THE SHIT CLOCK

grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
edited June 2005 in Announcements
alright dudes. so my shit clock is all out of wack. usually i pinch one off before work, in the comfort of my own home, with that double quilted goodness. but i just got back from the office wc and rubbed my ass raw with that shitty low grade industrial 50% recycled toilet paper. just thought id share. i hate taking dumps in public restrooms cuz i gotta worry about pee on the toilet seat and rough tp.
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  • phono13phono13 842 Posts
    File under: "When people become too comfortable"


    oh, and you forgot this:

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    i was thinking more along the lines of




  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    I sympathize with you shig. My S clock is WAY backward. Years ago, everyday 3 PM after school, BOOM. Now I'm lucky if it doesn't surprise me right after I hop out of the shower. Isn't that the worst?! Totally negates that feeling fresh. Now I'm in a situation at work where there are two different bathrooms: The public one that anyone who comes in the building can use that has a single stall and urinal with tons of room around it (hard TP included) and the "exclusive" restroom that I haven't received a key to yet. (In my dreams it has a plush red satin toilet seat with feathery toilet paper and a little person you tip to wipe your butt.) But how the hell am I supposed to go about asking for it without answering some time of awkward question in the process? Luckily enough, I have the opportunity to go at home during my lunch break, but that means I gotta sit and stew all morning until then. I might not be able to count on the exact time of day anymore, but as long as I'm regular - that's cool with me.

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    I sympathize with you shig. My S clock is WAY backward. Years ago, everyday 3 PM after school, BOOM. Now I'm lucky if it doesn't surprise me right after I hop out of the shower. Isn't that the worst?! Totally negates that feeling fresh. Now I'm in a situation at work where there are two different bathrooms: The public one that anyone who comes in the building can use that has a single stall and urinal with tons of room around it (hard TP included) and the "exclusive" restroom that I haven't received a key to yet. (In my dreams it has a plush red satin toilet seat with feathery toilet paper and a little person you tip to wipe your butt.) But how the hell am I supposed to go about asking for it without answering some time of awkward question in the process? Luckily enough, I have the opportunity to go at home during my lunch break, but that means I gotta sit and stew all morning until then. I might not be able to count on the exact time of day anymore, but as long as I'm regular - that's cool with me.

    the dude knows.

    but really, daylight savings fucks up my shit clock something fierce.

  • coselmedcoselmed 1,114 Posts
    I have to be really sick to shit in public...That's a big "no-no" for me. Good thing I only have to go every two or three days (I've already established that it's "regular" for me).

    I hate the way my own shit smells as much as I hate the way other people's smells.

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts

    I hate the way my own shit smells as much as I hate the way other people's smells.

    really? i mean, im not pleased with my own product, but i definately like it more than smelling someone else's. um. yeah.

    of course, letting poops stew in your system for 2 to 3 days would make for an extra stinky treasure.

  • coselmedcoselmed 1,114 Posts
    pleased with my own product

    I never felt compelled to make a quote into my location until now...

  • GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
    this may have been the dumbest thread I've read in 3+ years on soulstrut

  • phono13phono13 842 Posts
    this may have been the dumbest thread I've read in 3+ years on soulstrut

    yeah. thanks for contributing.

  • edpowersedpowers 4,437 Posts
    I never understood how a person could have to shit soooooo bad they would have to do it in a public restroom...hell.. taking a shit at work is a bit much if you ask me.....hold it til you get home ...the mind controls the body

  • edpowersedpowers 4,437 Posts
    and if you have to shit when you wake up....you aint eatin right homie.....clean the system out before bed

  • Hotsauce84Hotsauce84 8,450 Posts
    clean the system out before bed

    Does root beer help, Dr. Powers?

  • edpowersedpowers 4,437 Posts
    clean the system out before bed

    Does root beer help, Dr. Powers?

    yes...with a slice of onion booty

  • drewnicedrewnice 5,465 Posts
    I never understood how a person could have to shit soooooo bad they would have to do it in a public restroom...hell.. taking a shit at work is a bit much if you ask me.....hold it til you get home ...the mind controls the body



    :TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALERT:



    Man, I would have agreed with you...until last week. I went out for pizza with a co-worker, who went his own way after the meal, so I started walking back to the office by myself. Then, out of nowhere, the sky opened up and rain was coming down in sheets! I had no umbrella and couldn't afford to spend the time pent up in CVS waiting for it to calm down, so I sucked it up and high-tailed it the block and a half to work.



