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Egbert Souse Advice column

GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
edited March 2006 in Strut Central
Dear Egbert,I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 months. I feel like I should feel bad about it but I don't, as a matter of fact I've already gone out with another woman. Am I a louse?oh and one more question.I was having an argument about politics while driving with the car next to me on the freeway. We were discussing how Hurricane Katrina exposed the deep lying racism still existant in America today. The conversation went like this:Me: (honking horn)Other Car: How do you feel about Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath?Me: Fuck you let me in your lane you can't driveOther Car: So you feel that George Bush didn't do a very good job?Me: Dude seriously your pissing me off, get in the muthafucking slow laneOther Car: You see I disagree I think Bush did a bang up job. Considering how our resources are stretched fighting the war on terrorism I felt he handled this as well as any leader couldMe: You're starting to really piss me off. Just move out of the lane and let me get byOther Car: While I see you have an opposing viewpoint I say we conclude this discussion by agreeing to disagree. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful dayMe: Your mothers a crackbitch! should I have been more sensitive? After all, I've been taght that positivity begets positivity. What do you think?

  Comments

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    really? i thought the massive jewish consortium was responsible for Katrina... ad*m, regardless of the fact that that chick took you to a lakers game, blowjobs, etc... she had to go. the best ones are the ones that make you apologize when they hurt your feelings.
  • GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
    really? i thought the massive jewish consortium was responsible for Katrina... ad*m, regardless of the fact that that chick took you to a lakers game, blowjobs, etc... she had to go. the best ones are the ones that make you apologize when they hurt your feelings.

    oh I'm sorry M*tt, is your name Egbert now?

    NO! NO IT'S NOT!!!

    STAY AWAY FROM ME BEFORE YOU HURT ME AGAIN. I'VE GOT NATURAL DISASTERS TO PLOT WITH MY ZIONIST CONTEMPORARIES.

    SETH GREEN TOLD ME THIS REALLY GREAT IDEA FOR A FAMINE IN TURKEY

    OH SWEET SWEET IRONY!
  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    what's better, a pole and a jew dissatisfied with complimentary lakers games, blowjobs, etc., or a subway cold cut trio?
  • GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
    what's better, a pole and a jew dissatisfied with complimentary lakers games, blowjobs, etc., or a subway cold cut trio?

    are you asking me or Egbert?
  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    what's better, a pole and a jew dissatisfied with complimentary lakers games, blowjobs, etc., or a subway cold cut trio?

    are you asking me or Egbert?
    me.
  • GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
    what's better, a pole and a jew dissatisfied with complimentary lakers games, blowjobs, etc., or a subway cold cut trio?

    are you asking me or Egbert?
    me.

    I find nothing more deplorable than a Polish Jew eating coldcuts at a crappy Laker game.

    Blowjobs are our only hope
  • SwayzeSwayze 14,705 Posts
    Blowjobs are our only hope
    see you in a few weeks, cowboy.
  • Egbert_SouseEgbert_Souse 920 Posts
    Dear Egbert,

    I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 months. I feel like I should feel bad about it but I don't, as a matter of fact I've already gone out with another woman. Am I a louse?



    If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of.








    oh and one more question.

    I was having an argument about politics while driving with the car next to me on the freeway. We were discussing how Hurricane Katrina exposed the deep lying racism still existant in America today. The conversation went like this:

    Me: (honking horn)

    Other Car: How do you feel about Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath?

    Me: Fuck you let me in your lane you can't drive

    Other Car: So you feel that George Bush didn't do a very good job?

    Me: Dude seriously your pissing me off, get in the muthafucking slow lane

    Other Car: You see I disagree I think Bush did a bang up job. Considering how our resources are stretched fighting the war on terrorism I felt he handled this as well as any leader could

    Me: You're starting to really piss me off. Just move out of the lane and let me get by

    Other Car: While I see you have an opposing viewpoint I say we conclude this discussion by agreeing to disagree. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day

    Me: Your mothers a crackbitch!

    should I have been more sensitive? After all, I've been taght that positivity begets positivity. What do you think?


    It would have been a lucrative adventure hadn't Whiskers taken such a bite out of my check due, I imagine, to the high cost of Mrs. Roosevelt's travel expenses.
  • CousinLarryCousinLarry 4,618 Posts
    Dear Egbert,

    I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 months. I feel like I should feel bad about it but I don't, as a matter of fact I've already gone out with another woman. Am I a louse?



    If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of.








    oh and one more question.

    I was having an argument about politics while driving with the car next to me on the freeway. We were discussing how Hurricane Katrina exposed the deep lying racism still existant in America today. The conversation went like this:

    Me: (honking horn)

    Other Car: How do you feel about Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath?

    Me: Fuck you let me in your lane you can't drive

    Other Car: So you feel that George Bush didn't do a very good job?

    Me: Dude seriously your pissing me off, get in the muthafucking slow lane

    Other Car: You see I disagree I think Bush did a bang up job. Considering how our resources are stretched fighting the war on terrorism I felt he handled this as well as any leader could

    Me: You're starting to really piss me off. Just move out of the lane and let me get by

    Other Car: While I see you have an opposing viewpoint I say we conclude this discussion by agreeing to disagree. Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day

    Me: Your mothers a crackbitch!

    should I have been more sensitive? After all, I've been taght that positivity begets positivity. What do you think?


    It would have been a lucrative adventure hadn't Whiskers taken such a bite out of my check due, I imagine, to the high cost of Mrs. Roosevelt's travel expenses.


    Membership on Soul Strut free*

    A book of WC Fields quotes priceless












    *subject to donation drives
  • Mike_BellMike_Bell 5,736 Posts
    Mr. Souse,
    I'm a bit under the weather today. How can I feel better?

    signed,
    M. Bellzini
  • Egbert_SouseEgbert_Souse 920 Posts
    Well there Bellcity, everything I do is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

    First, don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

    Second, Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

    Third, A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

    Fourth, Stay prepared. I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

    And finally, stay fit. Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
  • Mike_BellMike_Bell 5,736 Posts
    Well there Bellcity, everything I do is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

    First, don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

    Second, Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

    Third, A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

    Fourth, Stay prepared. I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

    And finally, stay fit. Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
    Thank you, sir and welcome to the home of the hatters!!
  • GuzzoGuzzo 8,611 Posts
    Dear Egbert,

    I've been thinking about getting erectile dysfunction. Do you think I should go for it?

    and

    My next door neighbors chill in their garage and rap all night. I've thought about going over there and schooling them cause they are really bad and rhyme the samethings over and over. But they are all bigger than me and some of them pack pistols. Shhould I go over there and serve them anyways?
  • Egbert_SouseEgbert_Souse 920 Posts
    Destroy them.

    I'm done for day, dear pumpernickle patties.

    Maybe someday I shall return to Soulstrut, but for now I must board the train back to Lompac. A dear friend awaits me at the black pussy cafe. Adiue.
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