halp strut, did i get stood up? (ladies of the strut please to be opining)

smoking_robot

Riding the emo board post roller coaster i got a question:

I met this girl out one night and chatted her up a bit. She works at this restaurant nearby my friends shop where i hang out a bunch. So i had been planning on stopping over and asking her out sometime etc.

Well, i do, she remembers my name etc etc, we chat for a bit, she's real friendly (she wasnt my server, so it aint on some tip me well thats why im being nice shit) - good body language in that she seems engaged in the conversation, eye contact blah blah. i finish my meal and then she's gone. so i ask my friend who works there if she's still there, she is, she comes up stairs - i proceed to invite her out to this thing on friday.

she's all "nah, i used to go to that a bunch, im kind of sick of it..... but, im going to x and y on friday with some folks if you wanna come?"

I say yes, we exchange digits, i say see you friday.

Friday i hit her up after work via text: hey whats happenin, what time you headed out tonight?

she responds: Hey, not sure yet - still trying to figure it out but i'll hit you up as soon as i hear back.

i respond "sounds good."

3 hrs later i hear nothing, so i send a final text so i can plan my own shit now for the evning just saying im gonna go take a shower, ya'll figure anything out yet?

And thats the end.

Seriously, crazy mixed messages in my opinion. So what's the deal strut? Did she get hit by a car or did i get stood up?

Soulhawk

dude, didn't you read that knowledge jewel about the 'NO CONTACT ZONE'?

I ignore all women, all the time & that makes me totally irresistible

beating-them-off-with-a-stick-related

smoking_robot

Soulhawk said:

dude, didn't you read that knowledge jewel about the 'NO CONTACT ZONE'?

I ignore all women, all the time & that makes me totally irresistible

beating-them-off-with-a-stick-related

well i'll certainly be ignoring this girl for a while.

Jonny_Paycheck

You should definitely step to her over this.

nzshadow

She sounds like either a regular women or a hormonal bitch.

fuckin cow, you need to step your game up and get with a total bombshell.

SIRUS

either flakey, or let-you-down-'easy' related.

jammy

plenny mo' feesh

Danno3000

She was probably out of your league and didn't have the heart to tell you. Go back to the norms.

Almond

Smoking Robot, you didn't get stood up, you got turned down.
She didn't want to go to your thing on Friday and going to X and Y "with some folks" sounds pretty casual. If there will be other people there, it's probably not a date. Not returning your text was her way of saying she didn't want to hang out. She may have had some initial interest when you exchanged numbers, but it's waned by now. Even if she got into a car accident, you aren't her emergency contact, so it has nothing to do with you.

Every girl who's nice to you and is able to engage in conversation is friend material, and not necessarily wifey material. Plus, not returning texts is a red flag in the communication department. Go chat up some other waitress instead.

When I want to talk to someone, I'll call or text them. If I want to avoid them, I'll ignore their messages. Moral of the story: if someone is keeping their distance from you, it means the same thing as when you keep your distance from someone else.

Delay

when you didnt hear back for 3 hours, and YOU called HER...you lost.

you should have just waited til you saw her again and ignored her. she would have called you that night.

bassie

Too much too soon.

When she said she was going to x and y and asked if you want to come - at this point, not knowing if she's reliable, the type to actually call when she says she will, etc. it's better to not set yourself up for a WTF is going on Friday night and just say "Why don't we meet there?"
Also, you, a new "friend" and her with all her friends**....ehhhh, potentially very unfun night for all the usual awkward social situation reasons. Best to roll with your own people and have the freedom to do what you want without the night being a total write-off or edit- feeling like the 5th wheel.

**Did you know the people she was going out with?

HarveyCanal

You'll have a few of those for every one that pans out, no big deal...just keep putting yourself out there.

hermes1

Possum Tom said:

when you didnt hear back for 3 hours, and YOU called HER...you lost.

you should have just waited til you saw her again and ignored her. she would have called you that night.

Co-signatori.

Less is more.

I would venture he was already at the tipping point of losing her after this:

"she responds: Hey, not sure yet - still trying to figure it out but i???ll hit you up as soon as i hear back.

i respond ???sounds good.???

