Letters to things and people
schnipper
528 Posts
Dear dude I owe a record to,My B. Soon, sorry I am a dbagSchnipperDear twin sisterYou got a sick job making money! I am so stoked for you. Mom and dad are going to be alternately more crazy and less crazy. also I am glad you like the earrings I bought you YOU ARE MY DUDE. Love your brotherDear dude who made me dinner last night,You and my mom would be dudesSchnipperdear pretty girlsYou are every girl who lives in New York. Alternately, thank you and go away. can I just like go buy a trash can or like some socks without being like damn hot girlsSchnipperdear MTA workersI am sure you are nice. The strike was weird. I got to walk home with some coworkers which was chill. This girl I work with has super fucked up teeth and gums but she is nice. She was real on the TMI tip. But it's like after an hour of being cold together you get close or whateverSchnipperDear RaquelNice braids!Schnipperdear MILO MY DOGYour haircut looks super bro. Better than your sister's haircut. The whole getting clean thing is working nice for you and I am glad mom and dad let you keep that shit a little long so you can stay warm. All the city dogs wear jackets because they are babies. I know you are realLove MATTDear Hannukah,CLOTHES SchnipperDear Putumayo World MusicWhat a weirdass businssSchnipperDear NOZDude what's up SchnipperDear music made for and by gay peopleYou are the reason I stopped reading soulstrut basicallySchnipperDear JM Coetzee bbookI read the other jm coetzee book in a day but this other shit is taking me weeks because I read two pages and then go oh man I gotta think about life because it's real heavy. (EXAMPLE dude is like okay uh he lives on a field sometimes in a cave and stares at the plant bristles and is hungry but does not eat because it brings him nothing. Nothing is no more a feeling than something. Neither is good, nor is neither bad. He grows a pumpkin and that is lifeSchnipperDear ApartmentYou are chill but can you please not have dust fall from the ceiling? Great location though the bakeries are so sick dudeSchnipdogDear people who immediately call me Schnipper (but not Schnipps)I am pretty sure you are awesome but every once in a while I am like yo back off when you are a herb. It's just like you know right away and that deserves some propsSchnipperDear Manual Gottsching,Yo we got real close FYIMatthew
Comments
you are still dope regardless of what schnipper says.
peace, stein. . .
Dear Noz,
sorry I am a deadbeat with your Marlena Shaw sleeve. I have had every intention of sending it out every day since I found it. I suck. Please accept my apology and an assurance that next week will unite you with the sleeve.
Birdman
Dear Schnipper,
How's tricks?
DC is lamer without you and Fatback.
Birdman
Dear Raystar,
I think I found the LP for you. I will PM you with the title.
Birdman
Why do you have to be on Christmas Eve?
-Toast
Dear Job,
Why cant i get enough time off to go home and celebrate my b-day/christmas with my fam? Guess what! Im looking for a new one.
-Toast
Dear UPS,
Why wont you just leave the damn box on my doorstep? Now i will be chilling xmas morning by myself presentless.
-Toast
Dear Mom,
Thanks for the Newmark PT-01 even though it wont be here for me to play records on xmas morning in the kitchen while i make breakfast. Ill see you in a couple weeks though.
love Toast
Dear Dad,
There isnt enough coal in the world.
-Toast
When does Schnipper vol.2 go to press?
eagerly...
-Crink
Dear Wifey,
I love you with all my heart. You are everything I'm not, my perfect compliment. I cherish every day that I spend with you. I could not live without you, that's why I hope I die first so I won't have to (Smile!). You always say that's selfish of me, but it is true, my dear. You are a beautiful and wonderful woman in every way. I still marvel at the fact that I have a wife like you. I am blessed and honored that you're my wife.
Love always,
P
Dear Family,
I love you and wish you all a blessed Christmas, New Year, and overall peace, good health, and prosperity throughout the year.
Dear Terri,
You're my main pooch-diddy. I apologize for not spending a lot of time with you this semester because I was really busy at work. I'll make it up to you during the holiday break by spending the day with you when I can (i.e., when I'm not working on my research). You're a beautiful and loving dog. I appreciate your little quirks, like how you paint my face with kisses when I wake up in the morning, or how you tap me with your paws when you want a treat. You've been a wonderful addition to our family.