    I get back, dry off a bit and settle into my chair when I hear the nastiest/juciest gurgle erupt from my lower back. I tried to ignore it and continue straightening myself out. Then, without warning, it felt like everything in my stomach squeezed right through my system (in Ren & Stimpy hi-def illustration) and poked its head out like, "I'm reaaadyyy...NOW!!!"



    I bolted out of my chair, power walked down the hallway and scrambled with my belt like a hot potato as soon as I opened the bathroom door until I could finally sit down to take care of business.



    Sometimes the body takes complete control of the mind!



  • yuichiyuichi Urban sprawl 11,330 Posts
    the worst was when i was in college and since i had a 9:30 class, i'd eat a bowl of cereal and then walk up a hill to class. I'd get to class, sit in the VERY FRONT of lecture hall with my cute friend, and then i'd start to feel it like..."oh...shit...". i'd hold it for like an hour cuz i didn't want the 150 other students thinking "oh he was gone for 6min, he musta taken a dump". it'd be looking all pale and shit, and then i'd rush to the bathroom after lecture ended.

    My lesson was learned, don't eat cereal in the morning and power-walk to class.

  • ElectrodeElectrode Los Angeles 3,073 Posts
    Apples make you poop a lot. I don't know what shit smells like.

  • dayday 9,612 Posts
    This thread is no worse than MANYMANYMANY

    But yeah, coffee and a ciggarette in the morning and i'm good to go.
    That and as soon as I start to practice djing/scratching and get all relaxed with pep - whoop. I also have no problem shitting at work holler.


  • jaybreeziejaybreezie 161 Posts
    I also have no problem shitting at work holler.




    Gotta find that secret low traffic spot though. I hate running into the people you see every hour.


    On a kind of related note, apparently there's a couch in the Ladies' Room at my old job and some of the more bizarre customers were into the habit of taking naps on it and even spending their lunch break reading and kickin back while just a few feet away was the constant plopping and tinkling of the stalls. WTF? That's just fucking weird.

  • OneSoulOneSoul 206 Posts
    apparently there's a couch in the Ladies' Room at my old job

    I think there are quite a few ladies rooms with couches in 'em. I know for a fact that there was one in the Fairmont Hotel ladies room, about 2:30 in the morning one night drunk with a girl named Jenn.

  • djdazedjdaze 3,099 Posts
    I never understood how a person could have to shit soooooo bad they would have to do it in a public restroom...hell.. taking a shit at work is a bit much if you ask me.....hold it til you get home ...the mind controls the body

    :TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALERT:

    Man, I would have agreed with you...until last week. I went out for pizza with a co-worker, who went his own way after the meal, so I started walking back to the office by myself. Then, out of nowhere, the sky opened up and rain was coming down in sheets! I had no umbrella and couldn't afford to spend the time pent up in CVS waiting for it to calm down, so I sucked it up and high-tailed it the block and a half to work.

    I get back, dry off a bit and settle into my chair when I hear the nastiest/juciest gurgle erupt from my lower back. I tried to ignore it and continue straightening myself out. Then, without warning, it felt like everything in my stomach squeezed right through my system (in Ren & Stimpy hi-def illustration) and poked its head out like, "I'm reaaadyyy...NOW!!!"

    I bolted out of my chair, power walked down the hallway and scrambled with my belt like a hot potato as soon as I opened the bathroom door until I could finally sit down to take care of business.

    Sometimes the body takes complete control of the mind!


    this had me laughing more than just about anything I can think of in the past week...thank you

  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts
    I have to be really sick to shit in public...That's a big "no-no" for me. Good thing I only have to go every two or three days (I've already established that it's "regular" for me).

    I hate the way my own shit smells as much as I hate the way other people's smells.

    Crazy that you shit evry 2-3 days. I must crap that much every 12 hours.

    Someone should write a travelbook about all the best places in the world to take a dump.

    I'm surprised there isn't a superthread dedicated to this topic...

    I'll blow up my spot: the 6 floor of the McGill Univeristy Arts library is a good place to take a discreet poo.

    h

  • GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
    any upper floors on college libraries make great secret shit sites. Only tell this to people you trust though, you don't want them unclean fuckers finding out and ruining it for everyone else

  • grandpa_shiggrandpa_shig 5,799 Posts
    plain and simple. japan.

