things that would have landed me in prison or jail
NotMe
2 Posts
okay... I just decided to give into temptation and post up a few of the more drastic things that would have landed me in jail if I would have been caught. Being a pussy, I got myself a special account just for potentially dangerous or just plain embarrassing posts like the following.When I was around 16, my hometown had this sort of youth center where me and my punk rock buddies would hang out all the time, it was a great place above an old warehouse, even had a skateboard ramp. All the city did was pay the rent which couldn't have been more than a few hundred bucks a month. One day, they decided to ground the funding and the place got closed.Needless to say, my friends and I were really pissed about this.Around the same time, the city spent a healthy 6 digit sum for painting an ugly fake red brick pattern onto some stupid monastery that was right behind our daytime hangout spot. One day, after a couple of six packs, we stole a large number of beer cans from a nearby store. We waited until around 3 in the morning and then went on a fucking rampage... even to our fucked up minds it was obvious that it would have only been a few hours until the cops would knock at our door in case we would use any slogans that could have been remotely associated with our apearance since there wasn't more than two dozend punks livung in the city and we all were for the one or the other reason know to the cops.This was why we decided to spray swastikas and the most obscene, sexist and non sensemaking slogans onto this new, bright red brick facade. We figured they'd blame the local neon nazis, maybe even start to crack down on those lowlifes and on top of it, those fuckers would look like even bigger cretins in the eye of the public than before... kinda what you would call a win-win situation.The result was so ugly that my stomach still to this day crinches when I think back at this night. After our work was done, we were drunk and reckless enough to sneak up in front of the police station, using parked cars for a cover we left some paint on the front wall off the building, directly under a lit window.The repercussions were overwhelming.For two full weeks, day after day, there were reports, most of them with pictures in all local newspapers. We read that they even brought in some special cop unit from another city to solve this crime. I didn't have the balls to revisit the scene of the crime but from what friends told me, passer-bys would stop, stare at our work and get so upset as to loudly shout curses of outrage.Still to this day, it baffles me how we never got caught.Didn't they have cameras on police parking lots back in those days? I guess not.I was around 17 and suffering from my first severe heartbreak.For some reason, I bought an axe on the flea market one Saturday morning (you probably expect the further events of this little story to become much better than what actually happened later, sorry...). Later in the day, I got really drunk and a friend took me out to see a No FX show. When I got home at around 3 in the morning, I was drunk like hell and couldn't sleep. I lived at the edge of an industrial area, surrounded by warehouses except to one side where there first came the main road and then a deep forest.I got up, grabbed the axe, crossed the street and walked into the forest until I found a tree that seemed thick enoug to wear me out (no homo). Some sweatconsuming minutes later, my work was done and I went back to bed and fell asleep right away. On my way back, I thought "oh, this doesn't look too good" when I realized that the tree had fallen in a straight angle towards our house and blocked off the entire road. I guess I was lucky that noone had seen a tattooed drunk in white underpants and combat boots cross the street with an axe in his hand...I woke up in what seemed to me like no time at all, hearing voices outside my window. I still felt so drunk and was so tired that it seemed to me like I had only closed my eyes for an hour or so.Right around those days, there was a string of robberies in the area and all 3 warehouses directly neighboring to ours had already been hit. I slept with a 38 lookalike gas revolver next to my bed. I had figured in case I'd hear someone break into our place, I'd just fire a few shots out the window to let them know that someone lives in here. The shutter was closed and for some reason, I decided to go to the front door right next to my window and see what's up. I was still in my underwear and must have made for quite a menacing sight, fucked up spiky black hair, gun in hand and all. When I opened the door, I got blinded by daylight even though it was raining but coming out of a pitch black room, being drunk and severely hungover at the same time I was oversensitive to this unexpected light. After my eyes had adjusted and I had overcome my shock, I got my next surprise when I saw a group of people running down the street that obviously were no robbers but a family on the way back from a sunday walk through the forest, seeking shelter from the rain by standing under the roofed over parking spot in front of my window. "Shit!" I thought when I noticed poor old grandma who had fallen behind the rest of her fleeing family. I saw her turn around, stared at me in terror and cry for help in a thin, hysterical voice.About an hour later, I got picked up by the cops who I met standing in front of my door with their weapons drawn. I didn't even get to call a lawyer though since right when we got to the station, they had some sort of expert look at the gun. He concluded that this was not an illegal weapon and they told me that there as no crime since the family technically had been trespassing. When the cops drove me back home, I saw a fire truck in front of the house and firemen who were cutting up a tree that blocked the street in the other direction than the one from which we were aproaching. I also noticed that the tree had fallen into a telephone wire an broken two telephone poles.
Comments
2 that mos def were "not me"
some guys i grew up with used to smoke dust and light drunk sleeping bums on fire with gasoline at hunts point and other fucked up neighborhoods
they would get loaded on sherm and take the work van from caldor's [one of them put bikes together at folks homes after they bought a bike]and go out joy riding
throwing half full 40s at hookers,spitting on people randomly etc.
thankfully i wasn't around for any of those episodes,but years later whilst tripping balls on LSD one of them confessed to this, and then I remembered seeing news reports about
several hobos who were found dead in and around the 5 boros that summer,burnt well beyond recognition
that was the only bad trip i ever had on acid
needless to say i never talked to dude again after that night
i may front like the ultimate heartless prick on soulstrut but in reality I am a compassionate person with heavy buddhist/taoist leanings that beleives everything alive deserves its own place in the universe unhindered or fucked with on any level
that is one fucked up story amongst many that i have
i am writing a script/book about all of this shit
sort of like a personal exorcism
here is another
2 friends of mine were very fucked up and quite smart in a very diabolical way
broke into one of their father's locked army issue ammo boxes[he was a vietnam vet] and found some un named gas cannisters
they thought they were playing with smoke bombs or incendiary grenades but
after "opening" the cannisters in a wooded area they were engulfed with noxious
toxic fumes that had suprisingly had an orange[ish] smell
yup it was agent orange and within a few days they had defoliated 2-3 acres of city park land
they had nose bleeds and headaches for months
a few weeks later the EPA came and roped off the area and labeled it as a superfunds site
i am sure they will both get cancer
i could go on but that is why i am writing a novel
Sorry that I never killed someone, I guess that makes me
maybe I overrated the entertainment value of these two little episodes, my bad...
Even Hkkkkkrunt??