Lets Chat.
Swayze
14,705 Posts
So there's this old gag where you tell somebody that its impossible to do sit-ups with your eyes closed. I know bellcity knows this one. Anyways, it seems impossible, so you challenge your mark to try it. When the get down and close their eyes, position your ass so that when they come up the get a face full of butt. OK, so its kinda gay, but its also funny.I had this friend named Bohannon. People called him Butt-rammin' Bohannon because he fell for the sit up joke.He got burned by some ville rat chick and had to go to Seoul to treat his VD. Had to get shit frozen off his dick. He said it was the most painful thing every. One night me and Bohannon were stumbling around the ville drunk off of our asses when all of a sudden he stops and points across the street at some girl. This girl was walking with a dude. Anyways, he points and yells "THATS THE BITCH THAT GAVE ME VD!!!!" You should have seen the look on her boyfriend's face. hahahahahaha. Damn that shit was funny.One thing most people have done at least once but nobody ever talks about is accidentally shitting yourself. It happens. I knew a guy who drank so much that he had a habit of accidentally shitting himself. He said it was because he had a week heart, but I think thats bullshit. I think its because he just drank way to fucking much. They called him Viceroy Fizzlebottom. Now he works for Jim Beam.I've almost fell off a mountain twice. Both times somebody grabbed me and pulled me up.One thing that really bothers me is when a page has "The page left intentionally blank" on it. Because, its not really blank, is it? No, its not.A few people I want to punch in the face:Digital Dave from the Cox Cable commercials.The Verizon 'can you hear me now?' guy.The "I'm thinkingggg of a numberrrr" credit score commercial guy.The women in the cervical cancer ad that go "I didn't know..."That douchebag from Ghost Dog and shit. Can't remember his name. Damn I wanna punch him.
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i love lemongrass chicken. that is my new thai dish. Pad Thai is so 2004. But, only with the brown rice. That nutty crunch adds so much to the dish.
my office is so fucking cold. the ends of my fingers are getting numb.
i had to do research on the old 1990 Buffalo Bills teams, and let me just say...Thurmon Thomas was NEXT LEVEL in those years. Emmitt Smith may have been better for longer (and behind the best O Line in history) but, in his prime, TT was the better back.
there is a guy at work...late 30s-early 40s...does PR for the soccer team. Anyway, yesterday I tell him that my favorite video is for Meth/Mary J's "You're All I need to get by," with the tampon joke at the end. And, he asks if I knew Bobbitto & Stretch's old radio show. Turns out, he was on it a few times. Man. What a surprise from the soccer geek.
i wish i could stop biting my nails. shit is getting ridiculous.
drankin on that 'yac/mouth fulla golds, but yo azz need some tic tacs...
Have fun in S.Korea!
btw, I've never tried, seen nor heard about putting butt smackdab in some unlucky dude's face.
You MI guys are crazy.
I remember this one dude who would ask KATUSAs what the capitol of Thailand was. When they said Bangcock he would punch them in the nuts. Thats pretty foul. But also kinda funny.
I'm at work right now but I can't concentrate because all I can think about is this trip. I'm so super stoked about going. We leave Saturday night. HJ's extended family lives up by the Z, so I'm hoping I find some of those North Korean propoganda pamphlets that the float over by baloon. I used to find those when the made me go up there and I loved them, but I never kept them.
Man. This day is really gonna drag ass.
I have a group of friends that this joke always comes out with.
good guys. not the smartest, though.
...and it happens to be SEVEN TWENTY!!!!!
God. I despise that guy purely based on this one performance, and yes, I'd also like to punch him.
FUCK YEAH!
I'm just glad somebody else knows who i'm talking about!
speaking of tv:
I wish I had some annuities I need to turn into money RIGHT NOW TODAY. I'm tired of getting this structured settlement payment. I wish some old white dude with grey hair would tell me who to call.
I am sitting at home with my finger in my ass, oh my god I should totally be a Massage Therapist. Oh wait, better yet I should train to "work the front office" at Bryman.
ok..back to work! (ThesOne presents Lifestyle Marketing coming this fall) ---- plug
i played hoops at a small college and this dude who i thought was terrible came in as a freshman and took all my minutes in his first game. afterwords, as i was bitching to my roommates about how awful the dude was, we turn on the radio and he is getting interviewed about his first game on this call-in sports show. i know this is gonna sound asshurt and mean, but after a few painful minutes of listening to this guy talk about how great he was, i coerced my 3 roommates to call up the show and clown him. little did i know how talented they were.
the first roommate asked him if he planned on scoring this season and if his ankles were sore from getting crossed up all night by the other team's point guard. that started a trend. because although he quickly got cut off by the radio host, my other roommates were already holding to be the next callers on the air. so the 2nd roommate is the next caller on the air and he says that he is a paramedic responding to a report that someone has broken both ankles.
my teammate was a herb and instead of laughing it off, started getting very defensive. so of course it only made things more hilarious. i finally lost my shit when my 3rd roommate got on the air and claimed to be a doctor from our local hospital, wanting to know if my teammate was considering ankle surgery.
i bought a bicycle on saturday. i've ridden it three times, and i've already had two flat tires.
today is payday.
Man, that one needs an audio clip!
fucking class. AUDIO PLAESE!
haha,i wish....never laughed so hard in my life. the craziest thing is that my roommates were all serious academic types, and the last people you would ever suspect of being able to a) come up with spontaneous shit like that and, b) hold a straight-face the entire time.
my story is pathetic, our bands were always playing together and I even got drunk with her one night and spent the night with her in her one room apartment...I didnt make a move...dang.
It's Friday-eve though... sometimes that can be just as much fun
Thursday is just Little Friday. Or, 'poquito viernes,' for the spanish speakers out there. probably my favorite night of the week.
Word up to that... I'm going sake bombing after work to celebrate my roommate's last day of work before heading off to Senegal for the Peace Corps. I'm gonna get him so drunk he won't be able to feel feelings anymore. Me? Not so much, still got work tomorrow morning. Doh!
this only happens in my private mind garden
I do, I do.