One of my oldest and dearest friends is Afghani, He is now over 30 and will most certainly have a marriage arranged for him within the next 3-5 years. Nothing would make his folks more happy, its very common.
When I was traveling in India I met a newlywed couple on a train, I was about 25 and they were surprised to hear I was unmarried. "When are you parents going to make a match for you?" the wife asked. It was so funny to me, but that's how they do. They seemed happy.
Is this something you would ever consider doing if it meant ensuring greater financial security and building valuable family alliances?
A dude with a Salma Hayek avatar is asking about arranged marriages. My mind conflates these things into: Arranged marriage to Salma Hayek. And in that case,
One of my oldest and dearest friends is Afghani, He is now over 30 and will most certainly have a marriage arranged for him within the next 3-5 years. Nothing would make his folks more happy, its very common.
One of my oldest and dearest friends is Afghani, He is now over 30 and will most certainly have a marriage arranged for him within the next 3-5 years. Nothing would make his folks more happy, its very common.
Is he happy about it too??
i have a couple indian friends from high school happily married in arranged marriages. i think it can work out, but who's really to say? i bet their divorce rate is lower than people who decide on a life partner after 6 weeks of intense sex and a trip to vegas.
One of my oldest and dearest friends is Afghani, He is now over 30 and will most certainly have a marriage arranged for him within the next 3-5 years. Nothing would make his folks more happy, its very common.
Is he happy about it too??
Tradition and Cultural heritage isn't about being happy. Do you think the average american is happy about having to spend 2 hours in the car driving to their in-laws to sit and watch them stuff their faces for 5 hours every november and december?
and I do think Myone would be happy with a arranged marriage. The chances of him getting linked up with someone 10 years younger than him is most likely.
all kidding aside, he has talked about it a lot over the 15 years or more that Ive known him, and it was basically his dying mothers last wish. So yeah, I think it would make him happy to fullfill that wish and marry a nice afganhi girl.
actually a dude I know just got married this weekend in Berkeley in an arranged marriage. they're orthodox Jews and the rabbi of their community in Israel set it up. they had final say of course; but I guess they were down. their "dating" had consisted of lots of conversations in hotel lobbies (you know, semi-public place but still intimate enough for conversation). they were both virgins supposedly. I wish them the best; hopefully she doesn't turn out to be boring in bed!
There are different types of arranged marriages - they are not all forced or decided completely by the parents/families. In cultures and socieities where men and women don't get to frolic with eachother freely, parents can act as agents to bring potential mates together. I'm sure the parents will throw in their two cents as they do all over the world, but a woman can also express interest in someone (or a few) and the parents/families can 'arrange' for them to meet. This is basically how my parents met and married. With input from both my mom and her parents, she met dudes in a family situation and spent time with some and then decided on my dad, and he and his parents agreed. There are also the forced arranged marriages which seem to be decided for some people as early as birth and have a lot to do with class, etc.
I can't really speak about what happens in people's home countries, but in cases like Alice's friend, in this age where there people are scattered far and away from their homeland, sometimes linking up with someone from the same country/religion is what works best for them and it is their last link to something they left behind - be it family and/or culture. It may serve some dude/dudette quite well to get a nice girl/guy from 'back home' after he's/she's had his/her fun and is ready to settle down, but it's a gamble. Alternately, for the person back home, it can mean getting to leave a not great situation and making a new life with more and different opportunities, but it's a gamble.
One of my exes was Indian. Her parents were arranged and had been happily married for 30-some years.
Since their daughters had been raised in the US, they didn't want to set them up in arranged marriages, although all the aunties and uncles back home were trying to talk them into it on a weekly basis.
Her parents were trying to be understanding and liberal, but they certainly didn't have any cultural context for dating. 'Meet the boyfriend' and all the other classic rituals were always extremely awkward.
I have to say, arranged marriage makes a certain amount of sense. A lot of people, especially in their early 20s, jump into love marriages based on some superficial or transitory shit. If you're looking at a lifelong partnership, the factors that are considered in an arrangement - social status, class, employment, family cohesion - are probably better predictors of success.
