My Kung Fu Sucks (NRR)
Swayze
14,705 Posts
So, I like Kung Fu movies, and I need to drop a few pounds (no really... 
)so I figured what the hell and signed up at a wushu school a while ago. Thing is, I fucking suck. I mean, I'm so bad I make my instructors laugh. Out loud. And its fun, and a good workout, and I like it, but damn, I really really suck! And while I'm happy that I can provide entertainment for other people, I kinda wish I didn't suck so bad. My wushu is like an insult to all of china. I am to wushu what Vanilla Ice was to black music. And nobody buys my "Its a new technique" excuse....I'm not learning it because I want to know how to fight, or learn self defense or anything. Nobody fights with the Diz, because everybody loves the Diz (wink wink), I just think that shit is cool. But oh do I suck. Thank god we dont have a belt system. I wouldn't even be a white belt. I'd be a dookie stained piece of toilet paper stuck to the back of Hammer pants. I'd be a white suspender.One time I had to take a shit, but I was running late for class, and when I got to the school I was to emberassed to shit there, so I spent the whole class trying to squeeze my buttcheeks in a horse stance. Every time I landed from a jump I thought "this is it....". Luckily the worst that happened was a fart popped out from the impact of a land, and I dont think anybody heard it. That was the longest hour ever. That shit made my brown eye blue.Sometimes I get the urge to yell "You know, there are some things I'm good at! In fact, I bet there is something I can do that you can't!" Because when people only see you do one thing, and do it horribly, it just has to leave the impression that I suck at everything. But I bet I could drink all those bitches under the table. Little ho's. The worst thing is, the instructors are really nice, so I can't be all like "well fuck you then!", because its like, they are doing the best they can, I just suck. One day it might pay off, and they'll be like Keanu Reeves acting teachers, looking back like "well fuck me! I didn't see that coming!"I bet I'd be good at drunken boxing though. I'd go to class every night, pound some crown and then be like yeah bitches, lets exercise!I should take private lessons from Iron Monkey and Ross Hogg. Then I could show them. In the mean time I've come up with some pretty good excuses, like "If god wanted me to touch my toes he wouldn't have put them all the way on the ground".Sigh.Anybody else take martial arts?Also, no offense, but karate is kinda gay. peace.
)so I figured what the hell and signed up at a wushu school a while ago. Thing is, I fucking suck. I mean, I'm so bad I make my instructors laugh. Out loud. And its fun, and a good workout, and I like it, but damn, I really really suck! And while I'm happy that I can provide entertainment for other people, I kinda wish I didn't suck so bad. My wushu is like an insult to all of china. I am to wushu what Vanilla Ice was to black music. And nobody buys my "Its a new technique" excuse....I'm not learning it because I want to know how to fight, or learn self defense or anything. Nobody fights with the Diz, because everybody loves the Diz (wink wink), I just think that shit is cool. But oh do I suck. Thank god we dont have a belt system. I wouldn't even be a white belt. I'd be a dookie stained piece of toilet paper stuck to the back of Hammer pants. I'd be a white suspender.One time I had to take a shit, but I was running late for class, and when I got to the school I was to emberassed to shit there, so I spent the whole class trying to squeeze my buttcheeks in a horse stance. Every time I landed from a jump I thought "this is it....". Luckily the worst that happened was a fart popped out from the impact of a land, and I dont think anybody heard it. That was the longest hour ever. That shit made my brown eye blue.Sometimes I get the urge to yell "You know, there are some things I'm good at! In fact, I bet there is something I can do that you can't!" Because when people only see you do one thing, and do it horribly, it just has to leave the impression that I suck at everything. But I bet I could drink all those bitches under the table. Little ho's. The worst thing is, the instructors are really nice, so I can't be all like "well fuck you then!", because its like, they are doing the best they can, I just suck. One day it might pay off, and they'll be like Keanu Reeves acting teachers, looking back like "well fuck me! I didn't see that coming!"I bet I'd be good at drunken boxing though. I'd go to class every night, pound some crown and then be like yeah bitches, lets exercise!I should take private lessons from Iron Monkey and Ross Hogg. Then I could show them. In the mean time I've come up with some pretty good excuses, like "If god wanted me to touch my toes he wouldn't have put them all the way on the ground".Sigh.Anybody else take martial arts?Also, no offense, but karate is kinda gay. peace.
