I really have nothing to contribute since I am not in the exact situation, but sex makes things more complicated than they really are. I don't want to get into it in detail here. I don't think any one here cares anyways. I don't know...I hate that I lack confidence and I think that women are always looking for someone better. Whatever...
Two of the reasons things get complicated is that folks have unrealistic expectations and they aren???t honest with themselves and each other. That a full-on relationship will follow and that it???s ok to pretend the person doesn???t exist post-sex are two of the biggest misconceptions.
Best way to avoid complications if you feel things are unclear is to be straight up, say what you want and ask about what you want to know. Even if it???s after the fact, it will take care of things sooner rather than later and prevent all the bullshit games that can ensue when folks are trying to protect themselves.
This is not universal truth or anything, just what???s worked best for me so far. But then again, I'm a chick and you may not want to hear from me.
I don???t know what to say about the confidence thing, whether they admit or not, everyone struggles with it.
the difference between casual sex and making love, is how you feel about someone, seeing how you know her and from the sounds of it, are harboring some feelings, I dont think its a good idea.
Is it really that hard to get ass?
Does fucking every chick you can validate something in your head?
I hate that I lack confidence and I think that women are always looking for someone better. Whatever...
Dude, I know people say this, and its easier said than done etc, but its the straight up truth: Confidence is a state of mind. Oh, and never come off as needy
Best way to avoid complications if you feel things are unclear is to be straight up, say what you want and ask about what you want to know. This is not universal truth or anything, just what???s worked best for me so far.
.
Too true. Its the best way - as long as you're honest and clear about what you're looking for and what you expect from the very START, and you let that be known, it saves a hell of a lot of confusion / guessing games / false hopes / dashed dreams / whatever.
I don???t know what to say about the confidence thing, whether they admit or not, everyone struggles with it.
Thats also true. Not to say that there aren't ways of jumping that hurdle though.
One of the best things I learned is that 'confidence' doesn't exist to people who are already confident. If you are saying to yourself 'be confident', you are pre-supposing that you have no confidence.
I've been drinking.
Yo Arcadian.. She wants to - you want to..... Go for it and let the chips fall where they may... you've never been in that situation before, so how can you tell how it'll turn out....... it'll be a learning experience either way.
My female roommate has been aggressively trying to have sex with me. I mean just plain coming out and saying it. Lots of sexual tension for the last few months. One night while we were having beers she just put all the cards on the table and said we should fuck. We haven't yet and I'm debating whether I should at all. Bottomline, she's planning on moving to Europe and it was a now-or-never kind of proposition. The thing is she MIGHT be moving in August. Lots of time for shit to go bad and it may be even later than that. Just depends how her money and school thing works out over there.
She's really my best friend and I just see so much going bad if we combined sex and friendship. To top it all off she's bisexual. I'd say 85% lesbian, 15% straight. She says she has no interest in a relationship but you know how that can go and to be honest I don't know if I could do this without developing feelings. Frankly, I'm more concerned about how I would feel. I mean, I want to hit it rrrreal bad and the possibility of a threesome is very real. Major plus.
Okay, now during this whole thing I'm seeing ANOTHER girl where the sex is okay. Sort of a friends with benefits but we were never really friends. I've really decided I'm not so into her and will probably break it off when she comes back from a trip next week. For anyone wondering I'm not breaking up with her just so I can tap my roommate guilt free. It's just not working out with this girl.
So I'm looking for some thoughtful advice and maybe a few good and bad life experiences. I want some female perspectives too.
talking was the way in my mind-----when all is said and done, if you had to move your record collection because it went sour, than it wasn't worth it....don't know what kinda collection you're sporting, but once you're over 4 or 5000 NOTHING IS WORTH HAVING TO MOVE THAT SHIT.... for straight up advice, Dr Wu's first comment was 10/10 for soulstrut advice, the Ball of Eyes dollarbin advice was 10/10
on a similar note, I once had a shortly after high school situation about 10 years ago where my roomate (who was one of my closest homies)'s girlfriend (we'll call her girl B) stepped to me, with her friend (we'll call her girl A) (who's boyfriend was also a friend/acquaintance of mine)----
both drunk, but not wasted drunk----
saying they wanted to get down, 2 on one style, backyard...
we were at his parents house, decent party, and they had followed me into the hottub. girl A, who was really the ringleader of this whole fiasco, confessed she had had several dreams, and fantasized about me....So, I start trying to talk sense to them (I'm drunk and stoned in a hottub)----------
I get it through to Girl B that shit was really about the worst idea in the world.....and that her boyfriend (we're in his parents hottub) is about 30 ft. away in the house probably looking for her...so, she comes to her senses, and gets out....Girl A, does not give a fuck....she goes down on me underwater, and my resistance goes down to some almost past the point of no return for and when she comes up, I tell her she's crazy and bolt outta the hottub with some type of inner reserve I didn't know I had....She starts following me around the party, I go and hide downstairs in my homies old bedroom....guess who shows up? A comes onto me, literally, JUMPS ONTO ME and my roomate comes in seeing shit, before I had a chance to fling her off, which I did....
so, I never hit it....
never told my roomate his girl B was a skank that probably cheated on him anyways with other dudes....