Just to add that the arranged marriage thing in South Asia is an important part of the social security system. Money is a big issue and people often do not want to many daughters - especially in rural areas, because it's quite expensive to get them married off. And just for fun, I recommend to check out South Asian matrimonials. It's pure hilarity from a Western perspective. Check the list of "religion": www.shaadi.com
i made a shaddi.com profile to check out who was on there. surprisingly, there are ALOT of nonbrown dude and dudettes on there. i also got 30 proposals in a week because i said a made $500k-1 mil.
the modern arranged marriage in india is less coercive now. there still is alot of pressure to have one, as oppose to a 'love marriage' (yea thats what they are called). but in more metropolitan areas, getting fixed is more like having your mommy hook you up with her friends daughter.
not to obscure things, but arranged marriages are by and large pressured upon kids to match really 'caste', religon, language, and bank accounts. in some villages it is still is used as a pretty gross (no pun) financial tool for dowry exchange.
re: divorce rates of arranged marriages
at least in india, a divorce for a female[/b] is a worse social stigma than not being married at old age (which for women is probably 30). alot of arranged married woman are withstand phsycial and emotional abuse just to avoid that horrible social stigma. this is both in india and emigrants. its slowly changing, but that dark side of arranged marriages is not talked about enough.
You know, in the same way you guys shouldn't talk bad about a cultural custom if you don't know jack shit about it, you also shouldn't talk GOOD about it. It's really easy to talk great about it when you all have the freedom to date whoever YOU want.
I think it's very difficult for us, from a Western perspective on relationships, to really understand how some people/cultures might actually be down with an arranged marriage process as opposed to our "find your own" process.
At the very least, I gotta say that for whatever you think is good about how we do things in the West, our collective divorce rate says something about how relationships here are working.
Why would it be so bad to relinquish our individuality in this arena of life and allow our families to have a stake in who we marry. Some people I have known from an Indian background have said that in the modern era, it's far less coercive a process than it used to be. It often amounts to family recomending potential partners and the son/daughter picking who they like best from the options.
I dunno... I can just see how, in principal, it could be not that fucked up.
At the very least, I gotta say that for whatever you think is good about how we do things in the West, our collective divorce rate says something about how relationships here are working.
well, it also says something about how we view divorce in this country, i.e. it's not as socially stigmatized (not to mention unlawful) as in other countries.
the only meaningful comparison is between countries where divorce enjoys the same level of social acceptance and where divorce is as readily available as an option to women.
otherwise you may be looking at countries where the low divorce rate is not a function of happy marriages necesarily, but of extreme societal stigmas against the practice, etc.
At the very least, I gotta say that for whatever you think is good about how we do things in the West, our collective divorce rate says something about how relationships here are working.
well, it also says something about how we view divorce in this country, i.e. it's not as socially stigmatized (not to mention unlawful) as in other countries.
the only meaningful comparison is between countries where divorce enjoys the same level of social acceptance and where divorce is as readily available as an option to women.
otherwise you may be looking at countries where the low divorce rate is not a function of happy marriages necesarily, but of extreme societal stigmas against the practice, etc.
Agreed. The rising divorce rate in this country in recent decades is not symptomatic of a greater number of failed marriages; it is symptomatic of how much easier it is to get divorced.
There have always been an immense number of failed marriages. Personally, I think divorce remains unjustifiably difficult. I think it should be about as complicated and require the same investment as going through the drive-through at McDonalds, but we as a society do continue to treat marriage as an inherent good and have imposed certain legal measures to preserve it.
Comments
Unless of course you're certain this is the only way you'll ever get laid.
Give me the Dentist.....Lawyers screw way too many people
According to Wikipedia , it's a marriage that has plead to charges, but whose trial has not yet commenced.
then i would marry the dentist, because i dont think the attorney could practice law, once his/her marriage has been arraigned.
Rock, arranged marriages are a long-standing tradition in many cultures.
Who are you to judge them?
As usual, your cultural imperialist slip is showing.
Dude......I was asked and gave my opinion.
I think Cannibalism is insane too.....but who am I to judge??
Jeez.
Oh.....I also think stoning someone to death for Adultery is insane.
A dude with a Salma Hayek avatar is asking about arranged marriages. My mind conflates these things into: Arranged marriage to Salma Hayek. And in that case,
Is he happy about it too??
i have a couple indian friends from high school happily married in arranged marriages. i think it can work out, but who's really to say? i bet their divorce rate is lower than people who decide on a life partner after 6 weeks of intense sex and a trip to vegas.
saying. but dude, how about a little cultural sensitivity ?
