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Today's Friday- Who got jokes?

MangomanMangoman 549 Posts
edited August 2005 in Strut Central
Heres one:Husband and Wife go to the movies and during the movies the wife says to her husband theirs this guy jerkin off next to me, and the Husband tells his wife don???t worry about it, just try to ignore it, and the wife says to her husband I???ll try but he???s using my hand!LOL!!!

  Comments

  • TheMackTheMack 3,414 Posts
    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
    dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
    girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
    like to go out and make love for the first time.

    Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
    he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
    pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
    everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
    he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
    insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
    busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
    meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
    meet my parents, come on in!"

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
    girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
    and bows his head.

    A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
    head down.

    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
    leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
    were this religious."

    The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
    a pharmacist."
  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    What do you call a mexican with 8 arms??










































    I don't know but it sure can pick a whole lotta lettuce!
  • Deep_SangDeep_Sang 1,081 Posts
    Priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see an eight year old boy. Priest says, "Let's f--- him." Rabbi says, "Outta what?"
  • NiteKrawler45NiteKrawler45 1,062 Posts
    3 friends are crusing a country highway when they realize they're too far from any town and need a place to stay for the night. Seeing a farmhouse up ahead, they decided to ask to crash there. The farmer says sure, as long as you don't lay a hand on my daughter. If you do, you'll be forced to do whatever is my bidding as punishment tomorrow, and if you don't, you will have a nice nights rest and a hearty breakfast. So obviously each guy bones the girl in the night, each picking a different location and figuring they've got the old guy fooled. Turns out the farmer's all modern and shit and has cameras hidden everywhere. So sure enough, upon waking, all the guys are ordered to go out in the field and pick crops for 20 minutes. First guy returns with a small bucketful of strawberrys, and screams in pain as the farmer shoves each one up his ass. The farmer is feeling a bit better now. Second guy returns with a big pail of pea pods, and starts out screaming in pain like the first guy when half way through the process he begins to laugh. The farmer gets super pissed and yells at him, spit flying, "WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY". The Second guy says "my friend is picking watermellons."





  • volumenvolumen 2,532 Posts
    What do you call a mexican with 8 arms??



    I don't know but it sure can pick a whole lotta lettuce!



    BAN!
  • volumenvolumen 2,532 Posts
    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
    dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
    girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
    like to go out and make love for the first time.

    Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
    he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
    pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
    everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
    he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
    insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
    busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
    meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
    meet my parents, come on in!"

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
    girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
    and bows his head.

    A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
    head down.

    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
    leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
    were this religious."

    The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
    a pharmacist."


    That's actually not bad. Fianlly a joke I can tell around my friends 14 year old boy.
  • igotthatbeatigotthatbeat 263 Posts
    YO ASS IS SO OLD I SAID WHATS CRACKIN?"

    YOU SAID "MY KNEES"

    YO ASS IS SO OLD I SAID "WHATS UP?"

    YOU SAID "MY CHOLESTEROL"
  • ElectrodeElectrode Los Angeles 3,129 Posts
    How can you tell who's the groom at a Polish wedding?





    He's the one wearing the clean bowling shirt


    Oh yeah, I'm 1/4 Polish, so it's cool.

  • kennykenny 1,024 Posts
    my friend was having a friendly argument with a coworker from PNG, just having a few beers at a pub:

    "me?

    when i was born, i'm black..
    when i'm sick, i'm black...
    when i'm angry, i'm black...

    but you?

    when you're born, you're pink...
    when you're sick, you're green...
    when you gets angry, you're red...

    and you call ME colored?"



  • DeeRockDeeRock 1,836 Posts
    A bus stops, and 2 Italian men get on.

    They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.



    The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,

    but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say
    the following:

    "Emma come first.

    Den I come.

    Den two asses come together.

    I come once-a-more.

    Two asses, they come together again.

    I come again

    and pee twice.

    Then I come one lasta time."

    "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady
    indignantly.

    "In this country . we don't speak aloud in public places about our
    sex lives .

    "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?

    I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."




    I'VE GOT $15.00 THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS AGAIN ! ! !
  • djsheepdjsheep 3,620 Posts
    good one preme!
  • BigSpliffBigSpliff 3,266 Posts
    A guy goes to the movies to watch the latest Harry Potter. About halfway through he notices theres another guy down the aisle watching the movie with his dog. What's more, the dog is totally getting into it, even getting pissy at the kids talking in the row behind. So at the end, the first guy goes up to the dog owner and says... "Wow, that was just amazing, your dog was loving it, he laughed at all the funny bits and even cried during the sad parts... I can't believe it!" "You're telling me" said the other guy "He hated the book"
  • parsecparsec 5,087 Posts
    huh?
  • TheMackTheMack 3,414 Posts
    lol thats what i said
  • djsheepdjsheep 3,620 Posts
    me three
  • alieNDNalieNDN 2,181 Posts
    are y'all serious u dont get it??? its making fun of the guy being astounded that the dog has an understanding of what's going on, meanwhile the owner thinks the guy means that the dog is way too into the movie, meanwhile he didnt think much of the book, as if all dogs are capable of understanding stuff just like humans.
  • The_Hook_UpThe_Hook_Up 8,182 Posts
    are y'all serious u dont get it??? its making fun of the guy being astounded that the dog has an understanding of what's going on, meanwhile the owner thinks the guy means that the dog is way too into the movie, meanwhile he didnt think much of the book, as if all dogs are capable of understanding stuff just like humans.

    heres another dog joke along the same lines...

    A man is walking down the street and sees a sign "Dog $10" The man wonders aloud "I wonder what is up with this dog?" The Dog responds..."well, about 6 years ago my owner discovered I could talk. He contacted some government scientists about me and I ended up working for the CIA. I worked as a spy and eavesdropped on secret conversations. I traveled all over the world and completed dozens and dozens of missions"
    Upon hearing the talking dog and hearing of his accomplishments, the man had to see this dog's owner and wonder why the owner would sell a talking dog, much less one that was a national hero for only $10.
    He asked the owner "why are you sellling this dog for only $10"
    The owner replied "that dog is a lying sack of shit, he didnt do any of that stuff, you cant believe a word he says"
  • alieNDNalieNDN 2,181 Posts
    i don't get it, the owner can talk? :P
  • djsheepdjsheep 3,620 Posts
  • rootlesscosmorootlesscosmo 12,848 Posts
    Dog jokes!!!

    two dudes are walking down the street, one with his chihuahua, the other with his german shephard.

    dude with german shephard: Let's go over there and have a beer in the bar across the street.
    dude with chihuahua: we can't go in there. the sign on the door says no dogs allowed.
    dude with german shephard: it's easy. we put on sun glasses, pretend to be blind, and claim the dogs are our seeing eye dogs. watch.

    Dude with german shephard walks over and enters the bar. bouncer says hey you can't come in here with that thing. Dude with german shephard says hey I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog. bouncer says cool.

    Dude with chihuahua decides to try. Puts on his sun glasses and walks over; enters the bar.

    Bouncer: Hey you can't come in here with that thing.
    dude with chihuahua: But I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog.
    bouncer: you expect me to beleive you have a chihuahua for a seeing eye dog?
    dude with chihuahua: WHAT?!?!? you mean they gave me a g*ddamn chihuahua!?!!
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