During the next couple months, girl didn't like being rejected, she was hot, and maybe it got her thinking she wasn't or something, and I KNOW for a fact, chick did get with a couple other dudes (on the DL, while still with holmes, whom I kept my mouth shut about his dame who couldn't keep her trap shut)
Anyways later after that, Girl A, went and TOLD her boyfriend, that I GOT WITH HER, on some rejection/revenge type shit, and dude hated my guts ever since, he thought he was gonna marry this chick...
YEARS LATER, at a halloween show in vancouver, this was maybe '97 (actually, it was the first Deep Concentration Tour with P.B. wolf, cut chemist, and radar) and I hadn't seen chick in years.....her roomate was the same girl that my old roomate used to be with (girl B)
Guess where I stayed that night? hit that (girl A) my homie hit that (girl B)
moral of the story----------- GIRLS GET WHAT THEY WANT.
eventually...
so, if you're 15%er is feelin that 15%, 100% one night, there's no way you will be able to say NO without clowning her ass right off you physically....
but also, if she's your best friend, and you guys have sexual attraction, having a relationship could be the stuff of dreams my friend....and her having girlfriends could just be a sign of respect for you that she don't want to be with any other guys but you my man....
Comments
Have I been wrong all my life??
Two of the reasons things get complicated is that folks have unrealistic expectations and they aren???t honest with themselves and each other. That a full-on relationship will follow and that it???s ok to pretend the person doesn???t exist post-sex are two of the biggest misconceptions.
Best way to avoid complications if you feel things are unclear is to be straight up, say what you want and ask about what you want to know. Even if it???s after the fact, it will take care of things sooner rather than later and prevent all the bullshit games that can ensue when folks are trying to protect themselves.
This is not universal truth or anything, just what???s worked best for me so far. But then again, I'm a chick and you may not want to hear from me.
I don???t know what to say about the confidence thing, whether they admit or not, everyone struggles with it.
Is it really that hard to get ass?
Does fucking every chick you can validate something in your head?
If either of your answers is no, then move on.
Dude, I know people say this, and its easier said than done etc, but its the straight up truth: Confidence is a state of mind. Oh, and never come off as needy
.
Too true. Its the best way - as long as you're honest and clear about what you're looking for and what you expect from the very START, and you let that be known, it saves a hell of a lot of confusion / guessing games / false hopes / dashed dreams / whatever.
Thats also true. Not to say that there aren't ways of jumping that hurdle though.
One of the best things I learned is that 'confidence' doesn't exist to people who are already confident. If you are saying to yourself 'be confident', you are pre-supposing that you have no confidence.
I've been drinking.
Yo Arcadian.. She wants to - you want to..... Go for it and let the chips fall where they may... you've never been in that situation before, so how can you tell how it'll turn out....... it'll be a learning experience either way.
.... Update please!
for straight up advice, Dr Wu's first comment was 10/10
for soulstrut advice, the Ball of Eyes dollarbin advice was 10/10
on a similar note, I once had a shortly after high school situation about 10 years ago where my roomate (who was one of my closest homies)'s girlfriend (we'll call her girl B) stepped to me, with her friend (we'll call her girl A) (who's boyfriend was also a friend/acquaintance of mine)----
both drunk, but not wasted drunk----
saying they wanted to get down, 2 on one style, backyard...
we were at his parents house, decent party, and they had followed me into the hottub. girl A, who was really the ringleader of this whole fiasco, confessed she had had several dreams, and fantasized about me....So, I start trying to talk sense to them (I'm drunk and stoned in a hottub)----------
I get it through to Girl B that shit was really about the worst idea in the world.....and that her boyfriend (we're in his parents hottub) is about 30 ft. away in the house probably looking for her...so, she comes to her senses, and gets out....Girl A, does not give a fuck....she goes down on me underwater, and my resistance goes down to some almost past the point of no return for and when she comes up, I tell her she's crazy and bolt outta the hottub with some type of inner reserve I didn't know I had....She starts following me around the party, I go and hide downstairs in my homies old bedroom....guess who shows up? A comes onto me, literally, JUMPS ONTO ME and my roomate comes in seeing shit, before I had a chance to fling her off, which I did....
so, I never hit it....
never told my roomate his girl B was a skank that probably cheated on him anyways with other dudes....
During the next couple months, girl didn't like being rejected, she was hot, and maybe it got her thinking she wasn't or something, and I KNOW for a fact, chick did get with a couple other dudes (on the DL, while still with holmes, whom I kept my mouth shut about his dame who couldn't keep her trap shut)
Anyways later after that, Girl A, went and TOLD her boyfriend, that I GOT WITH HER, on some rejection/revenge type shit, and dude hated my guts ever since, he thought he was gonna marry this chick...
YEARS LATER, at a halloween show in vancouver, this was maybe '97 (actually, it was the first Deep Concentration Tour with P.B. wolf, cut chemist, and radar) and I hadn't seen chick in years.....her roomate was the same girl that my old roomate used to be with (girl B)
Guess where I stayed that night?
hit that (girl A)
my homie hit that (girl B)
moral of the story----------- GIRLS GET WHAT THEY WANT.
eventually...
so, if you're 15%er is feelin that 15%, 100% one night, there's no way you will be able to say NO without clowning her ass right off you physically....
but also, if she's your best friend, and you guys have sexual attraction, having a relationship could be the stuff of dreams my friend....and her having girlfriends could just be a sign of respect for you that she don't want to be with any other guys but you my man....