Why did you respond at all ? She told you specifically "ILL HIT YOU UP", at that point you should have not responded to that text ( there was no need to she wasnt asking you a question, it just makes you sound eager) and done your own thing.

BUT instead you do this :

"3 hrs later i hear nothing, so i send a final text so i can plan my own shit now for the evning just saying im gonna go take a shower, ya???ll figure anything out yet?

And thats the end. "

IT SURE IS.

button

Bsides

HarveyCanal said:

You'll have a few of those for every one that pans out, no big deal...just keep putting yourself out there.

This is my vote. In my experience it works way better than all that reverse psychology, stupid seduction secrets type nonsense. Just be yourself, say what you mean, and dont sweat it too much if she's not interested...Plenty of Fish!

B

Bsides

HarveyCanal said:

You'll have a few of those for every one that pans out, no big deal...just keep putting yourself out there.

This is my vote. In my experience it works way better than all that reverse psychology, stupid seduction secrets type nonsense. Just be yourself, say what you mean, and dont sweat it too much if she's not interested...Plenty of Fish!

B

Bsides

HarveyCanal said:

You'll have a few of those for every one that pans out, no big deal...just keep putting yourself out there.

This is my vote. In my experience it works way better than all that reverse psychology, stupid seduction secrets type nonsense. Just be yourself, say what you mean, and dont sweat it too much if she's not interested...Plenty of Fish!

B

selperfuge

Unknown

Don't be Mr. (Leave it to) Eager Beaver. That's a guaranteed lady turn-off and a one-way road to failure. Text her once, leave it at that and go bounce to someplace fun and where the happening is happening. If she texts you back, invite her to where you're at. If she doesn't text you back, remember what the boys said: "if that chick don't want to go, forget her."

smoking_robot

word, i was just confused because i was like: why invite me to whatevre it was she was doin and exchange numbers, respond to the first text, then not respond? if im tryin to be vague and unreachable, i either dont respond to the initial text (if the situation was flipped), or i woulda just left it at a nah, i dont really like that thing and make some excuse for why im unavailable that night.

but whatever, to each their own.

in other news i just got back from the j cole mini show at the TLA in philly on that heinnekin tour and it was dope. highly recommended if it comes to your town.

faux_rillz

smoking_robot said:

in other news i just got back from the j cole mini show at the TLA in philly on that heinnekin tour and it was dope. highly recommended if it comes to your town.

J Cole = the new Memphis Bleek

I think the source of your problems is coming into focus

smoking_robot

faux_rillz said:

smoking_robot said:

in other news i just got back from the j cole mini show at the TLA in philly on that heinnekin tour and it was dope. highly recommended if it comes to your town.

J Cole = the new Memphis Bleek

I think the source of your problems is coming into focus

i probably shouldve witheld the fact that i was goin to see j. cole on saturday to that girl then, huh? i guess its one of them facts you dont admit to til much later, like a penchant for not washing dishes and letting them sit and simmer in the sink for a while

Burns

Almond said:

Smoking Robot, you didn't get stood up, you got turned down.
She didn't want to go to your thing on Friday and going to X and Y "with some folks" sounds pretty casual. If there will be other people there, it's probably not a date. Not returning your text was her way of saying she didn't want to hang out. She may have had some initial interest when you exchanged numbers, but it's waned by now. Even if she got into a car accident, you aren't her emergency contact, so it has nothing to do with you.

Every girl who's nice to you and is able to engage in conversation is friend material, and not necessarily wifey material. Plus, not returning texts is a red flag in the communication department. Go chat up some other waitress instead.

When I want to talk to someone, I'll call or text them. If I want to avoid them, I'll ignore their messages. Moral of the story: if someone is keeping their distance from you, it means the same thing as when you keep your distance from someone else.

Almond is on point. She comes from knowing the league of texting rules and regulations.
I remember having to call girl "A" before we met up hoping she would show up before texting was allowed.
I prefer to call but it feels like your shattering the front window of their car when you actually call.

smoking_robot

Danno3000 said:

She was probably out of your league and didn't have the heart to tell you. Go back to the norms.

qft
q.e.d.
etc

smoking_robot

Burns said:

Almond said:

Smoking Robot, you didn't get stood up, you got turned down.
She didn't want to go to your thing on Friday and going to X and Y "with some folks" sounds pretty casual. If there will be other people there, it's probably not a date. Not returning your text was her way of saying she didn't want to hang out. She may have had some initial interest when you exchanged numbers, but it's waned by now. Even if she got into a car accident, you aren't her emergency contact, so it has nothing to do with you.