I mean, even head chopping is all relative right?
PS hopefully you realize I was/am joking about this.
I know......but I have a rep to uphold!
Tradition and Cultural heritage isn't about being happy. Do you think the average american is happy about having to spend 2 hours in the car driving to their in-laws to sit and watch them stuff their faces for 5 hours every november and december?
and I do think Myone would be happy with a arranged marriage. The chances of him getting linked up with someone 10 years younger than him is most likely.
all kidding aside, he has talked about it a lot over the 15 years or more that Ive known him, and it was basically his dying mothers last wish. So yeah, I think it would make him happy to fullfill that wish and marry a nice afganhi girl.
I can't really speak about what happens in people's home countries, but in cases like Alice's friend, in this age where there people are scattered far and away from their homeland, sometimes linking up with someone from the same country/religion is what works best for them and it is their last link to something they left behind - be it family and/or culture. It may serve some dude/dudette quite well to get a nice girl/guy from 'back home' after he's/she's had his/her fun and is ready to settle down, but it's a gamble. Alternately, for the person back home, it can mean getting to leave a not great situation and making a new life with more and different opportunities, but it's a gamble.
Since their daughters had been raised in the US, they didn't want to set them up in arranged marriages, although all the aunties and uncles back home were trying to talk them into it on a weekly basis.
Her parents were trying to be understanding and liberal, but they certainly didn't have any cultural context for dating. 'Meet the boyfriend' and all the other classic rituals were always extremely awkward.
I have to say, arranged marriage makes a certain amount of sense. A lot of people, especially in their early 20s, jump into love marriages based on some superficial or transitory shit. If you're looking at a lifelong partnership, the factors that are considered in an arrangement - social status, class, employment, family cohesion - are probably better predictors of success.
And just for fun, I recommend to check out South Asian matrimonials. It's pure hilarity from a Western perspective. Check the list of "religion": www.shaadi.com
i made a shaddi.com profile to check out who was on there. surprisingly, there are ALOT of nonbrown dude and dudettes on there. i also got 30 proposals in a week because i said a made $500k-1 mil.
the modern arranged marriage in india is less coercive now. there still is alot of pressure to have one, as oppose to a 'love marriage' (yea thats what they are called). but in more metropolitan areas, getting fixed is more like having your mommy hook you up with her friends daughter.
not to obscure things, but arranged marriages are by and large pressured upon kids to match really 'caste', religon, language, and bank accounts. in some villages it is still is used as a pretty gross (no pun) financial tool for dowry exchange.
re: divorce rates of arranged marriages
at least in india, a divorce for a female[/b] is a worse social stigma than not being married at old age (which for women is probably 30). alot of arranged married woman are withstand phsycial and emotional abuse just to avoid that horrible social stigma. this is both in india and emigrants. its slowly changing, but that dark side of arranged marriages is not talked about enough.
ruppees or dollars?
anyway I am about to set up a profile on that piece....
This thread is a seriously bad look.
People have committed suicide over this.
yall need to check yourselves.
At the very least, I gotta say that for whatever you think is good about how we do things in the West, our collective divorce rate says something about how relationships here are working.
Why would it be so bad to relinquish our individuality in this arena of life and allow our families to have a stake in who we marry. Some people I have known from an Indian background have said that in the modern era, it's far less coercive a process than it used to be. It often amounts to family recomending potential partners and the son/daughter picking who they like best from the options.
I dunno... I can just see how, in principal, it could be not that fucked up.
well, it also says something about how we view divorce in this country, i.e. it's not as socially stigmatized (not to mention unlawful) as in other countries.
the only meaningful comparison is between countries where divorce enjoys the same level of social acceptance and where divorce is as readily available as an option to women.
otherwise you may be looking at countries where the low divorce rate is not a function of happy marriages necesarily, but of extreme societal stigmas against the practice, etc.
Agreed. The rising divorce rate in this country in recent decades is not symptomatic of a greater number of failed marriages; it is symptomatic of how much easier it is to get divorced.
There have always been an immense number of failed marriages. Personally, I think divorce remains unjustifiably difficult. I think it should be about as complicated and require the same investment as going through the drive-through at McDonalds, but we as a society do continue to treat marriage as an inherent good and have imposed certain legal measures to preserve it.