so like 1/2 of my family isn't coming to my weddin
hammertime
2,389 Posts
because we aren't getting married in the Catholic church (or any church for that matter). And on the one hand I think OK, fine, whatever...they've gotta do what they've gotta do. But on the other hand it really pisses me off because I know of relatives that aren't religious at all, don't go to church, etc. But they got married in the church because that's "what you do"...and everyone was cool with it. To me that seems hypocritical and a shitty way to do things.
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Ridiculously
What do your parents think about it?
I'm SERIOUSLY sorry to hear this, man.
Last year, for our wedding, my wife and I talked about what to do; her parents are very religious. Dad is the church sexton (groundskeeper/building manager), mom is in the choir, etc. They tithe, go to bible studies, the whole nine.
So, when it came time to decide what to do, I said I wanted nothing to do with a church. Basically, I want my marriage and the ceremony that begins that part of my life to reflect my beliefs. It felt fradulent to make a christian vow on the most important day of my life, when that vow means so little to me.
Ergo. I understand what you are going through...a few of my family members raised a stink, but we basically said, if you don't like it- don't come.
But, it sounds like you are up against something much larger. Hope things work out, and cooler heads prevail.
A wedding should be a celebration of two people coming together. It's not really about any sort of religious thing. I guess it is for religious people, but in my mind a wedding should just be a party celebrating the fact that two people have decided they love eachother so much they don't want to be apart. My friend had a really traditional wedding and it was so heavy on the religious aspect that it was like an hour and a half long and it had zero positive moments. It was all bogged down in "life is hard" sermons and never ocne seemed to celebrate the fact that two cool people found eachother and were happy about it.
All of the traditional weddings I've been to were snooze-fests.
All of the unconventional, married in the park, only 10 minutes long (total) weddings were so full of joy and fun.
Sorry about that. I hope your family members can get over themselves and realize it's about you and not them.
Fuck 'em, they've shown their true colours and you don't need people like that in your new life.
The best OpEd piece I've ever read was published in the Boston Globe on the day that gay marriage became legal in MA.
It was written by a Baptist Minister/Harvard Divinity professor. It stated, quite eloquently and among other things, that marriage was, in fact, a civil institution long before it became a religious institution.
My cousin had a traditional Catholic wedding because he married a catholic girl & her family organised the wedding, my family was not impressed at the idea of a traditional Catholic ceremony & it was basically a snoozefest except for when one of the bridesmaids fainted & bounced her head off the stone floor of the church,
But anyways man, just look at it like they are the ones with the problem, it's probably best not to have them there if they are going to be all
it's kinda weird.
my mom is totally cool, and it's her side of the family that is raising a stink. Basically she went through some shit about 10 years ago where she lost several friends and family members to cancer and some other shit, and she's at a point in her life where she realizes how people treat each other is more important to where or if they worship.
my dad's side of the family is a bunch of heathens, but he's actually the strict one. Whereas my mom has kind of lost her religion over the years he seems to have gotten more into it. When I first started talking to them about getting engaged he was very emphatic that I WAS getting married in the church, and that's the way it was going to be. Once he realized that no, it wasn't going to be that way, there was actually a period of time where I wasn't sure if he would show up. But he came around pretty quickly. But he still has a very traditional take on it, like he thinks you're raising Catholic, you get married in the Catholic church and you raise your kids Catholic, and that's it. I think that's bullshit.
And the thing is, I think if you asked any priest worth a damn, they would probably agree with me. That going through the motions just because isn't really the way to do it.
You are probably right about this.
Family is weird; weddings are weid. Everyone thinks they have a say.
Do your thing...it is your life, and more importantly, your marriage.
Many members of his family boycotted the wedding and
were hostile towards my Mother for years. In fact, many of
them went to their graves having never made peace with my
parents, convinced their wedding was a sin.
But that's the thing with Catholicism. It's my way or the highway in many ways. My dad was catholic and when my parents got marries he made abig deal of getting married in a catholic church and having me and my brother and sister baptised and having us attend mass and Catholic school. And what did it result in? Three people growing up in a repressive church environement that we all eventually rejected outright.
haha yeah exactly.
I went to my girlfriends nieces baptism today - a very strange experience. My gf is half polish jew, half mexican-christian. Obiously this baptism took place on her mexican side. Anyways we roll to church, take a pew, and homeboy starts his sermon. not ten minutes in, he starts mentioning how everyone must be grateful that they are christians and not jews - jews who are merciless, greedy merchants. He said "the next time one trys to take mooney from you, or to sell you something you dont need, etc etc, dont be upset. They are joos - they have no mercy. You must be gratful that you may have this mercy. " He went on and on and on.
Weird shit. We had a stern talking to dude after church let out.
good for you (the stern talking part). motherfuckers need to be told. i can just imagine how fun of a conversation starter that would be..."now i fully accept how the catholic church has made intolerance and persecution a cornerstone of its faith for centuries, but..."
may i suggest that with the money youll save from not having the zealots in attendance, buy more champagne, more hors dourves, (a nice record for yourself) and put a little deposit in a joint bank account.
oh yeah, send all the non attendees some pics after the event and tell them you love them and hope to see them soon.
-t
Succinct and on point. These are people that, as they put their personal faith ahead of their own blood, are commiting an act of corporate selfishness. For them, it's about being right.
In decision-making, when the weight of the past trumps all choices made for the present and future, people are doomed to stagnancy at best and utter faliure at worst. You and your wife will have to be strong to weather this, but thankfully, it's up to both of you to begin with.
We only had 18 people at our wedding and it was great. After the short procedure at city hall, we had rented out a boat and spent the whole day cruising around the canals and rivers of Berlin eating cake and drinking wine. In the evening we had an amazing 8 course meal at our favorite (tiny) italian restaurant. Only my wife's parents and our best friends.
damn, that sounds like the best thing ever.
Indeed. That is some petty bullshit to boycott a relative's wedding celebrations because they don't conform to your own ideal. Whose wedding is this - yours or theirs?
I'm from a Catholic family, and when my youngest brother and his (Anglican) wife got married, it was in their local C of E church. One of my aunts, upon realising that the wedding wouldn't be taking place in a Catholic church, refused to even enter the grounds of the church, and stood out on the pavement with her (exasperated) husband for the duration of the ceremony.