THE SHIT CLOCK
grandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
edited June 2005 in Announcements
alright dudes. so my shit clock is all out of wack. usually i pinch one off before work, in the comfort of my own home, with that double quilted goodness. but i just got back from the office wc and rubbed my ass raw with that shitty low grade industrial 50% recycled toilet paper. just thought id share. i hate taking dumps in public restrooms cuz i gotta worry about pee on the toilet seat and rough tp.
oh, and you forgot this:
the dude knows.
but really, daylight savings fucks up my shit clock something fierce.
I hate the way my own shit smells as much as I hate the way other people's smells.
really? i mean, im not pleased with my own product, but i definately like it more than smelling someone else's. um. yeah.
of course, letting poops stew in your system for 2 to 3 days would make for an extra stinky treasure.
I never felt compelled to make a quote into my location until now...
yeah. thanks for contributing.
Does root beer help, Dr. Powers?
yes...with a slice of onion booty
:TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALERT:
Man, I would have agreed with you...until last week. I went out for pizza with a co-worker, who went his own way after the meal, so I started walking back to the office by myself. Then, out of nowhere, the sky opened up and rain was coming down in sheets! I had no umbrella and couldn't afford to spend the time pent up in CVS waiting for it to calm down, so I sucked it up and high-tailed it the block and a half to work.
I get back, dry off a bit and settle into my chair when I hear the nastiest/juciest gurgle erupt from my lower back. I tried to ignore it and continue straightening myself out. Then, without warning, it felt like everything in my stomach squeezed right through my system (in Ren & Stimpy hi-def illustration) and poked its head out like, "I'm reaaadyyy...NOW!!!"
I bolted out of my chair, power walked down the hallway and scrambled with my belt like a hot potato as soon as I opened the bathroom door until I could finally sit down to take care of business.
Sometimes the body takes complete control of the mind!
My lesson was learned, don't eat cereal in the morning and power-walk to class.
But yeah, coffee and a ciggarette in the morning and i'm good to go.
That and as soon as I start to practice djing/scratching and get all relaxed with pep - whoop. I also have no problem shitting at work holler.
Gotta find that secret low traffic spot though. I hate running into the people you see every hour.
On a kind of related note, apparently there's a couch in the Ladies' Room at my old job and some of the more bizarre customers were into the habit of taking naps on it and even spending their lunch break reading and kickin back while just a few feet away was the constant plopping and tinkling of the stalls. WTF? That's just fucking weird.
I think there are quite a few ladies rooms with couches in 'em. I know for a fact that there was one in the Fairmont Hotel ladies room, about 2:30 in the morning one night drunk with a girl named Jenn.
this had me laughing more than just about anything I can think of in the past week...thank you
Crazy that you shit evry 2-3 days. I must crap that much every 12 hours.
Someone should write a travelbook about all the best places in the world to take a dump.
I'm surprised there isn't a superthread dedicated to this topic...
I'll blow up my spot: the 6 floor of the McGill Univeristy Arts library is a good place to take a discreet poo.
1. they have heated toilet seats, which at first is alarming to the western asscheek as it kinda feels like someone was just sitting on the can a minute before you, but rest assured, in the dead of winter, a heated toilet seat is ii kibun.
2. my peoples are clean. like, they clean that shit. and i dont mean swab it down with the same dirty ass poo rag you use every day. im talking clean clean. plus society as a whole is cleaner and you dont really get the "shit splatter on the stall door" types that you do in america. of course, you dont really get the good bathroom graffiti/comic strips you do here in america, but it's a payoff.
3. ok, you may run across the trough now and again. the trough is just a toilet on the ground level and you gotta squat over that bad boy and drop bombs. which you might think is gross. but really, i will rarely touch my pristine asscheeks to a public toilet and will opt for the "hovercraft" in a pinch. so really, youre just doing the hovercraft but you can squat all the way down in a more comfortable position. this requires that you take your pants off completely, but hey, what are you gonna do? its either that, or you can leave your pants on and squat but the chances that youll drop a turd in your pants is greater.
this is all scientific by the way. ok. i better stop mentioning poops before i get banned.
This is fucking cool info.
I used a portable toilet for the first time last weekend. No flushing, no sinks.
What's up with that?
For all those interested, I just had a prune yogurt.
Its not as gross as it sounds.
never too late to start...
I might just have found my new home. I will not leave this thread for a long time. It will be like taking a long overdue dump... you just wanna sit there for a while...
I had just considered not posting on the Strut anymore, 'cause, frankly, i contribute nothing record related... maybe I never will if I stay here in this thread
I give this thread to thumbs up... way up
So, my pet peeve is toilet paper rolls w/ the paper hanging towards the wall, instead out facing outwards... who the fuck puts the roll on the holder like that?!? Don't you care about the details???
I've contemplated getting some pills for colon cleansing... anyone done that? i think they're called Oxy-powder... i'll see if i can find the link...
Anyways, you y'all around
Reading this post gives me a whole new perspective on your location.
funny thing is I changed right before I read your post!!! (you did mean the other loc, right?)
Big New Falafel is an anagram of Belgian Waffle.... but I liked The Shit Clock so much
I meant the other location, but this new one is apt.