Comments
We'll just say that I've discovered that certain martial arts, i.e. Tae Kwon Do, are made for people far more flexible than I.
When I have time though I'm starting up again, probably Jiu Jitsu. It's more suited to people of our nature.
Karate is kinda gay?! Damn Dizzy WTF? Did you drink WAY TOO MUCH soju before you started on this post? How much do you know about Karate and Japanese martial arts? My brother and his crew in New York all practice Aikido, Ju Jitsu, Judo and Karate. They would be happy to have you visit their dojo next time you are in NYC, but DO NOT say some silly shit like Karate is kinda gay! These fools would teach you otherwise in a second. You should really study the history of Japanese martial arts. I grew up watching kung fu movies as well and still have hundreds of kung fu movies in my collection. I hold a high level of respect for
all martial arts and feel that you can learn from many different disciplines. I hope I'm not coming off too serious, but you should not make statements like that. Would you tell Chiba Shinichi Karate is kinda gay? Would you have said that to Oyama Mas? Do some research hommie and respect the masters....
Chan, damn you sure know your Japanese culture!! i know the name Ooyama Masatoshi, and i know that he was the shit, but that's about it...
okay, while we're on the subject of martial arts. can ANYONE in the world fuck with this guy (ayo) right now??! i've never seen anyone as dangerous as he is. Current Pride Heavyweight Champion and hasn't lost a professional fight in 4 years. He scares me just watching through a t.v. screen....
Fedor Emelianenko (aka Russian Last Emperor). Cold as ice:
I often feel this way when I go bowling. It's especially annoying for me to be such a bad bowler because a) I'm super-competitive and b) it's just bowling, for god's sake! I attended a company bowling party on St. Patrick's Day and I sucked ass in front of my peers...I wanted to shout, "Oh, yeah? I just sold $2.5 million dollars in new business; you get to pay your rent because of me."
muay thai
I liked doing martial arts, but the classes were always so goddamm annoying - I always hated the sanctimonious bullshit that they want you to repeat at the end of every class. Maybe for 10 year olds, but for adults? Please. And all that bowing and "sensei" calling? I can call my boss by his name and somehow we manage to work that out, why do I have to call this guy "sensei"? Stupid.
Long and the short, I need to get back to training. I was no great forms master, and I especially sucked at fighting(I am not too competitive by nature), but I was also surprisingly spry for a big dude, and was always flattered when instructors asked what I had previously studied(which was nothing but thousands of Hong Kong action flicks and Shaw Bros movies).
So hang in there Diz, try and get loose, ALWAYS STRETCH CORRECTLY AND OFTEN and guage your own improvement(not other people's). You will get there, your path is your own, just be determined and patient. At least you are doing it.
Tien Shien pei is considered "Koushu" as opposed to "Wushu" kung fu which is a southern hemisphere style. From my understanding, Wushu is a more dance and ballet form of Kung Fu, very much in the vein for demonstration and aesthetics. Koushu was more of a battle type style which encompassed many different styles of fighting. Koushu ranges from ground style (very close to capoiera), long style (very tai chi influenced by it's long stances), to close style fighting that's similar to muy tai ot brasilian ju jitsu with it's grappling form. Then come the weapons. Crazy stuff to learn, but fun as hell!
If there's anything that I learned about Shaolin Chinese Kung Fu, it's that unless you study everyday vigorously, you really will not be that much of an effective fighter. Because there's just so much to learn. So you might as well just study some other form of martial arts if you want to be an "ass kicker". But if you want balance, coordination and focus, then this is for you.
Black Belts or in Kung Fu, Black Sash's basically mean shit in the states because to be a Black Sash in China means that you're on some different shit all together(like only 1 out of 300 will pass on to be a black sash). This I feel gives a lot of people in kung fu classes the false confidence thinking that they can take on anyone which can be really dangerous. Still, whatever hard work you put into it will be highly benificial to you as a whole.
hope this helps some.
by the way, dizz you're a trip man! classic!
respect.
Sucks?
will body you, son!
fuck hip-hop, he lost his hat...
I thought this thread was gonna be about Mos Def's quite good vinyl debut (?).
Kid, where you study Tai Chi? I have been looking for a good recommendation for a school.