Dear DA,
You are a valued colleague and friend. You are truly a gifted scholar. I was blessed to meet you at the Academy of Management back in 2002. I appreciate the insights I gain from working with you and the flawless drafts that you send. Let's keep walking these dogs in 2006, bruh!!! The first beer's on me at the SIOP conference this year (side note: May 2006 in Dallas, get at me D-town strutters on some vinyl spots).
Dear Survey Data,
Why don't you cooperate with me? You have more factors underlying your items than you're supposed to. It seems like the practitioner that collected you told lies about what you were measuring. Hopefully, I'll derive a meaningful and interpretable factor structure from you so that I can build some useful measurement scales.
Dear E,
Yo man, the CD is comin' together quite nicely. I'm glad you liked that remix I made last night. I appreciate the hard work you've been putting in finishing up the rhymes, and the one-take wizardry you display in the booth. You're a talented muthafucka, that's why I was ridin' your back when you were lunchin'. It's an honor to work with you, bruh. Let's do this!!!!
Dear Xilla,
Man, I appreciate your engineering genius, creative input, and the love you've shown me and E. Also, thanks for giving a brotha some production work. It means a lot that you're feelin' the material because of the good vibes that radiate during the studio sessions. Oh yeah, I'll get around to that G-Womack track soon enough. I think I'll break in my Triton on his joint since I did buy it for my R&B production work. I'ma cook up sumptin' extra special for dog 'cause he's good peoples.
Dear Korg Triton Extreme,
I look forward to learning how to operate you. You'll be a nice addition to my production gear, and I plan on making full use of you. I gotta say, you need to work on your weight 'cause damn you're heavy!!!!
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
Sorry I left you. I always found you very abbrasive, standoffish, and generally unintelligent. Nice collection of Lou Rawls CD's though.
- Your Ex-student
Dear Roommate,
You are dope man! Thanks for the Troyka hookup and your Dad is dude.
- Your roommate
Dear Ghetto Pink Pong Table,
You are the best ex-kitchen-dinning-table I've ever played on.
- Pong playah
Dear Rice Milk,
I'm glad I found you as you taste better than Lactose-Free milk yet cost more.
- Lactease
Dear SS,
For the short-while I've been here you've been good to me. I haven't laughed so hard and learned so much in a while. Peace.
- canonical
it's my birthday and i bought myself too short and gospel records as a present. i'm in pittsburgh right now, we need to kick it sometime in the new year. holour.
cordially, noz
dear xmas,
bah humbug
sincerely, noz
dear birdman,
it's cool. no rush.
thanks, noz
dear soulstrut,
shut the fukc up.
peace . . . noz
dear hatters,
quit hattin.
- noz
dear letters to things and people thread,
let's never do this again.
with love, noz
I lost the warranty
Dear Box of Tapes
I miss you and can't find where you've been. Please come back.
Dear box of cereal
You've changed. You used to be for the common man. Why so pricey and stuck up now?
Dear every rapper and producer,
I'm sorry you don't want to talk about the past. Please just give me that one unreleased song, and i promise i'll promote that indy thing you're doing.
Dear Funky Flatulent,
You can blame my high price on the increased demand for corn to make the ethanol additive for gasoline. Higher corn prices also increase the price for feed for farm animals, as many of these animals are "corn-fed", thereby increasing the prices for many of these farm animal-related products as well.
-Corn Flakes.
Dear Ethanol,
You've caused me to eat too many eggs. I hate you.
waitress at my local brunch spot:
WHERE WERE YOU TODAY?
Dear guy that charged me $42 priority shipping
to send out 18 records 2 weeks ago:
CAN I HAVE MY RECORDS?
Dear my beloved cat, Marlowe:
HOW CAN WE MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT, YOU CAN'T BE HEALTHY!
Dear avocado:
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO DELICIOUS!
Dear stomach:
PLEASE STOP CRAVING SO MUCH JUNK, I AM WEAK!
Dear now-married and long-gone ex-girlfriend:
PLEASE GET OUT OF MY MIND
happy birthday. i'm glad i got to talk to you today and you are feeling better after the 2nd stint in icu. i'm glad surgery was a success and i miss you too. when i heard the news i was scared shitless. thank you for making me feel like a less shitty daughter and less of a coward today. also thank you for crying with me and i'm sorry i dropped out of college 7 years ago and disappointed you. sorry i suck at explaining things. i still think about you often and miss our fishing trips at sequoia lake. i think i'm ready to see you again now that you've accepted who i am.
love,
at ti
p.s. OH MY GOTH! i hate/love you depeche mde. what are you doing to me