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Meetings at work

JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
edited February 2007 in Strut Central
One more time, let's share the pain. I'm having problems to behave in meetings. Like I'm having zero tolerance for bullshit.Yesterday's meeting: there was this Director of I don't know what that said 5 TIMES in an hour long meeting: "The apple is gonna fall, it's up to us to grab it or let someone else do it". All of this with Yoda face. WTF?!!!!!!!! I mean, if you have nothing to say then don't say anything. Don't come here with some metaphor shit. I have more to share. Let's trade bullshit. Like
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  • mylatencymylatency 10,475 Posts
    I used to have a boss who would say, on the daily:

    "WE'VE DISCUSSED THIS BEFORE"

    I pretty much steer clear of anyone who says this too much.


    The dude would also give crazy, pointless lecture/stories about his life/history as a swimmer, athlete, lifeguard, and coach. All during meetings. Actually, he stopped having weekly meetings and the company um imploded. I got out while I could.

    Gotta have respect to give it, yadadamean?
  • high_chigh_c 1,384 Posts
    Here at Initech, every Tuesday during the Communication Meeting there is a mass reading of stats. One of them is the "total users in the system" stat and seeing that the company adds new users into the database each week this number will always increase. And for some reason the guy who reports this each week always has to preface the stat by saying "number of users in the system ISSS... DRUM ROLL... IT'S A NEW RECORD!" Every goddamned week he says this and every week everyone in the room fucking giggles at it. It's painful.
  • mylatencymylatency 10,475 Posts
    OUCH

    Do you have a redheaded bbw recptionist with a plantronix that annoyingly chimes "just a moment"

    lol


    RED STAPLERS: COST $15 MORE THEN REGULAR STAPLERS. NOT COOL IN THE EXPENSE BOOK.
  • GenePontecorvoGenePontecorvo 5,612 Posts
    Top dawgs at my company say things like "Get 'er done." I shit you not.
  • HAZHAZ 3,376 Posts
    Meetings are cool as long as they involve food.
  • mylatencymylatency 10,475 Posts
    Top dawgs at my company say things like "Get 'er done." I shit you not.


    GIT IRRRR DUNNNN!!!!!!!!



    How awesome. Do they wear cowboy hats? Saying Git 'ir dun at work is so not PC, it's rad.




    Okay kiddies, gotta jet. Time to put on the dress socks and dress shoes.




    I REALLY LUH DIS GAME.
  • SupergoodSupergood 1,213 Posts
    All of this with Yoda face.

    AWESOME!
  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    what about the "you're not listening" fuckers? OF COURSE I'M LISTENING, OR DO YOU SEE ME WITH MY HEADPHONES ON?
  • mylatencymylatency 10,475 Posts
    what about the "you're not listening" fuckers? OF COURSE I'M LISTENING, OR DO YOU SEE ME WITH MY HEADPHONES ON?


    Did he say "fukers" when he asked you? Do you have meetings in Spanish or English? Just curious.
  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    what about the "you're not listening" fuckers? OF COURSE I'M LISTENING, OR DO YOU SEE ME WITH MY HEADPHONES ON?


    Did he say "fukers" when he asked you? Do you have meetings in Spanish or English? Just curious.

    no, mostly in spanish, I just translated for SS purposes.
  • high_chigh_c 1,384 Posts
    OUCH

    Do you have a redheaded bbw recptionist with a plantronix that annoyingly chimes "just a moment"


    No, but I always have to listen to people say shit like

    "We'll have to connect with organizations in this space to ensure we are in lockstep in terms of our overarching global strategy going forward."

    I hear less of this now that our old VP of sales left.. Dude's corprate garbage speak was
  • TheGoochTheGooch 541 Posts
    Top dawgs at my company say things like "Get 'er done." I shit you not.

    dudes here are saying sh*t like NASA space cadets "Mission critical" . I want to smack a b*tch when I hear that.
  • hogginthefogghogginthefogg 6,098 Posts
    Yesterday's meeting: there was this Director of I don't know what that said 5 TIMES in an hour long meeting: "The apple is gonna fall, it's up to us to grab it or let someone else do it".


    Ugh.


    The director of marketing at one of my old jobs used to say, "We have to go after the low-hanging fruit." To me, "low-hanging fruit" [la que cuelga m??s bajo] is a problem solved by switching from briefs to boxers, not a marketing strategy.
  • DJFerrariDJFerrari 2,411 Posts
    I'm glad I don't work at a company where people use buzzwords and sales catch phrases... I'd go insane. Our meetings are pretty relaxed. It is possible to get things accomplished and hand out action items without sounding like an idiot... it's true
  • DJ_EnkiDJ_Enki 6,473 Posts
    Several jobs ago, I was sitting in one of those so-boring-I-want-to-jab-my-eyes-out-with-a-pencil meetings when the bossman started talking about paradigms. Naturally, I busted out a modified Simpsons quote: "Excuse me, but 'paradigm?' Isn't that just a buzzword that people use to sound important, or at least like they know what they're talking about? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that...."

    Nobody got the reference.