Oh and as far as addressing your instructors properly and the "sanctimonious bullshit" as Sooks reffered to....well it's really a matter of respect and respect for tradition. It shouldn't be that hard, after all, you are there to learn something and they have knowledge you desire and don't posess. If you can't be bothered to show respect in the way they require, you need to look for a school that does not require that. Good luck.
Ans the "sanctimonious bullshit" is usually the heart of the training. The context.
I know a few dudes like this, they teach classes and berate their students on the daily about "respect" but its really all about "suck me, I'm on the cover of this magazine"
Agreed.
I am talking really about traditional schools, not the franchises or hi-profile dojos-to-the-rich-and-famous. I understand that there are a lot of folks these days who want all the respect without showing any or having any real connection with their students. That's why I have not trained since the school I was at moved even farther away to a new facility. It's hard to find a school that has the right combination of values and instruction, no doubt. You gotta find the right fit, but you also have to be teachable.
So yeah, like I said before, I'm trying to learn how to fight or anything, i just want to bounce around and have fun, but still, sure wish i didn't suck so bad.
I just think a lot of people get hung up on the ranking part of it. It's a hobby, not the army - why worry about who's a brown belt and who's a white belt - or how they address each other? You can have a respectful environment without all that. And as for the sanctimonious bullshit, I think saying "we learn kung-fu, so that we may never use it" after an hour of practicing kicking each other is just a bit silly. I mean, I can see that you don't want little Jimmy going home and punching his sister, but for adults it's just cheesy. Most people just want a little work-out, doing something different and fun - and don't need to meditate on that.
I understand. And it still comes back to what kind of fit you can find in a school. Like anything, even hobbyists are to differing degrees, so for you a traditional school seems like a waste of time. You would be better suited to classes in general martial arts at a gym, from hat I am hearing, and that's cool. But if you want to learn tradional forms of martial arts(whichever country or region they are from) you have to be prepared to learn it in specific contexts. And I would argue that what you are learning (in those contexts) is serious enough that people DO need to understand the ways in which to use, or not use it. I mean, you are being trained to literally DISABLE people, people need to take it seriously or they could really hurt themselves or others. Nothing cheesy about that. And these systems are cultural institutions, not just exercise regimens, they need to be respected on several levels.
I'm not sure. I think a lot of the culture that's talked about is not so much respected as it is acted. In my karate class (which I don't go to anymore, BTW) we would dress up in karate suits and bow at each other while the instructor would call out moves in Japanese. He wasn't Japanese - we weren't Japanese - were we respecting Japanese culture here or playing dress-up? I think that some people in martial arts are big on exotisizing (sp?) other cultures without having any interest, really, in knowing what the culture is actually like. In my experience (full disclosure: I've done a few years in karate, and have a black belt in taekwondo from some years back) these type of people are big on tradition and are very strict in class because they're looking for some meaning in someone else's traditions.
Yeah them Stances ain't know joke for real, I mean the horse stance is basic, but when I was taking my secret Kung Fu (very wing chuan oriented) class in order to move up to the next level we had to stand in the Horse Stance for an Hour and 15-30min in other crazy hard stances, not fun in 20 min your shirt is soaking wet... Though the stances work great when it comes to sex, no joke! But nowadays I do push ups and that ain't no joke either.... I have also taking other classes, Kempo, Karate, Tae Kowoon Do, not to put down the people who take it because those dudes can really kick some arse, but what they teach you in those classes ain't ish to Kung Fu and Wushu... Them classes are most of the time all a money making scam, and the dudes who excel in it already kick major arse with out them classes... Well If that makes sense though I heard the Brazilian ish and Akido ain't no joke either, though it probably depends on the instructors.... Or you can learn by watching The Kung Fu Instructor (Starring Ti Lung) or if you really want to know the crazy ish you need to peep the Brave Archer series.... If you don't have them I'm sure you can find an add in the back of the source that sells them I think the company is Ruff & Rugged and White Lotus video... WORD!
I guess I am confused. Is it wrong to find meaning in someone else's traditions? And as you know from studying other forms of martial arts, that specific forms are all different takes on the same set of questions(ie. what is the most efficient block, when to kick vs. when to punch, defense vs. attack)developed over hundreds of years. What I reacted to in your statements was what I would occasionally see in people just starting, which I assumed in our school was an impatience with the rules of any given class. If it was a lot of beginners, they may spend the bulk of the class running down the history of the school, asking questions and handing out push-ups for wrong answers, old-school style. If you didn't know who Kei Wang Kim's teacher was, ten push ups for the class, that sort of thing. Obviously, some high school kid or banker who just wants to tone up will not see the value in this, but for those of us who wanted to get the foundation of this school's style and teaching, it's important. I mean, around here, people are expected to know some history if they want to be taken seriously within this context. If you don't care, that's fine, but it also shows.
