Wife wakes up next to husband one morning and he's in a coma. Husband is rushed to hospital, where they run tests. Eventually he wakes up but is very, very weak. Doctor takes wife to one side.
Doc: "Your husband is suffering from massive stress levels. He'll be dead within a month unless you do the following - every day, you need to make love to him, any way he desires, as many times as you can."
Wifey nods slowly.
Doc: "That's not all - you need to make sure you do all the housework, cook his food, don't argue with him and do not cause him any undue stress, in any way. Drive him to the pub and back, let him play golf, let him watch as much football as he wants."
Wifey nods slowly.
Doctor leaves, wife returns to husband, who beckons her over.
He asks, in a trembling voice "What is wrong with me? What did he say?"
A little girl is walks into her mother's room while the mother is getting dressed and the girl asks, "Mommy, when am I gonna get them", pointing to her mothers breast's. The mother replies, "When you get older sweety". So now the girl runs into the bathroom where her step-father is getting dressed and she says, "Daddy when am I gonna get one of them", pointing to the her step-father's penis. The step-father replies, "As soon as your mother leaves".
a little boy goes out trick or treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell and a lady comes to the door and says "how cute! So where are your little buccaneers?"
and the liitle boys says "under my bucking hat"
A guy walks into an apartment building delivering a package and knocks on the door. A beautiful naked woman answers and asks "Joe Williams?" He replies "No" and she slams the door in his face. He knocks again and the naked woman opens the door and asks "Joe Williams?". He says "No" again and she slams the door shut. The man knocks on the door a third time and the naked lady answers and asks "Joe Williams" to which he replies "Everyday, everyday I have the blues!".
A guy goes to his dr. and says "I have a problem cutting silent farts all day long" and while he's telling the dr. he rips three of 'em. The dr. says well first off "You've lost your hearing"
A little girl is walks into her mother's room while the mother is getting dressed and the girl asks, "Mommy, when am I gonna get them", pointing to her mothers breast's. The mother replies, "When you get older sweety". So now the girl runs into the bathroom where her step-father is getting dressed and she says, "Daddy when am I gonna get one of them", pointing to the her step-father's penis. The step-father replies, "As soon as your mother leaves".
A little girl is walks into her mother's room while the mother is getting dressed and the girl asks, "Mommy, when am I gonna get them", pointing to her mothers breast's. The mother replies, "When you get older sweety". So now the girl runs into the bathroom where her step-father is getting dressed and she says, "Daddy when am I gonna get one of them", pointing to the her step-father's penis. The step-father replies, "As soon as your mother leaves".
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. Bartender says "what's with the steering wheel?" the pirate says "yarrrgggh. It's drivin me nuts."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. Bartender says "what's with the steering wheel?" the pirate says "yarrrgggh. It's drivin me nuts."
Comments
Doc: "Your husband is suffering from massive stress levels. He'll be dead within a month unless you do the following - every day, you need to make love to him, any way he desires, as many times as you can."
Wifey nods slowly.
Doc: "That's not all - you need to make sure you do all the housework, cook his food, don't argue with him and do not cause him any undue stress, in any way. Drive him to the pub and back, let him play golf, let him watch as much football as he wants."
Wifey nods slowly.
Doctor leaves, wife returns to husband, who beckons her over.
He asks, in a trembling voice "What is wrong with me? What did he say?"
Wife: "You've got a month to live."
His wife replies:
"That's a sheep, you bloody idiot."
The man says, " I wasn't talking to you."
$2
a buck an ear
:cheese:
ha! Similar joke:
a little boy goes out trick or treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell and a lady comes to the door and says "how cute! So where are your little buccaneers?"
and the liitle boys says "under my bucking hat"
Kilometers Davis.
A guy walks into an apartment building delivering a package and knocks on the door. A beautiful naked woman answers and asks "Joe Williams?" He replies "No" and she slams the door in his face. He knocks again and the naked woman opens the door and asks "Joe Williams?". He says "No" again and she slams the door shut. The man knocks on the door a third time and the naked lady answers and asks "Joe Williams" to which he replies "Everyday, everyday I have the blues!".
Son: A drummer Dad!
Father: You can't do both son
foul
extra foul.
this is the worst/best joke.
i actually happen to think the duck joke is also foul.
ZING!
no but really that and the incest one are both gross.
have you ever tried to take a rib away from a black guy?