do all the foul shit they want so
    long as it doesn't directly involve you and it's all good?
    OOOOOKAAAAAAY....

  • BrianBrian 7,618 Posts
    shits kinda not your business really

    Are you saying your friends can do all the foul shit they want so
    long as it doesn't directly involve you and it's all good?
    OOOOOKAAAAAAY....

    if i was aware of something going on, i would intervene in some sort of fashion. however, this is after the fact and you also don't even know what happened. bringing up shit like this now basically on some curiosity shit is really not a good look.
  • p_gunnp_gunn 2,284 Posts
    Aiite, so this is the deal. I've known this dude for a decent amount of time. We had some good days back in college, and I see him on the weekends to play ball. I happen to know his ex, who I recently caught up with. She had some pretty traumatic shit happen to her while going out with my friend. I've never really known this side of him....and most peeps don't see this side of him, ever. Now I'm kinda preoccupied with this thought of him being this really bad guy.

    I just wanted to know if you guys had a similar situation, and how you dealt with it.
    I don't know whether to talk to him about it and say "I was quite shocked after hearing..." and hopefully hear his honest opinions on the matter or "just let it slide" and carry on like before....which i most likely won't be able to do.

    were you primarily his friend or her friend?
  • cpeetzcpeetz 2,112 Posts
    bringing up shit like this now basically on some curiosity shit is really not a good look.

    Is it curiousity or wanting to know the real nature of someone's character....
  • BrianBrian 7,618 Posts
    bringing up shit like this now basically on some curiosity shit is really not a good look.

    Is it curiousity or wanting to know the real nature of someone's character....
    does the real nature of a person you play basketball with during the weekend matter much?
  • cpeetzcpeetz 2,112 Posts
    bringing up shit like this now basically on some curiosity shit is really not a good look.

    Is it curiousity or wanting to know the real nature of someone's character....
    does the real nature of a person you play basketball with during the weekend matter much?

    Good point. If it's just an acquaintance then you probably aren't going to waste to much
    time and energy on sorting out yesterdays news. If it's a close friend then that's a whole nother
    deal...
  • cpeetzcpeetz 2,112 Posts
    she could be full of shit and either trying to turn his friends against him or fuck you to throw it in his face. ask him about it, and be honest where it came from.
    roceedewithcaution:

    That's an interesting point from someone with Kobe "Hey Front Desk Chick Gimme Some Ass Now"
    Bryant for an avatar. Hmmmm.....
  • pcmrpcmr 5,591 Posts
    Talk to him yuichi

    he ll tell you what happened or you will see his 'real' side come out

    either way youll get the info you wanted

    One of my best friends did some horrible shit to his girl who i knew a bit

    When I heard what he did i let it slide for a week than found myself unable t talk to him (lasted two years) i would always bullshit and never did anything with him again

    i recently went to explain myself and wish him good luck to change his life (leaving for another country related) and it was awkward although he was really drunk he understood everything (''so you thought I was an ashole for 2 years'' )

    he is suffering from his actions so he is learning but i am sure talking accelerates the prcess rather than the silent treatment

    good luck
  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts
    I've stopped hanging out with people after having seen them do stuff that wasn't cool. Anything that you don't see, tho, is heresay.
  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    I've stopped hanging out with people after having seen them do stuff that wasn't cool. Anything that you don't see, tho, is heresay.


    hearsay....

    Yuichi, get him shitfaced first and then ask him.
  • paulnicepaulnice 924 Posts
    I had confirmed that a particularly close friend of mine was physically abusive to his girlfriend who I just so happened to be just as close to.
    It was a real fucked up situation because it was going on all the time, although never in front anyone.
    She would just show up for work with bruises all over her and she'd be crying and ask me what she should do.
    At first I didn't want to get involved in that shit at all, but eventually I just felt so horrible about it that I had to speak up. To her though, not to him. Which I kind of regret to this day.
    I told her straight up to leave him.
    She said she would.
    She never did.
    Well, eventually she did.
    After a few years of that crap and having his baby.
    What gets me is that he knows I know, and whenever the subject of absusive relationships come up, he always gets on this high horse and talks about how fucked up it is that any man would even think about hitting a woman.
    As far as she went, I eventually gave up trying to help her.
    I felt myself getting dragged down into the mud with them and I didn't like it.
    Thing is, that wasn't the only case.
    I've know several women whom I've been friends with who were getting beat on by their boyfriends.
    Every single one of them went back to them after the fact.
    Sorry. Can't fuck with you.
  • yuichiyuichi Urban sprawl 11,331 Posts
    bringing up shit like this now basically on some curiosity shit is really not a good look.

    Is it curiousity or wanting to know the real nature of someone's character....
    does the real nature of a person you play basketball with during the weekend matter much?

    It's not exactly curiosity, it's more like processing and digesting this info so that this isn't the only thing on my mind when I see him.
  • Deejay_OMDeejay_OM 695 Posts

    I felt myself getting dragged down into the mud with them and I didn't like it.
    Thing is, that wasn't the only case.
    I've know several women whom I've been friends with who were getting beat on by their boyfriends.
    Every single one of them went back to them after the fact.
    Sorry. Can't fuck with you.

    crazy story...sorry to hear about that (paul and those above dealing with it)...but, I think the most poignant point about this...is above...it's kinda like the stockholm syndrome..oddly enough...the people who help often get dragged in the mud...while they return to where the abuse came from...sad...I've been in the situation before...and much to my chagrin when I did get involved and tried to help...it went awry....and yet they continued to date for awhile...until the abuse finally gets to be too much...or worse
  • rootlesscosmorootlesscosmo 12,848 Posts
    I've stopped hanging out with people after having seen them do stuff that wasn't cool. Anything that you don't see, tho, is heresay.


    hearsay....

    Yuichi, get him shitfaced first and then ask him.

    for real. Some corroboration is necessary before ANY moves are made.
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