this came in the email today
grandpa_shig
5,799 Posts
Courtney to me More options May 16(16 hours ago) Woo-hooo!I meat cool chick westerday, but in the most responsible moment My "Mr. Johnson" failed... But I were rescued by Super P_1_L_L that I brought HERE (http://kqgcru.asupernight.com/?35049707)- The Lowest price I ever saw..Now this girl calling me 3 times a day. I hope you`ll get this t_a_b_s too, I see you really need `em man.[/b]
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V / a g r a $ 3 , 3 l
A m b / e n
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V a l / u m $ l , 2 1
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C / a l i s $ 3 , 7 5
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from this page...
"...The extreme effectiveness of Bayesian filters has not been lost on the one group whose livelihood is most affected by the filters: the spammers themselves. While spammers used to evade simple checksumming filters by adding a few randomly chosen words or gibberish strings to the text and subject, spammers now typically use subterfuges such as:
???Long Story??? spams, where the first page or two of a seems to be actual innocent email.
???Dictionary Salad??? spams, where large sections of the text are randomly chosen dictionary words. The spammers apparently are hoping to drown their signal in the random dictionary noise.
???News Story??? spam, where the initial text is copied verbatim from a news report of a current popular news event completely unrelated to the spam ???payload???.
???Habeas Haiku??? spams. The Habeas Haiku is a short poem whose copyright isowned by Habeas Inc, a group of lawyers. Initially use of the Habeas Haiku was to be under license only to companies agreeing to obey Habeas' code of email conduct, but the haiku has now been co-opted by spammers to the extent that, statistically speaking, the presence of the haiku is a strong statistical predictor of spam. This switchover from ???nonspam??? to ???spam??? indication occurred on one test stream in less than one week of time in early December 2003..."
Lizzardssssssssssssssssss
Lizard Birthing Story.
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview:
I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.......Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "I thought we didn't want them to reproduce" I accused my wife.
"Well, what do y ou want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I
really do think she was being snotty here, too. don't you?) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so
cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on hisback."
He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr.Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's
just...just...Excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.
Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that... I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done! , Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
you know damn well I've never sent you an e-mail
Go to http://www.google.com
-> type "failure" in the search field
-> click "I'm feeling lucky"
I'm somewhat disconnected from the innanet humour mill, so this might be an old joke, but I still think it's pretty funny
Man, there is a profile in last week's New Yorker about a guy who actually fell for the "I need your help in smuggling $100 million dollars out of Nigeria" scam--he's a completely unsympathatic figure (soem sort of Christian marriage counselor) and I admit to mentally snickering the whole time I read it.