Relationships (NRR)
yuichi
Urban sprawl 11,331 Posts
hi, without revealing too much of my personal life, i just wanted to hear your take on relationships with your significant other. Specifically, can two contradicting personalities/outlooks on life happily be together for a long time? I've been with my girl for over 3 years now. I am in the process of reconsidering a lot things, before continuing things back on track again (after a recent argument/confessions/what i don't like about you). I realize that not everything is so cut and dry, and that there are no true "solutions" to relationship tensions, but YO, i really really care about her. so what i'm asking is, how do you go about continuing a good relationship with your significant other who has a dramatically different personality and outlook on life?thanks. yuichip.s. i'd love to hear the ladies' perspectives as well.
Comments
Prior to that I was with a girl for 2 years and we just came to an end after realizing we were growing apart.
I don't know if this is what you want to hear but the more things seem to be dis-similar the less likely it seems that it will work out.
i tend to overanalyze shit. But we used to see each other every day in San Diego, then every week when i moved back to LA. Now it's every month or so, cuz it's LAX-CHI. we're both just starting our careers, we're winded by the time we finish work, and sometimes, we each don't have the capacity to accept differences and MOVE ON.
Guzzo, what you said, makes perfect sense, and it's something i've probably been in denial of, because i've grown a real strong "feeling" for her.
this is one thing that I think is great about this board. aside from the fact that we're all into records etc., most of us are in the same age group and go through the same things - relationships, starting/ending careers or jobs, moving, financials. Its a nice community of (mostly) like-minded people in similar life situations with a propensity to spend way more money on records than we have in our bank accounts.
word, Frequency.
If you really feel like moving on, then do so. Caring about your girl is nothing that will enable you to continue your relationship. You need to know if you love her or not.
Being different and having different outlooks on life is no drawback though.
My girlfriend and me share the same levels of intensity. I found out that we care about differnet things, but we both have the capacity to accept differences and we are both able to concede.
I like to look at relationships dialectically. Relationships thrive on contradictions, so long as they resolve themselves progressively. As soon as those contradictions start resolving themselves in a negative manner, or they stop happening at all (i.e. stagnation), then it's end-time. The tricky part is judging that "end-time".
And my final peice of advice (despite the fact that I'm still kind of young (24)), is that every good relationship is one where both people can mutually "grow" independant of one another. What I mean is that your growth as a person, your interests and personality and philosphies, is not dependand on the other person. This way you can avoid stagnation and will not be burdened by the "relationship". This is the most difficult part of relationships (especially for people with hobbies like ours, which can take a lot of time and financial strain).
Good luck!
Plus Long distance relationships are extremely hard. I guess everyone has to find this out for themselves but in my experience if you're still young, long term long distance relationships don't stand much of a chance. What's an intimate relationship if they're not there?
I haer this from personally experience.
Despite being young, I'm three months into a long distance relationship. It's brutal. That said, I care deeply about my girlfriend and so ultimately, the benefits outweigh the sheer anguish of the situation. Will this always be the case? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure about my point, which I suppose is that one shouldn't completely discount the long distance relationship even though it absolutely sucks.
That being said I know a couple of couples who have survived the long distance relationship. It just takes a lot of work. But it can be done.
why would anyone want to do the whole long distance relationship thing? unless you've been with someone for a long damn time, and the situation then becomes long distance... but why stay with someone that doesn't want to stay/go with you?
seriously, that dick ain't gonna suck itself...
For me the killer was when I started associating her with the pain of being apart. She just started to represent this shitty part of my life, which just ended up making me unfairly resent her. This is all clearer in retrospect of course. But this is just one possibility in an endless string of pitfalls for long distance relationships. I mean it's just not natural, you're supposed to be together, that's the whole point. The concept just doesn't make sense if it's long term. I'm not saying there aren't some people who can make it work, but I've never met any of em.
wow, you summarized it pretty well here. thanks!
I think one of my problems is that after a certain amount of stress builds up, it just spirals out of control. In short, I basically told her about the things i don't like about her, and it ends with "so why are you even with me?". There's a variety of things that come into play like whether or not you're willing to deal with fundamental differences, distance that may be changing the dynamics of the relationship, etc.x2. and there's no definite answers like Holmes said, but i think i'm willing to try again.
i don't even know wtf i'm talking about. Thanks for your comments. I spoke to my girl shortly after she returned home, and we should be okay now. sorry for the NRR.
1. you are BOTH commited to making the relationship work.
2. communication
3. honesty
4. space
5. patience.
peace, stein. . .