MANGO U CRAZY!!!!!!!!! LOL FOOL!
SG
I'm not trying to say that history is not worth learning, and it can indeed be quite interesting to find out where certain patterns came from, and what they were originally intended for, etc. I just think a lot of the extras around a martial arts class are unnecessary and, for me, off-putting. Imagine your classes, but taught in comfortable athletic clothes instead of a uniform, and taught in english instead of whatever other language. Would you still learn? Of course. So why all the other trappings? Is it just dress-up? And why do the instructors have to impart some moral lesson to the whole thing - the only difference between you and them is that they can beat someone else up faster than you. Practicing karate for longer doesn't make you more virtuous (Funakoshi (sp?) the inventor of modern karate was a Japanese administrator in Nanking during the 2nd world war) - why do we even have to tack on a moral? (for adults - kids proabaly need to be told not to try and beat up other kids)
I guess this is my own dislikes about martial arts teaching methods, and maybe other people learn better with these features? I don't know. I just felt that, the more I did martial arts, the less I liked all the moral lessons attached to it. Your milage may vary.
I feel your pain on this one. I practiced Hung Ga Kung Fu for seven years and my sifu was very traditional. He's also one of the world's most respected masters in his style (Y.C. Wong--real headz know the deal!). His grandmaster is Lam Jo, who learned from Lam Sai Wing (aka The Magnificent Butcher). Lam Sai Wing's uncle and teacher was Wong Fei Hung, father of modern Hung Ga and one of the 10 Tigers Of Canton (and subject of countless movies on Paul Nice's shelves).
My sifu is in his 70s and will not think twice about correcting you--loudly--in front of everyone. "Ha ha! Why you do wrong? This one...very lousy! You see this one? No good!" Talk about humbling.
My advice to you: Realize that there are certain cultural differences when learning from Chinese instructors, realize that none of it's for you to take personally, and realize that people spend their entire lives trying to master this stuff.
Oh, and it will be the biggest and longest lesson in humility of your life.
SIDE NOTE: Wushu? Come on, G*ry! That stuff's just for show. They don't even use real weapons. All that "spring steel" stuff falls into the same category in which you place karate.
GET WITH THE KWAN-DO:
Actually, I learned the fundementals of this form when I was in my tien shien pei training, so I basically use those forms and practice on my own.
There's a really good school in Kensington MD called Tai Yim kung Fu (10730 Connecticut Ave. ) that teaches traditional Tai Chi if you're interested.
respect.
He's also one of the world's most respected masters in his style (Y.C. Wong--real headz know the deal!). His grandmaster is Lam Jo, who learned from Lam Sai Wing (aka The Magnificent Butcher). Lam Sai Wing's uncle and teacher was Wong Fei Hung, father of modern Hung Ga and one of the 10 Tigers Of Canton (and subject of countless movies on Paul Nice's shelves).
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You could be making this all up and I'd never know the difference. I think I'm going to go by the name 'Magnificent Butcher' from now on, though.
Hmmmm...I'll have two of the magnificent pork chops and a pound of magnificent ground chuck...
I know wushu is just for show more than anything else, but thats cool with me. Its fun! The whole reason I joined was because I hate the gym, I dont like running... but I gotta do something to get back into shape. So I started looking at kung fu school, but they all had the vibe of the 'bad school' in Karate Kid. You know, some jackass white dude smashing bricks and all this shit.
And as far as the whole bowing and all that... each school is different. I dont have any problem with bowing or showing respect or anything like that, but I was also looking for a school that wasn't going to try to be my boot camp. I did that all ready. I wanted a school where the teachers were nice and the environment was relaxed. And I'm getting that.
This girl thinks I'm insane though:
"HUANG Qin is a champion of one of the most prestigious professional Wushu teams in the world, the Shanghai Wushu Team. She has been officially honored by the Chinese government with the highest ranking possible in wushu, Wu Ying Ji. Before coming to JING, she was a full-time professor of Wushu at Ningbo TiYu University"