Married man. Lives with In-Laws.
kitchenknight
4,922 Posts
I live with my in laws.I'm not ashamed. I bring this up not to kvetch. In fact, it was one of the best decisions my wife and I have ever made together. But, I bring it up as I feel this was one area where we were ahead of a multi-generational-living curve.We moved in to the in-law apartment at her parents place in Sept. of '07. Our lease was up; her busy season ends as mine begins in September. So, not wanting to look for an apartment, we moved in to her parents place. They wouldn't charge rent, we could save for our own home in the future, and we get to help them out with chores, cooking, etc.Fast forward to May '08. Wife and I start looking for our own place... when her father breaks his leg in a compound fracture, mother needs emergency neck surgery. Then, father gets laid-off.We're still here. We give some money, to help Mom and Dad with the laid-off cash. Lots of chores, as Dad is still limping, and I cook a lot- as I'm better than them at that, really.We garden. We compost. We clean. Some nights we watch TV together. Some days, we take them to a museum. They love an exposure to a young life they would never get; they provide us with a home, and support for my wife as I'm on the road during football season. And, as one of my wife's coworkers put it, "I wish I could have had that sort of time with my parents." At this point, I fear leaving more for their emotional state than any other reason...And, leave we will; probably this spring, barring a major change in current forecasts for our lives...And, one thing I keep in mind is that we're lucky; we get along with her parents very well. But, given the rising cost of living in urban areas, and the expense of buying a home, and the (NOW) need to give a down payment on a home, I feel like we will see more and more than this.So, could the European Model of multi-generational living be upon us? My own experiences of hearing more and more people doing this, in addition to this article, suggests yes... Kids back home Your thoughts?
Comments
Personally, neither myself, nor my wife, would ever consider moving in with either of our parents even though it'd probably be easier for us to raise our daughter, having them around.
I>Not worth the price though[/i]. (And I ain't talkin' 'bout $)
Personally, despite growing up in a loving and caring family, I've never been massive on family time and the thought of sharing mine and my partner's space with relatives fills me with horror. I also think that there's no way I could do something like this without paying rent.
if you get along great and have a mutual understanding with your parents/in-laws that is wonderful but i think for most this type of arrangement would not be viable.
my gf and i have lived the past 3 months with my parents (as part of a transition) and it has been absolutely comfortable hell. the fridge is stocked, they have a giant tv and we pay no rent- but in no way would i consider it a liveable compromise.
despite the fact i am almost 33, married and with a law degree my parents have no conception of my need for space, privacy, etc. since they are getting older, i have tried to use this time to get to know them better and try to spend some quality time
with them but it's no always so pleasant.
making the decision to move out again (even after only a few months and which had always been the plan) was somewhat difficult because i started to feel guilty that my parents would be lonely and all that without us around. a few times i found myself thinking of that line from godfather 3: "everytime i think i'm out, they pull me back in".
after having made the final decision to move out now and putting down the deposit last week i feel completely liberated. simply put, i can understand the reasons why some may move back and i would never judge that decision but to me its just not a forward progression.
If you get along and there is enough space for everyone, I say, go for it. But if junior is sleeping in the dining room and little Jimmy has to crash on the floor near where his parents "re-connect" while grandma and gramps are right down the hall, well, that might be a bit crowded.
I love having the mom-in-law live with us.
Its a long story on why they are moving in, but I don't mind at all. The more the merrier. Plus mom-in-law makes awesome korean food for dinner every night.
To each there own though, and if you can make it work and you dig the situation then all power to ya.
And of course, no love life for me that summer.
Anyway, I'm glad I did it because it was the right thing to do, but the thought of doing it again fills my soul with a deep, abiding dread.
My mother in law lives around the corner from us ,about a block away. Perfect. She likes her independence, and respects our space/privacy (mine more than her daughter's), and when that day eventually comes when she becomes less independent, there are all kinds of options by being close by that will make a difficult situation hopefully a little less hellish.
Gary, I hope you are watching your Ma-in-law cook, you might just learn something! Mine taught me how to make Roti this past Christmas!
I definitely respect the refusal and trepidation from some of y'all about living with parents. I couldn't live with my own parents. I love them, but no way...
Our situation has worked for a couple reasons. One is simply the layout of the house; the house is relatively small, but it is divided into two units. We have our own bedroom, living room, and bathroom that we can close off from the rest of the house. And, before we moved in, we all agreed that if the door to our apartment (for lack of a better word) was closed, treat it as if we aren't home.
And, our time there can be divided into two distinct periods- early saving money, and post father-in-laws injury. After that, our living there became much more of a practical thing, than merely convenient.
I do think the social aspects of it are interesting, for all generations.
I just want to say that to everyone who cares for a sick or elderly parent or family member, kudos to you. I know it's just what we are supposed to do (take care of one another), but it's still a hard road to travel.
I could probably handle living with my mother in law, but my wife and I like having our own space.
We couldn't live with either of our fathers. That came up once and we had to say no.
Bottom line, if our parents were not so nuts I would be happy to live with them.
But the inlaws are cool. This new house has a family room that is kind of off to the side and thats gonna be their room, so we won't really be tripping over each other. And I like that my baby will be exposed to Koreanlanguage and food as a child. I would love for him to grow up speaking both languages. And its like having live in day care and an on-hand babysitter if we ever wanted to get dinner by ourselves or something.
They spent 18 years raising a wonderful lady, so the least we could do is pay it back a little bit.
In a nutshell. Plus, in this day and age, trust like that you can't buy. It's nice to have that peace of mind when it comes to who is around your kids when you can't be there.
Growing up, my mom's parents lived in the same building as us, and my other grandparents were a block away, I think that's the perfect scenario because while you could see each other everyday, everyone has their own space and privacy.
When my dad was growing up his whole family lived on the same block, I'm talking grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family. I can't imagine what that must have been like but he says it was great.
Real talk.
Seriously.
My mother-in-law has been down with us for the last two weeks watching our sons. At the end of this week I'm taking extended family leave to stay home and care for my sons. My oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome, my youngest has developmental delays and neither of them has done well in commercial daycare. We were unable to find specialized daycare locally (my oldest has to be in the Township so he can be bused to special ed at the kindergarted school).
We don't have the option of long term family assistance in regard to child care. My parents live an hour and a half away and my in-laws are five hours away.
Without picking up and moving the whole family (and selling the house, which I'm not doing in this market) our only option was for one of us to stay home. I work in the dying newspaper industry, so it's me.
I'm looking forward to spending more time with my sons, and I'm not going to miss my job.
I used to feel the same way about it, but I admit, the older I get, the more that changes. I think it is important for sons and daughters to get out into the world and spread their wings, see things for themselves, support themselves financially, but at the point that many folks start their own families, the idea of being physically closer to family takes on a different dynamic. obviously, everyone's families are different, and what is functional for one person is highly uncomfortable for another. But on the whole, I wish my side of the family was in a more accessible vicinity, it's just nice to be able to see folks more often. Setting boundaries is not that hard to understand for most folks (most, some people just never get it).
True, but someone has to take the blame. Awful things like living in Texas don't just happen by themselves.