My best dj request so far
Secret_Chimp
915 Posts
So I'm djing on Friday and this drunk dude walks up to me.. and asks for a Bud Light! I look down at the decks, which are right in front of him, and look back at him. "Miller Light?", he says? "Dude, the bar is over there," I say. He just started at me blankly, then wandered off. Almost as good as last week when this crazy Filipino girl started fondling me while I was playing, and then squatted down next to me while I was looking through my crate. She started playing with herself (she was wearing a really short skirt, and spread her legs wide open) and then asked me if I liked her. "Sure," I said. "I like you." Then the shocker: "Well then do you want to FUCK me?" Woah!No, I didn't. This girl was skanky as hell.
Comments
Those are my favorite kind!
Believe me, this girl was SKANKY. And as soon as she stepped away from me these 2 vultures immediately swooped in on her, and poof! She was gone.
This seriously grossed me out.
...and then it got worse.
Looking into my crystal ball, I see...ah...an...AIDS (or herpes, syphillis, gonorrhea, clamhydia, etc.) case in some poor guy's (or guys') future(s). You did the right thing avoiding that skank. Some pussy is a liability!!!
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
"60s and 70s soul," I said, taking off the record that had just played.
"So when do you start?"
Later on, another really drunk guy looked suspiciously at my setup and said "So are you REALLY playing those records?"
Since this was a gig where I only play vinyl on two turntables, I said "Yep, only vinyl records tonight."
He looked even more suspicious and said, "Yeah, RIIIIGHT. I could still hear that record playing that you just took off."
I later realized he was fooled by my amateur-night beatmatching and thought the same record was still going, but at the time I just said "What, do you think I have a computer back here? These are real records!"
He squinted doubtfully and said, "Maybe you have iPod back there." He eventually went back to his space in line to the mens room, still l looking at me like I was straight up lying to him.
I've also had people look at my [baller]red velvet slipmats[/baller] and ask me "where'd you get those red records from?"
You just don't know. She's the kaiser soze of the skank world.
last month, also in holland, this American girl requested your average humptydoo (pussycat folls etc..) so I politely told her that I was not in posession of the requested titles...she looked at me like wtf and asked me: "What is wrong with your music?"...to this day, I don't know...
another one, last month too, friend of a friend is playing some rootsreggae when this guy walks up to me all angry saying: "yo, can't you guys play some reggae?" in all seriousness...I was baffled...
best one ever: "Yo, can you play some music?" while actually playing music, followed closely by "Yo, can't you play something so that everyone in here will dance?" while he was the only one not dancing...could someone collect all them and write a book about it?
also classic: a guy comes to the dj booth, giving me the westside sign (he was probably of turkish or tunesian origin) and mumbles - hardly understandable - "tupac, tupac"...sometimes a tupac record can safe your life...erm, sometimes not...
"What do you mean you don't have "Happy Birthday" with you? What kind of dj are you actually?"
"Yo yo yo people - I wanna give a happy birthday shoutout to the bitch with no taste and her fat girlfriend!"
= clubchickspeak for 50 Cent "In Da Club"
lol
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... i wish i was asshole enough to actually say that, it would really make my night
this is one i really hate:
"can i make a request?" "sure, what's up?" "i don't know, let me think of something"
this is one of the absolute sureshot requests that i know i will get every single time i dj... they don't have a particular song they really want to hear, they just want to tell me how to do my job... i put up with it for a long time, but i shut that one down these days... i'm polite about it, i just say "hey, why don't you just hang out for a while, drink something, have fun, and i assure you i will play at least a few songs that you like"... i haven't had anybody get too bent out of shape with that response yet
dumbest request lately: "Can you play some Too $hort?" ("Blow the Whistle" was playing at the time)
most annoying request lately: I'm in the middle of a set last night. It's not peak-time, but people are dancing and I'm trying to focus on a mix and a dude comes up and says, "Can you take our picture?" There's other patrons standing around drinking, so I don't know why dude approached me, but I don't get huffy about it-- I take a minute to walk over to his booth and snap a photo of him and and about 6 friends, hand him the camera and get back to work. Two minutes later he comes up and says, "Can you take the picture again? One of my friends had her head back."
Seriously, I want to make a t-shirt that says "NO REQUESTS" on the front, and "BEEYOTCH!" on the back.
Once a dude asked me for straight jazz, then some country, and then French techno or something.. WTF?! He got all mad at me for not having any of it and told me "I struck out" before stomping off. I've sort of learned to tune out the idiots, but sometimes it's hard not to get agro. Now I either say "no" before they even open their mouths, or "hey, I have good taste in music, trust me."
"I have a lot of 50 Cent records I will play tonight. But that is one record that I will not play, not tonight, not tomorrow night, no time in the future will I play that record. I'm very sorry but if you haven't had your fill of that record yet I can't help you."
She got mad.
I felt great!!!
Music is like food.....
You wanna serve up some 5 star shit but the masses are happy with and even WANT friggin' McDonalds!!!
Once this jackoff actually came up to me and said: "Do you have to play all this nigger music?".
I couldn't believe that shit. I mean, seriously. The ignorance.
Who the fuck would have enough time to make Warren G requests - OR ANY FUCKING REQUESTS - in the above situation?
b/w
Definitely feeling the lower right hand corner of that picture.
more like, I'll ask him where that dimepiece is!
Dude is probably a DJ then.
Yeah, this is possible, but often djs who are watching me rub me the wrong way, unless they are my friends. There's always like three dudes standing in front of the booth watching, but when one of them is a dj and starts making technique-suggestions, I wanna kick him the hell out.
I know, right? High school dances were the best!
ps i played the song and she danced her ass off. made me smile.