    The bossman was not amused.
  • JuniorJunior 4,853 Posts
    I swear I heard someone say Touch Base in a meeting yesterday. Have they no shame?

    The current vogue term is USP - Unique Selling Point.

    I had an epiphany in a particularly dull meeting at a previous company and stood up, requesting to leave. When asked why I explained how the discussion being carried out was pointless and a waste of company time and that it'd be far more useful to go away, think about what was needed, and start over again with an actual agenda.

    Seemed like a wonderful idea until I actually said it. I walked out of the boardroom to the sound of silence and an overwhelming refusal by all present to make eye contact. Not my finest moment.
  • FunkyMmonikerFunkyMmoniker 88 Posts
    "Sweet" "True" "DER YA GO" . Apparently these 3 phrases allow upper management to have full conversations with lower level employees....only using the catch phrases. It's amazing....the sad part is they talk this way off the clock....and probably in bed. They are all buddies and love this job so much. It makes me go all day long.
  • TheGoochTheGooch 541 Posts
    "Sweet" "True" "DER YA GO" . Apparently these 3 phrases allow upper management to have full conversations with lower level employees....only using the catch phrases. It's amazing....the sad part is they talk this way off the clock....and probably in bed. They are all buddies and love this job so much. It makes me go all day long.


    how can I forget this one "No worries" . You dont know how much this boils my sh*t when it comes from some docker wearing, Bloomberg using, money sucking bast*rd from CT.
  • coselmedcoselmed 1,114 Posts
    "Impactful" is a big one in my industry, as well as "value-added proposition." We also refer to physicians as "high writers" (as in prescriptions) and "customers." Not giving away any trade secrets, though.
  • DJFerrariDJFerrari 2,411 Posts
    The current vogue term is USP - Unique Selling Point.

    Alphabet Soup!

    I was at the 3GSM conference in Barcelona last week and it was alphabet soup central. So annoying. Just say the fucking words you're trying to say! It's not a fucking text message... you won't strain yourself.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    The current vogue term is USP - Unique Selling Point.

    Alphabet Soup!

    I was at the 3GSM conference in Barcelona last week and it was alphabet soup central. So annoying. Just say the fucking words you're trying to say! It's not a fucking text message... you won't strain yourself.

    IKSRFO
  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    I have to say that marketing dept people are the best bullshitters around here
  • mrmatthewmrmatthew 1,575 Posts
    Top dawgs at my company say things like "Get 'er done." I shit you not.
    Every morning I park next to a guy who works here and he has a Yellow Jeep thats got like two-feet of lift on it and a "git 'er done" decal right at eye level when you park next to it.
  • DJFerrariDJFerrari 2,411 Posts
    The current vogue term is USP - Unique Selling Point.

    Alphabet Soup!

    I was at the 3GSM conference in Barcelona last week and it was alphabet soup central. So annoying. Just say the fucking words you're trying to say! It's not a fucking text message... you won't strain yourself.

    IKSRFO

    Had to look that one up... classic

    "I'm Knocking Somebody Right da Fuck Out!"(IKSRFO) - From Redman

    Person 1: "IKSRFO!"
    Person 2: "What the fuck does that mean?"
    Person 1: "ImKnockinSomebodyRightdaFuckOut, YOU!" (SMACK)
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    The current vogue term is USP - Unique Selling Point.

    Alphabet Soup!

    I was at the 3GSM conference in Barcelona last week and it was alphabet soup central. So annoying. Just say the fucking words you're trying to say! It's not a fucking text message... you won't strain yourself.

    IKSRFO

    Had to look that one up... classic

    "I'm Knocking Somebody Right da Fuck Out!"(IKSRFO) - From Redman

    Person 1: "IKSRFO!"
    Person 2: "What the fuck does that mean?"
    Person 1: "ImKnockinSomebodyRightdaFuckOut, YOU!" (SMACK)

    Now can you find NASWIPP.
  • JLRJLR 3,835 Posts
    and while we are at it hatting, I hate small dudes with more expensive suits and watches than the big dudes in the room.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    and while we are at it hatting, I hate small dudes with more expensive suits and watches than the big dudes in the room.

    J.O.E.
  • BreakSelfBreakSelf 2,925 Posts
    "Excuse me, but 'paradigm?' Isn't that just a buzzword that people use to sound important, or at least like they know what they're talking about? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that...."

    One of the best dialogue sequences in the show's history.

    Marketing manager: We're talking the original dog from hell!!
    Writer: You mean Cerberus?

    ...

    Writer: A dog? Isn't that a tad predictable?
    Other writer: Yeah, I mean, I don't want to sound pretentious, but Itchy & Scratchy comprise a dramaturgical dyad

    LOLZ4DAYZ
  • asparagusasparagus Northampton, MA 333 Posts
    "All things being equal..."

    My old boss said the above statement at least once I week, usually right before asking me or someone else to do something incredibly annoying.

    "No worries."

    I hear this multiple times each day at the moment...
  • kalakala 3,361 Posts
    lopez-you should have went to medical school
    now you suffer
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