    1. they have heated toilet seats, which at first is alarming to the western asscheek as it kinda feels like someone was just sitting on the can a minute before you, but rest assured, in the dead of winter, a heated toilet seat is ii kibun.

    2. my peoples are clean. like, they clean that shit. and i dont mean swab it down with the same dirty ass poo rag you use every day. im talking clean clean. plus society as a whole is cleaner and you dont really get the "shit splatter on the stall door" types that you do in america. of course, you dont really get the good bathroom graffiti/comic strips you do here in america, but it's a payoff.

    3. ok, you may run across the trough now and again. the trough is just a toilet on the ground level and you gotta squat over that bad boy and drop bombs. which you might think is gross. but really, i will rarely touch my pristine asscheeks to a public toilet and will opt for the "hovercraft" in a pinch. so really, youre just doing the hovercraft but you can squat all the way down in a more comfortable position. this requires that you take your pants off completely, but hey, what are you gonna do? its either that, or you can leave your pants on and squat but the chances that youll drop a turd in your pants is greater.

    this is all scientific by the way. ok. i better stop mentioning poops before i get banned.

  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts
    plain and simple. japan.

    1. they have heated toilet seats, which at first is alarming to the western asscheek as it kinda feels like someone was just sitting on the can a minute before you, but rest assured, in the dead of winter, a heated toilet seat is ii kibun.

    2. my peoples are clean. like, they clean that shit. and i dont mean swab it down with the same dirty ass poo rag you use every day. im talking clean clean. plus society as a whole is cleaner and you dont really get the "shit splatter on the stall door" types that you do in america. of course, you dont really get the good bathroom graffiti/comic strips you do here in america, but it's a payoff.

    3. ok, you may run across the trough now and again. the trough is just a toilet on the ground level and you gotta squat over that bad boy and drop bombs. which you might think is gross. but really, i will rarely touch my pristine asscheeks to a public toilet and will opt for the "hovercraft" in a pinch. so really, youre just doing the hovercraft but you can squat all the way down in a more comfortable position. this requires that you take your pants off completely, but hey, what are you gonna do? its either that, or you can leave your pants on and squat but the chances that youll drop a turd in your pants is greater.

    this is all scientific by the way. ok. i better stop mentioning poops before i get banned.

    This is fucking cool info.

    I used a portable toilet for the first time last weekend. No flushing, no sinks.

    What's up with that?

    h

  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts

    For all those interested, I just had a prune yogurt.

    Its not as gross as it sounds.

    h


  • I'm surprised there isn't a superthread dedicated to this topic...

    never too late to start...


    I might just have found my new home. I will not leave this thread for a long time. It will be like taking a long overdue dump... you just wanna sit there for a while...

    I had just considered not posting on the Strut anymore, 'cause, frankly, i contribute nothing record related... maybe I never will if I stay here in this thread

    I give this thread to thumbs up... way up

    So, my pet peeve is toilet paper rolls w/ the paper hanging towards the wall, instead out facing outwards... who the fuck puts the roll on the holder like that?!? Don't you care about the details???

    I've contemplated getting some pills for colon cleansing... anyone done that? i think they're called Oxy-powder... i'll see if i can find the link...

    Anyways, you y'all around

  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts

    I'm surprised there isn't a superthread dedicated to this topic...

    never too late to start...


    I might just have found my new home. I will not leave this thread for a long time. It will be like taking a long overdue dump... you just wanna sit there for a while...

    I had just considered not posting on the Strut anymore, 'cause, frankly, i contribute nothing record related... maybe I never will if I stay here in this thread

    I give this thread to thumbs up... way up

    So, my pet peeve is toilet paper rolls w/ the paper hanging towards the wall, instead out facing outwards... who the fuck puts the roll on the holder like that?!? Don't you care about the details???

    I've contemplated getting some pills for colon cleansing... anyone done that? i think they're called Oxy-powder... i'll see if i can find the link...

    Anyways, you y'all around



    Reading this post gives me a whole new perspective on your location.

  • LOL!



    funny thing is I changed right before I read your post!!! (you did mean the other loc, right?)



    Big New Falafel is an anagram of Belgian Waffle.... but I liked The Shit Clock so much

  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts

    I meant the other location, but this new one is apt.

    Peace

    h
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