Soul Strut

Drop image/file

</font1<blockquote><font class="small"1Quote:</font1<h, 21<b, 21- A little while back I was dawdling outside a Kinko's for some reason or another, and I overheard a couple of salesladies from the nearby Montauk Sofa store on an executive-length smoke break commiserating about some guy who had apparently been coming in the store every couple of months acting like he was really interested in buying a couch, and spending a long time walking around the showroom by himself, sitting on all the couches with great focus as if evaluating them for comfort and bounce. It turns out, though, that dude had in fact been very deliberately burying depth-charge farts in every single couch ("I mean, real rippers, Denise") every single time he comes in. "I thought he was just some harmless weirdo, but once I put two and two together, I had Greg chase him out and just Febreze everything. Oh my god, it was disgusting. I told them, I said, 'we're gonna have to get the steamer in here, a-sap.'"<b, 21<b, 21b/w<b, 21<b, 21<img src="http://www.cinemaretro.com/uploads/sweeney320x240.jpg"1<b, 21<b, 21 <b, 21<b, 21<h, 21</blockquote><font class="post"1<b, 21<b, 21<b, 21I was at a wake recently with some cronies from work, and we were all huddled in a far corner of the place where we believed we were out of harms way. Loose conversation was taking place, as this was not a particularly tragic wake rather one where joking about the dead guy and smiling and having a good time was not looked down upon or a particularly big deal. In the middle of someone telling some nonsense story I let a little slippy run free, thinking with all honesty that it would get trapped in my many layers of uniform and not smell at all. A few moments later my friend Gambino (who not coincidentally has one of the biggest noses I've ever laid eyes on) stopped someone in mid-sentence with this gem "yeah that's great, but who the fvck farted?". Anxious moments followed as I hoped that maybe someone else might have contributed to the gaseous salad we were all being treated to and maybe he could have taken all the blame, but no. Just me. So I raised my hand. "ARE YOU FVCKING KIDDING ME? IN A WAKE?". "Bro, I didn't think it would smell I've been drinking mad green tea". "DUDE HOLY SHIT, THAT FVCKING STINKS WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM". Me, now laughing and turning beet red "I'm sorry man, I really didn't...oh fvck" at this point for some reason that I'll never figure out pretty much EVERYONE that was at the wake decided to come walk over to our area to see some photos that were right next to us. We instantly left, giggling like schoolchildren. There were a few old folks mixed in so I'm figuring one of them probably got the blame, but these poor saps walked right into something fierce. <b, 21<b, 21A few weeks later we had our company christmas party, someone dropped one right near the bar and guess who automatically got the blame.<b, 21<b, 21My poor girl has learned my dun language at this point too. She's figured out that when we're out somewhere and I suddenly turn into Gen. Patton and order her "Go stand over there" that it's my special time to shine.<b, 21<b, 21Now that I think about it, I really have bad luck when I try to let them go in a safe area. It always seems that I'm playing against the zone defense of life and someone comes running over if they see me trying to be alone for a spell.

Cancel

Community