Every girl who's nice to you and is able to engage in conversation is friend material, and not necessarily wifey material. Plus, not returning texts is a red flag in the communication department. Go chat up some other waitress instead.

When I want to talk to someone, I'll call or text them. If I want to avoid them, I'll ignore their messages. Moral of the story: if someone is keeping their distance from you, it means the same thing as when you keep your distance from someone else.

Almond is on point. She comes from knowing the league of texting rules and regulations.
I remember having to call girl "A" before we met up hoping she would show up before texting was allowed.
I prefer to call but it feels like your shattering the front window of their car when you actually call.

honestly, i fuckin hate text messaging and i usually do call but texting is what all the kids do these days so i did too.

but i like the analogy.

smoking_robot

bassie said:

Too much too soon.

When she said she was going to x and y and asked if you want to come - at this point, not knowing if she's reliable, the type to actually call when she says she will, etc. it's better to not set yourself up for a WTF is going on Friday night and just say "Why don't we meet there?"
Also, you, a new "friend" and her with all her friends**....ehhhh, potentially very unfun night for all the usual awkward social situation reasons. Best to roll with your own people and have the freedom to do what you want without the night being a total write-off or edit- feeling like the 5th wheel.

**Did you know the people she was going out with?

didnt know 'em. but i was bound to run into some people i know at event Y that evening although not necessarilly people i would roll to a club with, which is what prevented me from sayin why dont we meet there?

unfortunately my people were headed eslewhere in the city, which is kind of why i hit her up that last time so i could gauge the response (or as it turns out lack thereof) as to where this was headed (into a ditch) and then just roll with the folks i usually roll with.

smoking_robot

Jonny_Paycheck said:

You should definitely step to her over this.

i was thinking of playing the part of Karen in Goodfellas to her Ray Liota after he stands her up that one night, show up at her work making a scene etc. you know, usual fare.

smoking_robot

Almond said:

Smoking Robot, you didn't get stood up, you got turned down.

harsh. but i hear ya.

Almond said:

Plus, not returning texts is a red flag in the communication department. Go chat up some other waitress instead.

true, i like the forward thinking, it didnt even cross my mind that possibility.

Almond said:

When I want to talk to someone, I'll call or text them. If I want to avoid them, I'll ignore their messages. Moral of the story: if someone is keeping their distance from you, it means the same thing as when you keep your distance from someone else.

Im exactly the same way, i guess im just a little more abrupt about it.

Big_Stacks

Possum Tom said:

when you didnt hear back for 3 hours, and YOU called HER...you lost.

you should have just waited til you saw her again and ignored her. she would have called you that night.

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man with other shit to do. The moment you made it all about her, you became a sucker. Instead, your response should've been, "OK then, I'll catch you another time" and then bounced on to another lady (because, um, you're single). Don't cast all your hopes and cares on one woman, because you're single, and therefore, you should have options other than her. Plus, you barely knew that babe, so why should you care so freakin' much. You won't give a shit when you have other women with whom to spend time. :real_headz:

Peace,

Big Stacks from Kakalak

doisn

Possum Tom said:

The moment you made it all about her, you became a sucker.

cosign!

+ mind that chick may graduated the "No Contact Zone" university

ost

bassie said:

Too much too soon.

When she said she was going to x and y and asked if you want to come - at this point, not knowing if she's reliable, the type to actually call when she says she will, etc. it's better to not set yourself up for a WTF is going on Friday night and just say "Why don't we meet there?"
Also, you, a new "friend" and her with all her friends**....ehhhh, potentially very unfun night for all the usual awkward social situation reasons. Best to roll with your own people and have the freedom to do what you want without the night being a total write-off or edit- feeling like the 5th wheel.

**Did you know the people she was going out with?

Co-sign
Plus consider the fact that she's picturing you alone at home on a Friday night completely dependent on her every word &/or actions & you barely know her.